Plz help.....teenaged son's girlfriend is pregnant UPDATE ON PG 13

[The Mystery Machine]

I can totally understand why the parents want to keep the kids apart if she is facing charges of statutory rape.

I also think you need to get a lawyer. Have him get everything ready in advance so he can act to establish paternity, visitation rights and possible child support as soon as the child is born.

OP you are handling this remarkably well. I feel very badly for the girl, but it won't be long before she can be emancipated from them and then she will have many more choices, especially if she knows there will be a soft place to land with you.

Yep, that makes sense. So true, she will be 18 soon and then she can decide what to do with her life.

 

[Inigo]

Heck, there's no 'proof' even if they are married. Do you propose that all men require DNA testing if their significant other gets herself pregnant?

Unless there's a marriage certificate, yes. If the couple are married when the child is born, the husband is considered the father unless he quickly files to disestablish paternity.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow...

Yes.... See a lawyer ASAP.
They are actively threatening to deny your son his parental rights!!!!!!

Time is probably of the essence here.

How is your son feeling about all of this....
I am assuming that (while he is scared, in shock, confused, etc...) he is very eager to maintain his parental rights, and to, eventually, maintain his relationship with this girl. (WOW, 15 is just WAY to young to even be dealing with this!!!) If so, you and your son should probably proceed pretty quickly.

The first thing is to oppose any possibility of pinning any kind of sexual crime on the mother.

IMHO, the state will demand that paternity test be done to establish the father. If the father is your son, and your son wants to be established as the father, and he wants rights to his child... You will want everything lined up BEFORE the birth. The court order for the blood test should be on file at the hospital, and it should be done before the baby is released into the mother's sole custody.

As everyone has said, once the child is born, the paperwork at the hospital is filled out, etc... It will become ten times harder to deal with all of this.

It looks like your feelings about having to step in right away if you want to help your grandchild were just validated big time.

 

[Inigo]

Until the child is born, the OP's son is not the father. There is no child yet, legally, therefore he isn't the father. Once the baby is born, he can file to establish paternity, set up custody and visitation, and child support. Once he is established as the legal father, the girl's family can do nothing to keep him away from his child. Until the girl turns 18, her family can keep the boy and girl apart. Even once the baby is born, they can keep the two apart until the girl turns 18.

If the girl decides to go in the military, as the other legal parent of the child, he will be first in line to get custody of his child. And don't forget, if the girl doesn't agree to go in the military, her family can't put her in the military.

BTW, she cannot just place the child for adoption. The father would have to agree with this.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, of course, legally, there is no baby 'yet'.

That doesn't mean that the OP's son should not start lining things up and getting his ducks in a row ASAP.

There is one thing that you mention that is true...

There is no way that the State could automatically give custody to her parents if they knew that there was a father in the picture.
And, this girl can not join the Military unless there are other legal custodial guardians.

Yes, the father would have to sign off on that.

God, I hate to think that the step-father could be implicated here, and they are trying to hide it by scaring off the OP's son....

 

[MizTink]

i hope they are just being idiots because of their hurt/anger. not to sure though. only time will tell.

here are a few points:
GF wants to go to school. not the army
she wants to be with DS
he wants to be with her
(they know the odds are against them, but they really feel they are in love)
she wants to name the baby after him(only last name if it's a girl )
she wants his name on the birth cert.
they both want to raise their baby
she hid the pregnancy from her mom because she was afraid they would force an abortion
she does not want to give the baby up

 

[claudia]

Oh crap. After reading that update my advice is for you to LAWYER UP. You are in for a rough ride.

Exactly what I was thinking......

 

[OceanAnnie]

Well let's make a guess......Since they are pushing her to "the army", it appears that they are going to go for full custody.
In which OP is going to be paying child support to them. GRAVY TRAIN.

I hope I am dead wrong.

That's exactly what I thought when I read the post. Sounds like the girl's parents don't want your son to have any rights but plenty of responsibility. Lawyer up is right.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

What about adoption? Your son is way too young for this responsibility. The gf has option for a future. The parents wouldn't be involved.

Three of my children were adopted. It is a wonderful option. The gf and your son could come up with an adoption plan they both would be comfortable with.

Just saying...

 

[stahshee]

i hope they are just being idiots because of their hurt/anger. not to sure though. only time will tell.

here are a few points:
GF wants to go to school. not the army
she wants to be with DS
he wants to be with her
(they know the odds are against them, but they really feel they are in love)
she wants to name the baby after him(only last name if it's a girl )
she wants his name on the birth cert.
they both want to raise their baby
she hid the pregnancy from her mom because she was afraid they would force an abortion
she does not want to give the baby up

so sad that the poor girl has everyone planning her life. I pray it will all work out..One thing I have learned in life you dont marry just the guy you get the whole family. In your case that crazy family will be shareing a grandchild with you

 

[dolphinrescuegirl]

OP I have been following this thread and I really think you are doing a great job with all that has been thrown into your lap. I feel bad for the poor girl. Her parents sound like a dream. I don't get why they want to keep the kids apart now. Kind of seems stupid at this point. Anyway, I think you are doing the right thing and I hope you continually let the girl know that you will help her if she needs it.

Yes, let's close the barn doors now that the horses have escaped.

Good luck OP!

 

[sbell111]

If a man has any doubt that he may/or may not be the father it should be his choice to get a paternity test done.

In this case, both teens are certain of paternity.

..why do they want to keep them apart now? What other trouble could they possibly get into? IMO it's a little late for "keeping them apart"... they should be spending as much time TOGETHER, actually.

MizTink, I know YOU know all this, but it just perplexes me.

Perhaps it is because they are freaked out. The also just learned of the pregnancy. They are mad, scared, and embarrassed. Their little girl is pregnant. From their point of view, the boy must have pressured her into sex, right?

i hope they are just being idiots because of their hurt/anger. not to sure though. only time will tell.

here are a few points:
GF wants to go to school. not the army
she wants to be with DS
he wants to be with her
(they know the odds are against them, but they really feel they are in love)
she wants to name the baby after him(only last name if it's a girl )
she wants his name on the birth cert.
they both want to raise their baby
she hid the pregnancy from her mom because she was afraid they would force an abortion
she does not want to give the baby up

I'll stick with my earlier advice. Stay strong, support everybody to the best of your ability, and roll with things for now.

 

[61292cna]

You definately need to lawyer up! When you speak to him about paternity, child support, & visitation, be sure to mention GF's unsavory home situation.

Ask if there is anyway you can involve DCFS or ask for a court appointed guardian to make sure she gets proper prenatal care & isn't being emotinally or physically abused.

Also express your concerns to the school counselers, because this girl shouldn't be allowed to fall through the cracks.

Keep reminding her, that she can turn to you. I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you.

 

[bookgirl]

Oh crap. After reading that update my advice is for you to LAWYER UP. You are in for a rough ride.

Holy cow! You may have to insist on a DNA to prove he IS the daddy. Start the paperwork now and make sure that the girlfriend knows that worse comes to worse you'll be there for her.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

..why do they want to keep them apart now? What other trouble could they possibly get into? IMO it's a little late for "keeping them apart"... they should be spending as much time TOGETHER, actually.

MizTink, I know YOU know all this, but it just perplexes me.

My thoughts too.... sad the parents don't realize that....

The OP already said she is getting the "beat down" at home.

Now they have to work on her giving up the baby to them so they can get money from the state.

They can't do that if they are together planning things.

Then they can come with a court order to test for paternity and then her son will be forced to pay them child support.

Now at since he is a minor they will get it from the state until he is of age.

Anyway, that is the way I see it. Hopefully it is way off base but from the description the OP gave in the update, it doesn't sound too good right now.

Maybe it will all turn around. Maybe they will make her give the baby up for adoption? Who knows?

OP, just get a good lawyer and do what you think you must. What that is, you will figure out. Hang tough!

Just asking....is there truly a way the family could *MAKE* her give the baby up for adoption? I don't see how, particularly if OP and her son have already requested paternity test prior to the baby being born. WOuldn't they have first option if the mom and her parents were giving up for adoption??

i hope they are just being idiots because of their hurt/anger. not to sure though. only time will tell.

here are a few points:
GF wants to go to school. not the army
she wants to be with DS
he wants to be with her
(they know the odds are against them, but they really feel they are in love)
she wants to name the baby after him(only last name if it's a girl )
she wants his name on the birth cert.
they both want to raise their baby
she hid the pregnancy from her mom because she was afraid they would force an abortion
she does not want to give the baby up

Thanks for the update....seems they are talking and handling things best as they can. Hopefully her parents come around. But, its nice to know they want to be together and raise the baby they created.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

I can't imagine why keeping them apart now is a good idea either...so I thought about it from the perspective of the pregnant girl(I have a DD16) and the only reason I would keep DD from seeing her BF in this exact situation would be if I didn't approve of the boy. If he was into drugs, drinking, stealing, ya know, bad stuff. I might want her to get away from him so she could think clearly. It doesn't sound like in your case that your son is the "bad guy" but perhaps they think he is? Otherwise, the horse is already out of the barn, no sense closing the gate now.

this is exactly what I thought when I read the update

 

[minkydog]

How soon before the girl turns 18? I don't believe the parents can make her give the child up for adoption. As I recall a pregnant woman of any age can elect to keep her baby if she wants to, and can only adopt it out with the father's permission. The parents can fume and stomp all the want, but they don't have any power in the eyes of the law.

 

[Aristomommy]

here are a few points:
GF wants to go to school. not the army
she wants to be with DS
he wants to be with her
(they know the odds are against them, but they really feel they are in love)
she wants to name the baby after him(only last name if it's a girl )
she wants his name on the birth cert.
they both want to raise their baby
she hid the pregnancy from her mom because she was afraid they would force an abortion
she does not want to give the baby up

It sound that this girl's family has communication issues. Why the army? Maybe that's their way of trying to end their relationship

Their plan of raising the baby together is going to be hard to do for many reason. They both need education in order to support this baby. Someone will have to house them separately or together. One or both set of grandparents will likely be heavily involved in this child's development and care. And there is very little time (4 months at the most) for all people to come up with a plan that doesn't ruin two families and one innocent life.

I think the OP is wonderful in supporting both of them. These kids do need a reality check though if they think they can just name the baby and live happily ever after. They just don't know what they don't know....

 

[jordansmomma]

WOW....
Ok lets go back 13 years. I was in the situation your DSs GF is in.
EXCEPT it was his parents that were horrible.
I was 17 he was 15. He was one of my friends little brothers.
It was a mistake on both of our parts.
His mom was well like the GFs mom but way worse. She called me horrible things. She tried to have me arrested. BUT in Washington state there must be a 7 year difference. I wasn't over 18 when I got pregnant.
My DS will 13 on July 4. I choose to keep him. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I lost my full ride scholarship to WSU & EWU. I was 8 months pregnant at my high school graduation. While my friends were out having fun & going to prom I was at home, being sick & pregnant.
While in high school he will probably only have to pay $25 a month for child support. Depending on what state you live in.
It has been a struggle. I have been in college for the last 4 years.
I have been in her shoes. I know what she is going through. Its rough being a pregnant teen. But luckily she has goals. Help her achieve those goals. Nursing is a very rewarding career (that is what I am going into).
All I can say is try to get her out of the situation. At 17 and pregnant she can sue to be an amincipated minor.
When does she turn 18?

 

[Inigo]

She needs to know that she (and the legal father) will be the ones making the decisions about their child. Her parents will be able to make the decisions about her, just like you will be able to make the decisions about your son, until they are 18. The baby's grandparents will not be able to make the decisions about the baby. The baby's parents have that right.