Sad Parenting Observation

[Rhombus]

My neighborhood has a lake with a small beach within walking distance. But there are also half a dozen parking spaces.

Yesterday at the beach I observed a mom trying to get her three boys to help her load up her car so they could leave. Mom asked numerous times for help, and the boys completely ignored her every time. I'm guessing the boys were about 10, 8 and 5. 10 year old kept texting or playing on his phone while Mom loaded up the car. The two younger ones were bouncing a basketball on the paved parking area. It took Mom about 4 trips to bring the chairs, cooler, umbrella, beach toys, etc. back to the car. Then she loaded it all without any help.

"Emerson**, please go get the beach chairs." Totally ignored.
"Colton, can you bring the cooler back to the car?" Totally ignored.
"Brian, you left sand in this bucket. Please go rinse it out." Totally ignored.

Mom finally had enough and let the boys have it. "I'm very disappointed that you boys didn't help. We're not going to continue doing fun things like this if you don't help." That didn't phase the kids a bit.

Oh, please, Mom. It's obvious the kids know you're a pushover and they've been walking all over you for years. And you know damn well you'll be bringing the kids back to the lake next weekend or doing whatever they want.

Sad for everyone. Those kids are likely to be terrors when they reach their teens and Mom won't be able to do a thing about it.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

**(Wow, there actually IS someone named Emerson. I thought that thread here about the name was a gag. Emerson was my telephone number exchange when I was a kid. EMerson 5-5563.)

 

[delyrium]

It's good to be so insightful that you know the mom's entire family history based on observing them for ten or fifteen minutes.

 

[Minniesgal]

All this constant parent bashing makes me mad. Bringing up 3 kids is hard but worthwhile work. None of us are perfect and we all get some things right and some wrong. We all learn on the job.

These boards are constantly bashing parents most of whom do a good job. Most kids I know are well brought up and on there way to being great adults. To listen to these boards you would think most kids were feral animals.

 

[bsblady01]

you got that these kids will be bad from this one little thing. my kids do the same things sometimes it's called they are being kids, and kids don't always do what they are told to do. we were all like this at times, you must have perfect kids.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

I saw a meme recently that went something like this:

"Honey, please help." .... No response
"Honey, please help." .... No response
"Honey, please help." .... No response
"I NEED HELP RIGHT THIS SECOND!!!" .... "Why is mom always yelling?"​

I so related to that. I know my DD has selective hearing. It sometimes takes me being a little nutso to get her attention, and I might not want to get all nutso in a public place. In that situation though, I probably would have taken away their phones and toys.

 

[EMom]

I don't know a blessed thing about the family's history. Based on the fact that the mom asked for help, I will assume there were no hidden disabilities and all kids were healthy enough to carry items.

If I had three able bodied kids with me and I asked them to help, only to be ignored, it would not go well. I'd have taken the phone and the basketball, at a minimum. I would not have made 4 trips while they farted around. Period.

 

[sam_gordon]

I've got a better one. It's second hand, but I trust those telling me about it.

DW, DD, and DD's friend went to a work event for DW this weekend. DD & DD's friend were costumed characters so kids could do a meet & greet with them. I'm told one boy (approximately 5-6) walked right up to DD's friend (while she was in costume) and punched her in the stomach. Apparently the mom (or whatever adult was there with the child) just laughed about it. No apologies, no admonitions, nothing.

Yes, the costume was padded, but apparently the punch was still strong enough that DD's friend felt it.

 

[disneyjunkie]

you got that these kids will be bad from this one little thing. my kids do the same things sometimes it's called they are being kids, and kids don't always do what they are told to do. we were all like this at times, you must have perfect kids.

Yeah, the kids were just being kids. However, the mom made the choice not to be a parent.. She should have done something about them not listening to her.

Kids who are taught that it's OK to ignore their parents, think the same rules apply in school. Then when they get a teacher who refuses to put up with it, the teacher becomes the bad guy.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I hope she follows through in the threat not to do fun stuff next time. Maybe this was her last straw, and we'll see them on Supernanny.

 

[Rhombus]

I'm enjoying the comments castigating me. Probably from parents who'd after this incident would ask little Emerson, Colton, and Brian to talk in the car about their feelings on why they're ignoring her, and then after continuing to disregard her, take them out for ice cream. With sprinkles, even!!!

 

[pat fan]

I 100% agree with the OP. No kid is perfect and no parent is perfect, but my (now grown) kids will tell you that they knew in public they were to behave, end of discussion. There were times they didn't listen at home and I hollered to get their attention, and I'm sure there were times at home I gave up and did whatever myself. Pick your battles. But in a restaurant, in a park, in school or church? Yeah, no. I'm the parent, you're the child, if you have an issue we'll discuss it later but you will behave and you will do what you're asked to do. Funny thing about that too. I didn't generally have to ask them to help put things in the car or whatever. They just did it because they knew what was expected of them.

 

[Wendy31]

Our kids are far from perfect, but, no, they wouldn't just continue doing whatever they were doing & ignoring us like that - especially if we had asked for help. Well, to be perfectly honest, our third would try it, but he wouldn't get very far. (What is it about the third child? LOL! As a parent you think you have the whole parenting thing figured out... then wham! Your third child comes along.)

I would hope (& expect) that, if our children saw someone that needed assistance, they would help w/o having to be asked. I cannot even imagine our kids ignoring someone that has asked for assistance.

And, no, from this one instance I wouldn't think these 3 particular children in the OP are on their way to being "great adults." (Granted, they may be absolutely wonderful, & this was just a bad day for everyone concerned.)

 

[delyrium]

Kids are self-centered. You have no idea whether she was tired, or there were difficult family circumstances (they may have been in town for a close relative's funeral, for all you know). For that matter, do you even know whether she was their mom? You have no idea where they were going, where they were coming from, and what her parenting is like outside of this static moment in time. You don't know whether the kids' dad has recently walked out on the family, and everyone is hanging on by a thread. You don't know if they were celebrating one of the kids being released from juvenile detention, or whether they're all circus performers taking some time off from the road.

http://www.theonion.com/article/single-woman-3-young-children-unaware-she-subject--51039

 

[Rhombus]

Kids are self-centered. You have no idea whether she was tired, or there were difficult family circumstances (they may have been in town for a close relative's funeral, for all you know). For that matter, do you even know whether she was their mom? You have no idea where they were going, where they were coming from, and what her parenting is like outside of this static moment in time. You don't know whether the kids' dad has recently walked out on the family, and everyone is hanging on by a thread. You don't know if they were celebrating one of the kids being released from juvenile detention, or whether they're all circus performers taking some time off from the road.

http://www.theonion.com/article/single-woman-3-young-children-unaware-she-subject--51039

No, I don't know any of that. What I DO know is that this women repeated asked three able-bodied boys to help her, they ignored her, and she was apparently OK with it.

And that a few others here are apparently OK with it as well and make up dozens of excuses for the behavior.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

Me: "hey yall help carry stuff"
Them: "......"
Me: "did you hear me?"
Them: "....."
Me- I'd take said phone and pitch it as hard as could out into the lake, grab my knife and flatten the ball, throw it in the trash and probably switch a couple of rear-ends while I'm at it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

While we do not know the details, I am not quite so quick to jump on the OP.

From what I can tell, she observed this woman and these children for quite some time.
And, honestly, scenes like this ARE all too common.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

While there are bad parents out there, there are still a lot of good ones that make sure their kids do the right thing. One day I was walking my dog by my neighbor's house and the kids were playing outside with the Dad watching them. One of the kids decided it would be fun to zip and zag his bike in front of my dog (who still has puppy brain) which caused her to start pulling. Dad saw what happened and called the kid over and gave him an earful on how mean/rude/dumb it was to do that.

 

[Dawnlight]

I'm sure people have watched me and my kids at various times and passed judgement on both my parenting skills- or the lack thereof- and how my kids may turn out. I bet it happens to every parent at one time or another, but I understand what the OP is saying.

I'm thankful that I don't have to carry one blasted thing when we haul our family of 8 to the beach. Each kid has hands full or is pulling trolley of stuff, sets up umbrellas and chairs, and packs it all up when we leave. There are sure other times when they are acting like entitled little pain in the rears, but not at the beach.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I saw a meme recently that went something like this:

"Honey, please help." .... No response
"Honey, please help." .... No response
"Honey, please help." .... No response
"I NEED HELP RIGHT THIS SECOND!!!" .... "Why is mom always yelling?"​

I think this about nails it!!!!

And, Dad is the one standing aside, holding up the wall and taking up the oxygen in the room while mom has to take the heat.
​

 

[sam_gordon]

Kids are self-centered. You have no idea whether she was tired, or there were difficult family circumstances (they may have been in town for a close relative's funeral, for all you know). For that matter, do you even know whether she was their mom? You have no idea where they were going, where they were coming from, and what her parenting is like outside of this static moment in time. You don't know whether the kids' dad has recently walked out on the family, and everyone is hanging on by a thread. You don't know if they were celebrating one of the kids being released from juvenile detention, or whether they're all circus performers taking some time off from the road.

http://www.theonion.com/article/single-woman-3-young-children-unaware-she-subject--51039

Did you really just post a link to theonion.com as support to your logic? You do know that entire site is satire, right?