OT: taking a 9yr old boy to a girls bathroom

[letthewookiewin]

It just seems incongruous to me that the child is mature enough to attend a concert with those bands and those types of lyrics (and predictable crowd behavior) but you doubt his maturity to handle a restroom situation alone? I might rethink the whole outing if that were the case.

I would agree if it were Emenim, Korn, Metallica, or something harder. Sorry just don't see old bands like that as a problem. Also, it has nothing to do with the maturity of the child. When I take my DS anywhere, I like to cover all the "what if" situations. This comes not from being an overly paranoid parent, but from being a day care field trip director.

Call the venue and see if they have a family or handicapped private bathroom. Find out if any of the bathrooms have only a one door access. If they have any of these go to these bathrooms. If they don't then ask for management and explain your situation and ask what accomedations they can provide you with. Somewhere in any venue is a restroom that is safe even if you have to go to the first aid room and use theirs. Honestly I'd do any of these things before taking that old of a kid into the opposite sex restroom.

I did that this afternoon, and they do not.

 

[darlak]

It's not an issue of the maturity of the child, it's the lack of maturity among a bunch of adult drunken males along with the bad intentions of pedophiles who are physically and mentally able to take adavantage of a 9 year old.

I'm usually the first one warning about pedophiles, so I'm glad someone else said it first this time.

It wouldn't bother me at all to see a 9 y/o boy in the ladie's room. My advice is to take him in with you.

 

[joeysmommy]

I say take him in the bathroom with you. Who cares what the women in the restroom think..your son's safety is more important.
If there weren't so many twisted perverts in the world you wouldn't have to even worry about this.

We were in Lake Tahoe last week and after riding the Tahoe Queen river boat my 5 yr old announced he had to use the restroom.
We walked over to the restroom area and he ducked into the men's restroom. Ususally he goes with me to the women's but now he is expressing his independence and "Eww! That is for the girls."
I was calling for him to come back out but there were men in there doing there business. I kept calling out to him"are you ok?" he kept answering back that he was. I didn't want to make a big scene esp since I could see him in the mirror.

But once he came out of there I pulled him aside and told him that when Iwant him to use the women's restroom with me that is what needs to happen.
I know it seems really paranoid but I don't care..my son's safety is more important.

 

[LauraAnn630]

I do not get other peoples thinking! There are to many nuts in the world!
How the heck is a 9 yr old supposed to handle a grown man that my want to hurt him????????? Right now we are on alert. We have 2 men driving around our city trying to pick up kids. One in a white van and one in a dark cadillac.
Every minute someone somewhere trys to abduct a child.
No one wants that child to be theres. Be safe take him with you.

I would NOT let him use the men's room alone! Take him with you, don't let that child out of your site (even if you can only see his shoes in the next stall!) Too many things can and do happen to children. Your peace of mind and your child's safety is WAY more important than making a few women you will probably never see again in your life feel uncomfortable.

I feel the same way!
You cant see in the stalls. So why would ANYONE have a problem with this?

Everyone goes potty. Its not a big deal.

I do not think these bands have songs that are sooo bad either.

Sometime you have to do whats safest for you and your children. If other cannot understand, so be it.

I just went to Kenny Chesney in Cleveland, Ohio there were men in the womens room and women in the mens room. They had family bathrooms at the Cleveland Browns Stadium. They might there to and this may not even be an issue for you.

I think its cool you are taking him to the concert. He will always remember that you did that for him.

 

[kcromley]

Actually, it is about the maturity of the child above all. Even adults may be in proximity to sexual predators, criminals or other deviants at any time, but we count on our maturity, common sense, or perhaps luck to get us through each day. We might also choose to avoid venues in which illicit activity is more likely to occur.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Excuse me, but how the heck is a pedophile supposed to grab your child and assault him in a bathroom filled with men? Ya think someone might notice? The bathrooms aren't exactly empty at these concerts.

 

[ujpest_doza]

Excuse me, but how the heck is a pedophile supposed to grab your child and assault him in a bathroom filled with men? Ya think someone might notice? The bathrooms aren't exactly empty at these concerts.

Other men in there could be hoodwinked into thinking that the adult male assaulting him is his father/uncle/grandad etc and that the child is just having a tantrum and therefore not get involved.

 

[Mkrop]

I don't think it would bother me, but my 4 & 6 yo dd's would throw a fit, so I don't think taking your 9 yo ds into a ladies room would be appropriate in that scenario...but my 4 & 6 yo dd's won't be at an ADULT rock concert so you should be all right taking him with you.

I know you arent taking your girls to a rock concert but let me ask you this since you said they would throw a fit, have you talked to them and explain that the mom is doing this bc she wants her child to be safe!

The reason I say this is recently DS4 and I have been doing swim lessons at the Y. They do not have family bathrooms/locker rooms. So I have to take him into the ladies room to get changed. Unfortunately we are in there the same time as some of their campers around the 6 to 8 age. Well these girls did nothing but squeal and freak out. I turned to the counselor for some help and she just laughed. I told the girls "cmom he is 4, we will be out soon" he was getting upset bc they kept squealing. So I had to drag him into the stalls that we could barely fit into and try to change him. I couldnt wait until the girls were done either bc I had to get my other son at camp and I didnt have time to wait.

I dont know why the counselor couldnt have explained to them that my son was too young to be in a bathroom on his own and that not to get all worked up about it.

 

[Mkrop]

Actually, it is about the maturity of the child above all. Even adults may be in proximity to sexual predators, criminals or other deviants at any time, but we count on our maturity, common sense, or perhaps luck to get us through each day. We might also choose to avoid venues in which illicit activity is more likely to occur.

It is the maturity of the child above all so I would not allow my child to go into the bathroom based on that. But I really dont think I need to avoid all venues bc I hate to say it but you dont know what is going to happen in any bathroom. I should never take my kid to a pro football game bc I know of someone who got arrested for having sex in the bathroom. They were having sex during the game so anyone who went in there certainly got an educaton! Illicit things happen in bathrooms on the highway etc. Why did I bother to potty train my son if I need to avoid bathrooms where illict activity could occur! To me unforutaley in this day and age that is anywhere.

 

[doodle]

Take him with you if you are at all worried. Women's bathrooms afford great privacy to everyone so there should not be any reason for a woman to be offended at the concert if your son is there in the restroom. If there should be a young girl there in the RR - highly unlikely - I'm sure her mom can explain your motivation.

Don't stress about this!! Have a good time!!

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'd take him with you at a concert.

My DS is almost 7, and I'm very selective about where I let him go alone, and where he has to come with me. He rarely balks, and I've never had a nasty look from ladies or young girls when I've had him with me.

Like someone said, there are individual stalls in the ladies room, so there is privacy. Just explain to him to politely avert his eyes in line, and that trying to peek in any doors is absolutley forbidden.

 

[LauraAnn630]

A young boy goes to the mens room alone.

A young boy go in the ladies room where there are stalls with his mom.


What child is safer?


Its a no brainer!


I really think its that simple!

 

[LoveMyBoys]

I would take him with me, and not even think about it. If Dh is not around I take DS6 with me all the time.
Personally, I really don't see what the big deal is. Every public bathroom I've seen has private stalls with doors. I don't see how a boy would make a woman uncomfortable unless he is in the stall with her.
Don't listen to anyone, go with your gut.

 

[momx2]

I know you arent taking your girls to a rock concert but let me ask you this since you said they would throw a fit, have you talked to them and explain that the mom is doing this bc she wants her child to be safe!

The reason I say this is recently DS4 and I have been doing swim lessons at the Y. They do not have family bathrooms/locker rooms. So I have to take him into the ladies room to get changed. Unfortunately we are in there the same time as some of their campers around the 6 to 8 age. Well these girls did nothing but squeal and freak out. I turned to the counselor for some help and she just laughed. I told the girls "cmom he is 4, we will be out soon" he was getting upset bc they kept squealing. So I had to drag him into the stalls that we could barely fit into and try to change him. I couldnt wait until the girls were done either bc I had to get my other son at camp and I didnt have time to wait.

I dont know why the counselor couldnt have explained to them that my son was too young to be in a bathroom on his own and that not to get all worked up about it.

First, 4 is alot different than 9. If your going to change a 9 yr. old boy in a women's dressing room, I have a problem with that. At 4 they are just still a baby, 9 is different. But let me say that my now 6 yr. old DD would probably not like your DS 4 in there either if she is changing. She is just beginning to notice boys are different than girls. She would probably end up in tears and not change, even after I explained why you were changing him and protecting him. I would have ended up in the stall with her and my DD 9. Girls this age are just this way, no matter how much you explain it, they are still young and just becoming aware of all the differences. I think the polite thing for you to do is take him to the stall if the girls are trying to change. I don't think the girls mind seeing a naked 4 yr. old boy, but they don't want him to see them naked. In my opinion you should respect that. It is a girls restroom. Girls squeal, at least mine do from time to time. Don't know where they learn it, but they do.

 

[trulygoofy]

Actually, it is about the maturity of the child above all. Even adults may be in proximity to sexual predators, criminals or other deviants at any time, but we count on our maturity, common sense, or perhaps luck to get us through each day. We might also choose to avoid venues in which illicit activity is more likely to occur.

You mean like the airport, mall, bookstore, fast food restrooms, etc... because that is where they can be. Not just concerts and dark alleys.Sexual predators and criminals can be anywhere. A kid does not have the wisdom (or strength) to defend themselves again someone older and stronger, not to mention that these people often hone their skills to be able to easily take advantage of kids no matter how mature they are.

When DH has taken one of our girls to a football game, he hates the bathroom issue. He was not about to leave his 8 or 9 YO DD standing outside the bathroom when he went in at a crowded stadium, but he hated to take a girl into the men's room. It is really worse taking a girl into the men's room with urinals. If he had both girls with him it wouldn't be a problem because they could stay together outside, but with just one he wouldn't leave them alone. He always puts his baseball cap on DD and has her pull the bill over her eyes and tells her to look down and he puts her in a stall until he is done. He has never had a problem with guys having an issue with this. It isn't the perfect setup, but I think most people understand the safety issues these days.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I would agree if it were Emenim, Korn, Metallica, or something harder. Sorry just don't see old bands like that as a problem. Also, it has nothing to do with the maturity of the child. When I take my DS anywhere, I like to cover all the "what if" situations. This comes not from being an overly paranoid parent, but from being a day care field trip director.

It will be interesting to see what your impressions are after this concert with a 9 year old. I remember the groups from the 80's and they were the Emenim, Korn, of those days. There was a lot of pot smoking and other such things going on.

Many of the people who are saying take the boy in the women's room in have 5 or 6 year olds. There is a great deal of difference between taking a Kindergartner in and a 4th grader. When do you draw the line? 9? 10? 13? I think it is around 7 or maybe early 8 at the very latest. Certainty not with any child I deemed mature enough to go to a adult rock concert.

I think if you decided to bring him in the women's, it isn't too big of deal this one time. It still seems strange to me. There is a big difference between a 5 foot tall 9 year old and a 5 year old.

Personally I think I would have more problems with the boy using a highway rest room alone after 8:00 at night or so and would likely go into the women's, see how many was in there, then stand by the door and let anyone coming in know a boy was using it and let them decide if they want to go in or wait. Then again maybe I would just let him go in the woods.

Hopefully it won't really be an big issue. Lots of worry and planning over nothing.

 

[Mkrop]

First, 4 is alot different than 9. If your going to change a 9 yr. old boy in a women's dressing room, I have a problem with that. At 4 they are just still a baby, 9 is different. But let me say that my now 6 yr. old DD would probably not like your DS 4 in there either if she is changing. She is just beginning to notice boys are different than girls. She would probably end up in tears and not change, even after I explained why you were changing him and protecting him. I would have ended up in the stall with her and my DD 9. Girls this age are just this way, no matter how much you explain it, they are still young and just becoming aware of all the differences. I think the polite thing for you to do is take him to the stall if the girls are trying to change. I don't think the girls mind seeing a naked 4 yr. old boy, but they don't want him to see them naked. In my opinion you should respect that. It is a girls restroom. Girls squeal, at least mine do from time to time. Don't know where they learn it, but they do.

I do understand that 9 is different than 4 in the scenario I described at the Y. And the one day I had my 9 yr old with us, I walked him around to the other end of the locker rooms and made him sit and wait while I got DS4 changed. (poor kid got bombarded by campers that bascially pushed him off the bench and he actually had to move from where I specifically told him to stay)I guess I just think that if I had daughters I would be explaining the safety issue to them and tell them to stop being so dramatic.(I dont mean this as disrepectful to girls DS4 has become quite the drama king I too was ayoung girl and I had MUCH younger brothers and if I got all wacky my mom would have told me to get over myself that it was my brothers or another boys safety that was the top concern so maybe that is where I get it from. So please I am not trying to disrepect you or your DDs, just trying to understand what the big deal is since I did not have this concern as a young girl or am not the mom to girls and have to juggle with the decisions of keeping my boys safe when gender only bathrooms are our only option.

 

[Jenniww]

I personally would take him. I have two boys 7 and 13. We went camping this past weekend and my 7 year old used the bath house with me all weekend. He just isn't ready to go in alone just yet.

No one knows your kids better then you. If you do decide to send him in wait by the door and maybe give him a walkie talkie of a loud whistle to wear around his neck. Better yet maybe borrow hubbies cell and have him talk to you the whole time he is in there.

 

[Mkrop]

Many of the people who are saying take the boy in the women's room in have 5 or 6 year olds. There is a great deal of difference between taking a Kindergartner in and a 4th grader. When do you draw the line? 9? 10? 13? I think it is around 7 or maybe early 8 at the very latest. Certainty not with any child I deemed mature enough to go to a adult rock concert.

I think if you decided to bring him in the women's, it isn't too big of deal this one time. It still seems strange to me. There is a big difference between a 5 foot tall 9 year old and a 5 year old.

Personally I think I would have more problems with the boy using a highway rest room alone after 8:00 at night or so and would likely go into the women's, see how many was in there, then stand by the door and let anyone coming in know a boy was using it and let them decide if they want to go in or wait. Then again maybe I would just let him go in the woods.

And most (not all!) of those complaining and telling her not to take him in there are moms of girls only and dont understand the daily struggle we have to keep our boys safe. Every bathroom siutation is one that has to be decided on individually IMHO. I have a 9 year old who will be 10 next month and for the last 2 years, I have had real concerns about where I let him go independently and where I need to put his safety first. And these are common places like the mall etc and places like stadiums and rest stops. And yes I have gone over safety with him and have made it so he does go in alone more places than not but he also knows that I have final say over which bathrooms are deemd safe and which are not. We recently had some guy flashing kids if they were in aisles of bookstores or toystores alone. Imagine what he would do in bathrooms.

 

[DisneyPhD]

And most (not all!) of those complaining and telling her not to take him in there are moms of girls only and dont understand the daily struggle we have to keep our boys safe. Every bathroom siutation is one that has to be decided on individually IMHO. I have a 9 year old who will be 10 next month and for the last 2 years, I have had real concerns about where I let him go independently and where I need to put his safety first. And these are common places like the mall etc and places like stadiums and rest stops. And yes I have gone over safety with him and have made it so he does go in alone more places than not but he also knows that I have final say over which bathrooms are deemd safe and which are not. We recently had some guy flashing kids if they were in aisles of bookstores or toystores alone. Imagine what he would do in bathrooms.

While I my be the mother of girls, that does not mean I have no experience with boys. I have 2 nephews who are in my care often and have been since they were little (their mother died of breast cancer when they were 7 and 2 years old.) They are 11 and 16 now. So I do know the awkwardness of doing the bathroom and difference sex juggle.

When my nephews were 9 there is no way they would have been comfortable going in a women's bathroom. Even after age 7 or so, not going to happen. Maybe one that was empty, sure, but not a crowded one.

I too was flashed as a kid, doing my paper rote walking down the street. You can only do so much to protect kids. I just don't see all this treating 9 year olds like babies, but letting them do adult things.