Parents - PLEASE be reasonable!

[Jen D]

I have somehow managed to miss seeing these misbehaving children and frazzled parents. Maybe I was too busy watching my own children having a wonderful time?

One other thing I have never seen is someone giving someone else dirty looks. As for myself when I see a child melting down I always give the family a friendly smile to let them know I understand.

It can't be the happiest place on earth unless you want it to be!

Cstraub, I certainly hope that the next time my preschooler has a tantrum in the World... and oh yes, it certainly might happen... I have you next to me. I'd much prefer a smile to someone making "polite" inquiries about my day's itinerary or making quiet, smug assumptions about how my family lives at home.

 

[crisi]

My kids don't nap in the room. Didn't as toddlers.

We did take some early days, we were seldom in the parks past 4pm when they were little.

Rather than one sized fits all advice:

Know yourself. Know your children. Watch for low blood sugar, dehydration, overstimulation, boredom (yes, boredom - following Rivers of America with Hall of Presidents may make your seven year old less manageable), heat exhaustion, and the need for down time. Don't forget basics like potty breaks - we haven't had many problems, but one was a four year old who'd forgotten to go potty and had a tummy ache. A trip to the bathroom solved that one. Plan on being in the parks enough days and plan on seeing only part of it - if you see more that's a bonus! Work your itenerary to avoid battles (we don't go into stores with our children unless we are going to buy something - for those unfortunate "ride dumps you into store" attractions, we make sure the kids know getting off where we are going next and are excited about it). Pick the battles worth having (a Mickey bar an hour before dinner on vacation may or may not be worth the meltdown for you). And have reasonable expections - for how much you'll get done, how much you can put up with, and how well behaved your children will be.

One last piece of advice, don't judge others. If you'd seen my daughter for the fifteen minutes it took us to figure out she needed a potty break, you'd wonder why we weren't taking that unmanageable (or obviously ill) child back to the room! If you have perfect children who have never done anything to embarrass you in public, count your blessings. Most of us have to deal with the imperfect ones.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

People dont "CARE" to understand, and often, the dirty looks CONTINUE after you make a nice loud comment like "Stop being so autistic".

Do you really say that to your son? I don't know that much about autism, so maybe that comment isn't as offensive as it sounds, I'll take your word on that. But I've got to tell you, if I heard someone say that to their child, I would not think "oh, the child is autistic". I would think the child was not, and that the parent was belittling the child, using "autistic" as people used to use "retard". So I can see why dirty looks would continue (or get even dirtier) after hearing a comment like that. Not flaming you or anything, just wanted to let you know how some people might interpret a comment like that.

'Course, I wouldn't have given you dirty looks in the first place. My kids have meltdowns, too, and I'm also the type to smile at people whose kids are doing it, just to let them know they're not alone. I used to ignore it, but once when someone smiled at me during a meltdown, it made me feel so much better, now I always try to pay it forward.

 

[crisi]

I'm going to stick up for Manda as well.

The original comments (plural) about WOHMs were judgemental and offensive and uncalled for. Don't care to get called on judgemental and offensive comments, don't make them. Anyone who is unaware that WOHM/SAHM is a hot button topic is naive and anyone who goes out of their way to offend either side deserves to be called on it. Almost all parents do the best they can. For some that means staying home with the kids, for some that means working, for some that means figuring out some combination. I'd rather have a happy fullfilled WOHM than the same woman feel trapped by staying home - that isn't good for her or her kids. And I'd rather have a happy fullfilled certain she is doing best for her kids SAHM than one who feels she has no choice but to work. Aren't we lucky that we get to make the choices that are right for our individual situations?

 

[CharlesTD]

Well we are almost like that we are up early (kids never sleep past 6:30) we eat in our room cook breakfast DVC with full kitchen. Get to the parks for 8 AM or so and stay till close. Our kids don't nap but when they did they would just nap in the stroller. When they were younger we would go to the child minding centres for a quick nap and food for them plus they could play in the room. We never had much of the heat of the day thing as we only ever go in Dec so it was never overbearing like what we saw this past May it sucked. we then eat at the park and watch the fireworks then head back for a swim at the resort. Then it is off to bed and start it all over again the next day. Mind you are kids are past the napping point and they wear us out at the parks now LOL.

 

[minniedisney1]

I don't think anyone would want to see my DS & the rest of the family coming these days!!!! We always go back & nap even before DS was born. Nap or no nap he has complete meltdowns over anything, & I mean ANYTHING!!!!! He wants juice, no water, no juice, no water, no MILK!!!!! PLEEEEEAAAAAAASE!!! I want milk!!!! And just this week he has added hitting, kicking, falling to the floor kicking & screaming & whimpering. Don't even get me started on the bus rides to/from the parks. He thinks that he should have his own seat. He is to old (DS IS 2)to have sit on someones lap when it is crowded. This causes another HUGE MELTDOWN and LOTS of dirty looks on the ride.

I recently got him a tshirt that has a Warning sign on the front and it says "WARNING" I am 2. I describes him perfectly!!!

So for any of you going 12/15-23 I am saying sorry now for the 30lb. blonde haired blue eyed boy that is probably kicking &screaming and just in general giving his parents a fit on a regular basis.

But we still love him anyway. He is the best boy ever!!!!

 

[Shagley]

I was suprised when we were at WDW in May, how many people pushed their kids over their limit, and then acted like they had no idea why their child was screaming and misbehaving. We went to MGM for the EMH in the evening. We were eating dinner at 10:30pm, and the family next to us had a 2 or 3 year old who screamed continuously through the entire dinner. The Mother kept yelling back at the child "Will you shut up, I have no idea what has gotten in to you", then she said "He shouldn't be too hungry because he has had tons of snacks since lunch". Um - DUH - it is about 10:30pm, you are just now feeding your child dinner (after many hours of junk food), and the poor thing is sunburned and tired. I wasn't irritated at the child (i would have probably screamed too in his situation), but I did want to smack the mother to try to knock some sense into her.

I was also suprised at how many people had their small children at the park after midnight. I understand that it is fun to be at the park until the wee hours of the morning when they are open late, but when these people have a small child with them, they need to use common sense and be aware of their child's needs (like getting a good nights sleep).

 

[jazzyjess]

It really kills me when poeople like the OP. Talk about screaming children. After all you are talking about WDW. What did you really expect? Disney caters to family, yes, but for the most part children. If you have a problem with screaming children. I would not suggest you return. Any "reasonable" person would know children cry.It is not something someone can control That's how they communicate thier wants, and or needs. It surprises me that you have a child, and have a problem with crying children. My daughter 1, is being weaned. She does not like it one bit. So she will cry.
I will try to comfort her, but she will cry. Is she wrong no. Am, I wrong, or as you say an unreasonable parent, no. There are numerous reason why children cry. But, to suggest what parents do on thier vacation, with thier children. Just plain nerve.

There is a difference between screaming, whining children because they are tired and worn out, with oblivious parents that sit through dinner with their kid screaming beside them, and normal "melt-downs".
If my son ever threw a tantrum at the dinner table, ESPECIALLY if we were in public, I would remove him instantly. In fact, I have taken him out of the restaurant when he was about 18 months old and waited in the car while the rest of my party continued with their meal. Only I was inconvenienced, not the entire restaurant.

Why does everyone else need to listen to that? I think there is a difference between kids being kids, reasonable behaviour, and absolute uncontrolled craziness. At age 5, he is expected to exhibit manners and decorum (and no, I am not a Nazi parent). We speak calmly to deal with issues and most situations can be resolved within a few minutes.

I understand some kids cry. But would you knowingly take your "trying to wean" child to the ballet, knowing fully well that the baby will cry all evening? Just because it is "disney" is not an excuse.

So no - I was not intentionally flaming, just trying to open up some dialogue to the issue that there are parents out there (and you will know who you are) that will be oblivious to those around them and let little Johnny or Katie have a screaming fit throughout dinner, run around the restaurant, throw food at neighbouring tables, and otherwise be royal pains in the a@!. But does the fact that they are "just being kids" excuse that behaviour? Because to me, children can be children and still have manners. It is MUCH easier to deal with them when they are not run ragged and so exhausted that perhaps they have forgotten their manners.

 

[jazzyjess]

I was suprised when we were at WDW in May, how many people pushed their kids over their limit, and then acted like they had no idea why their child was screaming and misbehaving. We went to MGM for the EMH in the evening. We were eating dinner at 10:30pm, and the family next to us had a 2 or 3 year old who screamed continuously through the entire dinner. The Mother kept yelling back at the child "Will you shut up, I have no idea what has gotten in to you", then she said "He shouldn't be too hungry because he has had tons of snacks since lunch". Um - DUH - it is about 10:30pm, you are just now feeding your child dinner (after many hours of junk food), and the poor thing is sunburned and tired. I wasn't irritated at the child (i would have probably screamed too in his situation), but I did want to smack the mother to try to knock some sense into her.

I was also suprised at how many people had their small children at the park after midnight. I understand that it is fun to be at the park until the wee hours of the morning when they are open late, but when these people have a small child with them, they need to use common sense and be aware of their child's needs (like getting a good nights sleep).

Amen!

 

[krismom]

I don't understand what all the debate is about... OBVIOUSLY only mothers who work outside of the home have children that tantrum.

 

[LoveWDW]

When our kids were little, we found a leisurely lunch in an air conditioned restaurant provided enough of a break to relax everybody. We stayed too far away to leave the park and drive, rest, then drive back to the park, find a parking place, and so forth. We also usually missed the daily rain showers this way, too. But even so, our 4 year old faded out during the parade in the evening that we had waited so long for. The crowds, the stimulation during the day, the long hours, he'd had it. So we left. We never did get to see the parade. But that's the way it was.

Now that we can stay onsite, my husband and I value our break at mid-day. We go back to our hotel and rest, leaving to visit the parks later in the day.

What bothers me at the parks is the infants in the strollers being exposed to the sun for long periods of time. I am guessing that the parents will have covered the baby well with sunblock. or I hope so, but even so- it would be less worrisome to me if the baby were shaded somehow- the baby can't get himself out of the hot sun and the possible damage to his delicate skin.

 

[poohguys]

Thanks DisneyPhD! Your girls are very cute! My sons best friend who is 6 months younger than him is also small for his age-the two of them are a good 6 inches iapart in height. Everyone is different. I agree that there are always going to be times when it is not easy being a parent, but that is part of the job. I would not trade it for anything!

Tiggernut Jadie- it is too bad that we will not be there at the some time our kids run around together and tire eachother out. My DS will be turning 5 while we are at WDW. He is in size 6/7 clothes now, and I think I am soon going to have to start buying a size 8.

Wishing everyone a happy trip with few meltdowns!

 

[crisi]

There is a difference between screaming, whining children because they are tired and worn out, with oblivious parents that sit through dinner with their kid screaming beside them, and normal "melt-downs".
If my son ever threw a tantrum at the dinner table, ESPECIALLY if we were in public, I would remove him instantly. In fact, I have taken him out of the restaurant when he was about 18 months old and waited in the car while the rest of my party continued with their meal. Only I was inconvenienced, not the entire restaurant.

I thought this too, and then it happened.

At Disney, at Boma. My daughter, then four, decided that she wanted strawberries for dinner and then dessert. Her dad, in one of his worst "doesn't know which battles to pick" moments said she needed to have food other than strawberries and a few grapes if she was going to get dessert. She threw a fit, and giving in to a fit is not a good idea (teaches them to throw fits), so we didn't budge.

For reference, dinner was supposed to be at five thirty, but we waited 40 minutes for a table. We'd fed them a decent lunch and had spent the afternoon at the resort - leaving the park on our last day at 1:30. This wasn't a case of feeding a four year old at 10pm or running her ragged in the park and expecting her to sit through dinner.

Now, I always thought if this happened I'd remove her - and I had in the past when she was smaller. And I realized that the tables were way too close together and we were way too far back in the restaurant to carry a kicking screaming four year old out. As horrible as it was for people around us to listen to her tantrum, I think they would have enjoyed getting kicked in the head less.

We ended up with Cast Member intervention and a negotiated solution. My daughter wasn't going to listen to Dad say, "just eat one chicken finger" but she was willing to listen to a complete outsider. Thank God or we would have been at that impasse until they closed the restaurant and we could have hauled her out safely.

I'm still get mad at my husband thinking about it. He has no sense when it comes to picking battles with her and they are both stubborn, but at least he's the adult - he's supposed to be able to think ahead.

 

[lillygator]

I'll be the oblivious parent - go ahead and glare away!!

No seriously, my girls are good girls- they are used to eating out and are very much go with the flow so we are pretty lucky!! Samantha is a CG regular!

...I've heard more obnoxious adults at TS than I have out of control kids...and we pretty much only eat TS....so while jazzyjess I appreciate your advice -especially on:

You are spending so much money to be there, and so is everyone else, why wreck it by having your kids so upset? Trust me - it's not fun for the kids if all they want to do is have some down time while you are insisting on dressing the little princesses up (villains would be the appropriate attire in my opinion for the parents!) just so you, as a parent, can relive some mis-translated memory of your own childhood.
Just some food for thought.

my princess loves to dress up and is no way forced - so this is advice we'll pass on.


Don't make assumptions about all the parents and children you see at Disney...you know what they say.....

 

[taximomfor4]

I
I was also suprised at how many people had their small children at the park after midnight. I understand that it is fun to be at the park until the wee hours of the morning when they are open late, but when these people have a small child with them, they need to use common sense and be aware of their child's needs (like getting a good nights sleep).

Many people from many time zones come to WDW. Our midnight in the Eastern Time Zone is dinner time for Hawaiians. I think in terms of other time zones ever since my bro went military 9 yrs ago... I always have to think that way, otherwise I upset them when I call and wake their babies at 4 am, hehe. I know if I were from Hawaii, coming to WDW for a weeklong vacation, I would most likely NOT adjust my kids to the time change. By the time they would adjust, it would practically be time to switch back to Hawaii time again. So perhaps that accounts for some kids out at the parks at a late hour!

 

[mouseketeer_times_2]

I was in the mall yesterday with my 8 year old dd and 13 year old ds and I watched a couple of kids have meltdowns in the food court. That is what some kids do. I really feel for these parents. That behavior doesn't magically stop just because you're in the Magic Kingdom. Every time my wife and I plan our trips to WDW we always say will will not commando the parks but always do and every time I have to drag the kids back to the hotel. I have to say that my kids don't have meltdowns tho, they have my attitude. We get tired and we start to droop and get real quiet. Not everyone is like that tho. I don't like to fault people for trying to do the right thing by taking their kids to WDW. My parents couldn't afford it and I suspect a good deal of parents there can't either but do it for their kids. I go to WDW expecting to see screaming kids, both in fun and some in meltdowns. I go to a Jet game I expect to see fellow screaming Jet Fans, I go to MK and I expect to see fellow screaming Disney Nuts. JMHO

I agree with MrGrumpy222. Meltdowns happen at anytime and at any place. Just because a child is having a fit in public does not mean

a. The parents are selfish and are pushing the kids non-stop OR
b. The children have been over stimulated by terrible parents pushing them

sometimes kids just have a personality that causes them to constantly be having a crisis and it doesn't matter if you are at WDW or the supermarket. If they are upset they let you and the whole world know it.

It may be frustrating when you are on vacation, trying to relax and you overhear a meltdown but I think we (especially those of us with little ones) should be sympathetic to the parents and unless we see/hear something to confirm a suspicion that the parents are being heartless and trying to live their childhood through this one vacation, be somewhat empathetic to the parent trying to keep their child in check. JMHO.

 

[sara74]

I think I'm scared out of going to WDW at all!

Sorry to those who think that Manda turned this into a WOHM/SAHM debate. She was merely defending those of us who (forgive me for not knowing how to quote yet) pick our kids up just in time to get them McD's and get them to bed while we work on our laptops - no doubt while driving our new SUVs. I guess I missed that part of my day today...

This is a touchy subject for all moms although I don't understand how it matters to anyone else where and how my kids spend their days. For the record, I work outside the home 3 days a week, have DD3 and DS1 and they are in daycare those 3 days. Which I am sure will prepare them greatly for a WDW vacation. They know all about sharing,waiting in lines and crowds Again with apologies for not being able to quote directly - the comments about staying at home because your children are the most important thing to you are downright mean because they imply that for the rest of us the kids are what- afterthoughts? excuses to take vacations to WDW? :

The parents that push their kids hard at WDW are the same ones that bring a 4 year old into my office for a filling and tell me that he got no sleep the night before and hasn't eaten yet and are then surprised when he starts shaking and crying. But I do what I can to make the kids feel comfortable and let them carry on with their day. If that's what they need to do who am I to say. How do I know what kept their kid up last night? That's what is beautiful about the world - the way we are all so DIFFERENT!

The OP was judgemental from the get go and that's just wrong. My kids meltdown some days and troop through anything on others and until you walk a mile in my shoes you won't know what makes my kids tick nor is it any of your business. It is perfectly reasonable to expect that any parent of a screaming kids make an effort not to impose on your good time - after all everyone is on vacation. But, OP, you live a sad sad life if this is the first thing you can think about after a trip to the Happiest Place on Earth!

I'm sorry but I am sickened by what I am reading here. I just wanted some ideas on what resort to stay at so my kids would really like the pool, the food etc and I get sucked into a fight that can't be won with people I don't know. Shame on me for getting into it but shame on all of us for letting it continue too.

Go ahead, flame me. I can handle it. I'm a dentist and 15 people a day tell me how much they hate me!

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Trust me - it's not fun for the kids if all they want to do is have some down time while you are insisting on dressing the little princesses up (villains would be the appropriate attire in my opinion for the parents!) just so you, as a parent, can relive some mis-translated memory of your own childhood.
Just some food for thought.

my princess loves to dress up and is no way forced - so this is advice we'll pass on.

LOL! Mine, too, and probably 90% of the little girls in our neighborhood. This isn't the first time I've seen someone post a similar, mistaken notion that the parents are the ones dressing the girls up. Clearly not the parents of a little princess, or else they'd know that if these girls had their way, they'd be wearing their princess dresses all day, every day, including to sleep.

Jess, believe me, I'd be thrilled not to have to pack those big poofy dresses than shed glitter all over everything, the matching shoes, tiaras and wands, then drag them around MK all morning so the girls can change into them for their lunch in the castle. I know my girls, they won't want to take them off after lunch, even though I'll explain to them how uncomfortable they'll get. They'll spend the rest of the day in them, possibly even complaining of being too hot, but every time I suggest they change back into their shorts and Tshirts, they'll say "NO! I want to wear this!"

:

 

[!@#$%]

Anahemgirl....... There was a statement made about me saying "Stop being so Autistic" to my autistic son. Let me give you something to think about. If there are 50 people watching my son have a breakdown, none of them know he's autistic. 2 of them might pick up on his movements and figure it, and walk away, thinking "theres an autistic child and a father thats struggling with him". 10 will not want to get involved and choose to ignore it. That leaves 38. Of those 38, 19 are thinking "For crying out loud! That child is screaming, he just hit your wife 3 times, hes punching you... take him aside and belt the fool out of him! He deserves it!" (Of course he doesnt, he cant control his actions, but they dont know that, and you wont convince them of it. They are as firm in their conclusion as the others are in theirs.) The other 19 are saying "If you touch that child I'll have social services all over you! You must NOT be very good parents or perhaps your not using the right dicipline! (These are convinced that I did something wrong.). There might be a few more that wander up, and want to help, and there might be a few who want to kick my butt for the heck of it for whatever reason.
My point is reguardless of what I do I CAN NOT PLEASE EVERYONE!!! No matter WHAT I SAY, SOMEONE WILL HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT! As an EXPERIENCED father who has fought this for 5 years (the first 3 years arent in the picture; he was normal basically) I have chosen what works BEST for the majority of the people. The rest can get over it. How many years have YOU raised an autistic child with rage issues????? How do you know WHAT you would do if put in the same perdicament for your LIFETIME as a parent??? How do you know what you would say??? Years of worry, tears and at points, suicidal thoughts can wear on a person. As I see it, we have ONLY 2 options. Option #1, put him in a group home. There, they'll DRUG THE CRAP out of him till he's a vegetable (Ive seen it happen, dont tell me it wont.) or I can choose #2, keep him, keep him DRUG FREE (we tried drugs, they DID NOT WORK, only screwed up his body and mind more) and do the best we can. Perhaps this falls under the autistic board, but I have to defend myself. When I say "stop acting autistic" I am letting everyone around know he's autistic. Just like the Autism buttons he wears from www.buttonsandmore.com. They are there for MY sake, and his as well. My son has been to probably 45-50 doctors total. We spared no expense for his cure. He knows he's autistic, and he knows its nothing to be ashamed of. We explained to him that when he does that he's showing the BAD side of autism. He has a tremendous IQ. He understands. Its the onlookers who dont understand.
If I say nothing to my son I am looked upon as a father who lets his son by with being a brat. By "announcing" his condition, people are INFORMED, and they usually put 2 & 2 together. They then start to reevaluate their thoughts. Not flaming, just shedding light.

 

[cstraub]

Anahemgirl....... There was a statement made about me saying "Stop being so Autistic" to my autistic son. Let me give you something to think about. If there are 50 people watching my son have a breakdown, none of them know he's autistic. 2 of them might pick up on his movements and figure it, and walk away, thinking "theres an autistic child and a father thats struggling with him". 10 will not want to get involved and choose to ignore it. That leaves 38. Of those 38, 19 are thinking "For crying out loud! That child is screaming, he just hit your wife 3 times, hes punching you... take him aside and belt the fool out of him! He deserves it!" (Of course he doesnt, he cant control his actions, but they dont know that, and you wont convince them of it. They are as firm in their conclusion as the others are in theirs.) The other 19 are saying "If you touch that child I'll have social services all over you! You must NOT be very good parents or perhaps your not using the right dicipline! (These are convinced that I did something wrong.). There might be a few more that wander up, and want to help, and there might be a few who want to kick my butt for the heck of it for whatever reason.
My point is reguardless of what I do I CAN NOT PLEASE EVERYONE!!! No matter WHAT I SAY, SOMEONE WILL HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT! As an EXPERIENCED father who has fought this for 5 years (the first 3 years arent in the picture; he was normal basically) I have chosen what works BEST for the majority of the people. The rest can get over it. How many years have YOU raised an autistic child with rage issues????? How do you know WHAT you would do if put in the same perdicament for your LIFETIME as a parent??? How do you know what you would say??? Years of worry, tears and at points, suicidal thoughts can wear on a person. As I see it, we have ONLY 2 options. Option #1, put him in a group home. There, they'll DRUG THE CRAP out of him till he's a vegetable (Ive seen it happen, dont tell me it wont.) or I can choose #2, keep him, keep him DRUG FREE (we tried drugs, they DID NOT WORK, only screwed up his body and mind more) and do the best we can. Perhaps this falls under the autistic board, but I have to defend myself. When I say "stop acting autistic" I am letting everyone around know he's autistic. Just like the Autism buttons he wears from www.buttonsandmore.com. They are there for MY sake, and his as well. My son has been to probably 45-50 doctors total. We spared no expense for his cure. He knows he's autistic, and he knows its nothing to be ashamed of. We explained to him that when he does that he's showing the BAD side of autism. He has a tremendous IQ. He understands. Its the onlookers who dont understand.
If I say nothing to my son I am looked upon as a father who lets his son by with being a brat. By "announcing" his condition, people are INFORMED, and they usually put 2 & 2 together. They then start to reevaluate their thoughts. Not flaming, just shedding light.

You deserve the biggest smile of all!