Opinions on repeating Kindergarten

[AmazingGrace]

Why will he miss a week or more of school when you move? I would think you would have him finish up his old school on a Friday, drive over the weekend to the new state, and start on Monday at the new school.

You know what? In theory, that's a great idea, but in reality, it's too much on the kids. We did that, moving from MS to TX. We pulled them out on Friday afternoonand started them on Monday morning, and their heads were spinning. Grace was so confused. She kept referring to her new school as her old school and the same with the teachers. It was almost too much for them to process.

 

[tevagirl]

I was go with your instincts. I would rather have my child the oldest in the class and not struggling then the youngest and struggling. My DD should have been held back but the school told me to keep her on track and I regret that I listened to them. I now teach pre-k and a lot of my parents are giving their children an extra year to catch up emotionally and socially. Even if his academics are on grade level if he's not there socially and emotionally he will still be frustrated. Since you're moving it's the perfect time to make that decision. He won't see his friends moving up without him, it's a new environment etc. good luck with your decision.

I agree with LBAK to go with your instincts. He's your child and you know him better than anyone else. My oldest DGS's birthday is July 1st. When it was time to sign him up for kindergarten my DD really had a difficult time decided whether to send him or not. She believed he was not ready emotionally or socially and her biggest fear was that he would struggle all through school if she sent him too early. She spoke with the school and they assured her that if he wasn't ready to move on to first grade that he would be placed in Pre-One. He wasn't ready and they did. That was the best decision for him. He's done well in school on all levels and is now in the 7th grade.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

After Kindergarten, the state changed the law and i missed the cut off day--so a bunch of us had to go to "prefirst" which was basically repeating kindergarten, before we could go to first grade..
I was always happy about this (as soon as i got old enough to know what it meant!)
im glad that i got that extra year

 

[Disney Doll]

I would recommend waiting ttill the end of the school year, but I would add that if you are moving, it would be a good time to hold him back, because it will be a whole new group of kids.

It's not like all his buddies from kindergarten will be in first grade next year and he'll still be in kindergarten, which might be hard on a kid. No one would even know he had already been in Kindergarten.

 

[EthansMom]

I agree with the other posters who say to wait until the end of the school year and see what input the new teacher has. Certainly the new teacher should be able to give you an idea of whether he/she thinks your DS is ready for first grade.

 

[Pembo]

A good friend who was also a teacher said that if she had waited for her son to be emotionally ready for kindergarten, she'd still be waiting and he's now 30! Kids all catch up around 3rd grade. If he's academically ready then let him go. Being bored in school will be a big issue.

My 2nd grader is a September bday, he is THE youngest in his class however he is also at the very top academically. I can't even imagine holding him back.

 

[kbkids]

I'm facing kinda the same situation now, but I'm trying to decide whether to even start him in kindergarten because I don't want to have to hold him back if he doesn't do well. My DS's birthday is at the end of May, and I'm not certain he's ready academically or emotionally. He gets his feelings hurt easily and will cry at the drop of a hat. Has no desire to even learn his letters - although the kid can already add and subtract (amazing!) But, honestly, can't get him to even try to name the letters, and he can only write the first two letters of his name (5 more to learn). The other kids in his preschool class are ahead of him - even several who are younger than him are more advanced.

 

[Cruisin]

A few questions for the OP........ are you a stay at home mom? When does your school year end for the summer? Is Kingergarten mandatory where you are?

Since you say you are moving mid March and your son will miss a week of school for that, it will be into April before he starts his new school.

Could you consider just keeping him home with you, instead of starting at a new school so close to the end of the school year?

Maybe some extra time at home would be helpful if you are willing or able to do that.

Find some extra things to get him into maybe, ways for him to socialize with other children, some sort of classes, story times at the library, whatever your new town offers for pre-school children.

Then over the summer you could decide where you think he would best fit in at his new school.

 

[Ladyhawke10]

Gosh, I guess I'm in the minority here about my feelings about retention and I'm really surprised to see how many people are doing it. I don't think it was such a trend ten years back when I got my teaching credential. Back in the mid-nineties, during our program, we were taught that retention had very undesirable consquences and rarely helped. Psychological impact needed to be a big consideration for the child, and children held back suffer more long term social problems like incarceration, divorce and unemployment. The only way children benefit from retention is if the instruction is radically different (more individualized, primarily), forces in the home that might be problematic are eradicated (unlikely), or because the child has missed a lot of school and just needs to make up that time (which sounds like the OPs concern). Other than that, the consquences of the psychological impact of being held back along with issues of "coasting" for awhile in the grade are much worse, overall, than social promotion. When I taught second grade (years ago, I've since gone back to school and gotten my doctorate and now teach college) I had a few very low students that couldn't read--one could barely write his name. Nowadays, it's a debate if a child should be held back if he merely seems young (boys are far more likely to be held back, and the most frequent cause is "immaturity"). Children develop at different rates and the immature ones might just shoot past their peers the following year or thereafter. It's not worth how much it hurts the child's self-esteem, IMHO.

You can check out the American Association of School Psychologists website..or other professionals. The answer does not just lie with the teacher. Usually, the approach of a team works the best to find the answer--including how the child feels about it.

 

[kbkids]

LadyHawke, I tend to agree with you - which is why I'm trying to decide whether to even start him in kindergarten right now. I don't want there to even be a chance that he might have to repeat kindergarten. I was speaking with our children's director at church the other day, and the subject came up, and I said, "I guess it's not that big of a deal if he has to repeat kindergarten though." He immediately responded, "Yes, it is! I had to, and it bugs me to this day!" I had to laugh because if you knew him, he's the most outgoing, confident, fun-loving person you'll ever meet. But it really amazed me that he feels like it still affects him - must have been pretty upsetting for him as a kid. I don't want to put DS through that. He could kinda go either way right now - wants to go one day, the next day doesn't. I don't think it would break his heart if he didn't start next year - except he won't be able to play football. That would be upsetting! Everytime he's on his "I want to go" kick, I pull out the letters and start working with him - "Never mind, I don't want to go."

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I think a lot of the trends in holding kids back is geographical. Around here it is VERY common to hold back kids with birthdays from May - August. In fact, there are many schools offering what they call Pre-1st for kids not quite ready for 1st grade but ready to move out of Kindergarten.

Our DS was in private school for Kindergarten. About halfway through the 2nd semester they recommended a Gesell test which measures emotional/cognitive maturity vs. chronological age. DS tested young in several of the areas, anywhere from 6 - 12 months younger than his actual age. We had him go to Pre-1st but it was because the school wouldn't allow him to go to 1st grade. After Pre-1st we moved him to public school. They said we could register him as a 2nd grader and see how he did. He never went to actual 1st grade. He did fine, and moved up to 3rd grade, then to 4th. He is currently in 4th grade and it is a HUGE struggle. That is precisely what the private school told me would happen, but I didn't listen. They told me kids with a gap in maturity vs. chronological age typically do NOT catch up, and DS hasn't.

We just had him screened for ADD - I get those results Wednesday. That could certainly be part of the problem. If he doesn't have ADD then I'm not sure what our next step will be.

OP-
Talk with the teacher and do some research about the trends in your new town. If it is like it is here where everybody holds their kids back then you might want to consider having him do another year of K or a Pre-1st if that is offered. Good luck!

 

[EthansMom]

Gosh, I guess I'm in the minority here about my feelings about retention and I'm really surprised to see how many people are doing it.

Actually, I agree with you that the effects of repeating a grade can have deliterious psychological effects in the higher grades.

However, it is so important that a child be emotionally prepared for first grade and have the education background (know the alphabet, recognize numbers) necessary to be prepared to learn to read in first grade that I would prefer to have my child repeat kindergarten than to be passed into first grade without the skills and confidence to succeed.

Likewise, if my child were advanced academically and was emotionally confident, I would prefer to have him/her skip a grade if that was the best method available to provide a challenging curriculum.

I am not a big proponent of "social promotion". A child's age should not be the only method to measure his or her grade placement. Age is not a bad place to start as far as grade level placement goes, but we should not continue to promote children who haven't learned the basic skills necessary to manage the coursework of the next grade level.

 

[VickiVM]

I am also in agreement that you should let the teacher weigh in on this decision. Also, there are various tests that are performed that measure the childs reading fluency (in Kinder there is probably one that measures letters and phonics fluency) that will help you determine if he is ready academically.

As far as the events going on, his response to them - especially the move - will go a long way in helping you decide if he is ready to move on emotionally. But again, his teacher will really be your eyes and ears regarding his integration in the new school.

Also, check your state laws. In Texas it is not mandatory that a child attends kinder - public or private - however, if they start a public school kinder, they must continue in the public school kinder. That probably has to do with funding issues.

Finally, don't underestimate the resiliency of a small child. My youngest has an August birthday and our public schools begin in August. She is the least outgoing, socially (shy and afraid of drawing attention to herself), of my 3 children, but she started Kinder a couple of weeks after her 5th birthday. Now, as a 2nd grader, she is an awesome reader with a better than average fluency rate - a straight A student. She loves school with a passion that my other 2 children don't possess. Her teacher, Mrs. Dooley, is the most awesome teacher I've encountered with so much enthusiasm and love for her profession. That kind of teacher can make a huge difference in preparing a child for the next grade. I hope that's the kind you get when you move!

Oh - I wanted to give a shout out to Loriann. I see you've made the transition to Texas with ease. WELCOME!! I have a few friends that live out your way (U.C.).

 

[tar heel]

Kindergarten is NOT compulsory in North Carolina. The last day of school in the district is June 7, so there will be a good bit of the school year left. There are several days off, though -- spring break, a teacher workday and Memorial Day.

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

I would not hold him back. My dh was held back for those reasons and it still bugs him. My mom was a teacher and shes always agreed with what LadyHawke10 said. Longterm studies have found that they are actually less likely to graduate college, more likely to divorce, face incarceration, etc when held back. I'll see if I can find the studies. My dd was 5 in Aug and is in K. She has had a rough year. Shes at level academically but not progressing as well as they'd hoped (since she entered school well above level) and it really exhausts her (half day program). Well we just found out she has horrible eyesight (20/200 in one eye, 20/80 in another) which explains the academic areas we were concerned about. She got her glasses yesterday and its a whole new world for her. Its a huge adjustment but even with that and missing about 2 weeks due to illnesses and another week where she was attending but not doing reading or writing work (her right eye was so bad that we couldn't strain her good eye anymore by having her read or write till she got her glasses) I still would not consider holding her back and her teachers strongly agree. I'm not really sure where so many parents got the idea that struggling a bit in school is a bad thing. I (Dec bday so I missed the cutoff and was one of the older kids) coasted all through school and was completely bored and never learned to work since things came so easily, so imagine my surprise when I entered college and the work force... YIKES! I had to completely relearn how to do things. My youngest brother was very youngest in his class, and there were times he had to work his butt off just to keep up, but he never got the "not living up to potential" comments that were on every single on of mine since I was so bored, and now at 18 in college hes doing fantastically and holding down a job as a granite fabricator simultaneously where he makes $36,000 a year on part time (which is enough that alot of kids would quit school, but he knows its not what he wants to be doing the rest of his life and wants a degree to fall back on). It never affected him socially either. Honestly based on people I know I would rather them be younger in school and have to work at it. My ds is gonna be very young when he goes in, in two years so I've given this alot of thought.

 

[MerryPoppins]

DS is very intelligent and was making good grades in K, but he was just a little immature and he just wan't quite ready for 1st. We opted to put him in Transition. It was the best decision we ever made! We told him that he was one of the few invited to be in that class. The teacher was awesome, so he felt like it was a treat to get that extra year.

He's now 18 and a senior. He's taking AP classes and on the honor roll. He also just made Eagle Scout. I think we owe a lot to that extra year before 1st grade, and he has thanked us for it.

 

[paigevz]

An opinion from a former Pre-K and current 2nd grade teacher (and a mom with a son with a late May bday!)................if, at the end of the year, you still think he seems like a "getting ready to go to Kinder kid"..............then do it. It's far easier now than later, in K there is so much hands-on and free play choices still that he can be challenged more easily than in later grades (that's where you'll get the "bored" kids........in K with all the materials and centers, they can challenge themselves, much like they do at home), and if he really is "younger" socially and emotionally, he will do better with peers on that level.

Plus, with him moving from a half-day to a full-day program, if he questions why at all (as some will), you can simply point out that he had his "little Kindergarten" and now will be in "big kindergarten" before 1st grade.

 

[paigevz]

I would not hold him back. My dh was held back for those reasons and it still bugs him. My mom was a teacher and shes always agreed with what LadyHawke10 said. Longterm studies have found that they are actually less likely to graduate college, more likely to divorce, face incarceration, etc when held back. I'll see if I can find the studies. My dd was 5 in Aug and is in K. She has had a rough year. Shes at level academically but not progressing as well as they'd hoped (since she entered school well above level) and it really exhausts her (half day program). Well we just found out she has horrible eyesight (20/200 in one eye, 20/80 in another) which explains the academic areas we were concerned about. She got her glasses yesterday and its a whole new world for her. Its a huge adjustment but even with that and missing about 2 weeks due to illnesses and another week where she was attending but not doing reading or writing work (her right eye was so bad that we couldn't strain her good eye anymore by having her read or write till she got her glasses) I still would not consider holding her back and her teachers strongly agree. I'm not really sure where so many parents got the idea that struggling a bit in school is a bad thing. I (Dec bday so I missed the cutoff and was one of the older kids) coasted all through school and was completely bored and never learned to work since things came so easily, so imagine my surprise when I entered college and the work force... YIKES! I had to completely relearn how to do things. My youngest brother was very youngest in his class, and there were times he had to work his butt off just to keep up, but he never got the "not living up to potential" comments that were on every single on of mine since I was so bored, and now at 18 in college hes doing fantastically and holding down a job as a granite fabricator simultaneously where he makes $36,000 a year on part time (which is enough that alot of kids would quit school, but he knows its not what he wants to be doing the rest of his life and wants a degree to fall back on). It never affected him socially either. Honestly based on people I know I would rather them be younger in school and have to work at it. My ds is gonna be very young when he goes in, in two years so I've given this alot of thought.

Again, these studies are usually done regarding children in grade 3 or above. They also involve holding children back because of grades, attendance or testing........not because of social/emotional issues...........it's also been shown that children in resource classes, actually do better when paired with younger children on cooperative projects, and work on a higher level.......it is a possibility that they were not socially/emotionally ready to go with older children to a more challenging academic situation, and because of them worrying/feeling left out socially, or because emotionally they didn't have the work habits needed, they then BECAME behind academically, thus needing the resource classes...........possibly could have been avoided for SOME by keeping them with social/emotional peers rather than an all-size fits all for the children born in this 12 month period.

 

[sha_lyn]

I would not hold him back. My dh was held back for those reasons and it still bugs him. My mom was a teacher and shes always agreed with what LadyHawke10 said. Longterm studies have found that they are actually less likely to graduate college, more likely to divorce, face incarceration, etc when held back. I'll see if I can find the studies

As said, those are long term studies. Therefore those students who were held back were in K 20-30 or more yrs ago. They did not attended todays accademic K.
I think the results will be very different for those who are attending K today.

 

[Ladyhawke10]

It's far easier now than later, in K there is so much hands-on and free play choices still that he can be challenged more easily than in later grades (that's where you'll get the "bored" kids........in K with all the materials and centers, they can challenge themselves, much like they do at home), and if he really is "younger" socially and emotionally, he will do better with peers on that level.

.

Just curious, what is to be gained from holding a child back on the basis of maturity or work skills....and what's wrong with children being of different maturity levels in a class?

I'm genuinely interested..I hope that didn't come off as criticism because it isn't. I'd just like your opinion