Quick facebook question (husband's actions)

[Liberty Belle]

Today on my facebook, I saw a post my husband had responded to. It was posted by a female friend of his who was bemoaning the fact that she kept getting "hit on" even though she is listed as married. One of her friends responded that she looked too cute or something and this friend's profile picture was a naked woman lying in the water/sand on the beach (she was lying on her stomach, but raised a little so you could see quite a bit of her breasts - it was very provocative).

So my husband responds, "Jane, does your friend realize she's mostly in a state of undress?" To which the naked woman says that if he's talking about her, he can speak to her directly. And then my husband says something about the tropical weather caught him off guard and he hopes it's as nice there as it appears (or something like that).

They exchange a few more words, slightly flirty in nature (and she says that's not her in the picture), but nothing that I think is really inappropriate and I'm not bothered by it.

However, then I see on his profile that he just friended her. That is a little troubling to me, but I'm not sure if it should be. I don't mind him having women friends at all, but usually it's people he works with or is involved with politically.

So what do you think? Would you be bothered?

 

[npmommie]

Yes it would bother me.

 

[Trixieplus2]

It would creep me out a bit but then again a lot of my friends have been through major issues due to problems with online boundaries being crossed. I know of two people that are divorced/divorcing because of online behavior/affairs.

 

[Imzadi]

Yes, it would bother me. But, it would bother me more the moment he stops letting you read his posts.

I wouldn't way anything at this point in time. That might push him more at her. But, I'd keep my eye open. He might have felt a need to be polite. This whole social networking is new to everyone. But there are different levels of security/sharing (or whatever it's called) on FB. She could be set to read the least.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm not sure if he realizes that it would show up on my newsfeed, since I'm not friends with "Jane," but he does know I look at his page from time to time (just because - not to check up on him or anything).

I think it was probably she that initiated the friending and he, like you said Imazdi (not sure if that's your name, but that's how I always "hear" it ), was just being polite by accepting.

I guess I'll just let it go, but be kind of watchful.

 

[LoriABil]

If he has never given you a reason to distrust him, I wouldn't start now. I would just watch and see. If he becomes secretive or something, I might worry. Otherwise, maybe it's just to be nice, or he found they had something in common - like liking nude women on a beach? Seriously, what kind of woman picks a random nude girl on the beach as their profile pic? Unless it's her SO I guess. Nope, still doesn't make sense...

Maybe wait for her to post on his wall and casually bring up," what's with the beach babe?" I would do it in a teasing, non threatening way, and just see what he says. If he is honest, then nothing to worry about.

 

[MamaJessie]

Yes, I would be bothered and would definitely bring it up casually because I am annoyingly open like that with DH.

 

[Phil'sFrontier]

I'm not sure if he realizes that it would show up on my newsfeed, since I'm not friends with "Jane," but he does know I look at his page from time to time (just because - not to check up on him or anything).

I guess I'll just let it go, but be kind of watchful.

Aren't these two statements at odds with each other?

To me the deeper issue here is trust. You should trust him to do the right thing, and he probably will do that.
I had to stop using facebook because of a jelous girlfriend. I wish I was still on but I feel I can't go back on because it would just cause problems between us and I don't want that.

A marraige is based on trust...you should trust him.

 

[Imzadi]

I'm not sure if he realizes that it would show up on my newsfeed, since I'm not friends with "Jane," but he does know I look at his page from time to time (just because - not to check up on him or anything).

It sounds like you have a lot of trust & comfortablility with each other. As LoriABil says, worry if he starts changing his behavior. Oprah says that too, on her shows about cheating men. It's when they change and start becoming secretive that's a possible indicator or further problems.

 

[hereyago]

Aren't these two statements at odds with each other?

To me the deeper issue here is trust. You should trust him to do the right thing, and he probably will do that.
I had to stop using facebook because of a jelous girlfriend. I wish I was still on but I feel I can't go back on because it would just cause problems between us and I don't want that.

A marraige is based on trust...you should trust him.

Maybe she trusts him ,but not nude chick on the beach. Some women are devious.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Aren't these two statements at odds with each other?

To me the deeper issue here is trust. You should trust him to do the right thing, and he probably will do that.
I had to stop using facebook because of a jelous girlfriend. I wish I was still on but I feel I can't go back on because it would just cause problems between us and I don't want that.

A marraige is based on trust...you should trust him.

Which statements? I trust my husband. I trust that he wouldn't deliberately do something to harm our marriage. I'm not stupid, however, and I've known a few people who have had affairs - and that was not their original intention.

 

[marcemc]

Neither DH or me have Facebook accounts, maybe we are old fashioned, but we don't see any good on it (no flames please, just our opinion )

My Best friend has had many drama with her husband about both their Facebook accounts to the point that they decided to just have one for both if that makes any sense in the Facebook world.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Neither DH or me have Facebook accounts, maybe we are old fashioned, but we don't see any good on it (no flames please, just our opinion )

My Best friend has had many drama with her husband about both their Facebook accounts to the point that they decided to just have one for both if that makes any sense in the Facebook world.

I've seen a few like that. Dh and I have a lot of different friends. A lot of his are from work and his political organization, so I don't know them.

I've never had any kind of drama with it, in fact I found my half sister who'd I'd never met before and we met last summer! So, just because of that alone, I love facebook!

 

[Phil'sFrontier]

The problem herer is that facebook while good for keeping in touch with friends and family, is really a massive flirting barn. It is really for singles imho. Poking and stuff along those lines.

Maybe you should sit down with the hubby and talk about facebook and how you feel. Tell him you sometimes feel uncomfortable with what is said and done on facebook, and that maybe he could be more sensitive towards these feelings you have.

 

[Liberty Belle]

The problem herer is that facebook while good for keeping in touch with friends and family, is really a massive flirting barn. It is really for singles imho. Poking and stuff along those lines.

Maybe you should sit down with the hubby and talk about facebook and how you feel. Tell him you sometimes feel uncomfortable with what is said and done on facebook, and that maybe he could be more sensitive towards these feelings you have.

I don't see it that way at all, but then most of my friends on facebook are married.

If it comes to that, I probably will, though this is the first time I've ever felt uncomfortable with anything that's happened on facebook. Hopefully it won't be an issue.

 

[dislaney]

I admit it would make me uncomfortable. You sound like you have a good relationship so I would just watch.

 

[Tea4Alice]

I don't see it that way at all, but then most of my friends on facebook are married.

If it comes to that, I probably will, though this is the first time I've ever felt uncomfortable with anything that's happened on facebook. Hopefully it won't be an issue.

If you feel like that, then you should keep your eyes wide open.

 

[Liberty Belle]

If you feel like that, then you should keep your eyes wide open.

What do you mean?

 

[Halloweenqueen]

Why not talk to him about it? You weren't snooping, it was in the newsfeed.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Why not talk to him about it? You weren't snooping, it was in the newsfeed.

I might. I'll see what happens. I don't want him to feel like I'm accusing him of anything. At this point, I'm not even sure if it bothers me. At first I didn't think of her requesting him and now that I think of it that way, I can see my husband accepting just to be polite. Probably not a big deal at all.