Poll: Teen doors...

[krcit]

A teenager, really? Nothing he'd mind if you saw? Nothing YOU'D mind if you saw?

There are some things that most all perfectly normal teens do... alone... with the door closed... that I'm pretty sure they don't want mom or dad walking in on and that no one wants to walk in on. Did no one learn anything from George Costanza?

Of course my kids can be in their rooms with the door closed. I honestly can't believe that some parents don't allow that without a valid reason ie: drug use, smoking. I remember being a teen and my room was my refuge. I used to just love to lie on the floor and listen to music and read. As for knocking, I do that too and wait for a response before entering. Otherwise what's the point of knocking?

 

[msjprincess]

I interact with my son plenty. We have a tiny (1000 square foot) house, so it's hard for him to avoid me completely. He is very open and honest with me and we have a great relationship. I don't knock before I go into his room; I figure there shouldn't be anything he is doing that he would mind if I saw. I can usually hear what he's doing anyway, like right now he is practicing guitar. Anything that involves family he is totally up for. I guess if he was a different kind of kid, I would worry that he spends so much time in his room, but as it is, it doesn't bother me. What's he gonna do; sit and watch Lifetime Tv with me

Surely you jest?

 

[4greatboys]

She has A child who I believe is no older than 2 - a toddler. I am guessing she is advanced for her age hence the comment that people that disagree with her must know know teenagers.

I am the mom of a teen, a tween and an 8 yo.(No clue what "cute" name to refer to the 8 yo - lol) All kids are allowed to have their door shut alone or with friends except the 8yo as no friends are allowed upstairs with him yet. Too young.

I do knock before I go into their rooms. They may be children living in my home, but this is their home too and their room is their private space. That is their place to go for privacy for whatever reason, for quiet time, to hang out with friends(same sex) or to pout if they are mad.

Okay thanks. How odd that someone who only has a toddler has decided her child is already untrustworthy at such a young age.

 

[luvmy3]

Then you really don't know teens.

Well being that I'm actually raising one, I'd say you are wrong. Oh, how old is your princess again?

 

[Poohforyou]

My dd12 will continue to be given her privacy until she gives us reason to not trust her. This includes being in her room with the door closed & our knocking and waiting for a response before entering.

I have to wonder if those who object to allowing for privacy were up to no good themselves as teens.

 

[Planogirl]

This is a funny thread. My mother used to ask me to shut my door because she didn't like hearing my music. I also dressed in my room and no way was I going to do that with my door open!

I've always let DS close his door whenever he wishes. I believe that you have to trust them at some point. I also never took parenting advice from anyone who spouted off extreme opinions.

 

[bumbershoot]

Did no one learn anything from George Costanza?

 

[Styx Fan]

I had really strict parents, but they never stopped me from closing my door....probably wished I had a thicker door to drown out my music.

I now have a DS 15 and a DD 8. It has never occurred to me to ban them from shutting their doors. I knock before coming in, but I expect them to answer me and tell me to come in unless there is a good reason...like DS changing clothes. Or if he needs a minute to compose himself ;-)

 

[ebtbmom]

While I allow DS to close his door, he rarely does it. He'll close it when friends are over and they are gaming and it doesn't bother me. As a group they've had female friends in there too.
DH didn't think kids should be allowed to close doors because his "wise" father said that there shouldn't be any closed doors in a home. Yeah, he's a real gem, I nip pretty much all of FIL's parenting philosophies in the bud.

 

[Kat77]

This is a funny thread. My mother used to ask me to shut my door because she didn't like hearing my music. I also dressed in my room and no way was I going to do that with my door open!

Yes, it is!
I'm constantly asking my kids to close their doors. Giggling fits and pop music are best heard from a muffled distance.

 

[Squirlz]

The norm is to allow them to have their privacy with the door closed. Not even going to read any other responses knowing how completely off track these things get.

 

[Starclassic]

I don't have any children yet, but when I was a teenager, I was allowed to hang out in my room alone with the door closed. The only time my parents wanted my door to stay open was if I had a friend of the opposite sex over. I'm actually kind of confused why someone would even insist a teenager's door stay open while they're alone? Unless, of course, they have reason to distrust them?

 

[Erin1700]

My DD11 is allowed to close her door, but sometimes when she has a lot of studying I make her keep it opened. She gets mad, but I do it because she sometimes says she is doing schoolwork, but then I notice all of her American Girl dolls have on new outfits. so door opened sometimes so I can peek without disturbing her.

 

[laurie31]

While I allow DS to close his door, he rarely does it. He'll close it when friends are over and they are gaming and it doesn't bother me. As a group they've had female friends in there too.
DH didn't think kids should be allowed to close doors because his "wise" father said that there shouldn't be any closed doors in a home. Yeah, he's a real gem, I nip pretty much all of FIL's parenting philosophies in the bud.

His parents never closed THEIR door?

And yes, my 13 and 15 year olds stay in their rooms with their doors closed if they want to. It would never occur to me not to allow them to close their doors.

If I, as a child, had been forbidden to close my bedroom door, I would have spent a lot of time in my closet!! I have to have a closed door to read and totally immerse myself in the book.

And like every other teen on the planet, I liked to listen to music that didn't appeal to my parents, and with the door closed I thought they didn't hear me singing along - lol. (Now that my own kids are teens, I know the truth. But I'm not bursting their illusion. I think it's cute hearing them sing. They would die of embarrassment if they knew I could hear them, though).

 

[aprilgail2]

A teenager, really? Nothing he'd mind if you saw? Nothing YOU'D mind if you saw?

There are some things that most all perfectly normal teens do... alone... with the door closed... that I'm pretty sure they don't want mom or dad walking in on and that no one wants to walk in on. Did no one learn anything from George Costanza?

LOL I was thinking the same thing- I can't imagine walking in on a teenage boy and thinking you would never see anything you should not!!

I don't see any issue with having a door closed- my daughter is only 12 and has had her door closed for a year now when she is in there hanging out. I knock and wait until she says "yes" before opening the door. As a teen I lived in my room with my door closed- that was my personal space. I even bought a new doorknob and put it on when I was about 17 that had a lock on it!
Now at night every door must be closed for fire safety too!!!!

 

[mousebymarriage]

I have a DD15 and a DS10 both are allowed in their rooms with the door closed. I could not imagine not allowing them to have their privacy. When DD15 has her friends over the giggling, screeching, and singing can be really loud so I totally appreciate the door being closed! We live in a smallish home and all the rooms are on the same level so DD is allowed to have her boyfriend in her room with the door open.

I have also allowed co-ed sleepover parties. When DD turned 15 this past September she asked to have 2 sleepovers both were co-ed (we had to do 2 because our home is small and we definately couldn't fit everyone at the same time). Each sleepover had approx. 20 kids, both boys and girls, and they were spread out over my entire livingroom and familyroom floors(the rooms connect). There were no problems (except maybe the noise level) and I would allow her to do it again just not so many kids at once and definately not back to back weekends.

 

[Lorelei Lee]

Wasn't much of an issue in my house because my two shared a room until the older DD went away to college. Younger DD really appreciated the privacy after that. They never entertained friends of either gender upstairs, when friends were over they'd hang out in the living room. So we never thought about whether the bedroom door could be closed or not.

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm getting really jealous of all these people whose parents didn't like their music! My mom always made an effort to like most of the music my brother and I listened to.

That meant that she liked Billy Idol, Duran Duran, Cyndi Lauper, and Madonna...and for my brother, Prince (she had a harder time with that b/c my brother didn't WANT her listening to the words he used) at first...then later on lots of heavy metal...

What would have been like to have her dislike our music....the mind boggles...

 

[torinsmom]

LOL I was thinking the same thing- I can't imagine walking in on a teenage boy and thinking you would never see anything you should not!!

I don't see any issue with having a door closed- my daughter is only 12 and has had her door closed for a year now when she is in there hanging out. I knock and wait until she says "yes" before opening the door. As a teen I lived in my room with my door closed- that was my personal space. I even bought a new doorknob and put it on when I was about 17 that had a lock on it!
Now at night every door must be closed for fire safety too!!!!

Well, truthfully, I can usually hear what he is doing in there. If it was quiet, I would be more likely to knock, but with video game sounds(and the screaming that accompanies them) or guitar sounds, he is never going to hear me knock, and he would be pretty talented if he could do what I think you are implying at the same time he is doing either of those things. He also has a lock on his door and I don't care if he uses it.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'm getting really jealous of all these people whose parents didn't like their music! My mom always made an effort to like most of the music my brother and I listened to.

That meant that she liked Billy Idol, Duran Duran, Cyndi Lauper, and Madonna...and for my brother, Prince (she had a harder time with that b/c my brother didn't WANT her listening to the words he used) at first...then later on lots of heavy metal...

What would have been like to have her dislike our music....the mind boggles...

Why would you be jealous about it

My parents liked most of my music too. And I liked theirs. Maybe that is what you get when you have a DJ for a father.

Thus far I like nearly every thing my kdis like too (I AM getting sick of Bon Jovi, which I didn;t even much care for the first time around ).
DD15 likes things like Kenny Chesney and Shania Twain and older things like Buddy Holly and CHuck Berry--which goes back OLDER than my parents

DS13 likes a big variety including lots of newer techno stuff like David Guetta, The Black Eyed Peas, Taio Cruz, Ludicrous, and more pop stuff like Katie Perry, Lady Gaga, Coldplay, Bruno Mars, etc and lots of stuff from my generation and that of my parents.

So far I like everything other than that old Bon Jovi stuff I mentioend earlier I cant tell that they mind me liking "their" music--I'm not sure why they should mind or why I should dislike it