Plz help.....teenaged son's girlfriend is pregnant UPDATE ON PG 13

[meloneyb21]

I don't really have an advice, just a couple of . I don't have any teenagers but I will one day so.....just take it easy. Think about the baby now, there's nothing else you can do.

 

[4nana]

My heart goes out to you as I can't imagine all the thoughts racing through your mind and what you must be feeling right now. Good luck at the parents meeting and I'm sending positive thoughts and prayers for this innocent life that's been created, your DS and GF, and that eveything works out for the best.

 

[MizTink]

Felony charges? I thought that was only if you're over 18?

Whatever... relax. Stop thinking of it as a pregnancy and think of it as your grandchild. Work on what is best for this inevitable person who will be here in less than 5 months.

I know it's shocking, Lord knows I've been thru it with my sister EONS ago but her beautiful daughter is now 39 and the blessing of our lives.

It's done, now it's time to think of the baby.

that's exactly how i feel. i know ds was relieved when he realized that i didn't hate them both! and his girlfriend too. she has NO support from her family. none. i think she will eventually end up living with us. we have an empty bedroom that would be just perfect for her and our new baby!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhhh, I am sending hugs.

I agree that the best advice is to remember that your son has a CHILD involved here. (your grandchild) That has to be the overriding focus. That should help you see how you want to proceed.

The girl's parents can want to keep these two apart. But, if they are the parents of a child... that ain't gonna go far.

However, I did want to say that I am not one to scoff and become angry about the statutory rape laws.

They are in place to protect children.
Even from their 'classmates'....
17-18 year olds do not need to be having sex with 14-15 year old children. Sadly, the OP is experiencing the consequences. I wonder if the OP would feel differently about the law, if her son were a 14-15 year old girl, faced with becoming a mother.

The laws are there to protect children who are not at least a certain age. I think the age of consent in my state is 16... I believe that in my state it is 14 years of age to be considered a crime, sex with a minor child... But IMHO 15 years of age is not unreasonable.

 

[FarAway<3]

I didn't know she could get in trouble unless your son or your family chose to press charges against her! That's ridiculous...poor girl.

And I really feel for your son and the girl. If her stepfather is really that bad, I hope he doesn't harm her or the baby.

I talked about this with my mom once after a friend became pregnant in high school (she was a freshman at the time). She said once it happens, it happens, and you have to try and get over being upset and look forward to and the baby coming and becoming a parent/grandparent, because it is a blessing.

Does your son have any doubt whether or not the baby is his? I've been with my boyfriend since I was 17, and if I became pregnant and he wanted to test whether or not the baby was his, I would have been furious and the relationship would have been majorly strained. If he trusts her, it shouldn't be necessary. But that's just my opinion.

 

[LuvOrlando]

that's exactly how i feel. i know ds was relieved when he realized that i didn't hate them both! and his girlfriend too. she has NO support from her family. none. i think she will eventually end up living with us. we have an empty bedroom that would be just perfect for her and our new baby!

I totally love your positive attitude

Just remember blood is thicker than water. Even if that girls family is a stark raving mess they will all band together if they view you, your DH or DS as a common enemy. Just let the family believe they have the upper hand and keep things smooth until the baby gets here. Until that point that Mom to be is still a minor and her family could make things a big mess if they choose to do so.

I hope they will be rational for your sakes, but from what you've described prepare yourself & your DH for an episode of Jerry Springer and remember to keep your cool no matter what nonsense comes out of their mouths. Be strong, this 3:00 meeting is probably going to be one of the hardest things you are going to have to deal with.

PS- I wouldn't bring up paternity at all. The police will probably push for it on their own and this would keep you & DS in the clear of looking like a bad guy. BTW, outside of marriage I think everyone should get a paternity test. Trust has nothing to do with it, people cheat all the time. Its one thing to look he other way on an indiscretion, its quite another to raise someone else's kid without knowing it.

 

[legalsea]

that's exactly what i said to the cop i saw yesterday. she said it's because he is UNDER 16 and she is OVER 16. she came to my work to have me write a statement that i knew of the relationship and that i don't want to press charges. my son also had to write a statement that he wasn't raped. the officer told me that ds laughed in her face when she asked him if he was raped! this is so wrong. they are CLASSMATES!
as if florida doesn't have enough low life perverts and criminals to deal with already. please.....give me a freakin break
the cop said she will give the state attorey's office our statements, but they will probably file charges anyways. just what the kids DON"T need to deal with right now.

Here is one piece of advise for your son: never 'laugh in the face' of any police officer.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I've been with my boyfriend since I was 17, and if I became pregnant and he wanted to test whether or not the baby was his, I would have been furious and the relationship would have been majorly strained. If he trusts her, it shouldn't be necessary. But that's just my opinion.

Ohhh, I can see how a test might be upsetting...
But, once the law is involved... child support, etc...
It may be routinely requested by law.
The boys/men who are being sued for child support, accused of statutory rape, etc... deserve some protection as well.

 

[focusondisney]

Hi! Just a word of advice...if you are going to have paternity testing done;make sure your son doesn't sign any paternity type papers when the baby is born for the birth certificate. It will be easier to get his name added to the birth certificate later as the father than it will to get it removed later. Once he signs those papers he will be legally obligated to the baby. It will probably entail a court order to get him OFF the certificate and remove his legal obligation. Good Luck to you all.

 

[SCHBR'smom]

Good luck!! My kids are all still little, but it has crossed my mind that we might have to deal with this one day. Keep your head and hopefully it will all work out.

Oh, and by the way, Congratulations on becoming a grandparent!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Here is one piece of advise for your son: never 'laugh in the face' of any police officer.

Agreed.....
Behavior that shows that the OP's son is, indeed, just a 15 year old child.
And he is now becoming a father.

 

[java]

that's exactly how i feel. i know ds was relieved when he realized that i didn't hate them both! and his girlfriend too. she has NO support from her family. none. i think she will eventually end up living with us. we have an empty bedroom that would be just perfect for her and our new baby!

I think it's so nice of you to be there. I just want to put a word of caution= after seeing that statement- do you think there is any chance that she realized this was the safest place to be. (Not wanting to say it's not your son's baby- but at 5 months along- I would be skeptical)

 

[RN4Babies]

that's exactly what i said to the cop i saw yesterday. she said it's because he is UNDER 16 and she is OVER 16. she came to my work to have me write a statement that i knew of the relationship and that i don't want to press charges. my son also had to write a statement that he wasn't raped. the officer told me that ds laughed in her face when she asked him if he was raped! this is so wrong. they are CLASSMATES!
as if florida doesn't have enough low life perverts and criminals to deal with already. please.....give me a freakin break
the cop said she will give the state attorey's office our statements, but they will probably file charges anyways. just what the kids DON"T need to deal with right now.

I see a lot of teenage parents with babies in the NICU. Unfortunately, even if you and your ds don't want to press charges, it is ultimately up to the district attorney's office whether or not to file charges. And yes, there is the potential of then being classified as a child predator. Our laws regarding child predators, possessing child pornagraphy (kids sexting or who innocently receive a sex text message can also be classified as a child predator) really need to be changed to protect non-predatory teens. In Wisconsin, our age of consent is 18 years old. I talk with my son until I'm blue in the face that if he's with someone under 18, that he could be charged with statuatory rape and be labeled as a child sex offender forevermore if she becomes pregnant. It scares me to death.

I hope your ds's gf has been receiving prenatal care, has had an ultrasound to verify everything appears okay, etc. There are certain birth defects that seem to be more common among teenage moms (abdominal wall defects in particular). If she hasn't seen a doc yet, offer to get her to appointments yourself if necessary; at this point, late prenatal care is better than no prenatal care.

 

[MizTink]

Good luck!! My kids are all still little, but it has crossed my mind that we might have to deal with this one day. Keep your head and hopefully it will all work out.

Oh, and by the way, Congratulations on becoming a grandparent!

thanks! oh it is just too weird to think of myself as a grandmother! just last week i was looking at hair dye to cover my grey! i'm 37 and don't feel "grandmotherly" at all!!! in less than 2 days my name has been changed to grandma by a few coworkers and my sister!

i do feel a little guilty, but i can't help but get a little excited thinking about a baby and it will be a beautiful one, of course

 

[claudia]

seems like putting the cart before the horse....until there is a paternity test done there is no way anyone knows if this baby is your sons.

 

[yoopermom]

As the mother of a DS who will be 15 this fall, this whole story just gives me a shudder. This girl may not be a "sex offender", but it sure sounds like entrapment/a way for her to get out of her current situation. Hugsto you.

Terri

 

[Wishing on a star]

thanks! oh it is just too weird to think of myself as a grandmother! just last week i was looking at hair dye to cover my grey! i'm 37 and don't feel "grandmotherly" at all!!! in less than 2 days my name has been changed to grandma by a few coworkers and my sister!

i do feel a little guilty, but i can't help but get a little excited thinking about a baby and it will be a beautiful one, of course

I hate to say this....
I know you are emotional and excited right now...

But, put the brakes on... HARD...

This baby is this girls baby...
You are way too 'vested' here....
Your son is a 15 year old child....
This is about her, and about your son.
It may NOT be the best idea to bring a 15 year olds nearly-adult sexual partner into your home.

As we all have been saying....
Think about your son... your 15 year old child...
Not the fact that you would be so vested in taking over and having a 'beautiful baby'.

 

[MizTink]

seems like putting the cart before the horse....until there is a paterinity test done there is no way anyone knows if this baby is your sons.

true. i did ask my son how sure he is that it's his.
he says he's only as sure as any guy could be. and she says she's 100% sure it's his. i'm sure we'll get testing after the baby's born.

 

[FarAway<3]

I think if the girl was trying to get out of a bad situation, it wouldn't have taken 5 months for OP to find out.

 

[DisMN]

Ohhhh, I am sending hugs.

I agree that the best advice is to remember that your son has a CHILD involved here. (your grandchild) That has to be the overriding focus. That should help you see how you want to proceed.

The girl's parents can want to keep these two apart. But, if they are the parents of a child... that ain't gonna go far.

Keeping in mind that there will be a new child, the "parents" are also still children themselves. I hope someone wise is recommending or encouraging adoption here.
If not you are all certainly jumping head first into many episodes of Jerry Springer especially with how her family seems to be.....

Best of luck to you all OP, and I hope I didn't offend with my thoughts here.