Parents - PLEASE be reasonable!

[!@#$%]

By the way, this thread is becoming increasingly negative. I just got a new 10" long Pacu. (Look it up). Im going to go research how to be an excellant owner of the most aggresive fish legal in the USA. (closest thing to a pirhanna legal). I'll let you all fight out the rest of this. I prefer positive threads, and this one isnt that. Started bad, got worse. If Im to partial blame, I appologise. Backing out quietly.
Stay at home moms rule! Only kidding, had to end with a smile. (Shoot, Im not even a mom )

 

[faindrops27]

OP.No, I would not take my daughter to the ballet? But, we were talking about Disneyworld. You have no point, I see. You are throwing kid gloves. You are just plain wrong. Even though, I hate repeating myself to adults. Bottem line, is this. If you cannot handle meltdowns. Stay away from Disneyworld.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Anahemgirl....... There was a statement made about me saying "Stop being so Autistic" to my autistic son. Let me give you something to think about. If there are 50 people watching my son have a breakdown, none of them know he's autistic. 2 of them might pick up on his movements and figure it, and walk away, thinking "theres an autistic child and a father thats struggling with him". 10 will not want to get involved and choose to ignore it. That leaves 38. Of those 38, 19 are thinking "For crying out loud! That child is screaming, he just hit your wife 3 times, hes punching you... take him aside and belt the fool out of him! He deserves it!" (Of course he doesnt, he cant control his actions, but they dont know that, and you wont convince them of it. They are as firm in their conclusion as the others are in theirs.) The other 19 are saying "If you touch that child I'll have social services all over you! You must NOT be very good parents or perhaps your not using the right dicipline! (These are convinced that I did something wrong.). There might be a few more that wander up, and want to help, and there might be a few who want to kick my butt for the heck of it for whatever reason.
My point is reguardless of what I do I CAN NOT PLEASE EVERYONE!!! No matter WHAT I SAY, SOMEONE WILL HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT! As an EXPERIENCED father who has fought this for 5 years (the first 3 years arent in the picture; he was normal basically) I have chosen what works BEST for the majority of the people. The rest can get over it. How many years have YOU raised an autistic child with rage issues????? How do you know WHAT you would do if put in the same perdicament for your LIFETIME as a parent??? How do you know what you would say??? Years of worry, tears and at points, suicidal thoughts can wear on a person. As I see it, we have ONLY 2 options. Option #1, put him in a group home. There, they'll DRUG THE CRAP out of him till he's a vegetable (Ive seen it happen, dont tell me it wont.) or I can choose #2, keep him, keep him DRUG FREE (we tried drugs, they DID NOT WORK, only screwed up his body and mind more) and do the best we can. Perhaps this falls under the autistic board, but I have to defend myself. When I say "stop acting autistic" I am letting everyone around know he's autistic. Just like the Autism buttons he wears from www.buttonsandmore.com. They are there for MY sake, and his as well. My son has been to probably 45-50 doctors total. We spared no expense for his cure. He knows he's autistic, and he knows its nothing to be ashamed of. We explained to him that when he does that he's showing the BAD side of autism. He has a tremendous IQ. He understands. Its the onlookers who dont understand.
If I say nothing to my son I am looked upon as a father who lets his son by with being a brat. By "announcing" his condition, people are INFORMED, and they usually put 2 & 2 together. They then start to reevaluate their thoughts. Not flaming, just shedding light.

And that's all I was trying to do, too. I wasn't flaming you either, just trying to shed some light. You are the one who originally said that people keep giving you dirty looks even after you've said "stop acting autistic", so obviously I'm not the only one not putting 2 & 2 together. I was just trying to let you know how some people might interpret that remark. Like I said before, not being experienced in autism, I'll take your word for it that it's an OK remark to make to the child. No need to shout or put words into my mouth.

 

[!@#$%]

Wasnt trying. No harm intended. You were friendly enough. And your right. People might interpret it wrong. I didnt mean for it to sound angry, cause Im not, ad it wasnt supposed to. the negative remark was geared toward the moms opposing the OP and such. Not what you said.
Peace

 

[LadyBears]

Do you really say that to your son? I don't know that much about autism, so maybe that comment isn't as offensive as it sounds, I'll take your word on that. But I've got to tell you, if I heard someone say that to their child, I would not think "oh, the child is autistic". I would think the child was not, and that the parent was belittling the child, using "autistic" as people used to use "retard". So I can see why dirty looks would continue (or get even dirtier) after hearing a comment like that. Not flaming you or anything, just wanted to let you know how some people might interpret a comment like that.

'Course, I wouldn't have given you dirty looks in the first place. My kids have meltdowns, too, and I'm also the type to smile at people whose kids are doing it, just to let them know they're not alone. I used to ignore it, but once when someone smiled at me during a meltdown, it made me feel so much better, now I always try to pay it forward.

And that's all I was trying to do, too. I wasn't flaming you either, just trying to shed some light. You are the one who originally said that people keep giving you dirty looks even after you've said "stop acting autistic", so obviously I'm not the only one not putting 2 & 2 together. I was just trying to let you know how some people might interpret that remark. Like I said before, not being experienced in autism, I'll take your word for it that it's an OK remark to make to the child. No need to shout or put words into my mouth.

!@#$% - I guess I am on the same page as AnaheimGirl. I too have no experience with autism. If I heard a parent saying that to a child, I would NOT think the child really is autistic. I would be staring more for the phrase than the child. Then I would think "no wonder the child is acting like that - listen to what he is learning from the parent". I think what Anaheim Girl meant was is there a better way to phrase that so that those of us who have no knowledge of autism would understand that that was meant as a clue & not an insult? What if you were to say something like "calm down, your autism is acting up"? I am sure "acting up" is the wrong phrase, but I don't know the correct term would be. "Your autism is worse today?", maybe? You also mentioned buttons - perhaps the commotion got people looking, they saw the buttons & were trying to read them, then heard your comment so by instinct, they had to keep looking?

I am guilty of telling my DH to "stop acting like a 5 year old", I have heard people saying "stop acting like a retard" because someone else was goofing around. Does it mean my DH IS a 5 year old? No. Does it mean the person who was goofing around is mentally challenged? No. As human beings, MOST people will just jump to conclusions from their own personal experience. Since most peoples lives are not touched by someone with autism, that would not be the first conclussion we jump to. On the same token, I know I have used the same tactic with my DD. One example: she was sick with a bad ear infection & we just came from the doctors. We had to pick up her prescription & obviously I wasn't going to leave her alone in the car. She was in a lot of pain, so she was crying & acting up & we were getting a lot of looks. I know I have said to her (definitely loud enough for others to hear) things along the lines of "As soon as you take the medicine the doctor just ordered, you will start to feel better".

off the subject: We just got a new 55 gallon aquarium setup. COOL! I like it! We have a red terror, and plan to go today and try to get a green terror, black terror, Jack Dempsey, and maybe an Oscar. I wish you could get the really serious aggressive fish around here like Wolfheads and such.
If anyone out there needs an aquarium that lives near Piedmont Triad NC, I now have 2 for sale. A second 55 gallon and a 29 gallon.

Just watch out for Jack - if he is bigger than Oscar, Oscar is toast!
What about a snakehead? If you keep one long enough, it will need its own 55!!

 

[meandtheguys2]

You know, this was an inflamatory post from the get-go. Coming to a MB to complain about the parenting of others will always cause arguments. Because no one knows the full story of someone's life.

Turning it into a WOHM vs. SAHM argument just pours fuel on the fire, and is uncalled for. Women have enough difficult choices to make in life. It is a shame that other women are their worst enemies.

Kids melt down, parents screw up, and sometimes things go just right in spite of it all.

 

[brymolmom]

Hey JazzyJess- I bet I was one of the parents to whom you refer. Just got back from POP myself. If you were in line for MK at about 5:00pm on 9/14 - you (and a line FULL of people) got to witness my daughter have a tantrum. Looking around at all the eyes on us, I thought of DIS'ers and the ones who would be flaming me for being in line for a park with a screaming kid. Of course WHAT THEY DIDN'T KNOW was that it was our first day there, hadn't been to ANY park yet and as soon as we checked into the room, the first order of business was to give the kids a 2 - 2.5 hour nap. So she was, indeed, well rested and well hydrated - just was being a 2 year old and having a tantrum (because we didn't bring the blanket she wanted and because she wanted juice instead of water). Well, she is quite the drama queen and has outbursts frequently - but usually they last about 1 minute until she realizes she isn't getting what she asked for. However, in the line with many eyes on us - she put on her best show - crying with the best of them for about 7 - 10 minutes. Then, finally, asking for 'water' and giving into the fact that we didn't have any juice with us anyway.

Keep in mind that when many parents are ignoring their children's antics - it might well be their strategy - don't give them the attention they're asking for.

Also - I see a bit of a contradiction in what a lot of people are saying here. If you want us to give the kids a nap and we are using WDW buses - they're going to be tired on the bus. How do we get them back to the room for a nap if we can't take the bus? Are we supposed to go back to the room 2 hours BEFORE they tire out JUST IN CASE they (gasp) get tired and need a nap?

Also - a lot easier for a parent with a single 5 year old to complain about this. Even though older kids can and do sometimes have tantrums/acting ups - they're usually not as prone to it as my 23 month old. Especially when her 3 year old brother gets going on her! She'll learn as she grows - she's just being 2 a little early. And that's fine and I love her and we had a GREAT time at WDW. Just have to ignore those judgemental eyes and opinions.

 

[Nancyg56]

You know, this was an inflamatory post from the get-go. Coming to a MB to complain about the parenting of others will always cause arguments. Because no one knows the full story of someone's life.

Turning it into a WOHM vs. SAHM argument just pours fuel on the fire, and is uncalled for. Women have enough difficult choices to make in life. It is a shame that other women are their worst enemies.

Kids melt down, parents screw up, and sometimes things go just right in spite of it all.

Well said. Easy for someone on the outside looking in to make a judgement.

 

[NCombs]

I have a feeling many of these parents haven't been w/ their children for a week or two at a time since the child was a month old...therefore they have no idea how to read the signs of exhaustion. I'm sorry, a family vacation means mom and dad are going to miss some things...if your child is up early it cannot stay up after 9 pm to see fireworks...if your child still needs a 2 hour afternoon nap then it needs the nap...WDW or no WDW...most children need some goof-off, unstimulated time...if that means sitting in the room while they watch "Jungle Book" for the 200th time...accept it, and know that dinner will be much more pleasant. Your child doesn't realize how much each minute costs...all they understand is that they're exhausted, overstimulated, and that mom and dad are being unreasonable. DH and I saw this on the repo cruise...parents bound and determined that their children were going to sit through dinner every night...when you could tell from the conversation that dinner time was never observed at home, these kids were picked up at daycare, driven through McDs, and home to bed...talk about some cranky kids, and down right nasty parents !!!

What?? How did you manage to turn the OP statement into insulting remarks about working parents? Get real.

 

[NCombs]

"
All I am suggesting is that parents be aware of the needs of young kids and not try to go "commando" through the park and expect their kids to be happy about it, or expect to take them to a restaurant and ruin the meals of all the other families who have had the decency to look after their kids properly.

Please, could you be any more judgmental? It must be great to be a perfect family where noone ever gets upset and is always on perfect behavior.

My kids behave very well and we are always complimented in restaurants but I would never assume that because a child is upset or tired or just plain cranky that it means the parents haven't had the decency to look after their kids properly.

Obviously, you worry way to much about what others are doing and really must let things bother you too much that are none of your business.

 

[ducklite]

I am politely asking, not flaming. ITA with OP. We did exactly as s/he did. Our children were wonderful. DS4's only meltdowns were about wearing a hat in hot and sunny weather.

My question for wide awake, however, stands. What does this have to do with WOHM/F and SAHM/F? We are extremely aware of our kids limits, eat the majority of our meals together, but both WOH.

Please clarify your stance. Do you feel that all parents who work are selfish? Unsacrificing? Just asking.

I agree. I worked from the time my son was eight weeks old, and *HORRORS* even had a nanny! In fact we took her to WDW with us--when our DS was old enough to not need a nanny any longer, she had become part of our family and we took her as a treat!

But I digress. We certainly knew how to read our child. If we were up early for a CB, we were in bed early that night--or at least had a nap or rest in the afternoon. We didn't push, never had a "commando" attitude. In fact we once tried teh UnOfficial Guide touring plans, and after about 90 minutes gave up, as it gave us no time to "Smell the roses".

We tried to stick to the usual mealtimes, even if it meant missing park time. We had a full service lunch every day--FORCED us to sit down, relax and regroup a bit.

And BTW--there's nothing wrong with Mc D's every now and then. My DS (aged 19) and I decided to have McDonald's as a "treat" for dinner last night. We have it maybe once a month or so. And I ALWAYS SUPERSIZE LOL!

Anne

 

[Nini]

extended family and will be touring with family meeting us there!!! We will have 9 adults and 7 children...needless to say, we will NOT see everything there is to see. We ARE ensuring that this is a trip geared towards the CHILDREN.

We do not have a "tour plan" though I am sure that works for some people. We already know which park we will be in on which day and have planned our dinner ADR's with that in mind.

For example, we are going to be in MK and really want the kids to see Main St. all lit up so we have our ADR for our first night at CRT so we can just see and enjoy the MK for that day!

We ARE planning on returning to our hotel for a break and swim for the kids. We only planned to be there from Monday to Friday as we felt that this was as much as the kids could handle without becomming cranky and over stimulated by everything.

We're a pretty laid back bunch but we can still get on each others nerves NEVERMIND someone else!!!!!

Dinner with the DiAngelis clan is always an adventure...just because of our numbers I think. We are making every attempt to keep track of our kids and have even made (dh is a Sr. Graphic Artist) t-shirts for each child.

However, as I already said...we are a sight to behold as a group and can sometimes appear unorganized and frazzled when in all truth, we are highly organized and have a great support system We love each other and have fun with each other so we know it will be good for us...everyone else?...I'm not so sure!!!!

All I can say is that we go with the flow...

 

[DisneyPhD]

Go ahead, flame me. I can handle it. I'm a dentist and 15 people a day tell me how much they hate me!

No flames, I really agree with your post. I am SAHM now, but worked part time when my oldest was born. 3 days a week is a great way to go, still get to have a carrer, but home with the kids 4 to 5 days a week.

This shouldn't be about about SAHparents, or working parents. Really most of the parents here aren't the ones the OP is talking about. However I agree many people's tone are very hurtful to parents. The point is most of the people you see there, you don't know their situation (like !@#$%, who does a good job educating other on austium, a very misunderstood condition, and it can differ so much from person to person too.) To be honest, most parents listen to their children and know their kids very well. Even the best parent has "bad mommy moments." We are human you know.

As far as being a denist goes, I must admit. I really hate going. Infact I know I should, but it seems the more my denist messes with my teeth, the more they bug me. If I could go to you maybe I wouldn't hate it so much (or if my DD could.)

 

[taximomfor4]

I agree. I worked from the time my son was eight weeks old, and *HORRORS* even had a nanny! In fact we took her to WDW with us--when our DS was old enough to not need a nanny any longer, she had become part of our family and we took her as a treat!

But I digress. We certainly knew how to read our child. If we were up early for a CB, we were in bed early that night--or at least had a nap or rest in the afternoon. We didn't push, never had a "commando" attitude. In fact we once tried teh UnOfficial Guide touring plans, and after about 90 minutes gave up, as it gave us no time to "Smell the roses".

We tried to stick to the usual mealtimes, even if it meant missing park time. We had a full service lunch every day--FORCED us to sit down, relax and regroup a bit.

And BTW--there's nothing wrong with Mc D's every now and then. My DS (aged 19) and I decided to have McDonald's as a "treat" for dinner last night. We have it maybe once a month or so. And I ALWAYS SUPERSIZE LOL!

Anne

LOL Anne~
I always look forward to reading your posts. You show great perspective. I think IRL we would actually get along, even though our lifestyles are quite definitely DISsimilar.



Beth

 

[CleveRocks]

Kids melt down, parents screw up, and sometimes things go just right in spite of it all.

WELL SAID!!!

-- Eric

 

[Tink215]

Well as I sit here and watch Hurricane Rita run right through my backyard with my kids a bit fussy and scared I read this thread, I did not plan on posting but was very bothered by the person who started it!!!!
You started your post by saying no flames but you have 7 pages of it and lots of people very upset. I hate to say this but maybe you should pick up some form of childrens developmental/stages book and read up on this, If you actually think you are going to bring your child to a place like WDW and not expect some form of melt down, then maybe you live in the perfect world....I am a Preschool Teacher by trade and was a teacher for 14 years till I had my first DD, METDOWNS AND SCREAMING & CRYING ARE NORMAL!!!!!!! I think that you were very judgemental about these parents you talked about then I thought, wow did she know these people to assume they had these jobs and SUV's. Well I will answer that no I dont think you know them and I dont think you know there situations financial or not.....I do know one thing for the most part, most and I say most cause I dont want everyone to jump all over me, most are brining there children and families to have a good time to be happy and put a little magic in there lives wether it be a day or a weekend or weeks at a time!!! You have no Idea if they have spent all there money for this one trip or are annual pass holders but you cannot jump on these boards and expect no flames!!!!!
Its Disney World, 4 theme parks and lots of extra's, The first year I did as an adult I had a meltdown. There is no right way to do Disney you do it YOUR WAY and if these parents are pushing there kids a bit have you ever thought that maybe they have been saving for this trip for years and probably wont be back for another several years so thats why they try to see all they can!!!! Yes I have seen the meltdowns, I have seen the cranky parents but I have never felt ill mannered about it, I have tried to help and have been helped myself. Maybe you should stop being so Judgemental and open up your heart and be considerate of the parents.


I have two DD, 4 1/2 and 18 months, and my four year old is what I call a drama queen, she'll melt down if she does not get the right color socks on, as stated from other posters, there are children with special needs, and so on, WDW is a very stimulating place wether you plan alot or plan nothing, I have been to WDW maybe 15 times in 4 years, some of my trips have been full packed and some very slow, like the year it was only my DD1 and me, I I stayed off site so I could not go back and take a nap, Everyones situation is different and thats what I would like for you to see. Before you go bashing everyone for there lifestyles, or there parenting skills. You have upset people so much that they even think its a SAHM/WM debate and I dont think it is.....Please before you post again, stop and really think about what you are about to post and how much you will affect people on the boards!!!

 

[can'twait]

Sometimes I wonder if people say stuff on these boards just to get a rise out of people and then sit back and enjoy reading the responses. We are all strangers here. Nobody really knows each other, what our daily lives are like, what our financial pictures are, why we do things the way we do, if we've had a bad day, or our kids have, etc. Maybe we should all be a little more tolerant. Mind our own business, and remember - to each his or her own.

Just my humble opinion.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I would never assume that because a child is upset or tired or just plain cranky that it means the parents haven't had the decency to look after their kids properly.

Me neither. In fact, I rarely even notice other kids screaming or crying in restaurants. If I do notice it, I can easily tune it out. I've never understood how a meal can be "ruined" by a little noise coming from another table. :

Disclaimer -- I can understand that it'd be bothersome if it's a ton of noise, things being thrown around, etc, but I've never in my life experienced that, so I can't believe it happens all that often. And yes, I eat out a lot, both with my family and with business associates. I've had more trouble conducting business while dining due to mood music piped into a dining room, than I've had due to kids.

 

[marathonmommy]

My name is marathonmommy
I am a WOHM
I drive an SUV
I love McDonald's

BUT, I am a DAMN GOOD MOM!
Can I get an AMEN?

 

[can'twait]

AMEN Sister!!!!!!!!

I think all us moms should give ourselves a pat on the back and just enjoy our vacations.