Redneck weddings (inspired by Bridesmaid Horror Stories)

[disneyjunkie]

Ok, check my location, so I'm in the mecca of all things redneck. Here ya go:
-all the bridesmaids wore antebellum dresses, groom and groomsmen wore wranglers, tails, boots(some had manure on them), and cowboy hats, bride (300lbs atleast) wore a HUGE antebellum dress, hooker makeup complete with drawn on beauty mark, RED thigh high stockings , RED spike heels, and her rebel flag tattoo on her **** showing. The bride walked down the isle with her dad (who had the same getup as the g and gm) to the battle hymn of the republic. The 'alter' had rebel flags and a portrait of Nathan Bedford Forrest (racist, civil war era). The 'food' was KFC and the cake was a homemade cake decorated like....a rebel flag. The 'drinks' were u liters, sams choice colas, and 3 kegs, all of which floated very fast. This was a girl I worked with, we had no idea she was such a skank. The kicker was that I went to the wedding with another coworker, a black girl. I could tell she was embarrased and uncomfortable. I could not believe how skanky the wedding was. The friend I went with said she kept looking around for the KKK. We got the heck out of there and avoided the girl the next week when she got back from her honeymoon from- where else- Camping on the alabama river!

YOU WIN

Were there any sporks? And here is the true test: was there any scrapple being served?

I'm not a redneck, but I love scrapple and grits.

 

[delilah]

I went to a Southern Baptist wedding once. Does that count?

 

[Laura]

The entire bridal party changed out of their outfits for the reception--jeans and t-shirts.

 

[DVCJEN]

Bride wore a blue prom dress and imitation Keds. Groom wore some sort of old uniform jacket. Wedding was in a church but they used a boom box radio for the wedding music. The reception was in a room at the back of a bar. Before the meal, the groom was already so drunk that he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out in his own vomit. The mothers of the bride and groom had an obscenity screaming match and pulled each other's hair. Then the bride left after a tirade at her sister ---keep in mind this is all before the dinner. Yikes, what a train wreck!

 

[LukenDC]

Interesting thread. If a Yankee critiques the South, then the wagons circle and the offender is blasted.

 

[bcvgal]

Went to a wedding where there was a telephone in the back of the church and yes it did ring during the ceremony

 

[Kirby]

I had a nice wedding and a nice reception, all traditional but my husband's family (parents, brothers and sisters) all had a knock down drag out fight at his parents house after it was all over. Fortunately we didn't know what was going on until the next day. Does mine qualify?

 

[mirthmaiden]

Interesting thread. If a Yankee critiques the South, then the wagons circle and the offender is blasted.

Rednecks live everywhere, not just the south. I moved to Virginia from Michigan and there were plenty of rednecks there too.

 

[Ariel Wanna-be]

OK, y'all knew someone was bound to post this picture:

 

[Kteacher]

This wedding took place in Ma. We didn't know the bride at all, and the groom was a friend of some close friends of mine. The wedding was fairly traditional, but the reception was held in a bar. The father of the bride had a small card table with some plastic cups and a large bottle of bourbon. He told everyone this was the " open bar ", and " if we wanted a free drink we needed to drink fast before the bar owner found out ".The hors d'oevres were something new to me- I guess you could call it one bean salad......... there were bowls of kidney beans put on the tables along with bowls of cottage cheese and individually wrapped saltines Dinner was served family style-large bowls of spaghetti that were passed around the tables. The " cake table " had the bride's doll collection displayed around the cake, and some of the dolls were stuck legs first into the cake. My favorite was the hand made toilet paper cover doll complete with roll of toilet paper . The wedding pictures were taken in the parking lot of the bar in front of a large wire fence This was quite a few years ago, and my DH and I still laugh about this wedding!

 

[gypsydoodlebug]

I'm from Kentucky, and I've never experienced anything redneck at a wedding here save for a Nascar groom's cake (sorry, Mirth!).

 

[wendy46001]

My favorite was a co-workers son…she kept saying we had to come, as she needed support...at Brides families house in the back yard (aka woods...you don’t go in the woods in florida)...Shotgun wedding, groom in jeans telling everyone he didn’t plan on this happening...bridesmaids in green taffeta with cut-outs on the backs, stomachs and legs so their tattoos would show....Food Oscar Mayer cold cuts in their package laying out on a table (getting warm) No rolls or bread, i dont recall a cake....six (counted them) six kegs of beer, only about 50people at this wedding ...no water....Grooms mother crying about her baby in the corner....and all of us with our jaws on the floor as the bride decided to give every male in attendance a full lap dance....

 

[mom2rb]

The groom worked in a bar. He couldn't get off on Saturdays so the wedding was at the bar. He did get a friend to cover for him during the ceremony. The food was a potluck, most of the guest brought something. The wedding was held on the dance floor. There bride's mother smoked through out the ceremony. My DH was a groomsman, we bought him a new suit for the wedding. Everyone else there, including the groom, wore jeans.

 

[tikilyn]

Redneck wedding? That would be my brothers! When you here the words White Trash you think Jerry Springer right?!! Well my brothers wife fits that defination LOL. She has a great heart but....


She was dressed in Black lace ups, Black Ropers, a black roper shirt. My brother was wearing Black boot cut jeans, and a dark stripped color western shirt with boots. They hire the JP to come out to there trailer and merry them. They had about 20 people or so and you wouldn't believe it but they didn't even clean there yard up. They had trash everywhere.

For the food it was bbq chicken, potatoe salad and the normal fixin's. LOL the food wasn't bad thank god!

I asked my mom where she went wrong in raising him that day at the wedding. She didn't raise my brother to live like that but what can you do. LOL

 

[Pam]

Believe it or not, I've never heard it talked about down here. Up north my kid's Civil War re-enactment unit considered it a delicacy. His unit down here is all about hardtack and saltpork.

Anne

This is a big Pennsylvania Dutch thing -- I know that scrapple is huge out in Eastern Penna.

I had a nice wedding and a nice reception, all traditional but my husband's family (parents, brothers and sisters) all had a knock down drag out fight at his parents house after it was all over. Fortunately we didn't know what was going on until the next day. Does mine qualify?

I photographed a few weddings in the early 1990s - I had to quit because I couldn't take the stress of dealing with the bridal parties and their antics! One time a fight broke out between the whole bride's family at the reception and the Mom stepped in to break it up and ended up getting decked!

Another time the Groom showed up at a very fancy Catholic Church with a pistol strapped to his side because, as he explained, "It's a shotgun wedding." Yep, he wore the gun through the entire ceremony. Afterwards he pitched a huge fit because he didn't want to pose for photos, he wanted to have a Parade with the rented limo. He and his new bride had a big fight, the "f" word was flying left and right in the Church, the Priest and I made bets on how long the marriage would last - he said 2 years, I said 6 months. (I won.) Father of the bride told the "crazy kids" to just take a break and work things out -- so they left and went to a pool hall in all their bridal finery and shot pool for 2 hours -- while all of their guests sat at the reception hall waiting for them to come so the food could be served.

My favorite was a co-workers son…she kept saying we had to come, as she needed support...at Brides families house in the back yard (aka woods...you don’t go in the woods in florida)...Shotgun wedding, groom in jeans telling everyone he didn’t plan on this happening...bridesmaids in green taffeta with cut-outs on the backs, stomachs and legs so their tattoos would show....Food Oscar Mayer cold cuts in their package laying out on a table (getting warm) No rolls or bread, i dont recall a cake....six (counted them) six kegs of beer, only about 50people at this wedding ...no water....Grooms mother crying about her baby in the corner....and all of us with our jaws on the floor as the bride decided to give every male in attendance a full lap dance....

Wow - that was one heck of a party favor the bride gave out, huh??

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

Ok, check my location, so I'm in the mecca of all things redneck. Here ya go:
-all the bridesmaids wore antebellum dresses, groom and groomsmen wore wranglers, tails, boots(some had manure on them), and cowboy hats, bride (300lbs atleast) wore a HUGE antebellum dress, hooker makeup complete with drawn on beauty mark, RED thigh high stockings , RED spike heels, and her rebel flag tattoo on her **** showing. The bride walked down the isle with her dad (who had the same getup as the g and gm) to the battle hymn of the republic. The 'alter' had rebel flags and a portrait of Nathan Bedford Forrest (racist, civil war era). The 'food' was KFC and the cake was a homemade cake decorated like....a rebel flag. The 'drinks' were u liters, sams choice colas, and 3 kegs, all of which floated very fast. This was a girl I worked with, we had no idea she was such a skank. The kicker was that I went to the wedding with another coworker, a black girl. I could tell she was embarrased and uncomfortable. I could not believe how skanky the wedding was. The friend I went with said she kept looking around for the KKK. We got the heck out of there and avoided the girl the next week when she got back from her honeymoon from- where else- Camping on the alabama river!

I think you won!

One wedding I attended recently wasn't "redneck" but was bording on trashtastic. The groom was a friend of DBF's and he was a groomsman. It was thrown together very quickly, and it showed. (We figured because either A)It was a shotgun wedding, or B)The bride needed her greencard. We are pretty sure it's B.) Let's see...the wedding was on a Saturday morning. The bride didn't want bridesmaids...up until a week before the wedding! The groom "assigned" his groomsmen the Wednesday night before the wedding!! The wedding starts and the first few bridesmaids walk out arm in arm with groomsmen, then the last one walks out by herself. So the last groomsman walked out by himself. Turns out the bridesmaid freaked out and wanted to walk alone (she wanted all the attention on her) so she refused to lock arms with the groomsman. Thank goodness the groomsman is a great guy and just laughed it off.

The ceremony was held in a pretty, little church. There was a priest and a pastor. Both had heavy accents so it was hard to understand them. First off, they kept calling the bride Judy...her name was Jodi. The pastor started out his homily with a story about a man who recently committed suicide by jumping off a roof! Then shortly after his cell phone rings and he answers it!! Later on, the priest was to ask who gives the bride to the groom and her parents were supposed to stand up and say 'we do'. Instead he asks "Who gives this man to this man?"! I did all I could to hold back the laughter. At the end, he never told the groom to kiss the bride.

More than half the guests were from out of town and no directions were given to the reception. (The grooms parents were direction-less also!) The two cars of in-town guests left before anyone could follow them. One groomsman thank goodness had GPS in his car and called 411 to get the address of the restaurant. So we had a caravan of wedding guests following him for 40 minutes to the restaurant. The reception was held in a tiny restaurant that walled off part of the floor for the wedding, but was still open to regular customers. (It was basically like a McD's but for Indian food.) There was 1 waitress for 10 tables. The food was crappy and in short supply. The reception lasted way too long. Right after the cake, we hightailed it out of there.

 

[Daxx]

OK - I am going to apologize to anyone offended by this story and my take on events b/c I know I'm bound to tick someone off.

This is the closest I am sure I will ever come to a redneck wedding, living so far north!!!! Mine is more white trash than redneck, but I thought it was funny so I'll put it in ...

I went to one of the worst weddings of my whole entire life. I was dating a guy and he took me to this fiasco. This was his friend and he stood up in the wedding.

So, the "lovely" couple gets married in a big, huge, church wedding. Beforee the procession down the aisle, the bride was yelling at her attendant calling her stupid, etc. You could totally hear everything she was saying! So, they proceed and it's a nice ceremony ... until the kiss where they appeared to be molesting each other. It was the nastiest display, feeling each other up, etc. At that point, I was so embarrassed to watch them.

Time for the receiving line. I have met this couple many times before the wedding. I wore this pretty grey 1920's vintage dress and had my hair pulled back w/a small rhinestone clip in the back . So, I congratulate the bride and she says "Who the hell are you?" and I say that I'm John's girlfriend. She says oh. Then, she says "What, do you think you're the bride w/that headpiece on?" and I said "Oh, the little clip?" I was v. confused about that b/c in no way, shape or form could my hair clip be mistaken for a headpiece or a tiara b/c it was at the back of my head and it was small, vintage looking baby barette. I was totally confused by the comment. But, she did proceed to call me an effing this that and the other thing to her bridesmaid who was a total skank.

So, we go to the reception. It's held in hall. OK - it was like walking into someone's basement. All I kept on thinking was "Welcome to my rec room". The decorations looked like they've been used for other weddings ... worn, rough looking, scrappy. Then, we all sit down. They do the toast. The whole time, the best man is trash talking the bride and she's screaming profanities back at him!!!! After that, people start to clink their water glasses with the plastic forks at the table to get the couple to kiss. Well, the bride didn't like it v. much b/c she gave everyone the finger -- scanned it back and forth across the table like it was a searchlight. Niiiiice.

The dinner. Oh, the divine, delicious (not) dinner ... franks and beans casserole type thing, jello (red), tater tots (I kid you not) and carrot and celery sticks. They had buns ... still in the pkg. that you had to tear apart yourself. Yep. That was dinner. I felt like I was in the school cafeteria!!!! The lovely flatware was plastic, the plates were paper (and not the good chinet kind - the flimsy type) and the beverage cups (aside from the water glasses) were plastic. The beverages of choice -- hawaiian punch or beer.

Then, it comes to the bouquet toss and garter toss. Well, the bride tosses the bouquet and she's not happy that her about 16 yo niece caught it, so she rips it out of her hand and says really loud "What the eff do you think you're doing catching the bouquet? Give it to me, we're retossing it and you're sitting over there!" Then, she proceeded to eliminate girls that she didn't want catching the bouquet, telling them to sit out!

Then, she left the reception for about an hour and showed up again. The friend that they hired to find songs on the cassette tapes popped in "Lady In Red" (ok, so you know how late 80's tihs is). She comes in wearing this Fredricks of Hollywood red lace tacky ho dress, walks over to her new husband, straddles him, molests him a bit and leads him to the dance floor. I'm trying not to gag b/c it's so dang contrived and stupid. Then, after that, she changes back into her wedding dress. Whatever.

Oh -- and there was no wedding cake. Just the red jello.

 

[PrettyInTink]

Ding ding! We have a winner! You had me at the ho dress and red jello!

OK - I am going to apologize to anyone offended by this story and my take on events b/c I know I'm bound to tick someone off.

This is the closest I am sure I will ever come to a redneck wedding, living so far north!!!! Mine is more white trash than redneck, but I thought it was funny so I'll put it in ...

I went to one of the worst weddings of my whole entire life. I was dating a guy and he took me to this fiasco. This was his friend and he stood up in the wedding.

So, the "lovely" couple gets married in a big, huge, church wedding. Beforee the procession down the aisle, the bride was yelling at her attendant calling her stupid, etc. You could totally hear everything she was saying! So, they proceed and it's a nice ceremony ... until the kiss where they appeared to be molesting each other. It was the nastiest display, feeling each other up, etc. At that point, I was so embarrassed to watch them.

Time for the receiving line. I have met this couple many times before the wedding. I wore this pretty grey 1920's vintage dress and had my hair pulled back w/a small rhinestone clip in the back . So, I congratulate the bride and she says "Who the hell are you?" and I say that I'm John's girlfriend. She says oh. Then, she says "What, do you think you're the bride w/that headpiece on?" and I said "Oh, the little clip?" I was v. confused about that b/c in no way, shape or form could my hair clip be mistaken for a headpiece or a tiara b/c it was at the back of my head and it was small, vintage looking baby barette. I was totally confused by the comment. But, she did proceed to call me an effing this that and the other thing to her bridesmaid who was a total skank.

So, we go to the reception. It's held in hall. OK - it was like walking into someone's basement. All I kept on thinking was "Welcome to my rec room". The decorations looked like they've been used for other weddings ... worn, rough looking, scrappy. Then, we all sit down. They do the toast. The whole time, the best man is trash talking the bride and she's screaming profanities back at him!!!! After that, people start to clink their water glasses with the plastic forks at the table to get the couple to kiss. Well, the bride didn't like it v. much b/c she gave everyone the finger -- scanned it back and forth across the table like it was a searchlight. Niiiiice.

The dinner. Oh, the divine, delicious (not) dinner ... franks and beans casserole type thing, jello (red), tater tots (I kid you not) and carrot and celery sticks. They had buns ... still in the pkg. that you had to tear apart yourself. Yep. That was dinner. I felt like I was in the school cafeteria!!!! The lovely flatware was plastic, the plates were paper (and not the good chinet kind - the flimsy type) and the beverage cups (aside from the water glasses) were plastic. The beverages of choice -- hawaiian punch or beer.

Then, it comes to the bouquet toss and garter toss. Well, the bride tosses the bouquet and she's not happy that her about 16 yo niece caught it, so she rips it out of her hand and says really loud "What the eff do you think you're doing catching the bouquet? Give it to me, we're retossing it and you're sitting over there!" Then, she proceeded to eliminate girls that she didn't want catching the bouquet, telling them to sit out!

Then, she left the reception for about an hour and showed up again. The friend that they hired to find songs on the cassette tapes popped in "Lady In Red" (ok, so you know how late 80's tihs is). She comes in wearing this Fredricks of Hollywood red lace tacky ho dress, walks over to her new husband, straddles him, molests him a bit and leads him to the dance floor. I'm trying not to gag b/c it's so dang contrived and stupid. Then, after that, she changes back into her wedding dress. Whatever.

Oh -- and there was no wedding cake. Just the red jello.

 

[kfeuer]

I've got a good one--it was my BIL's third wedding. They decided to hold it in the living room of their double-wide trailer. The bride was resplendent in a white shirt, black jeans and cowboy boots. They exchanged vows in front of the mock fireplace, right under a huge deer's head (what a photo opp).

The food was, what else, potluck, and served in their lovely dining area that featured a stuffed wild boar's head (with an open mouth so you could see the teeth and tongue).

What skeeved me out the worst was that the bride and her family made alot of the food, but there was no handsoap in either the kitchen or bathroom

That was a SOFE (significant other forced event) if I ever saw one. I would like it noted for the record that my DH is NOTHING like his brother!

That marriage lasted about a year. The bride left him and stripped everything from the trailer, including shower heads (but I think she left the boar's head)

 

[Stacerita]

Oh -- and there was no wedding cake. Just the red jello.

WTH????? No cake???? Yep, that was a winner I'm thinking. Takes it hands down compared to the redneck weddings I've been to.