Redneck weddings (inspired by Bridesmaid Horror Stories)

[mmcguire]

I've read some great stories in the Bridesmaids Horror Stories thread, and it made me wonder what's the most redneck wedding you've ever attended?

Here's mine: I graduated HS in May 1989, and my friend wed in June (NOT pregnant, just stupid). It was so hastily planned that her DH's sisters had no time to order dresses, so wore PROM DRESSES they already had. I couldn't afford a bridesmaid's dress, so declined being a bridesmaid (thank GOD).

I attended as a guest, and almost DIED when the groom came out in a black tux with tails, followed by his groomsmen -- one in a brown suit, one in a navy suit, and one in a short-sleeved dress shirt, silk tie and khakis.

One bridesmaid wore pink, the other peach. Both dresses were Bo Peep style with ruffles out the wazoo, and at least 2 sizes too small -- both were "busting" out of the top. Their makeup looked like Vegas showgirls and hair teased the size of Rhode Island.

The reception was in the church reception hall -- no tablecloths, and no decorations, save for a lone pair of crepe paper bells. Along with a grocery store wedding cake, guests were treated to pimento cheese sandwiches and ham sandwiches (crusts still on, cut in half), 2-liter bottled sodas, potato chips, and I kid you not -- a gigantic jar of huge dill pickles sitting on the table with a fork in it. It was like dining at a convenience store check-out.

Yee-haw!

 

[Simba's Mom]

The most redneck wedding reception I ever saw was at the Golden Corral. Honest! The bride, wedding party, and what appeared to be guests all walked in, pushed a bunch of tables together and had dinner.

 

[scooter15]

College roommates wedding....

Grooms college buddies wore helmets to the reception. Why? They thought it would be so cool. Anyway, couple of them got so drunk even before the cake was cut and half were throwing up in the bathroom while the others were passed out on the table or on the way to the bathroom. Another guest who was the husband of one of her high school friends was thrown out by security because he brought his own liquor which he had in a brown grocery paper bag one hidden in the corner and the other under the table.

 

[Orange County Girl]

Do Wrangler jeans and tails count?

 

[ducklite]

The DJ was wearing black jeans, white tennis shoes--unlaced, a white short sleeved dress shirt and a tux vest. And a mullet.

The groom made the wedding cake, It was lopsided and had this yellow tinged frosting. I've seen the inside of their home, so I declined eating any.

The bride decided she didn't need a bra for her 40-something year old, two kids later 38-D's.

The mother of the groom went down the aisle in a just below the knee length dress and knee high stockings, carrying her brown pleather patchwork style handbag.

Two of the groom's sisters got into a fight on the dance floor and one stormed out about an hour into the reception.

The reception place had never done a wedding before, and brought all the food out at once, dumping it on folding tables that didn't even have skirts on them. Appetizers, entree buffet, all at once.

I've never been so glad to leave a wedding before in my life.

Anne

 

[tmasingo]

In the park, groom wore khakis with a white button down opened at least 3 buttons down and white tennis shoes. Groomsmen wore the same. Bridesmaids wore lavendar prom type dresses and bride wore a lavender and purple satiny prom type dress. I think there might have been music out of a boom box, but you couldn't hear a thing...not even the vows. Groom stood on a picnic table after the 10 minute ceremony and announced there was a 'reception' immediately followiing at their house. Come to find out, they lived in a single wide trailer So, all of these guests went home and changed into shorts and tee shirts and arrived to cram inside. There was a red velvet wedding cake on the kitchen table, which they cut in their shorts and tee shirts, and hamburgers and hotdogs and some bags of chips thrown on the counter. At least it was summer and you could go outside.

 

[nannerbadnanner]

She wore white jeans and a white T-Shirt. He wore black jeans and a black T-Shirt. The sported matching mullets. Need I say more?

A friend told about his niece's shotgun wedding. At the reception they served a bag of Ruffles still in the bag and a container of pimento cheese served in the grocery store container.

These weddings were Klassy - with a K!

 

[mirthmaiden]

a gigantic jar of huge dill pickles sitting on the table with a fork in it.

You say that like there's something wrong with it.

 

[PrettyInTink]

Ok, check my location, so I'm in the mecca of all things redneck. Here ya go:
-all the bridesmaids wore antebellum dresses, groom and groomsmen wore wranglers, tails, boots(some had manure on them), and cowboy hats, bride (300lbs atleast) wore a HUGE antebellum dress, hooker makeup complete with drawn on beauty mark, RED thigh high stockings , RED spike heels, and her rebel flag tattoo on her **** showing. The bride walked down the isle with her dad (who had the same getup as the g and gm) to the battle hymn of the republic. The 'alter' had rebel flags and a portrait of Nathan Bedford Forrest (racist, civil war era). The 'food' was KFC and the cake was a homemade cake decorated like....a rebel flag. The 'drinks' were u liters, sams choice colas, and 3 kegs, all of which floated very fast. This was a girl I worked with, we had no idea she was such a skank. The kicker was that I went to the wedding with another coworker, a black girl. I could tell she was embarrased and uncomfortable. I could not believe how skanky the wedding was. The friend I went with said she kept looking around for the KKK. We got the heck out of there and avoided the girl the next week when she got back from her honeymoon from- where else- Camping on the alabama river!

 

[mmcguire]

You say that like there's something wrong with it.

It's a wedding! All the good rednecks know you put the gigantic jar of BABY dills on the table with fork. Or pickeled eggs.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

We went to a wedding that started out lovely in a nice church. The groom was greek orthodox and the church ceremony was lenghty but very formal. Then comes the reception.......................in a old elks building where you had to walk thru the bar where the elder elks were drinking shots at 11:00am on sat morn. We get inside the room and White Snake wannabe was set up to jam. But first, a straw hat was passed to collect for the keg then the hors duerves were laid out. Olives, jalapeno peppers and some funky dip.? Next was the salad, the grooms mom came out with a huge bowl and some bags of pre made sald and poured them in. Then the came the main course of hotdogs, baked beans and potato chips. A real feast I tell ya. We high tailed it out of there before the second collection stated for the beer.

 

[mirthmaiden]

It's a wedding! All the good rednecks know you put the gigantic jar of BABY dills on the table with fork. Or pickeled eggs.

Were there any sporks? And here is the true test: was there any scrapple being served?

 

[mmcguire]

Were there any sporks?

Dang. Unfortunately not. That would have been even better! They did smash cake in each others' faces in the most classy of ways, though.

 

[ducklite]

Were there any sporks? And here is the true test: was there any scrapple being served?

NASTY!!

Anne

 

[Boston Tea Party]

NASTY!!

Anne

C'mon, Anne. You live in the south. You know it's not a party until the scrapple is brought out.

 

[ducklite]

C'mon, Anne. You live in the south. You know it's not a party until the scrapple is brought out.

Believe it or not, I've never heard it talked about down here. Up north my kid's Civil War re-enactment unit considered it a delicacy. His unit down here is all about hardtack and saltpork.

Anne

 

[mmcguire]

Were there any sporks? And here is the true test: was there any scrapple being served?

C'mon, Anne. You live in the south. You know it's not a party until the scrapple is brought out.

Yum-o. For those in the audience not familiar with scrapple, here's a detailed description of how it's made: http://ubersite.com/m/64807

Best line: "Start slapping it down with the palm of your hand. Slap it like you mean it! SLAP IT! "

 

[mirthmaiden]

Yum-o. For those in the audience not familiar with scrapple, here's a detailed description of how it's made: http://ubersite.com/m/64807

Best line: "Start slapping it down with the palm of your hand. Slap it like you mean it! SLAP IT! "

I have actually been to a wedding reception where this was served.

 

[ducklite]

I have actually been to a wedding reception where this was served.

Anne

 

[MerryPoppins]

One in Texas where the groom wore jeans and tails with cowboy boots. The bride wore a white wedding dress with cowboy boots and they weren't even white ones. I don't remember much about the reception except the friends of the family didn't seem to have gotten the memo that this was a casual affair and they were all dressed up compared to the friends of the bride and groom.

I went to another that was pretty bad, but I fear I've blocked out most of the details of that one. I remember that the groom was in jeans and a rumpled shirt with his boots. He didn't smile the whole time, so I got the feeling that he wasn't too happy about the whole thing. The bride looked very pretty and smiling, so a lot of my discomfort was that it didn't balance out. The reception was outdoors with kegs of beer and many of the grooms drunken friends. I remember that someone threw up in the middle of the reception.

As a note, neither marriage lasted. I don't have a problem with a casual or theme wedding. It's just sort of weird when most of the guests aren't on the same page.