Relationship w a pretty big age difference...

[robinb]

I'm glad that things worked out for you!

 

[minkydog]

So, recently I started getting verrrry interested in a guy I work with. He is funny, incredibly sweet, and sexy (lol). We definitely are heading down the road to dating, and while I know that it is early in the relationship, he was blunt and told me that he is 39, and I am 23. So there is a 16 year age difference between us. I was surprised, because I did NOT think he was pushing 40 at all, so he looks pretty damn good for his age. However, for some reason, the age difference really hasn't discouraged me too much, it has been a few years since I have had such a good spark with someone. I think I may really like him, and I don't want to end it based on just our age difference.
So far I have told my sister (who of course freaked, and being the math whiz figured that he is closer to my parents age than mine...hahaha) and I am dreading telling my parents (that is if/when it gets serious). I guess I am wondering if anyone has had experience being in a relationship with a big gap in age difference, please tell me not to panic! I know everyone else in my family and friends will freak, Lol and, I know I am young, but I think that when it comes down it, it's my choice to date him, and I do want to go for it.

My SIL has been married twice to men who were 12-13 years older than her. My in-laws were pretty alarmed the first time, but the marriage lasted a long time, about 15 years(and then he took up with a very young woman who was an expert in making an old man feel young again.) The second time around, she was about 50 and her DH was just under 64. That marriage seems to be much more equal and stable. Her mom was fine with the secone marriage.

Right now, my DNephew, age 23, is dating a woman who is 32. His mother and my mother are having FITS over it. Granted, the woman has 4 kids, but they've been dating about 2 years and they clearly love each other. My mom wanted me to "talk to him", you know, put some sense in him. No can do, Mom. He's a grown man and this is who he picked. DNephew has a good job and is buying a house. He just asked her to marry him. My sister and my mother can just get over themselves.

 

[disneydee6]

My SIL has been married twice to men who were 12-13 years older than her. My in-laws were pretty alarmed the first time, but the marriage lasted a long time, about 15 years(and then he took up with a very young woman who was an expert in making an old man feel young again.) The second time around, she was about 50 and her DH was just under 64. That marriage seems to be much more equal and stable. Her mom was fine with the secone marriage.

Right now, my DNephew, age 23, is dating a woman who is 32. His mother and my mother are having FITS over it. Granted, the woman has 4 kids, but they've been dating about 2 years and they clearly love each other. My mom wanted me to "talk to him", you know, put some sense in him. No can do, Mom. He's a grown man and this is who he picked. DNephew has a good job and is buying a house. He just asked her to marry him. My sister and my mother can just get over themselves.

Yea, I can't say that my folks are happy about this situation. But like you said, despite my young age, I AM a young adult and this is the decision I've made. I am happy, and they should be too. I do like hearing on the boards that these relationships do have success stories. However, we are living day to day happy and I am making the decision to be happy.

 

[Robinrs]

Wow, younger women and older men...??? Is this a NEW thing???

Shocking!



.
Sorry this has been happening since the beginning of time and would be even more of a gap if it were legal.

There is a 9 year gap between my bf and myself, but I'M the older one. Now THAT'S a thread!

 

[Coconut36]

I know a couple with a 14 year age difference..they met when I believe she was 22 and he was 36. They have been together for almost 8 years now and married for about 5 years and have kids together now. They are a sweet and wonderful couple.

If everyone is an adult I don't see any issues nor would I make any judgments if it was a friend or family member. Compatibility and love isn't entirely about age so if it works for them that is what is important.

 

[Gigi22]

My DNiece is just about to complete her 1 year separation from the much older (15 years) man she married about 3 years ago. Long story short, he turned out to be very bad news--quite controlling--DNiece wasn't even allowed to hang pictures on the walls of their apartment. He cheated on her at about the 1 year mark of their marriage. Just saying, if a man is that much older, and hasn't been married before--there's a reason.

 

[dngnb8]

While I am glad things are working out, youre not in the age bracket of trouble.

He is still young.

Issues dont usually arise at this time. The issues arise when your in your late 30's and he is in his mid 50's. They seem to magnify when youre in your mid to late 40s and he is in his 60's.

Yes, right now, its age is not an issue. That doesnt mean it wont become one.

 

[Jennasis]

My 68 year old MIL is dating a 40 year old, and it's SOOOOOO GROSS!! But not because the age difference, but rather because I can't even imagine someone being interested in that witch. Haha! Her new bf is the same age as her oldest son...they even smoke pot and drink beer together.

 

[GrnMtnMan]

My parent's were 16 year apart. They married when she was 23 and he was 39. They had five kids in six year (twins in there), then number six four years later.

They were married until my mother got sick and passed away - so married 35 years or so.

 

[furb & dez]

As someone who previously dated a few older people... my immediate reaction to a 23 year old woman dating a 39 year old man? Either:

• He's immature
• She has "daddy" issues
• It's a physical fling, and they don't actually have anything in common or to talk about

Sure, it can work. Will it? In the short term, maybe... infatuation can make things move along for a while. In the long term, probably not. (This is where everyone piles on with anecdotal stories that mean nothing...)

But hey, if they get married and have kids later on, she can change his diaper at the same time as the baby... what a time saver!

 

[IdesOmarch]

Older guys are fun to date (or can be) but you wouldn't want to marry them. Maybe. My new GF is 29. We're 13 years apart more or less and we totally connect on the same wavelength. Have fun.

 

[dngnb8]

Older guys are fun to date (or can be) but you wouldn't want to marry them. Maybe. My new GF is 29. We're 13 years apart more or less and we totally connect on the same wavelength. Have fun.

Um, your tune sure has changed....

 

[Disney Doll]

Nope...he said NEW girlfriend.

 

[dngnb8]

Nope...he said NEW girlfriend.

Youre right. I guess things didnt change, and we have an example of what we are talking about.

Gotta wonder if it is the waitress. LOL

 

[PatsMom]

I am 52, my husband is 66. So a 14 year age gap. We have been married almost 20 years now and together for 23.

My daughter has a half sister almost exactly 21 years older than her. My husband adapted pretty well to becoming a father again at age 46. And my daughter got social security payments for about 18 months because she was under 18 when my husband started drawing. Sure helped out her college fund!

 

[mickeyM00SE]

When you start dating and you feel it is time to tell your parents then tell them.

As a parent who is 45 and have a 19yodd, I can say it would freak me out however if the guy is "right" it won't matter in the end.

Exactly, age is but a number! My SO is about 4years older than I, we've never had an issue with it, as long as it feels right do it!

 

[hambirg]

Well, shortly after my divorce, I met a man and started dating him. I was 42 and we dated for about 6 weeks before I found out he was 23. I knew he was younger, but I honestly thought he was in his mid 30's (as did my friends who had met him.) It changed things for me. I enjoyed going out with him, but ultimately I knew we were at different stages of our lives. I had been married and had 3 kids. He had never been married and didn't have kids. It just didn't sit well with me. I knew he would eventually want to be married and have a family. . .me. . .been there done that. And I didn't want to rob him of that. So, in the end I broke up with him.

That being said, if you get along well and "click", I don't think there is anything wrong with you two dating. But if things become serious, the life experiences and expectations might become an issue. HTH

 

[IdesOmarch]

Um, your tune sure has changed....

I think you missed the key word "new" GF

 

[IdesOmarch]

Youre right. I guess things didnt change, and we have an example of what we are talking about.

Gotta wonder if it is the waitress. LOL

No she was 25 and no she wasn't interested, just friendly and batty.

 

[Buckalew11]

So "age" is just a number? Well, sometimes... DH and I are 5 years apart and that's nothing. 10 years isn't much, depending on the circumstances.
But, now, 38 years difference? That's not just a number, is it??? Gah.