Quick facebook question (husband's actions)

[Liberty Belle]

So after a couple flirty comments he knows they have similar political views? Hmmm. This just wouldn't sit well with me and it is the perfect time to set some guidelines for each other when using facebook. I wouldn't just see what happens- time to open up dialogue - 'cause it did sound like this bothered you.

I don't know. Maybe they talked after they friended eachother? It was very light flirting. Again, I really didn't think it was inappropriate. If she had a different profile picture, I wouldn't even have thought twice about it.

I'm fine with what he said when I asked him. It's not bothering me.

 

[FireDancer]

Just a note:

I would never go in and delete someone from his facebook account. I would be very angry if he did that to me and I would expect he'd feel the same.

I completely agree with this. I would never log into anyone else's account and no one better log into mine. I would never give anyone else my passwords anyway but even if I did that is a line that I'd neither cross.

 

[bumbershoot]

I think it really depends on your circle of friends. I don't know anybody who has had those kinds of experiences on FB.

Same here.

This is the whole thing with Facebook that confuzzles me...would you 'friend' someone you just met in line at the grocery store for a few seconds/minutes or in line at Disney World? Are you going to exchange numbers, addresses, emails or tell them what hotel you are staying at if you are on vacation - I would hope not! The answer is pretty much no, yet on Facebook, people 'friend' people they don't know at all.

Well, who knows? There are people who met and fell in love while in line for BTMRR at Disneyland...we all meet people somehow. But that's why there are facebook friends and IRL friends. Sometimes they change. But not always.

And that's why there are privacy settings, to control what each and every FB friend can see, and you CAN individualize it for each person if you choose to do so.

I have a few friends who write out their entire day. "dropping off kids, getting coffee, going to gym, than dentist....." I mean, who cares!!!!!

I think it's kinda sad that you don't. I mean, no one needs you to CARE what they are doing, but to be the total opposite of caring? Seems like you aren't really their friend. Imagine that friend called you and during the convo you got all that info. Would you hang up and say "oh who cares about all that"? I doubt it. So what's the difference? Heck, block their comments if you don't want it coming to you, so that you can go and read their posts by going to their page every few weeks, so you're not bombarded with it.

OMGosh you're so right. I was just talking with a friend the other day about this, he was talking about how crazy it was for a person he knew to publicly post matters about her child custody case, including legal strategy, why the Ex was such a horrible person etc.,

That person needs to use an alias. I have a friend who posts, albeit vaguely, about her custody stuff, about the bad lawyers she had, and now she's working as her own lawyer (she might very well go to law school after all of this, after seeing how people like her are treated...and she already has gone to the state Bar association with official complaints about some of the lawyers she's dealt with), and she doesn't use her real name at all.

Yeah facebook is different for everyone. b ut I don't know that I would BLAME facebook for infidelity. If it wasn't facebook it would be something else.


I also don't post my phone number or my address and things like that.

but facebook definitely has its purposes... some people use it to fool around on their spouse... but that's a problem with the person not facebook

I agree with all of that!

You wouldn't even discuss it with your dh, you'd just go onto his acct and unfriend someone without his permission? I don't see anything wrong with what the OP's dh did, but I see something very wrong with what you would do.

One does imagine that that poster has *previously* discussed what she and he are allowed to do to and with each other's FB accounts. I once had a friend (started online, turned real life) try to spark a fight between DH and me over things I had said about him online. She COULD NOT comprehend that DH and I had discussed those things, that he knew and was OK with me posting it, and that there was nothing new being revealed by her. Her relationship was nearly 180 degrees different from mine and DH's, and while I can imagine a (miserable IMO) married life with little to no deep and meaningful conversation, SHE could NOT imagine life that's full of REAL discussions face to face...and she truly thought she was going to hurt him and cause a fight between the two of us with it.

So what works in that poster's relationship might not work in your relationship, but I bet it actually would work just fine in mine, though that's not actually how we do things with FB.

So after a couple flirty comments he knows they have similar political views?

People do have Walls, and Info pages and all of that. She could have had all of that info up there for anyone to see, and he could have learned it from that.



OP, I would have asked DH about it when he got home. Wouldn't have worried about it at all.

 

[Tea4Alice]

What do you mean?

Sorry not answering sooner. I meant if you feel uncomfortable just keep a closer eye on things , like how often do they chat, I know if that was my husband I would feel the same.

 

[snapppyd]

I haven't read the whole thread, but yes, it would bother me. But I am a very jealous person. I would probably send a friend request to her and say "hi, I see you friended by husband, so why don't WE be friends"

 

[snapppyd]

I think both of these women are attentions *****s. The woman who was his friend who posted about getting hit on too often...who says that? She WANTED people to get on there and pat her ego. She got it. She has friends like herself who also need attention and one who posted a naked lady on the beach for her profil pic (and it wasn't her, right?) Who does that?! Someone who needs attention, that's who. And she got attention from your DH's comment. OK, fine, he *had* to comment. Therefore, she friend requested him because suddenly she *knows* him--who knows--they may have chatted.

This is all just my opinion but I think this is how trouble starts. This might be quite innocent and never go anywhere but it sets a precedence for the future of "friends" and I just do not think it is smart to go there. He should have never accepted the friend request or asked her to be friends with him (whichever way it happened).

bingo! I'm married, my profile pic is a heart with our names in it. Why would she post a pic like that if not for *the wrong kind* of attention?

 

[Liberty Belle]

I haven't read the whole thread, but yes, it would bother me. But I am a very jealous person. I would probably send a friend request to her and say "hi, I see you friended by husband, so why don't WE be friends"

Hey, that's a good idea! No one could take offense at that.

 

[Luv'sTink]

Hey - OP here.

To clear things up:

"Jane" is dh's friend from work. She, a very natural looking, conservatively clothed woman, wrote that people kept hitting on her, even though her status listed her as married (she's not legally married, because her partner is a woman, but I think they've been together for a long time, not that that makes any difference to me, but maybe it does to those hitting on her).

"Sasha" is, apparently, a friend of Jane. She responded to Jane's post and said the reason people are hitting on her is because she's so cute. Sasha is the one who is naked in her profile picture.

My husband responded to Jane's post asking Jane if her friend knew she was without clothing, etc. And that's where it started.

The reason I didn't just ask him about it is I was only a bit bothered and wasn't even sure if I should be (thus my post on here). I don't want to make a big deal out of it and sound like I'm accusing him, because I do trust him and I don't want him to feel like I don't.

I'll think more about it and if it really is bothering me, I'll ask him about it. Thanks for all your opinions and I hope I cleared things up for you!

Maybe "Sasha" has a provocative picture of a women as her profile picture because she is of the same sexual persuasion as "Jane"?

I met my hubby online so yeah it does happen; we were both single.
If it makes me uncomfortable then I check on it.

 

[myheartlivesatwdw]

Maybe "Sasha" has a provocative picture of a women as her profile picture because she is of the same sexual persuasion as "Jane"?

This is what I was thinking too...

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Today on my facebook, I saw a post my husband had responded to. It was posted by a female friend of his who was bemoaning the fact that she kept getting "hit on" even though she is listed as married. One of her friends responded that she looked too cute or something and this friend's profile picture was a naked woman lying in the water/sand on the beach (she was lying on her stomach, but raised a little so you could see quite a bit of her breasts - it was very provocative).

So my husband responds, "Jane, does your friend realize she's mostly in a state of undress?" To which the naked woman says that if he's talking about her, he can speak to her directly. And then my husband says something about the tropical weather caught him off guard and he hopes it's as nice there as it appears (or something like that).

They exchange a few more words, slightly flirty in nature (and she says that's not her in the picture), but nothing that I think is really inappropriate and I'm not bothered by it.

However, then I see on his profile that he just friended her. That is a little troubling to me, but I'm not sure if it should be. I don't mind him having women friends at all, but usually it's people he works with or is involved with politically.

So what do you think? Would you be bothered?

It just didn't seem that bad until you mention the part where he friended her.

 

[Imzadi]

I don't know. Maybe they talked after they friended eachother? It was very light flirting. Again, I really didn't think it was inappropriate. If she had a different profile picture, I wouldn't even have thought twice about it.

I'm fine with what he said when I asked him. It's not bothering me.

Wow, this thread got long after I first posted.

Author, poet laureate and Oprah's mentor, Maya Angelou has a saying, "People always show you who they are in the first 20 minutes of meeting them. Our problem is that we don't want to believe what we see."

I'd say she showed who she was in her profile pic. I'm sure your hubby is trustworthy, or you would have mentioned it on page 1. Her, not so much.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Maybe "Sasha" has a provocative picture of a women as her profile picture because she is of the same sexual persuasion as "Jane"?

I met my hubby online so yeah it does happen; we were both single.
If it makes me uncomfortable then I check on it.

She very well could be. I really have no idea.