Relationship w a pretty big age difference...

[Robinrs]

I would be most worried about his maturity level and I would be worried why a nearly middle-age man would be able to connect with a young woman for anything other than nookie. Guys in their late 30's and early 40's are certainly attracted to sweet young things like yourself but that is often where it ends because two people with such an age difference end up with little in common. You may feel mature now (I know I did in my early 20's) but you simply don't have the same life experiences as someone older and you don't have the same hallmarks and touchstones of your youth and teen years as someone who is older.

I don't mean any offense to others here who married older guys in their teens and early 20's. I'm glad it worked out for you. But OP, I would tread carefully. I would hate for you to be used as a girl-toy or some other kind of middle-age man's last stab at youth because he can't afford a convertible.

Yeah, it was so SHOCKING to hear about all the OLDER men with younger woman... is that a new TREND...

 

[Arielle22]

My sister and BIL met when she was 22 and he was 38. He is only 7 years younger than our parents.

BIL was never married and had no children so those complications were not present. BIL had gotten his wildness out while living in San Fransisco in the 60's (oh the stories he tells).

My sister and he were very compatible in what they wanted in life. They have been together 25 years and have 1 son (who is 4).

The only sad thing is when BIL tells me he wants to give his son lots of memories now since he won't be around when he is grown. I tell him that he is the most physically fit of the entire family and I expect him to be around well into his 90s.

 

[taylor3297]

I say go for it and see what happens. Most have spoken about older men and younger women. Well, I am 9 years 9 months older than my husband. When we married I was 34 and he was 24. His parents had the issue with him marrying me. My family was very supportive and told me that if he made me happy then that was all that matters.

We have two kids dd 7 and ds 3. I was 36 when dd was born and 40 with ds.

My husband and I are able to talk about anything. If his opinion differs from mine he respects it. We will be celebrating our 10th anniversary in July and I have never regretted a marrying him.

In the beginning I did have people make snide remarks about out age difference, but when I pointed out friends who had recently got married there was a 10 year age difference but in this case it was the guy being older. So, I would ask why is it ok for that age difference. No one could give me an answer.

 

[disneydee6]

He actually has been really sweet and wants to take it slow. New to me considering guys my age have never really been that way lol. I'm going to go for it hahaha

 

[SandrA9810]

i'd be more worried about 20 something yr old guy just out there looking for a girl toy than some one in their 30's. And just because he's older doesn't mean he has baggage.
A really close friend's sister married a guy about 8yrs ago who is like 20yrs older than she is and is practically their parent's age. It wasn't him who had the baggage, but she had a son who's father ditched out during pregnancy. And her hubby has treated him as his own son since he was a baby. They now have two other children together.


People can come with baggage at any age. Whether it's the single teen mom or the guy with a daughter that could be your sister. Do what makes you happy. And no matter what the age difference is, knowing what the person wants in life is going to be an issue. Just because a person is younger/closer in age doesn't mean they want the same thing.

 

[MickeySP]

I have been on almost all sides of this issue.

My son's father was 12 years older, I was 21 he was 33. I had stars in my eyes and wish I had been a little mor mature to see his true character. I think that comes with maturity(you will notice I did not say age).

I dated a man 12 years younger and we really hit it off. He was succesful in his field very settled but we unfortunately were in different places, he was 34 and I was 46. You really need to know how he sees his future, family, children etc.... This is an issue you should not skirt.

My DS is in a wonderful relationship, had a beautiful DD, 2, and his DW is 39 he is 25. They are a perfect compliment to each other. I was against it at first but after this many years I recognize that they have a wonderful love.
I am very good friends with her and am so glad she came into his life. They have had some bumps and not everyone has been accepting but they are a wonderful family and I am very happy to see me child so happy.

So it can work, it can also not work, just keep your eyes open and don't bump into the stars and romance too much.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

I was in a similar situation 10 years ago. I was 22 and he was 44 (didn't look it or act that age at all) However, he was charming and loved to travel (my profession) so we hit it off immediately. Both also were big fans of the Yankees and again we just hit it off. I was a bit taken aback at how he persued me and was concerned because I thought it was for one thing. However, I learned that it was not and we started dating.

He had told me that he had 2 children and they visited every other weekend etc. I appreciated his honesty with me and it did work for a while but I was the one that freaked out because his daughter is 6 years younger than I. So that was an issue for me, not for him.

My stepfather never or at least never let on. My mother knew, she gave me a look once and I realized she knew, don't know how but she did. She was fine with it as long as he treated me right and he did. We traveled together and had a good relationship. I however, wanted him to meet my friends and go out to dinner with us. He was not into that, he wanted me to enjoy myself but I wanted to be with him as well. So we parted ways, but we always found a way back into each other's lives. When I turned 26 we dated for seriously for 3 years but again it wasn't working. This past September he got in touch with me and I gave in and we are seeing each other again and I would love for it to work out but I am hesitant about it.

Just make sure he is REALLY honest with you. Sometimes the words come out of their mouths and IT IS not the truth. I really wish you the best of luck and hope it can work out for you. You only live once!

 

[karen l]

My DH was 14 yrs older than me & it was never an issue. He had been married before & was divorced when I met him. We started off as friends and the relationship developed from there. If you enjoy his company & want to date - go for it. You don't know what will happen until you get to know one another. Good luck!

 

[lauracitawita]

The only thing I would consider is that 16 years age difference right now might not be a problem, but what about when he is 60 and you are 44 or 70 and 54.

I know someone who married a man 15 years older and it became very difficult as they got older because the mobility and capability issues started presenting themselves.

It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, but something to think about.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I would be most worried about his maturity level and I would be worried why a nearly middle-age man would be able to connect with a young woman for anything other than nookie. Guys in their late 30's and early 40's are certainly attracted to sweet young things like yourself but that is often where it ends because two people with such an age difference end up with little in common. You may feel mature now (I know I did in my early 20's) but you simply don't have the same life experiences as someone older and you don't have the same hallmarks and touchstones of your youth and teen years as someone who is older.

I don't mean any offense to others here who married older guys in their teens and early 20's. I'm glad it worked out for you. But OP, I would tread carefully. I would hate for you to be used as a girl-toy or some other kind of middle-age man's last stab at youth because he can't afford a convertible.

I happen to agree. Reality is that a guy that is 40 is not generally gonna fit in with "college roomie trip to Disney" excitement, if you know what I mean. I mean You should not have to change who you are/what you enjoy and HE should not be into the "fun" girl/guy getaways to party/drink" at 40 So, how does that work with friends, etc??? I mean whats a "fit" for 23 is not usually a "fit" for 40! I really mean No disrespect here, honestly, but you are or Should be at two Very different places in life, IMHO.
Now does that mean that it cannot work, of course not, have others done it and were successful, sure, all I am saying is that the "big picture" is that IF you really are gonna "go" for it, be prepared to "think" about those type things...Interests/motivations/family/friends.....a few dates are easy, its when you fall head over heels....that things can be interesting!! Though.....The romantic in me says go for it....
Wishing you the Very Best of luck!!

 

[tomthebarncat]

life is too short to worry about what others think! I am getting jealous just thinking about the hot sex the two of you would be having. On the other hand, office romances are usually doomed for a variety of reasons. Since I live in Europe where these issues are not really issues, I say go for it and have some fun. OK, I just read the entire post and middle age guys are not known for hot sex, but usually for having a belly and wife and kids somewhere. I thought it was the other way around. I would pass unless this guy has a lot of money, why else would hot young girls go out with older men?

 

[lovesmurfs]

Dh and I are 12 years apart in age. We've been happily married since 1991.

Us, too!! We've been happily married since 1990!

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

My partner and I are 30.5 years apart. We started dating when I was 28, and he was 58. I knew *immediately* that he was the one. I moved in to his place shortly thereafter. We have a little kitty who we both adore. We are both ChildFree, so that helps.

We've definitely been through a lot together in two years (including the death of both of his parents, sadly), but I'm so, so glad that we never let our age difference get in the way of our relationship.

I couldn't be happier.

 

[Pumbaa_]

there are down sides

odds are, you may never retire together
age does creep in and chnages things
sometimes hard to have things in common with each other friends

lots of folks have great stories about how it doesn't make a difference. But sometimes it does

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

there are down sides

odds are, you may never retire together
age does creep in and chnages things
sometimes hard to have things in common with each other friends

lots of folks have great stories about how it doesn't make a difference. But sometimes it does

These are all salient points, but so few people in the world find their soul mate. I would rather spend my non-retired years with mine than my retirement with someone I settled for.

 

[disneydee6]

Everyone is entitled to their opinion about the topic, so no offense taken to anyone who 'disagrees' with couples who have a large age gap. As far as this situation goes, I do not think he is trying to take advantage of a much younger woman. I am just starting things out, so all that stuff is to be worried about down the road I guess...

 

[disneydee6]

*Update*

It's been a while since I've been on the boards. We've since been together for over a year and going strong. Thanks for those who came on the boards and showed support. It really helped when I was feeling confused about starting a relationship with such a big age difference. When it comes to matters of the heart, age is just a number.

 

[SC Minnie]

*Update*

It's been a while since I've been on the boards. We've since been together for over a year and going strong. Thanks for those who came on the boards and showed support. It really helped when I was feeling confused about starting a relationship with such a big age difference. When it comes to matters of the heart, age is just a number.

Good to hear.

I posted earlier in the thread, DH and I are 14 years apart and yesterday we celebrated out 19th wedding anniversary. Age is just a number.

 

[disneydee6]

Good to hear.

I posted earlier in the thread, DH and I are 14 years apart and yesterday we celebrated out 19th wedding anniversary. Age is just a number.

Congrats!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

My fiance's friend just got married on July 30th. He is our age...37. His new wife is 25.

The fun part is that her mother had her when she was 17, so he actually has more in common with his MIL! He says it still feels strange to talk to her about things that they remember from the late 70s/early 80s, but his wife has no idea, since she wasn't born yet...