Poll: Teen doors...

[ccgirl]

I don't understand why anyone would expect a teen to keep their door open all day, unless there is an opposite sex friend in there, or there has been a problem before. I'm lucky if I see my DS17 a few times every evening. If he had a bathroom in his room, he probably wouldn't come out that much. Our house is pretty small, and I even let him be in there with his friends that are girls. I can hear pretty much everything that goes on and I trust my son.

Yes, this. I thought all teens like to be alone (okay, maybe not all). Heck, I let my DD9 alone too. And, I knock before I enter her room. She has never given me reason to do otherwise. If she ever does, then I will re-evaluate.

 

[Katy Belle]

That electric guitar would be much too loud with the door open. Both of my teen boys read, listen to music, play music, etc in their rooms with the door closed.

 

[luvmy3]

Of course my teen can be in her room alone or with a friend and have her door closed. I feel sympathy for any teen whose parent doesn't trust them enough (in general) to allow that, life in a house like that can't be easy.

 

[hereyago]

Yes, my DD13 is allowed to have the door closed.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I know at least 50 reasons you shouldn't let your teens keep the door closed.No matter if they are good or bad kids.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Of course my teen can be in her room alone or with a friend and have her door closed. I feel sympathy for any teen whose parent doesn't trust them enough (in general) to allow that, life in a house like that can't be easy.

Then you really don't know teens.

 

[mjkacmom]

I know at least 50 reasons you shouldn't let your teens keep the door closed.No matter if they are good or bad kids.

Really?! Looks like you are in the vast minority! Teens do need their privacy, unless they give you a reason not to trust them. It's healthy emotionally. This is a time when they're breaking away from their parents, while still having them there to catch them.

 

[DizBelle]

MY DS and DD both teens, close their door. I will knock before I enter but do not wait for permission to enter. After all their father and I appreciate a knock before entering.

Why bother knocking if it isn't to ask for them to let you know when you can enter? Isn't that the purpose of a knock?

 

[torinsmom]

I know at least 50 reasons you shouldn't let your teens keep the door closed.No matter if they are good or bad kids.

How many of those things can a teen sneak and do elsewhere if you make them keep their door open at home? I know from experience that my parents didn't keep me from doing something if I really wanted to do it. They were not overly strict and I turned out okay. Kids that are really controlled can end up going buck wild when they get out on their own, because they no longer have any rules. As kids get older, I feel you need to give them some freedom, so they don't suddenly go from nothing but rules to no rules at all.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

Absolutely!

I spent tons of time in my room with the door closed: homework, listening to music, dancing, playing mirror star, just chilling, daydreaming. I agree it is necessary and teens need and deserve their privacy.

MY DD14 doesn't seem to be one who needs it or prefers it. She still hangs out with us and does her homework at the kitchen table. We have just completed a makeover of her room with a desk, so we will see if that changes, though I don't think it will. Either way, it is what makes her comfortable!

The only time the door is closed is when she has her friend/s over and they get "spazzy" - I am so happy for a closed door then - LOL!

 

[ccgirl]

Then you really don't know teens.

Then you don't really know how much you are setting your child up for rebelling if you do not give them privacy.

How many of those things can a teen sneak and do elsewhere if you make them keep their door open at home? I know from experience that my parents didn't keep me from doing something if I really wanted to do it. They were not overly strict and I turned out okay. Kids that are really controlled can end up going buck wild when they get out on their own, because they no longer have any rules. As kids get older, I feel you need to give them some freedom, so they don't suddenly go from nothing but rules to no rules at all.

Exactly.

 

[kimblebee]

I know at least 50 reasons you shouldn't let your teens keep the door closed.No matter if they are good or bad kids.

Name them then....

 

[herdtoDisney]

My teens can close their door (no opposite gender kids allowed upstairs, like other pp's have said, they usually all hang out by the tv and fridge lol). We have a busy, active house and it's the only way to get quiet for homework or whatever.

I'm another one who knocks but does not wait for permission to enter. It's my home, and a knock gives a kid a chance to say 'hold on I'm changing' if that is the case.

 

[Judique]

How many of those things can a teen sneak and do elsewhere if you make them keep their door open at home? I know from experience that my parents didn't keep me from doing something if I really wanted to do it. They were not overly strict and I turned out okay. Kids that are really controlled can end up going buck wild when they get out on their own, because they no longer have any rules. As kids get older, I feel you need to give them some freedom, so they don't suddenly go from nothing but rules to no rules at all.

I voted other. Yes, teens need to be allowed to have their privacy and heaven knows I went that door closed to keep me from going off when I see a mess! (talking about son and younger years - he was so messy!)

I think there needs to be a happy medium. The child/teen should not wall themselves off from family.

I would be concerned if the teen had to be in the room all the time with the door closed and if I felt they weren't interacting normally with family.

I am at the last of the teen years with my youngest child. I think for us it's a happy medium. She closes the door but I am free to open it. She goes to college plus works a part time job and has a lot of responsibilities. Although she;s living at home still, I think she's proven that she can make responsible decisions. I don't expect to open the door and be surprised by anything I wouldn't approve of.

I think it depends on your child. The poster named QueentoprincessG may have already had an unacceptable experience, while I have not. So she has that experience. She may know what it is like to have a child doing drugs, smoking or drinking, or having sex in their closed door room, or has people she knows where that goes on. These things are all possible with teens. I am sure if any of these signs were visible to most of us, we would not condone much privacy either.

 

[Pixiedust34]

Closed doors are fine. In fact, if they are listening to and singing along with their music, a closed door can be a blessing. . I thnk teens need privacy now and then.

As others said, we have an open door policy when friends of the opposite sex are visiting.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

I voted other. Yes, teens need to be allowed to have their privacy and heaven knows I went that door closed to keep me from going off when I see a mess! (talking about son and younger years - he was so messy!)

I think there needs to be a happy medium. The child/teen should not wall themselves off from family.

I would be concerned if the teen had to be in the room all the time with the door closed and if I felt they weren't interacting normally with family.

I am at the last of the teen years with my youngest child. I think for us it's a happy medium. She closes the door but I am free to open it. She goes to college plus works a part time job and has a lot of responsibilities. Although she;s living at home still, I think she's proven that she can make responsible decisions. I don't expect to open the door and be surprised by anything I wouldn't approve of.

I think it depends on your child. The poster named QueentoprincessG may have already had an unacceptable experience, while I have not. So she has that experience. She may know what it is like to have a child doing drugs, smoking or drinking, or having sex in their closed door room, or has people she knows where that goes on. These things are all possible with teens. I am sure if any of these signs were visible to most of us, we would not condone much privacy either.

sure, and you are certainly being gracious and understanding. However, that isn't how she put it. It seems she is saying there are 50 reasons to never allow privacy ever, not that there are 50 reasons to take away that privacy given a set of circumstances. Huge difference, IMHO.

 

[Mandychelle79]

My kids are not teens but they will be allowed to have their door shut. I find it amazing that so many say not if there is someone from the opposite sex in the room. Things can happen even with the door open or if the friend is the same sex.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I know at least 50 reasons you shouldn't let your teens keep the door closed.No matter if they are good or bad kids.

Would you mind listing off 10 or so to give the rest of us some idea of where you are coming from?

I think it depends on your child. The poster named QueentoprincessG may have already had an unacceptable experience, while I have not. So she has that experience. She may know what it is like to have a child doing drugs, smoking or drinking, or having sex in their closed door room, or has people she knows where that goes on. These things are all possible with teens. I am sure if any of these signs were visible to most of us, we would not condone much privacy either.

I am not 100% sure, but if I recall correctly, that poster's child is pretty young. I think she is not older than maybe first grade, and possibly not even that. I think this is a poster that had a very memorable thread when her daughter was about two and a younger cousin was born and that was not so long ago that the girl could now be a teenager.

 

[mjkacmom]

The poster named QueentoprincessG may have already had an unacceptable experience, while I have not. So she has that experience. She may know what it is like to have a child doing drugs, smoking or drinking, or having sex in their closed door room, or has people she knows where that goes on. These things are all possible with teens. I am sure if any of these signs were visible to most of us, we would not condone much privacy either.

I certainly hope not, since her only child is isn't even school-aged yet.

 

[LilyWDW]

I know at least 50 reasons you shouldn't let your teens keep the door closed.No matter if they are good or bad kids.

Yea... would you like to actually back this up?

For some kids, the ability to do this is actually very helpful. Take me for example. I needed a space of my own that I could hide out in. I had (and have) OCD and anxiety issues. My room, with my door closed, was my "safe" space that I used when there was too much going on. If it wasn't for that it would have been a lot harder for me to get a handle on my problems. It allowed me to center myself and pull myself back together if I needed it.

Plus, I really, REALLY, appreciate my alone time. If I had kids (which I will admit I do not), I would allow them the option of having their door closed if they wish to do so. Sometimes everyone, even teens, need that time to themselves.