Please tell me whst you think of this

[dyna]

DH an I recieved an invite to CELEBRATE the marriage of 1 of his neices (this in not a wedding invatation)

The invatation is to dinner at a resturant for 20.00 per person. With a fixed menu of fried chicken mashed taters gravy biscuits an green beans and corn on the cob served skillet style so apparently all you can eat which DH an I avoid all you can eats because we dont know when to stop

We don't spend 40.00 on dinner for the 2 of us ever it just isn't in our budget to do so to many places to get good food much cheaper an while I like fried chicken it's a cheap meal to fix.

Is this the normal thing for a bride to do these days to invite ppl to celebrate with her at the expense of the guests?

Note the bride nor her parents ever came to any birhday parties, graduations,weddings, baby showers my dd's had nor did they ever send a gift or a card.

 

[Handbag Lady]

DH an I recieved an invite to CELEBRATE the marriage of 1 of his neices (this in not a wedding invatation)

The invatation is to dinner at a resturant for 20.00 per person. With a fixed menu of fried chicken mashed taters gravy biscuits an green beans and corn on the cob served skillet style so apparently all you can eat which DH an I avoid all you can eats because we dont know when to stop

We don't spend 40.00 on dinner for the 2 of us ever it just isn't in our budget to do so to many places to get good food much cheaper an while I like fried chicken it's a cheap meal to fix.

Is this the normal thing for a bride to do these days to invite ppl to celebrate with her at the expense of the guests?

Note the bride nor her parents ever came to any birhday parties, graduations,weddings, baby showers my dd's had nor did they ever send a gift or a card.

Oh, it is a shame you have that thing at that place that you must attend that evening.


(I find invites like this very rude, unless it was someone really close and it came up in a group setting with everyone agreeing ahead of time that everyone would want to pay for their own dinner to celebrate a good friend who happens to be skint.)

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

If it were me, I would politely decline. I think it's rude to invite someone to a party and expect them to pay their way. And probably a gift would be expected on top of that. I could come up with a really good excuse as to why I could not come, and use it.

This is just me, I'm from the old school where you were invited to a reception or celebration or whatever they wanted to call it and you were a guest, not a customer.

 

[RitaE]

Well, no it is not necessarily a normal thing to do and Miss Manners would probably have a conniption over it. But it isn't unheard of either and in some places it happens often.

I suggest you put your opinion of the food aside and look at a couple of issues. The food at these things is always terrible and always a bad deal monetarily - believe me, we'd ALL rather be at the Outback having a good steak.

#1. Do you have the money? If you can't afford it, then you just can't afford it and there is no shame in that. Send them a nice card and maybe a small gift if you feel okay about it - a gift card to Target or something.

#2. How important is this branch of the family tree to you? Try not to think about they didn't go to this party or that party for us -- just think -- is this a relationship that I'd like to nurture? If so then certainly attend if you can find the money. If not then well... see above about sending a nice card.

 

[a1tinkfans]

DH an I recieved an invite to CELEBRATE the marriage of 1 of his neices (this in not a wedding invatation)

The invatation is to dinner at a resturant for 20.00 per person. With a fixed menu of fried chicken mashed taters gravy biscuits an green beans and corn on the cob served skillet style so apparently all you can eat which DH an I avoid all you can eats because we dont know when to stop

We don't spend 40.00 on dinner for the 2 of us ever it just isn't in our budget to do so to many places to get good food much cheaper an while I like fried chicken it's a cheap meal to fix.

Is this the normal thing for a bride to do these days to invite ppl to celebrate with her at the expense of the guests?

Note the bride nor her parents ever came to any birhday parties, graduations,weddings, baby showers my dd's had nor did they ever send a gift or a card.

Goodness, what will people think of next????
Seriously, just send a "thank you for the invite" but we can't make it note/call. Sounds like you have no interest in the people or the food! As far as sending a gift, that'd be you choice too, personally I would, but thats just me.

 

[DawnM]

Good grief. I would feel NO obligation to go at all.

I find it very odd.

Dawn

 

[kathyell]

I would take a deep breath and then, as politely as you can, decline their invitation to their thinly-veiled fundraiser they are running so that they can extract some money from the people they didn't invite to the wedding. I can't imagine (well, I can, actually, I just wish I couldn't) the mindset that leads you to trying to think of ways to soak people you didn't invite to the actual wedding for more gifts.

I think this is a slap in the face, personally, and that the only favor I would be able to do for anyone who might think to send me an invitation to something like this is to decline to give them a piece of my mind over just what exactly they were thinking when they decided to hold this event.

 

[luvmy3]

I would decline the invitation. It is rude to invite people to a celebration (of any event) and expect them to pay for their meals.

 

[andrews_dad]

Please tell me that the invite/menu actually says "mashed taters." That would be AWESOME!

C'mon, don't be so cheap and sensitive, people. I think it is a fine idea. Everyone gets together and the young couple does not go $10-15 thou in debt feeding everyone and putting on a show. Go and support the neice. See some family members you rarely see. Have a good time. It is only $20 a pop. Not like is is huge money. Go enjoy those 'taters.

 

[wdwfan16]

This is so odd and so wrong. I would just turn it down and send a card.

 

[Nina1]

DH an I recieved an invite to CELEBRATE the marriage of 1 of his neices (this in not a wedding invatation)

The invatation is to dinner at a resturant for 20.00 per person. With a fixed menu of fried chicken mashed taters gravy biscuits an green beans and corn on the cob served skillet style so apparently all you can eat which DH an I avoid all you can eats because we dont know when to stop

We don't spend 40.00 on dinner for the 2 of us ever it just isn't in our budget to do so to many places to get good food much cheaper an while I like fried chicken it's a cheap meal to fix.

Is this the normal thing for a bride to do these days to invite ppl to celebrate with her at the expense of the guests?

Note the bride nor her parents ever came to any birhday parties, graduations,weddings, baby showers my dd's had nor did they ever send a gift or a card.

Considering that these people never attended any of your dd's events, nor did they have the decency to send a gift, I would not feel one bit obligated to attend this party nor would I send a gift. I would politely decline (if you feel you must, say you have another commitment that night). Not only would you have to pay for your own dinner, you'd have to bring a gift. I think this kind of "invite" is just plain rude and tasteless.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Since they decline your invites and do not give gifts to your family, I would reciprocate in the same fashion.

In addition if these are people that ignore your invites and never send a RSVP, I would file the invite in the special circular file and not think about it again.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

Moving to the Community Board.

My personal opinion:
I'd spend the $40 and wouldn't care if they were serving dog food with a dishwater chaser if it was to celebrate a special occasion honoring someone I love. Family and friends are important to me and it's a small price to pay to make someone else happy. I'd find the money somehow.

Now if this bride is closer to being a stranger than she is a beloved niece, then send the couple a pretty card and your regrets. But don't be surprised if this puts your DH in a bad place with his DBro (or DSis?).

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It is very odd to issue a formal invitation to celebrate anything and expect the guests to pay.


If WE were doing something where we wanted to get together with folks at a restaurant (but not pay) it would be very informal.

Maybe they don't know proper etiquette. I don't know.

But I would be inclined to decline as well.

Please tell me that the invite/menu actually says "mashed taters." That would be AWESOME!

C'mon, don't be so cheap and sensitive, people. I think it is a fine idea. Everyone gets together and the young couple does not go $10-15 thou in debt feeding everyone and putting on a show. Go and support the neice. See some family members you rarely see. Have a good time. It is only $20 a pop. Not like is is huge money. Go enjoy those 'taters.

Noone is ever obligated to go into debt over nuptials. One is not obligated to put on a show.

A duncan hines cake and grape juice would be more hospitable and not a budget killer for the bride and grooms parents.

 

[Chelley00]

One word:


Tacky



Never should you invite people to a party and expect them to pay their way. I would send a card and call it a day.

 

[JessicaR]

Your budget doesn't allow the $40.00, they don't attend your functions, inviting people to a dinner and asking them to pay their own way is tacky. Not only would I not attend I wouldn't give it a second thought.

 

[GoodFairies]

OP only you know these people well enough to glean the intent of this invitation. If they are gift grabbers then of course you shouldn't go. However if they had a small wedding because that's all they could afford and the only gift they truly want is your presence to celebrate then I think $20 a person is a very small price to pay for that.

If you decline I'd leave out the part about you don't eat at buffets because you can't control yourself. That's not their problem.

 

[TinklednPants]

It's clearly tacky but I would bite the bullet.

But my question is where exactly do you and your husband eat good meals for under $40?? $20 a head is dirt cheap.

 

[Acklander]

If it was me, I wouldn't consider the cost or the menu but did I care about the people who we were to celebrate. If I enjoyed them I'd be there in a heart beat if I didn't know them that well, I'd probably decline. Yeah, $20.00 is a lot for fried chicken, but it's not that expensive for a good time with family/friends that I care about.
As far as manners goes - the OP stated that it wasn't a wedding invitation, but instead a celebration of marriage and the couple. there are many times I've gotten together with friends to celebrate life's events (birthdays, job promotions etc...) and we've "gone dutch" and paid our own tab at the restaurant. I wouldn't have a problem with that unless I wasn't made aware of it beforehand.

 

[Nancyg56]

Normally I would not care, I'd pony up and enjoy the celebration. This does nto sound like an invitation to celebrate with close family, it sounds like a gift grabbing opportunity. I would decline.