Quick facebook question (husband's actions)

[sparks19]

I don't see it that way at all, but then most of my friends on facebook are married.

If it comes to that, I probably will, though this is the first time I've ever felt uncomfortable with anything that's happened on facebook. Hopefully it won't be an issue.

I'd still sit down and talk to him. Yes this is the first time you've felt uncomfortable but if it happens again then you are probably going to bring up that first time it made you uncomfortable and he's not going to have any idea what you are talking about.

So I would just sit down with him and tell him your feelings. If you keep it from him but keep thinking about it then it's just going to fester and get worse and then when it does blow up it is REALLY going to blow up.

so get it off your chest now and tell him how you feel. don't "sneak" around being watchful when he has no idea you are being watchful. Tell him.

 

[sparks19]

Exactly!! A bit ironic that she's "complaining" about getting hit on yet has a half-naked profile pic. Gimme a break. I know women like that in real life and it's pathetic. These are the same women who think every guy who smiles at them wants to sleep with them.

OP, I'm not really the jealous type but I wouldn't like that. Mostly because of the pic. She's looking for validation as the pp said and I wouldn't want my hubby giving her any. I would just say in a joking way "Who's your new naked friend?"

it's not the facebook friend that has the pic... it's a friend of the friend that had the pic... and it was said that the pic wasn't actually of the friend of the friend. It was just a random naked girl... not either of the parties.

the one that was complaining about being hit on was not the one with the photo as far as I can tell from the OP

 

[2disneyboys]

I'd still sit down and talk to him. Yes this is the first time you've felt uncomfortable but if it happens again then you are probably going to bring up that first time it made you uncomfortable and he's not going to have any idea what you are talking about.

So I would just sit down with him and tell him your feelings. If you keep it from him but keep thinking about it then it's just going to fester and get worse and then when it does blow up it is REALLY going to blow up.

so get it off your chest now and tell him how you feel. don't "sneak" around being watchful when he has no idea you are being watchful. Tell him.

This is your husband so there is no need to keep your feelings quiet. If their banter back and forth bothered you, than tell him. Tell him you feel it was an inappropriate conversations for a married man to have with a strange woman and now she is suddenly his facebook friend.

When I see my DH has a new friend who is female, I usually ask how he knows her. I trust him; but I think it is my place to know and if I feel he is flirty, I call him on it. Sometime I think he is clueless and he doesnt realize he is flirting. So I let him know.

I dont expect to personally know all his facebook friends, he certainly doesnt know all of mine; but when I see something odd, I ask questions.

No it wouldn't bother me, I trust my dh to know whats appropriate when friending someone on FB just like I trust him IRL.
However I do have to agree with Mystery Machine on the kid thing. I don't think my dd would understand innocent flirting the way I would so its not something I'd want her to see her dad doing.

I completely trust my Husband however, if anything ever strikes me as odd or bothers me (with any realtionship in life), I follow my instinct so I would just tell him.... having an open candid conversation is not the same as accusing someone of something.

also, from what I have been exposed to over the years (family, friends, DH, etc) I have found that if you are "looking" for something, you can always find oddities that support whatever it is you are looking for which then get you riled and up turn out to be 100% innocent... Just have a conversation with him. "sweetie.. I know this is probably silly, but the other day in my facebook newsfeed I saw some comments that have just stuck with me and I can't shake them..." you can judge a lot by someone's reaction to a simple question face to face then by reading something in the virtural world.

 

[IdesOmarch]

Another reason why we don't even bother to participate in Facebook, I mean really? I understand if you're single, or looking to promote a business. But if you want to keep family and friends up to date on activities and photos, for me that's what a normal email is for. I don't have the slightest interest to post up for everyone to see pictures of my family or whatever, and am not the least bit interested in telling everyone that I'm going to XYZ on vacation, Sally just got her front teeth, etc., I just don't get this phenomenon at all, and I am constantly hearing these types of things (spouses getting mad at each other for FB faupauxs). Not that there's anything wrong with it, but seems to me it creates a lot of problems for couples.

 

[sparks19]

I completely trust my Husband however, if anything ever strikes me as odd or bothers me (with any realtionship in life), I follow my instinct so I would just tell him.... having an open candid conversation is not the same as accusing someone of something.

also, from what I have been exposed to over the years (family, friends, DH, etc) I have found that if you are "looking" for something, you can always find oddities that support whatever it is you are looking for which then get you riled and up turn out to be 100% innocent... Just have a conversation with him. "sweetie.. I know this is probably silly, but the other day in my facebook newsfeed I saw some comments that have just stuck with me and I can't shake them..." you can judge a lot by someone's reaction to a simple question face to face then by reading something in the virtural world.

The bolded part is an excellent point.

yeah don't come at him in an accusing manner (not saying you would lol) just be honest about your insecurities and feelings about it. I'm sure he'll understand.

 

[krcit]

it's not the facebook friend that has the pic... it's a friend of the friend that had the pic... and it was said that the pic wasn't actually of the friend of the friend. It was just a random naked girl... not either of the parties.

the one that was complaining about being hit on was not the one with the photo as far as I can tell from the OP

I think it was. I just reread the OP and the friend of op's dh commented on naked girls status about being constantly hit on(insert eye roll, lol) and OP's dh said "does she realize she's naked in her pic?" and witty banter and the 'friending' commenced. Clear as mud, right?? I could be comepletly wrong, my brain is fried..spending every day in ICU with my mom..but maybe OP will set us straight.

 

[sparks19]

I think it was. I just reread the OP and the friend of op's dh commented on naked girls status about being constantly hit on(insert eye roll, lol) and OP's dh said "does she realize she's naked in her pic?" and witty banter and the 'friending' commenced. Clear as mud, right?? I could be comepletly wrong, my brain is fried..spending every day in ICU with my mom..but maybe OP will set us straight.

LOL I read it as the naked chick friended him... so he wasn't friends with her on facebook already. naked chick commented on a friends status and then he commented on friends status and then naked chick friended him

yes I do hope OP will come back and clear this up as I am really confused now

 

[The Mystery Machine]

LOL I read it as the naked chick friended him... so he wasn't friends with her on facebook already. naked chick commented on a friends status and then he commented on friends status and then naked chick friended him

yes I do hope OP will come back and clear this up as I am really confused now

Me too.

 

[babyrich]

Another reason why we don't even bother to participate in Facebook, I mean really? I understand if you're single, or looking to promote a business. But if you want to keep family and friends up to date on activities and photos, for me that's what a normal email is for. I don't have the slightest interest to post up for everyone to see pictures of my family or whatever, and am not the least bit interested in telling everyone that I'm going to XYZ on vacation, Sally just got her front teeth, etc., I just don't get this phenomenon at all, and I am constantly hearing these types of things (spouses getting mad at each other for FB faupauxs). Not that there's anything wrong with it, but seems to me it creates a lot of problems for couples.

I dont blame you for not participating. I am slowly removing myself from facebook. At first it was fun because it was new. Now I am so sick of hearing about every step people take. I have a few friends who write out their entire day. "dropping off kids, getting coffee, going to gym, than dentist....." I mean, who cares!!!!!

Than I realized through facebook that I have a friend who has the most miserable life of anyone I have ever known. Something always hurts, she hates her job, her car, her second job, traffic is always horrible, she cant sleep, she has a headache.... and so on.

 

[lillygator]

ok I am confused...you dh friended someone new.
Is the picture of the new friend or this new friend (assuming it's a girl) has another women scantily dressed as her profile pic?

 

[IdesOmarch]

I dont blame you for not participating. I am slowly removing myself from facebook. At first it was fun because it was new. Now I am so sick of hearing about every step people take. I have a few friends who write out their entire day. "dropping off kids, getting coffee, going to gym, than dentist....." I mean, who cares!!!!!

Than I realized through facebook that I have a friend who has the most miserable life of anyone I have ever known. Something always hurts, she hates her job, her car, her second job, traffic is always horrible, she cant sleep, she has a headache.... and so on.

OMGosh you're so right. I was just talking with a friend the other day about this, he was talking about how crazy it was for a person he knew to publicly post matters about her child custody case, including legal strategy, why the Ex was such a horrible person etc.,

That's the same observation I have about Twitter (excluding peeps using it for business purposes or whatever) but why would I want to follow XYZ athlete or movie star to hear about "went to the grocery today, couldn't decide if I wanted decaf or french roast......" OMGosh who cares!!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Hey - OP here.

To clear things up:

"Jane" is dh's friend from work. She, a very natural looking, conservatively clothed woman, wrote that people kept hitting on her, even though her status listed her as married (she's not legally married, because her partner is a woman, but I think they've been together for a long time, not that that makes any difference to me, but maybe it does to those hitting on her).

"Sasha" is, apparently, a friend of Jane. She responded to Jane's post and said the reason people are hitting on her is because she's so cute. Sasha is the one who is naked in her profile picture.

My husband responded to Jane's post asking Jane if her friend knew she was without clothing, etc. And that's where it started.

The reason I didn't just ask him about it is I was only a bit bothered and wasn't even sure if I should be (thus my post on here). I don't want to make a big deal out of it and sound like I'm accusing him, because I do trust him and I don't want him to feel like I don't.

I'll think more about it and if it really is bothering me, I'll ask him about it. Thanks for all your opinions and I hope I cleared things up for you!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Oh, one more thing...

I hadn't thought about the child thing. Now, that does make me uncomfortable. We have a seventeen year old son who has facebook - not sure how he'd feel about it. Then, again, like I said, it was only very light flirty banter, nothing inappropriate.

Maybe I will bring it up to my husband, with our son in mind.

 

[Barbossa]

One of the many reasons why my DW and I don't use Facebook.

 

[lillygator]

Hey - OP here.

To clear things up:

"Jane" is dh's friend from work. She, a very natural looking, conservatively clothed woman, wrote that people kept hitting on her, even though her status listed her as married (she's not legally married, because her partner is a woman, but I think they've been together for a long time, not that that makes any difference to me, but maybe it does to those hitting on her).

"Sasha" is, apparently, a friend of Jane. She responded to Jane's post and said the reason people are hitting on her is because she's so cute. Sasha is the one who is naked in her profile picture.

My husband responded to Jane's post asking Jane if her friend knew she was without clothing, etc. And that's where it started.

The reason I didn't just ask him about it is I was only a bit bothered and wasn't even sure if I should be (thus my post on here). I don't want to make a big deal out of it and sound like I'm accusing him, because I do trust him and I don't want him to feel like I don't.

I'll think more about it and if it really is bothering me, I'll ask him about it. Thanks for all your opinions and I hope I cleared things up for you!

so sasha's profile pic is really sasha?

 

[Liberty Belle]

so sasha's profile pic is really sasha?

No, she (Sasha) said it was not her real picture.

And...DH just sent me a message via facebook, so I asked him what was the deal with the naked chick. He said she's a friend of Jane's and she friend requested him yesterday. He said that apparently she put the picture up to shock people. I said that was kind of weird and that I wondered why she'd want to shock people and he said he didn't know. He said she has the same political views as him (my words, not his - I don't want this to get political in any way), so he thought she might be someone interesting.

Oh, and she lives in The Netherlands.

I didn't say anything about their conversation (because, again, I didn't really think it was inappropriate and after I re-read it, I really don't think my son would either).

 

[ols386]

Op....I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't make an issue of it, especially since he knows that you have access to his FB. I'm thinking she sent the friend request to him...not him sending a request to her, and like you said he accepted to be polite.

 

[lillygator]

No, she (Sasha) said it was not her real picture.

And...DH just sent me a message via facebook, so I asked him what was the deal with the naked chick. He said she's a friend of Jane's and she friend requested him yesterday. He said that apparently she put the picture up to shock people. I said that was kind of weird and that I wondered why she'd want to shock people and he said he didn't know. He said she has the same political views as him (my words, not his - I don't want this to get political in any way), so he thought she might be someone interesting.

Oh, and she lives in The Netherlands.

I didn't say anything about their conversation (because, again, I didn't really think it was inappropriate and after I re-read it, I really don't think my son would either).

see I've known guys on fbook who put up scantily clad women as their avatar but for a woman to do it, I think that she is just screaming for attention.

 

[Buckalew11]

I think both of these women are attentions *****s. The woman who was his friend who posted about getting hit on too often...who says that? She WANTED people to get on there and pat her ego. She got it. She has friends like herself who also need attention and one who posted a naked lady on the beach for her profil pic (and it wasn't her, right?) Who does that?! Someone who needs attention, that's who. And she got attention from your DH's comment. OK, fine, he *had* to comment. Therefore, she friend requested him because suddenly she *knows* him--who knows--they may have chatted.

This is all just my opinion but I think this is how trouble starts. This might be quite innocent and never go anywhere but it sets a precedence for the future of "friends" and I just do not think it is smart to go there. He should have never accepted the friend request or asked her to be friends with him (whichever way it happened).

 

[FireDancer]

I think you are reading way too much into it. A little comment her or there on Facebook is harmless. I make them to people all the time with no actual desire to follow up on them. Getting all worried about innocent comments (and until there is follow up they are just innocent comments) says more about you than it does him IMO. Friending someone on Facebook isn't the same as exchanging phone numbers or anything else. It is merely a loose relation online and I have a lot of Facebook friends I will never meet in real life.

I'm friends with exes on Facebook and still talk to them from time to time. I won't stop because of someone else's insecurities. Anyone I date is free to do the same.

Also, if your husband wanted to initiate something with this person he wouldn't have done it on the Internets where everyone can see it, including you.

Just trying to give you a guy's perspective.