Relationship w a pretty big age difference...

[Handbag Lady]

I don't know what to say.

I'm a romantic at heart so I want to say GO FOR IT.

But. I know from experience that a large age difference can cause problems so that makes the relationship a lot harder and you have to work at not making the age difference an issue. You don't want to be in your thirties/forties and feel as if you missed out on something or will miss out on something because your husband/boyfriend is too old/tired/not on the save wavelength as you.

Go into it with your eyes wide open.

 

[trip]

Just because you date someone doesn't mean you have to marry him! I say date him and see where it goes.

 

[PrincessBelle09]

I'm 21 and my mom is 41, so that sort of age difference would be a big problem for me personally and I would advise any of my girlfriends against dating someone that much older. Even if the maturity level is the same, the life experience level can vary so greatly that it may make a relationship more difficult than expected. Also, I'm echoing what someone else said, but what is his story? One should always be suspicious of a man's character if he is going after someone who, as far as age is concerned, could practically be his daughter. That's just my two cents.

 

[dawson5]

My mother's last husband was two years younger than my grandfather. They were together for over twenty years, before he passed from cancer. If she had stopped dating him because of the age, I would feel sad for her not to have known that kind of love. Age is nothing but a number.

Quite honestly, you're not getting married right now. Enjoy it, see where it goes. You have to appreciate the honesty and forthrightness. The rest of the information (past marriages, children, etc.) will come out like in any relationship.

 

[snapppyd]

As long as he is a nice guy, go for it!

 

[SC Minnie]

DH is 14 years older than me. We met when I was 22. I had graduated from college and in my first 'real' job and a mature 22yo. DH had never been married and didn't have any kids. At the age I was I probably wouldn't have continued to date him if he had. I just didn't want to deal with all that at 22. DH had dated women but had just not met the right one I guess. We dated for a year when he proposed and have been together for 20 years and married for 18 in Aug. DH was 40 when DD was born. There were times whenDD was younger that people asked if she was his granddaughter (I gave him a hard time about that ). We have a lot in commom and I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else. DH's age was never a subject of conversation with my parents. They liked him and he treated me and them with respect.

Like a PP said-- just because you date someone doesn't mean you have to marry them.

 

[cabanafrau]

Admittedly it's been a VERY long time since I've dated, or been looking at starting a dating relationship, and I haven't read anything but the OP . . . the one thing that struck me was you are already projecting getting serious w/ someone you haven't even begun to date yet? That fact alone makes me think you're young for your age.

 

[AtlantaSue]

and you have to work at not making the age difference an issue. .

This has not been my experience. My husband of 15 years will soon be 55 and I am 42. Neither of us would say that we have had to work at not making our age difference an issue; it simply is not one. Our kids are 13, 11, and 7. Neither of us was married before. I will say that my 13 year old DD has expressed that she thinks we are "strange..." Hard for her to comprehend that gap at her age.

My older brother and his wife would agree with me. They married when he was 35 and she was 21. They have been married 12 years and have a 5 and 4 year old. Other issues have been there for them-such as her battling ovarian cancer, but their age difference has not been an issue to work on. Neither one was married before. And my brother is fairly close in age to her mother. Again, 13 year old has expressed that she thinks her aunt and uncle are also "strange..."
SO-at the very least I think you should go out w/ him Good luck to you!

 

[*BTMRR*]

Admittedly it's been a VERY long time since I've dated, or been looking at starting a dating relationship, and I haven't read anything but the OP . . . the one thing that struck me was you are already projecting getting serious w/ someone you haven't even begun to date yet? That fact alone makes me think you're young for your age.

Some people are of the mindset that dating people who really aren't potential marriage/long-term relationship partners is a waste of time. I don't think that ruling people out for dating based on what someone personally considers a dealbreaker (that might be age difference, or wanting kids vs. not wanting kids, or religious beliefs, or whatever) necessarily indicates that a person is immature.

 

[robinb]

I would be most worried about his maturity level and I would be worried why a nearly middle-age man would be able to connect with a young woman for anything other than nookie. Guys in their late 30's and early 40's are certainly attracted to sweet young things like yourself but that is often where it ends because two people with such an age difference end up with little in common. You may feel mature now (I know I did in my early 20's) but you simply don't have the same life experiences as someone older and you don't have the same hallmarks and touchstones of your youth and teen years as someone who is older.

I don't mean any offense to others here who married older guys in their teens and early 20's. I'm glad it worked out for you. But OP, I would tread carefully. I would hate for you to be used as a girl-toy or some other kind of middle-age man's last stab at youth because he can't afford a convertible.

 

[Minnie824]

You're both adults so I don't think the age is an issue. If you were 16, that would be a whole different story. DH is 11 years older than me and we started dating at ages 33/22. The age was never an issue. He always looked young for his age too. We've been married 10 years now and have 2 DDs. It is kindof funny sometimes though. The other day DD8 was watching an old movie (since directv says the year the movie was on) and said, mom how old were you when this movie came out. I said, well, I had just graduated high school. Then DH said, yeah, and I was 30. She thought that was funny too. I think my parents may have been a little surprised at first but he made me happy so no issue...they all get along great. Give it a chance. Age is just a number and you don't want to miss out on a possible great relationship because of that.

 

[Gigi22]

I'm in complete agreement with RobinB on this one. I think the OP should find out if her potential BF has been married before, and if he has kids somewhere. One clue is his financial situation--if he has a lot less money than other men his age, I would wonder what he has done to spend his?

 

[almburr]

DH and I are 17 years apart hes 51 im 35 weve been married for 12 years and have 5 kids.

I really dont think the age gap is a problem. I wouldnt agree if DD15 said she was seeing a guy that was 30. But I think once you are an adult its okay.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I sort of agree with many posters in that I think you need to go into any relationship with your eyes wide open. Even people the same age can have very different ideas about starting a family, etc. I don't think the age difference alone is really a concern and I would think your parents will get over it if it turns out he is the guy for you and you love him--and if they do not get over it that is their problem. You say he looks younger, so I would not bring up his age to your family/friends (why MAKE it an issue, ya know?) and just let them assume he is whatever age they want to assume. Do you normally introduce your dates with their age included

 

[Shmily1]

I say go for it and see where it goes. You're an adult and it's your decision. I'm 42 and my DH is 63. We've been together for 18 years--14 years married. He is three years younger than my parents and I am 2 years older than his oldest child. I have step-grandchildren that are 21 down to 3, one step-great-grandchild and two more on the way as well as one bio DGS. My family was not happy at first because "you know what he's after" but then they figured out that wasn't all there was to us. They were so happy when we got married! On the other hand, his kids were like "go daddy!!"

Good luck!!! If it's there for you and him, age doesn't matter!

 

[browneyes106]

I have known two people who have been/are in a similar situations. The first was my cousin who is married to a man that is 17 years older than her. She met her husband when she was 20 and he was 37. Her parents were against it for awhile but over time they got to like him. They have been married for three years now and they have a 2 year old daughter and they are in the process of adopting a baby boy.

One of my friends from high school has been dating a man who is 15 years older but she hasn't told her parents yet. Her parents live in Canada most of the year but my friend fears they will dislike her boyfriend more because he isn't white.

 

[disneydee6]

I was just curious because I have never been in a situation like this before and wondering how this has worked for others. I certainly am not thinking about marriage, but I know with a large gap in age difference comes thoughts like, "what about kids? lifestyle? He'll be 50 when im 33..." stuff like that, so obviously we are just shooting the s*** right now, but if it got serious, what that would mean for me.

I appreciate everyone's input.

 

[angie@dvcstore]

Sounds like a situation my friend is going threw as well but if you really like him and he respect you and your family then go for it because at the end of the day its your happiness and not theirs

 

[cteddiesgirl]

If the spark's there, GO FOR IT!

After all, there are more important things that make a relationship do-able than being the same age. If everything else is working for you...

Yes. If despite your age differences you have lots in common and there's a spark, don't let the age difference get in the way.

There are lots of times these relationships do work out well. My ex-fiance's parents were about 16 years apart and were still going strong 2 kids, 1 grandchild and more than 30 years later.

 

[ecuagoddess]

I think the marriage/kids questions are very important in any relationship, but particularly so when one partner is much older than the other.
It really came down to how he treated me- as an intellectual equal and true partner. I would not have put up with any patronizing or condescending attitude- I know my worth as a person and I do not have any "daddy issues."
We find each other to be the funniest person in our respective lives, and we have many things in common. Recently, my own parents told me that watching us be together is really nice for them. I can't think of a better testament to my DH than that- especially since my father is the typical overprotective Latino.

Practically speaking, life and long-term-care insurance are a must if you get married. But enjoy the dating for now!