If it were my daughter I think I would be more concerned with his story than his age. Is he divorced? A perpetual bachelor? Looking for a trophy girlfriend or someone who is so young she is unlikely to want to settle down for a long time?
Those are the things I'd be curious about as a mom.
Yes, I'd wonder about those things too. Be suspicious. Refuse to overlook flaws. If you decide to date him, move very slowly in this relationship.
At the same time, it'd be wise for the OP to look at herself honestly. Is she attracted to this guy because he's older, more stable financially, looks like he could take care of her in ways that another 23-year old can't? Is there any Daddy complex going on here?
These things may not be true at all, but the OP needs to be completely honest with herself about WHY she's attracted to this guy.
Admittedly it's been a VERY long time since I've dated, or been looking at starting a dating relationship, and I haven't read anything but the OP . . . the one thing that struck me was you are already projecting getting serious w/ someone you haven't even begun to date yet? That fact alone makes me think you're young for your age.
Disagree. It's wise to consider whether he meets all the "basic requirements" NOW. For example, when I was in college I never dated anyone who wasn't either a college student or a college graduate, and I never dated anyone who wasn't the same race and within a couple years of my age -- those were some of my standards. If she decides that this just isn't going to be feasible, it's better never to start anything, especially since they work together -- that could complicate things later.
I dated a man 12 years younger and we really hit it off. He was succesful in his field very settled but we unfortunately were in different places, he was 34 and I was 46. You really need to know how he sees his future, family, children etc.... This is an issue you should not skirt.
Yes, the OP needs to consider that if this works out, their lives may be complicated: She may want kids at the same time he's concerned about caring for his elderly parents and preparing for retirement. He might not be pleased about retiring while she's at the peak of her career and unable to take time off to travel with him. And in her middle-aged years, when she'd expect to pay attention to teens and their needs, she might be caring for an elderly husband -- or worse, she may find herself caring for her elderly parents and her husband at nearly the same time. Elder-care is emotionally draining, and the OP could open herself to decades of this difficulty. These are not issues to pass off as unimportant. They can complicate her life. If the OP isn't willing to face these possibilities, it's better not to start a relationship, open the two of them up to emotional hurt.
I happen to agree. Reality is that a guy that is 40 is not generally gonna fit in with "college roomie trip to Disney" excitement, if you know what I mean. I mean You should not have to change who you are/what you enjoy and HE should not be into the "fun" girl/guy getaways to party/drink" at 40
So, how does that work with friends, etc??? I mean whats a "fit" for 23 is not usually a "fit" for 40! I
really mean No disrespect here, honestly, but you are or
Should be at two Very different places in life, IMHO.
Yeah, I can see that. At 23 I lived very differently than I do now at 45. Again, this is something for the OP to consider very carefully.
lots of folks have great stories about how it doesn't make a difference. But sometimes it does
I think this big an age difference will absolutely make a difference in the relationship -- it may not make a difference
right now, but issues will come up. The OP may decide that he's worth putting up with these issues, but the question isn't whether there'll be issues -- it's whether the issues are manageable or not.
These are all salient points, but so few people in the world find their soul mate. I would rather spend my non-retired years with mine than my retirement with someone I settled for.
I don't believe in the concept of one special person for whom you're destined. Thinking back over my younger years, I married a great guy and am very happy . . . but I know that there was at least one other guy with whom I could've had a successful marriage. My life would've gone in a very different direction, but I think I could've been equally happy. There was another guy who I think had all the right qualities, but he wasn't emotionally ready -- but if we'd met 5 years later, I suspect things could've been different. So I don't think it's necessary to sacrafice practicality for an emotional connection.
To put it a different way: I don't think there's a READY-MADE ONE person out there for each of us. Instead, we meet a person with whom we're compatable, and as time rolls on, we BECOME THE ONE for each other, and we can't imagine things being any different. But we're not perfect for one another on the first date. We grow together, become atune to one another, and live happily ever after. But it's a process that you go through -- not a matter of finding a puzzle piece among thousands.
While I am glad things are working out, youre not in the age bracket of trouble.
He is still young.
Issues dont usually arise at this time. The issues arise when your in your late 30's and he is in his mid 50's. They seem to magnify when youre in your mid to late 40s and he is in his 60's.
Yes, right now, its age is not an issue. That doesnt mean it wont become one.
I agree with that. Everyone woman should seriously consider long-term compatibility before becoming serious with a man.
