Plz help.....teenaged son's girlfriend is pregnant UPDATE ON PG 13

[Inigo]

All I can say is try to get her out of the situation. At 17 and pregnant she can sue to be an amincipated minor.
When does she turn 18?

Not all states allow emancipation. And not all judges would emancipate a 17 year old just because of pregnancy. A bad decision does not give a reason to be emancipated.

If a state does allow emancipation, usually the judge will require the minor to be able to support himself/herself. That means food, housing, healthcare, everything, all on their own. This girl doesn't sound like she is self-sufficient, with enough income to afford all of that.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Oh crap. After reading that update my advice is for you to LAWYER UP. You are in for a rough ride.

I agree. As a mother of boys, that is one thing that terrifies me. Of course I would not want any child of mine (boy or girl, though I have no girls) to become a parent as a teen, but at least if your daughter does, you most likely will still be a big part of the baby's life. It gets trickier when your son fathers a child.

 

[Mermaid02]

Sounds to me like they are bad people and trying to hide something and that is why they are keeping her under lock and key. This girl needs help- no matter if this baby is your son's or not. When will she be 18?

 

[MizTink]

the past few days since finding out that ds's gf is pregnant so many people have said stuff about how i would feel if it were MY daughter. i agree, and have thought of that too. believe me i have. i have 2 girls too. 10 & 13.....
i didn't realize the different feeling and fears when your on the dad's side.

 

[MizTink]

she will be 18 in february. she knows she has options to get out of her parents house if she needs or wants to. but she has 2 younger brothers she doesn't want to leave......

 

[Mermaid02]

MizTink- it takes 2 and your son is not solely responsible for this. He's not running off and he wants to face his responsibilities- I don't think her parents should be anymore or any less upset than you are.

The fact that she doesn't want to leave her younger siblings is also very telling to me. What is she afraid will happen to them???

 

[MizTink]

i don't want to pressure her into anything. i just told her to give it a little bit of time to see if things relax at home a bit.
but i've also reminded her that we are here for her when she needs us.
i don't want to push her either way.

 

[Mermaid02]

As far as I can see- you are making GREAT decisions in a very difficult time. I would worry however, about her after school is out for the summer. Right now, she has a way to speak to people if she needs anything- once they get her home for the summer she will be more isolated.

I would try to maintain a good relationship with her Mom- offer to drive the girl to appointments, buy prenatal vitamins, little things like that could really help you and the Mom establish a good relationship and that can only help the girl and your son!

 

[MizTink]

MizTink- it takes 2 and your son is not solely responsible for this. He's not running off and he wants to face his responsibilities- I don't think her parents should be anymore or any less upset than you are.

The fact that she doesn't want to leave her younger siblings is also very telling to me. What is she afraid will happen to them???

that's what scares me. i know the step dad is a drinker. and i believe he has hit the kids. she has told my son things in confidence that he in turn told me. i'm torn as to what to do about it.
on the other hand i don't live in their house to see things for myself so i can't be too sure....
i do think that being with my son and seeing how our family is has opened her eyes to what a real family is all about.

i also told my son that although she wants to be home to "stick up" for her brothers in arguments (as she put it), it's not the best place for her to be. and DEFINITELY not the place for his baby to be raised.

 

[Mermaid02]

that's what scares me. i know the step dad is a drinker. and i believe he has hit the kids. she has told my son things in confidence that he in turn told me. i'm torn as to what to do about it.
on the other hand i don't live in their house to see things for myself so i can't be too sure....
i do think that being with my son and seeing how our family is has opened her eyes to what a real family is all about.

i also told my son that although she wants to be home to "stick up" for her brothers in arguments (as she put it), it's not the best place for her to be. and DEFINITELY not the place for his baby to be raised.

If this is all true- the Mother/Grandmother to be may also be a victim.... I think establishing a trust relationship between her and you is a must.

 

[MizTink]

As far as I can see- you are making GREAT decisions in a very difficult time. I would worry however, about her after school is out for the summer. Right now, she has a way to speak to people if she needs anything- once they get her home for the summer she will be more isolated.

I would try to maintain a good relationship with her Mom- offer to drive the girl to appointments, buy prenatal vitamins, little things like that could really help you and the Mom establish a good relationship and that can only help the girl and your son!

yeah,i tried that......
i think she's afraid we are trying to take her daughter away.
actually i'm sure of it. gf's mom has already yelled at gf and said something about my son taking her away from her. moron.....

 

[Keli]

I can think of a reason the parents would want to keep them apart at this point. I'd guess its because they are hoping to get their daughter to break it off with your son.
Probably have a plan for their daughter that they haven't revealed yet (like adoption) and they are moving potiental problems out of the way.

 

[claudia]

In this case, both teens are certain of paternity.Perhaps it is because they are freaked out. The also just learned of the pregnancy. They are mad, scared, and embarrassed. Their little girl is pregnant. From their point of view, the boy must have pressured her into sex, right?I'll stick with my earlier advice. Stay strong, support everybody to the best of your ability, and roll with things for now.

You are making an assumption. Until a paternity test is done there is no way this young man can be CERTAIN that he is the father. Here's a link for you to check out: http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,25250230-663,00.html
You're telling me that if your 15 year old son came to you and told you that he was the father you would let it go at that?? You wouldn't insist a paternity test be done??

 

[JessicaR]

You're telling me that if your 15 year old son came to you and told you that he was the father you would let it go at that?? You wouldn't insist a paternity test be done??

I totally agree with this! I would insist on a paternity test. I have two boys and this whole situation sends shivers down my spine.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP,

No advice, just

TC

 

[focusondisney]

OP.. I deal with these issues everyday @ my job so I know what many of the issues are. First, regarding paternity testing- even if your son thinks 100% the baby is his-- you owe it to your 15 yr. old MINOR son to get testing anyway. He is a minor.. your first job is to look out for his welfare. Admitting paternity is obligating him to take responsibility for this baby for the next 18-22 yrs.(some states mandate child support thru college.) I have seen married women & men ask how to get paternity testing done without the other knowing. Unless they were together 24/7 he can not know for sure.

Next, regarding adoption, her parents can not make her give the baby up. What they can do( & I've seen this happen too often) is make it hard for her to keep it. They may say that she can come home after the baby is born but the baby CAN'T. In this case she will need a back-up plan & a safe place to live with the baby-- this is when she could come to live with you. Where I work social services usually checks on the plan for the mom & baby after discharge. If mom doesn't have a plan or a safe to live, then Children's services is notified. Once Children's services is involved, the courts could be determining all these things.

Also not all hospitals do paternity testing @ birth. If hers doesn;t, you might have to get this done later. Either way, you might have to pay. It can be costly, if you can't afford it, the court can mandate it & pay for it. But if he has already signed paternity papers @ the hospital, they won't.

All this is for my state, laws are different in other states. I agree, a lawyer who deals with family law could help guide you. So too could a call to the hospital where she will deliver. Ask to speak to the social services dept. & whoever processes birth certificates. They should be a good starting point.

Good luck to you all..also thanks for all you will do for this girl, sounds like she will need your help & she's very lucky to have you in her life!

 

[bunny]

OP, if your son is the father and he wants to keep the baby, you should try to go for full custody when the baby is born and give the mom visitation. Of course this means that you will probably become the full time caregiver for the baby, but right now that may be the best solution. Neither parent sounds mature enough to do that. Your son has just as many rights to the baby as she does and your home sounds more stable. It may be costly to fight her in court but don't assume your son can't win custody.

 

[61292cna]

Best of wishes to you & the kids!

 

[cteddiesgirl]

The OP already said she is getting the "beat down" at home.

Now they have to work on her giving up the baby to them so they can get money from the state.

They can't do that if they are together planning things.

Then they can come with a court order to test for paternity and then her son will be forced to pay them child support.

Now at since he is a minor they will get it from the state until he is of age.

Anyway, that is the way I see it. Hopefully it is way off base but from the description the OP gave in the update, it doesn't sound too good right now.

Maybe it will all turn around. Maybe they will make her give the baby up for adoption? Who knows?

OP, just get a good lawyer and do what you think you must. What that is, you will figure out. Hang tough!

These were some of my own thoughts while reading that update. I just hope these people will not be like my nephew's aunt and uncle (who have custody of him). They were and still are a nightmare to deal with. And it sounds as if they are similar types of people.

I agree that the OP needs to consult a lawyer immediately.

Just asking....is there truly a way the family could *MAKE* her give the baby up for adoption? I don't see how, particularly if OP and her son have already requested paternity test prior to the baby being born. WOuldn't they have first option if the mom and her parents were giving up for adoption??

Trust me. They can basically browbeat her into doing what they wish. Especially if she feels she has no where else to safely go. If they don't want a paternity test done, they can "convince" her of not allowing it. If they want her to give up the baby to either strangers to even to themselves, they can "convince" her to do it.

Things can get bad enough if they want it too and make it last until that child is 18.
I have had something similar happen in my family.

she will be 18 in february. she knows she has options to get out of her parents house if she needs or wants to. but she has 2 younger brothers she doesn't want to leave......

This just gives me that "Uh Oh" feeling. A feeling that one or both parents are abusive to those children. This is usually the reaction of an older sibling of abused children.

that's what scares me. i know the step dad is a drinker. and i believe he has hit the kids. she has told my son things in confidence that he in turn told me. i'm torn as to what to do about it.
on the other hand i don't live in their house to see things for myself so i can't be too sure....
i do think that being with my son and seeing how our family is has opened her eyes to what a real family is all about.

i also told my son that although she wants to be home to "stick up" for her brothers in arguments (as she put it), it's not the best place for her to be. and DEFINITELY not the place for his baby to be raised.

Call CPS.
And see what you can do to get her out now. If he is an alcoholic and he hits the kids, what to say he won't beat her and cause her to lose the child?

If this is all true- the Mother/Grandmother to be may also be a victim.... I think establishing a trust relationship between her and you is a must.

Very possibly. Also keep in mind that if she is a victim, she may be too scared of forming a relationship with the OP if her husband has forbidden contact.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP.. I deal with these issues everyday @ my job so I know what many of the issues are. First, regarding paternity testing- even if your son thinks 100% the baby is his--

you owe it to your 15 yr. old MINOR son to get testing anyway. He is a minor.. your first job is to look out for his welfare.

Admitting paternity is obligating him to take responsibility for this baby for the next 18-22 yrs.(some states mandate child support thru college.) I have seen married women & men ask how to get paternity testing done without the other knowing. Unless they were together 24/7 he can not know for sure.

Next, regarding adoption, her parents can not make her give the baby up. What they can do( & I've seen this happen too often) is make it hard for her to keep it. They may say that she can come home after the baby is born but the baby CAN'T. In this case she will need a back-up plan & a safe place to live with the baby-- this is when she could come to live with you. Where I work social services usually checks on the plan for the mom & baby after discharge. If mom doesn't have a plan or a safe to live, then Children's services is notified. Once Children's services is involved, the courts could be determining all these things.

Also not all hospitals do paternity testing @ birth. If hers doesn;t, you might have to get this done later. Either way, you might have to pay. It can be costly, if you can't afford it, the court can mandate it & pay for it. But if he has already signed paternity papers @ the hospital, they won't.

All this is for my state, laws are different in other states. I agree, a lawyer who deals with family law could help guide you. So too could a call to the hospital where she will deliver. Ask to speak to the social services dept. & whoever processes birth certificates. They should be a good starting point.

Good luck to you all..also thanks for all you will do for this girl, sounds like she will need your help & she's very lucky to have you in her life!

Excellent post!!!!

PS: it is not up to the hospital to automatically do paternity testing.
I would imagine that this is something that follows legal guidelines.
It's not really any of the hospital's business.
If either of the parents requests this, or the law request this, (which they certainly would if the OP seeks legal counsel) then this WILL be done.

Also... Everybody keeps mentioning adoption.... this confuses me, because I have seen no indication anywhere that anybody involved is looking at this as an option. Now, I am all for adoption!!! But, if the mother is not considering this as an option, if she feels it is not the 'right' choice... then no way should this be pushed. This is way to serious of an issue for mother to be 'pushed' into. This is a decision that the mother has to live with. (of course, the father too....)

At any rate, this girls parents don't seem to be playing with a full deck if they think that they can get out of establishing paternity.... States have very iittle patience anymore in providing assistance to children of dead-beat dads.... They DO want to know who the father is so that child support can be pursued. (One word from the OP's son as the possible father, and the test WILL be done.) I am with everyone else here that is just sickened by the fact that it looks like this girls family has a lot to hide...

If this girl is afraid to leave, and afraid to leave younger siblings... something is wrong. No matter who is the babies father, I am wondering if social services should be involved.