Please I need advice!!!

[luvsJack]

If my child had no contact with this girl for , now almost 6 weeks, I would simply say that our plans have changed and we no longer can take a guest. I wouls not force my child to take someone they werent playing/talking with.

I have taken many kids on vacation as teens, in fact every trip as teens we had guests to the lake and the beach. they were current friends and buddies that they hung out with-not someone they hadnt seen in weeks.

I think its nuts the parents wanting to force the girl to take this girl that she doesnt want to

The seeing someone on a constant basis has a lot to do with where someone lives, etc. Not necessarily closeness to a friend. This girl being with her father could have something to do with that.

Apparently the OP's dd felt close enough to this girl to invite her in the first place so there had to be some friendship there. With 13 year old girls, by the end of the school year they are all getting on each other's nerves. That doesn't mean they aren't friends or don't plan to be friends again, just that they are being 13 year old girls.

I don't know that I would force her so much as I would just not lightly take back the invitation.

The OP's dd needs to realize that if they take back this invitation, the likely hood of her and this girl being friends again isn't real high.

As for not getting along on the trip, you can take the best friends in the world at this age and there is a possibility of them not getting along the whole times. Especially at this age, when everyone is going in different directions with maturity levels and hormones, etc.

 

[Ceila]

Totally agree.


This!



So many ppl are making it out to be such a big deal, like this girl is gonna need therapy afterwards. I keep reading the same thing on here: "oh my gawd the girl is gonna be sooooo hurt and crushed and scarred for life. You have to take her on the trip. Its the right thing to do. I have not and will not teach my child to hurt others that way, even thou someone slaps you in the face and you dont really care for them anymore as a friend, you have to take them anyway because you promised. Who cares if you might have a terrible time fighting with this person, and who cares if we're paying for it, its the right thing to do. This girls feelings comes before yours dear daughter. I am willing to risk a peaceful vacation just to teach you a lesson dear daughter " Incredible! Im truly amazed.

Clearly the "slap" wasn't really a huge deal or the OP would have canceled the invite when it happened. And, since the OP stated right in her first post that she expects the girls to pick up their friendship when the school year resumes, I highly doubt that they will have a "terrible time fighting" (where did that come from, anyway?). So, in this case, I do believe the right thing to do would be to continue with the trip with the girl coming along.

 

[jrmasm]

Totally agree.


This!



So many ppl are making it out to be such a big deal, like this girl is gonna need therapy afterwards. I keep reading the same thing on here: "oh my gawd the girl is gonna be sooooo hurt and crushed and scarred for life. You have to take her on the trip. Its the right thing to do. I have not and will not teach my child to hurt others that way, even thou someone slaps you in the face and you dont really care for them anymore as a friend, you have to take them anyway because you promised. Who cares if you might have a terrible time fighting with this person, and who cares if we're paying for it, its the right thing to do. This girls feelings comes before yours dear daughter. I am willing to risk a peaceful vacation just to teach you a lesson dear daughter " Incredible! Im truly amazed.

That's completely over dramatic. Had the fight between the two girls been a problem to anyone involved, the invite would have been rescinded (and rightfully so) at the time. Months later, you simply look like an ***.

 

[luvmy3]

Clearly the "slap" wasn't really a huge deal or the OP would have canceled the invite when it happened. And, since the OP stated right in her first post that she expects the girls to pick up their friendship when the school year resumes, I highly doubt that they will have a "terrible time fighting" (where did that come from, anyway?). So, in this case, I do believe the right thing to do would be to continue with the trip with the girl coming along.

Or the slap was a huge deal to the OP's dd and that is why she hasn't spoken to her friend in the last 2 months. I don't see anything right about forcing my child to go on a trip with a girl she clearly has an issue with, whether or not I think the slap is a big deal.

Honestly I'm amazed at the people who pass this off as normal teen drama. Where I come from that is not normal drama, and if it happened to my dd I'd respect her and her choice to not want to spend her summer vacation with a girl who has no problem slapping her in the face.
The age of the girls doesn't excuse the behavior. There is a lesson to be learned, slapping people has consequences, in this case you don't get to go to WDW with the one you hit.

 

[funhouse8]

I think it would be so incredibly rude to uninvite her on this trip. I think as a parent you could step in and try to get the girls together for a "play date" before the trip.

Great Advice! I Agree.

 

[goofyintoronto]

That's completely over dramatic. Had the fight between the two girls been a problem to anyone involved, the invite would have been rescinded (and rightfully so) at the time. Months later, you simply look like an ***.

Over dramatic? Well CLEARLY i was, I was purposely being incredibly sarcastic and dramatic just as much as the other posters who said "she'll be crushed!" and "how can you break her heart like that. You promised!". Go back and read some of the responses. its hilarious!!

Clearly the "slap" wasn't really a huge deal or the OP would have canceled the invite when it happened. And, since the OP stated right in her first post that she expects the girls to pick up their friendship when the school year resumes, I highly doubt that they will have a "terrible time fighting" (where did that come from, anyway?). So, in this case, I do believe the right thing to do would be to continue with the trip with the girl coming along.

Are you kidding?? Lol! You highly doubt they will fight? How the heck do you know that they wont?! Nobody knows what'll happen. Thats the point. This is the kind of gamble I personally dont think the OP should take. I sure as heck wouldnt if it were my vacation. Teens have a tendency to be dramatic and make small issues into big ones.

Or the slap was a huge deal to the OP's dd and that is why she hasn't spoken to her friend in the last 2 months. I don't see anything right about forcing my child to go on a trip with a girl she clearly has an issue with, whether or not I think the slap is a big deal.

Honestly I'm amazed at the people who pass this off as normal teen drama. Where I come from that is not normal drama, and if it happened to my dd I'd respect her and her choice to not want to spend her summer vacation with a girl who has no problem slapping her in the face.
The age of the girls doesn't excuse the behavior. There is a lesson to be learned, slapping people has consequences , in this case you don't get to go to WDW with the one you hit.

I agreee. While the DD might have forgiven the girl when she apologised for slapping her, she certainly didnt forget it. This could be why she hasnt spoken to her in two months. The DD has made a decision not to bring along a friend who has slapped her. She has chosen to distance herself from this girl. I would respect her for making what seems like the right decision here. As a mom, i sure as heck would think my son is doing the right thing by distancing himself from a buddy who was once violent with him. Im teaching him now NOT to tolerate violence from anyone.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Or the slap was a huge deal to the OP's dd and that is why she hasn't spoken to her friend in the last 2 months. I don't see anything right about forcing my child to go on a trip with a girl she clearly has an issue with, whether or not I think the slap is a big deal.

Honestly I'm amazed at the people who pass this off as normal teen drama. Where I come from that is not normal drama, and if it happened to my dd I'd respect her and her choice to not want to spend her summer vacation with a girl who has no problem slapping her in the face.
The age of the girls doesn't excuse the behavior. There is a lesson to be learned, slapping people has consequences, in this case you don't get to go to WDW with the one you hit.

I do not think it is normal teen behaviour at all. Nor would I be okay with it. However, I would have dealt with it THEN and would not be expecting that the girls would slip right back into being friends next year either. IF I had let any incident go as not a big deal, expected things to be fine when school started, but then decided to use that incident as an excuse to uninvite someone months after the incident happened, I think that would be wrong and rude and using the incident (no matter what it may be) as an excuse for rudeness and not having a valid concern about what happened.

 

[mjkacmom]

My parents still see me as their "baby" sometimes and I'm 35 and married. That doesn't change just because you grow up. I still call my mom "momma" and dad "daddy" sometimes.

And I'm an "only." My parents both volunteer at food pantries at church and my mom taught children in sunday school all the time I was growing up. They could only have one child due to infertility, but my mom has had a significant impact in many children's lives.

But your parents were still parrents to only one child. There is a difference between parenting only one, and parenting more than one - both to the parents, and the child/children. It's the dynamic.

 

[luvmy3]

I do not think it is normal teen behaviour at all. Nor would I be okay with it. However, I would have dealt with it THEN and would not be expecting that the girls would slip right back into being friends next year either. IF I had let any incident go as not a big deal, expected things to be fine when school started, but then decided to use that incident as an excuse to uninvite someone months after the incident happened, I think that would be wrong and rude and using the incident (no matter what it may be) as an excuse for rudeness and not having a valid concern about what happened.

And I think it would be wrong to force my child to vacation with someone she is having problems with( because to me that is a valid concern because a slap does go beyond typical teen drama).
Also, I do believe that if everything was alright they would have been in contact with eachother in the last 2 months. They were close enough friends to plan on vacationing together and suddenly they aren't speaking for 2 months? Clearly something is going on, and I would respect my dd's choice to not have to deal with that something on her/our vacation. If that comes across as rude to to the girl and her family, oh well. That would be my last concern.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I would be honest with the mom, the girls had a falling out at the end of the year and have not kept up with each other. I think it would be best for all if Suzie does not come along, I hope you understand


NOthing worse than 13 yo girl drama...and how could ther not be with how they left it They are no longer friends, there was physical violince, how could you even consider bringing this former friend on the trip

If my DD were invited on a vacation with another child and her family and she hadn't had any communication with the invitor in 6+ weeks, I would not feel very comfortable sending my DD along.

If for whatever reason OP is not comfortable with DD's friend coming along, for pete sake, just say so. The invitee would probably get that vibe if she went along anyway, and she'd be stuck wishing she was home rather than being an unwanted guest. Spare her.

And spare yourself.

 

[Mouseteacher]

Or the slap was a huge deal to the OP's dd and that is why she hasn't spoken to her friend in the last 2 months. I don't see anything right about forcing my child to go on a trip with a girl she clearly has an issue with, whether or not I think the slap is a big deal.

Honestly I'm amazed at the people who pass this off as normal teen drama. Where I come from that is not normal drama, and if it happened to my dd I'd respect her and her choice to not want to spend her summer vacation with a girl who has no problem slapping her in the face.
The age of the girls doesn't excuse the behavior. There is a lesson to be learned, slapping people has consequences, in this case you don't get to go to WDW with the one you hit.

As the parent I would take the blame by saying that the plan has changed. However, I would make darn sure my DD would never do this again. This would be a one time pass. I would use this as a teachable moment on values.

I agree that slapping someone is not normal teen behavior where I come from either.

 

[goofyintoronto]

If my DD were invited on a vacation with another child and her family and she hadn't had any communication with the invitor in 6+ weeks, I would not feel very comfortable sending my DD along.

If for whatever reason OP is not comfortable with DD's friend coming along, for pete sake, just say so. The invitee would probably get that vibe if she went along anyway, and she'd be stuck wishing she was home rather than being an unwanted guest. Spare her.

Very good point. The girl might pickup on the OP DD's vibe and feel very uncomfortable. If you were in this situation and if it were your DD, you dont know how your DD will act towards the friend.

I personally would never allow my kid to travel out of state with a family i hardly knew myself.

Its interesting how some ppl are saying its rude to uninvite the kid at this point....was it not rude when she slapped her? Actions have consequences, whether or not they were dealt with at the moment or much later.

As the parent I would take the blame by saying that the plan has changed. However, I would make darn sure my DD would never do this again. This would be a one time pass. I would use this as a teachable moment on values.

I agree that slapping someone is not normal teen behavior where I come from either

I personally never experienced something like this as a teen myself (way back in the day lol!). Sure there was drama, but it was never physical.

 

[okeydokey]

I agree. I don't get how people are so concerned that someone else's child will be disappointed that they're not gettting their free trip? Boo freaken hoo.

If the other child had some sort of big investment in this trip, such as money, large amounts of time, etc. I could see it. But an invitation that hasn't even been mentioned in over a month?

This isn't an invitation to the movies, or to a sleepover. It is a Disney Vacation and it is a big deal. I am wondering why the invitation was issued in the first place, but it has been issued and taking it back is a douchie thing to do.

 

[mjkacmom]

I personally never experienced something like this as a teen myself (way back in the day lol!). Sure there was drama, but it was never physical.

And that is your experience. I grew up in a white collar upper middle class family, and town, and I got my butt kicked as many times as I kicked butt. I don't know of any fights that dd16 has been in, but ds14 has been in some scuffles, with his friends.

 

[jrmasm]

I do want to address the slap. I think that was awful behavior. Not ok in book at all. I believe the child should have been uninvited at the time it happened. No matter what idiot comment the OP's daughter made, she didn't deserve to be hit.

I would never continue a friendship with anyone that every laid their hands on me. However, it is clear it wasn't a big deal to the OP and her daughter when it happened. That's why using is as an excuse months after it happened doesn't fly for me.

 

[sam_gordon]

Or the slap was a huge deal to the OP's dd and that is why she hasn't spoken to her friend in the last 2 months. I don't see anything right about forcing my child to go on a trip with a girl she clearly has an issue with, whether or not I think the slap is a big deal.

If that's the case, DD should contact the girl and rescind the invitation. "Mommy" should not be picking up the pieces at this age.

This girl is a teenager. She needs to understand there are repercussions to (almost) EVERY decision made. SHE extended the invitation in the first place, SHE should be the one to rescind it (and suffer any consequences later for doing so).

BTW, from what I remember, this is NOT a "Disney Trip". It's a trip to Universal.

 

[goofyintoronto]

And that is your experience. I grew up in a white collar upper middle class family, and town, and I got my butt kicked as many times as I kicked butt. I don't know of any fights that dd16 has been in, but ds14 has been in some scuffles, with his friends.

Yes it is indeed my experience, thats why I said "I personally never have ....". But thanks for pointing that out. I grew up in a white collar middle class family/town for most of my life. But when i was in grade school we lived in a rough neighbourhood so i did get into a handful of fights from about grade 1 - 3. It was rough. But once we moved, (in grade 4), it was a totally different scenario. No fights ever.

 

[mjc05]

I just want to chime in with one other aspect I haven't seen brought up. Teenage girls can be very vindictive. If you cancel on this girl without your daughter having the manners to address why she is being uninvited, expect the girl to make your daughter's life less than stellar when school starts back up. Maybe the girl has enough manners that she won't, but if she is hurt by the trip being cancelled and her friend not telling her personally, then the girl will probably act out about it in whatever manner a 13 year old, hormonal brain chooses.

Best of luck in your decision.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I do want to address the slap. I think that was awful behavior. Not ok in book at all. I believe the child should have been uninvited at the time it happened. No matter what idiot comment the OP's daughter made, she didn't deserve to be hit.

I would never continue a friendship with anyone that every laid their hands on me. However, it is clear it wasn't a big deal to the OP and her daughter when it happened. That's why using is as an excuse months after it happened doesn't fly for me.

I agree, though I wonder if OP and her DD thought they'd gotten past it (or would get past it) and are finding they just can't?

There is serious lack of communication all around here. I can't imagine not being in contact with someone I was willing to take on a trip with me. I guess I would have been reevaluating the situation long before 6 weeks had passed, and certainly well before getting that follow-up e-mail from the other mom (which she shouldn't have had to send)! If the OP now responds to the other mom's query and tells her that they've changed their mind about taking her DD, the other mom will understandably be upset and annoyed and wonder "when was she planning to tell me that she had changed her mind?!" That's why I don't think this should be handled by simply responding to the e-mail with a cancellation - it's too late for that. If the best thing for everyone is for the friend not to come, then that has to be discussed with the other family (whether OP does it or her DD does it). Yes it may be a difficult conversation, but at this point I think it has to be had if you're not going to take the friend. Simply responding to the mom's e-mail saying "we've changed our mind" is beyond rude. I think at the very least the OP needs to explain some of what has been going on (the disagreement, the losing touch etc.) so that the other mom understands that the decision hasn't been an easy one and that they've been struggling with what to do about the friendship as well as the trip. You don't just cancel a major invitation like that because suddenly you don't feel like taking a friend - the OP needs to at least explain what's behind it.

Then again, I can't imagine being in this position in the first place - no way would I invite a friend along whose family I didn't know well, and for sure 6 weeks would not have passed without contact of some sort.

 

[luvmy3]

If that's the case, DD should contact the girl and rescind the invitation. "Mommy" should not be picking up the pieces at this age.

This girl is a teenager. She needs to understand there are repercussions to (almost) EVERY decision made. SHE extended the invitation in the first place, SHE should be the one to rescind it (and suffer any consequences later for doing so).

BTW, from what I remember, this is NOT a "Disney Trip". It's a trip to Universal.

I agree but the OP said that the girl's mom emailed her so at this point I think the moms do have to discuss what is going on.

And yes you are right, it is a Universal trip not WDW.