Poll: Japanese First Date

[mmackeymouse]

"I admire your chastity"? Really? Since that seems to be exactly what you'd hope a potential suitor would tell you, it sounds like you should definitely give him a second shot, he obviously 'gets' you!

I know! I have no idea where that came from. Obviously, that was NOT a conversation that came up. I never said anything to him, so I am really not sure how he interpreted that, but...yeah

I really think he ordered for her because she was flabbergasted about what to order.

Nope, not flabbergasted at all. In fact, thanks to this thread, I had it pretty much narrowed down to one or two things I would be interested in. And, again, like I said, in the middle of his "Let's discuss what to order" conversation, I blatantly said, "Let me just tell you what I will eat."

I think he was just trying to be take charge or gentlemanly or something.

I'm wondering too - the OP writes very well - her posts are long and super analytical - down to the smallest detail. She has a response and excuse for any advise we give to help or understand the other side of the story. Yet she doesn't have a clue about dating or reading people or signals. I admit I sometimes wonder if she really isn't as socially awkward and immature as she might have us think.

Well, um, thanks? I write very well, because it has always been the easier way to express myself. I have a very smart brain and am very intelligent. However, when it comes to articulating myself verbally, I have a tendency to bungle things up. So, I have always written notes and letters as a way to speak my mind to people without jumbling it up.

I assure you, I am every bit as socially awkward as you would think I am.

 

[Laura66]

I know! I have no idea where that came from. Obviously, that was NOT a conversation that came up. I never said anything to him, so I am really not sure how he interpreted that, but...yeah



Nope, not flabbergasted at all. In fact, thanks to this thread, I had it pretty much narrowed down to one or two things I would be interested in. And, again, like I said, in the middle of his "Let's discuss what to order" conversation, I blatantly said, "Let me just tell you what I will eat."

I think he was just trying to be take charge or gentlemanly or something.



Well, um, thanks? I write very well, because it has always been the easier way to express myself. I have a very smart brain and am very intelligent. However, when it comes to articulating myself verbally, I have a tendency to bungle things up. So, I have always written notes and letters as a way to speak my mind to people without jumbling it up.

I assure you, I am every bit as socially awkward as you would think I am.

Well then I find it odd and rather pompous that you are so judgemental and not forgiving to others as socially awkward as you are. You refuse to acknowledge that you might be sending out mixed signals or that you could have misread his (and others in past threads).

I also think if that message was real that it was in poor taste to post it.

 

[luvsJack]

Well then I find it odd and rather pompous that you are so judgemental and not forgiving to others as socially awkward as you are. You refuse to acknowledge that you might be sending out mixed signals or that you could have misread his (and others in past threads).

I also think if that message was real that it was in poor taste to post it.

Yeah, because we ALL know who the guy is, right?


Where did she say she is unforgiving and judgmental? I am not even sure she said he was socially awkward?

Letting this guy put his arm around her is not a signal (or shouldn't be) that she is willing to go back to his place. In fact, we don't even know if HE thought that. Its just an assumption made here.

She didn't know what to say when he asked to kiss her. That is part of the awkward part. So, he kissed her. I don't think she was that insulted or she wouldn't be talking to him again. Maybe just unsure of whether it should have happened and what that means about him.

She didn't agree with what you said and suddenly come out and say "oh yeah, I was just fooling. I'm not socially awkward at all" so you decided to insult her? And she is being pompous?

Just because she wants a social relationship that doesn't include sex from the start does not mean she doesn't want a real relationship.

And besides, what the heck does the way she writes have anything to do with what she does or doesn't know about dating?

 

[iheartnmr's]

Your dates name isn't George Glass by any chance, is it?

 

[Laura66]

Yeah, because we ALL know who the guy is, right?


Where did she say she is unforgiving and judgmental? I am not even sure she said he was socially awkward?

Letting this guy put his arm around her is not a signal (or shouldn't be) that she is willing to go back to his place. In fact, we don't even know if HE thought that. Its just an assumption made here.

She didn't know what to say when he asked to kiss her. That is part of the awkward part. So, he kissed her. I don't think she was that insulted or she wouldn't be talking to him again. Maybe just unsure of whether it should have happened and what that means about him.

She didn't agree with what you said and suddenly come out and say "oh yeah, I was just fooling. I'm not socially awkward at all" so you decided to insult her? And she is being pompous?

Just because she wants a social relationship that doesn't include sex from the start does not mean she doesn't want a real relationship.

And besides, what the heck does the way she writes have anything to do with what she does or doesn't know about dating?

I'm just saying - let's imagine if her date came here and posted about their evening. I bet we'd get a very different take - not saying her take is wrong. But based on her past posts and personality I'm not so sure her review of the date is fact.

And I wouldn't always take talk of marriage and kids on a first date as a sign to run. I have a girlfriend who is still not married in her late 30's. When she goes on dates she will mention that if ge thinks she might see a person again or thinks it's going well. That doesn't mean she wants to get married tomorrow to her date - she's just letting him know she's dating to find someone to eventually marry have a family with. If that's not what her date is interested in why not find out right away so she doesn't waste his or her time!

 

[Tinijocaro]

Since when does age dictate first date expectations? I completely disagree on that one. A first date is not the time for THAT expectation and OP, you are correct, only a creep would expect THAT on your first date. If YOU were uncomfortable with his gestures, then that is how you feel. No need to defend it. But you DO have to learn to make your wishes clear. AND you have to trust your feelings. If you are uncomfortable, don't assume you are in the wrong.

What's wrong with truly getting to know another person first before bringing s*x into it?

 

[LiveYourLife]

Yeah, because we ALL know who the guy is, right?

Doesn't matter. It reeks of immaturity, and is disrespectful to boot. Real or fake. Just my opinion, YMMV.

 

[Laura66]

What is wrong with questioning her interpretation of how the date went - that she could be wrong!

I've complained my DH or a dear girlfriend about how I've perceived one thing or another. I can't say I enjoy being proved wrong but they have made me see many times how I jumped to a wrong conclusion or that events weren't at all how I pervcieved them to be!

 

[BlovesC]

Your dates name isn't George Glass by any chance, is it?

 

[Liberty Belle]

Since when does age dictate first date expectations? I completely disagree on that one. A first date is not the time for THAT expectation and OP, you are correct, only a creep would expect THAT on your first date. If YOU were uncomfortable with his gestures, then that is how you feel. No need to defend it. But you DO have to learn to make your wishes clear. AND you have to trust your feelings. If you are uncomfortable, don't assume you are in the wrong.

What's wrong with truly getting to know another person first before bringing s*x into it?

I don't think anyone said there was anything wrong with that. In fact, especially for the OP, they were saying the opposite.

I was merely saying that it's not completely unheard of for a nice man or a nice woman to hope to have sex on the first date. Not for me, but I'm not judging anyone else who thinks it's fine for them.

And we were all just pointing out that it does indeed exist - he could be a very nice guy and still hope for sex. Mostly I think people were saying this so OP made her intentions clear to her date.

 

[Laura66]

Here's the thing too - OP fully admits to be socially awkward! Her date sounds as if he is too. Soooooo there is the possibility that she was sending messages by what she did or said that she does want to be married and have a family! Date then says he is interested in that because he thinks that what she wants to hear OR he's he's nervous and just doesn't know what to say OR he does want to get married and have a family soon!

 

[carriemd]

Doesn't matter. It reeks of immaturity, and is disrespectful to boot. Real or fake. Just my opinion, YMMV.

I don't even think it's completely a maturity issue--there isn't really anonymity on a public forum when someone has given personal information including a name. What if this does go somewhere? I'd hate to be the guy who googled my girlfriend someday and found this thread.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned or paranoid, though. I've gathered that I'm generally in the minority on my feelings about internet boundaries.

 

[iheartnmr's]

I don't even think it's completely a maturity issue--there isn't really anonymity on a public forum when someone has given personal information including a name. What if this does go somewhere? I'd hate to be the guy who googled my girlfriend someday and found this thread.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned or paranoid, though. I've gathered that I'm generally in the minority on my feelings about internet boundaries.

Google "I admire your chastity" and all of 8 hits show up with this thread being #2. It's not a common phrase

 

[Liberty Belle]

Google "I admire your chastity" and all of 8 hits show up with this thread being #2. It's not a common phrase

 

[iheartnmr's]

I'm backing up what carriemd said. It would not be difficult for him to find the email of his that she posted. An email that, if real, was between him and her, and the Dis and anyone else on the internet. I'd be mad if I found a private email of mine on a webpage.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm backing up what carriemd said. It would not be difficult for him to find the email of his that she posted. An email that, if real, was between him and her, and the Dis and anyone else on the internet. I'd be mad if I found a private email of mine on a webpage.

Oh, I see. Yes, that's true.

 

[luvsJack]

I'm just saying - let's imagine if her date came here and posted about their evening. I bet we'd get a very different take - not saying her take is wrong. But based on her past posts and personality I'm not so sure her review of the date is fact.

And I wouldn't always take talk of marriage and kids on a first date as a sign to run. I have a girlfriend who is still not married in her late 30's. When she goes on dates she will mention that if ge thinks she might see a person again or thinks it's going well. That doesn't mean she wants to get married tomorrow to her date - she's just letting him know she's dating to find someone to eventually marry have a family with. If that's not what her date is interested in why not find out right away so she doesn't waste his or her time!

I am not following you on her review being or not being fact based on what she posted in the past. Its the way she saw the date, the way she felt about it. His review may be totally different. Doesn't mean that one of them are wrong just two people that see the same situation differently.

Its like one of those questions of "would you be insulted". Some say yes, some say no. Doesn't really make anyone wrong, just that they take whatever it is differently.

I don't even think it's completely a maturity issue--there isn't really anonymity on a public forum when someone has given personal information including a name. What if this does go somewhere? I'd hate to be the guy who googled my girlfriend someday and found this thread.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned or paranoid, though. I've gathered that I'm generally in the minority on my feelings about internet boundaries.

Has she given her real name?

I can google my name till the cows come home and nothing here ever comes up.

And would he seriously google "I admire your chastity"?

He would have to be searching really hard and that in itself would be weird to me and make me decide not to date him anymore.

I mean I don't go around taking a screen shot of my phone and posting it anywhere but unless its somewhere on the net that he goes frequently (like say Facebook) the chances of him really seeing it are slim.

 

[disneychrista]

Having only skimmed a few pages I would have to say if I did not know or like a food / restaurant there is NO WAY I would agree to go there for a first date. I am VERY PICKY about food.

A first date would be nerve racking already but to add that to not know about the food - deal breaker.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I would definitely go, just try to find something I could eat. Surely they have rice or something.

 

[mrzrich]

Having only skimmed a few pages I would have to say if I did not know or like a food / restaurant there is NO WAY I would agree to go there for a first date. I am VERY PICKY about food. A first date would be nerve racking already but to add that to not know about the food - deal breaker.

I would definitely go, just try to find something I could eat. Surely they have rice or something.

The date has already happened people