Please tell me whst you think of this

[kafitty]

if they were close family, and you were intimately acquainted with any financial struggles they may have (and it sounds like they do), that'd be one thing.

but otherwise, to invite you out of the blue and then make you pay for it...very tacky.

and really, even served all-you-can-eat, fried chicken and those fixin's DO NOT add up to $20. Now, if it were all you can eat filet mignon or something...

 

[Pakey]

Even if these were the best mashed taters in the state, I would decline because I do not have a close relationship with people involved.

 

[ols386]

I would politely decline, and not make a big deal out of it. I wouldn't mention anything about the cost being too much, or that you think it's rude to invite you and expect for you to pay for it (if that's the way you feel).

If you have to, tell a white lie, and say you have other plans, or go ahead and plan something else for that day/time, and then you don't have to lie.

 

[RitaZ.]

Since they decline your invites and do not give gifts to your family, I would reciprocate in the same fashion.

To me, that's the logical way to handle it.

OP, don't be surprised if the bride's parents are offended or upset if you chose not to attend the party. That's what happened to DH when his niece got married for the 3rd time. DH's sister and her family don't acknowledge our children, but they expect us to acknowledge their special events.

It is beyond tacky to charge guests to attend a party that you want to have. If you can't afford a reception, then don't have one. It's a simple concept.

 

[sbell111]

My personal opinion:
I'd spend the $40 and wouldn't care if they were serving dog food with a dishwater chaser if it was to celebrate a special occasion honoring someone I love. Family and friends are important to me and it's a small price to pay to make someone else happy. I'd find the money somehow.

Now if this bride is closer to being a stranger than she is a beloved niece, then send the couple a pretty card and your regrets. But don't be surprised if this puts your DH in a bad place with his DBro (or DSis?).

 

[DVC Sadie]

Dang, those mashed taters are sounding good about now.

I would send a card with my regrets if I truly couldn't afford to attend but I would still send a small gift or gift card.

 

[okeydokey]

This is so tacky. They may as well have written "You don't rate for an invitation to the wedding, but we'll be happy to accept a wedding gift from you after you pay for your own meal." I would decline is a heartbeat and not think about it again.

 

[ssawka]

OK, reading through these postings, I'm not seeing one important element. What does your husband think? It's his family, so ultimately he should have the final decision. I'm not saying he should make a unilatteral decision, but after you guys discuss it, he should make the decision. Likewise, you should make the final decision when it involves your family.

 

[Christine]

I have to ask: Did the invite really say mashed taters?

 

[Tina]

I think a tacky invitation requires a tacky response. I say go ahead, join the party, pay your $40, pork out on those taters. I'm sure they expect a gift and prefer money. So get them a nice card and include a check for the amount you feel comfortable giving them as a wedding gift ... and here comes the tacky part.... write that check for $40 less than you would have originally. Write on the comment line "$50 Wedding Gift - $40 chicken dinner" and make it out for a whopping $10!!!



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...... of course I'm kidding! I would never do this. Maybe....

 

[EMom]

This is so tacky. They may as well have written "You don't rate for an invitation to the wedding, but we'll be happy to accept a wedding gift from you after you pay for your own meal." I would decline is a heartbeat and not think about it again.

Ahhh....Finally, someone who speaks the blunt, harsh, translated truth. As I have said before when threads like these come up, just because someone has the audacity to essentially demand I pay my own way to THEIR function does not mean that I must comply with that unreasonable and tacky demand. Give in now and you can expect to pay your share of THEIR catering bill (plus a gift) for every baby they have, every birthday party thrown for the aforementioned children, the cost of the graduation parties of those kids as well as THEIR weddings, once they occur, etc. Rinse, repeat. Rinse, repeat.

Nip it in the bud, sister. Don't encourage bad behavior. As tempting as it is to send an etiquette book as a gift, simply politely decline and instead spend the money on a nice evening out with your DH.

I'm still fixated on the "taters" aspect of it all.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Like other posters have said, I would leave it up to dh. If he really wanted to go for his niece I would go, but if it were up to me it would be a definite NO.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Like other posters have said, I would leave it up to dh. If he really wanted to go for his niece I would go, but if it were up to me it would be a definite NO.

Well my dh could go, but that doesn't mean I have to or shop for it.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

That's true, but since he goes to so many things that he doesn't want to for me, I would if asked me to.

He could buy the card though.

 

[Pigeon]

What will they think of next.

I'd have to pass on that one.

 

[AKL_Megs]

That is crazy and selfish.

I am sure they expect some great gift on top of that too, right?

And that dinner sounds gross.

I agree... remember that thing you have to do at that one place... yeah, that one.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

Well...we're planning a wedding for next year on a nurse (my mom) and 2 teacher's salaries (my boyfriend and myself). We are working our butts off so we can invite the family and friends who are close to us...and we can all have a great time. We are scrimping and saving so we can have a great reception...but would NEVER think of charging someone to come to our wedding.

 

[Jennasis]

If you disagree with it, decline the invite. If it were someone I cared about, I'd go.

I was invited to the wedding of one of my students. It was held in the church gym and was very tiny (I counted 35+ people but I know she invited more). When I got there, I was immediately tapped to help COOK the food, set the tables, and then to man the buffet line serving food..

I did it with a smile. The bride and groom are both special needs folk, and this was what they could afford and what they wanted. I was surprised at first to be working the wedding I was invited to, but then happy I could be there for them and help make their day so nice.

 

[ssawka]

Well...we're planning a wedding for next year on a nurse (my mom) and 2 teacher's salaries (my boyfriend and myself). We are working our butts off so we can invite the family and friends who are close to us...and we can all have a great time. We are scrimping and saving so we can have a great reception...but would NEVER think of charging someone to come to our wedding.

You know, the funny thing about weddings is that though I agree that guests should not have to pay to attend the wedding, often couples will ask friends and family to be in the wedding party without any concern for how much money they have to fork out for dresses/tuxes and gifts.

I should add that my comment is not aimed towards FSUDisneyGirl, but her post just made me think of it.

 

[C.Ann]

Sounds odd to me..

But just remember - invitations are only "invitations".. They are not a "court order"..

If you don't care to participate, just politely decline..