OK, I didn't read the whole thread, but for the OP:
The church once taught that you went to hell, not because it was unpardonable, but because once you did it, you couldn't hang around to BE sorry, and so could not confess or be forgiven.
They also used to teach that un-baptized babies went to hell.
This is no longer the case. You don't go to hell for offing yourself (although it is very frowned-upon) and you don't go to hell for just having been born.
Furthermore, the church teachings never, EVER vary from parish to parish. The rules are the rules, and there are all kinds of bureaucratic steps in place to go through if you want to change them. If a priest teaches that something is OK (like, birth control), you can't lay the blame on him. If you know you aren't supposed to do it, you are as guilty as you can be. It would kind of be like walking into court and telling the judge that you did kill the Mayor's wife, but he said it was OK. The rules are the rules. NB: I am not saying people shouldn't use birth control, just using it as an example of a Church teaching that is sometimes condoned.
The good thing about being Catholic is that you can count on the fact that there will always be a rule in place to tell you what to do (no doubts).
The bad thing about being Catholic is that you can count on the fact that there will always be a rule in place to tell you what to do (no excuses).