OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[monsterkitty]

As I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face, my dog just scared herself by farting.

Yes, my dog is afraid of her own gas. Really, it was her and not me.

Several years ago someone in my class farted. I used the Filipino word for fart and said, "ewww, someone ut tutted!" One little girl just burst out laughing. I had forgotten she spoke the same dialogue.

 

[Iluvmickeymouse!]

Bump

 

[RadioFanatic]

Did anyone see Boston Legal last night? There was a scene with William Shatner & James Spader sharing a cabin in the Canadian wilderness. They were getting ready to go to sleep and William Shatner says "Don't take this personally" and all you hear is a long fart.

After reading this thread yesterday, all I could do was laugh hysterically.

You beat me to the punch! When I saw that episode, the first thing I thought of was this thread! And I told my dh that if I do that again, I'm going to be saying "Don't take this personally" - I love that line!

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I will tell on my sister (thank god she is not a DIS member or she would kill me!!!) A few years ago her and her boyfriend at the time (he was going to propose to her on that WDW trip) stayed at ASM and when they got into their room, she went to plop down on the bed and out came a fart. She was so embarrassed, she cried!!!!

 

[Poohbear123]

OMG! That must of been hysterical. Captain Kirk cut the cheese!

OMG! I laughed so hard I.....!

 

[beattyfamily]

I'm cracking up here! I hope this thread lasts!

I just wanted to add a couple of cute things my 5 year old has said.

She's said several times after passing gas, "excuse me, I cut the cheese, would you like a slice? I have American or Swiss cheese". She thinks that is the funniest thing in the world.

She also has said many a time, "excuse me, but you got to do what you got to do".

Lastly we enjoy thinking up nick names for each other and even our dogs and my girls gave my DH the name "Captain Poop" because we call passing gas in our family a "poop". We also call one of our dogs "the Poop King" for obvious reasons.

 

[Amapola]

A Disney Fart story. Once back in the mid-70s my grandmother, parents and I were visiting relatives in Tampa. We drove to WDW for the day, the 3 of us in my cousin's little 2-door Pinto (remember those?), and the rest of their family in their other car. When we got back to the car, it was after midnight, a rather chilly and damp night as I recall. I got into the back seat of the Pinto and my parents were in the front seats, all buckled up. Well, it was a baaaaad one, of the silent but deadly kind. I didn't say anything at first, thinking it would go unnoticed, but it got to the front seat pretty fast. My father was horrified that his precious darling child was capable of such a production . It was so bad we had to get out of the car, but remember, it's a Pinto so I was stuck in the back seat and got all tangled up in the seatbelts. My relatives came running from their car, which was a few spaces down, to see what was happening, they were afraid it was something bad.

Thirty years later, it's still the fart against which all farts are measured

 

[Mister Incredible]

OK, here is my fart story (come on we ALL have one)

15 years ago, my wife and I are spending our honeymoon at Disney. We were just done watching illuminations, heading back through the pass toward The Land, and Figment. Of course I start giggling like the little kid I am. My new bride asks, "What did you do?" I respond, "Just keep walking, you don't want to be back there!" All of a sudden about 5 people brush past us and we here, "You think Disney would do something about the sewerage smell, they have to fix that..it's bad!" Two seconds later more people walk by, "Is that the water or the septic system..that's gross." Of course I laughed some more, and she just gave me a punch on the arm. We are still together..now THAT's Love!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

OK, here is my fart story.......

A Disney Fart story........

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Thirty years later, it's still the fart against which all farts are measured

ANOTHER WINNER!

 

[goofygirl]

This is one funny thread! LOL!

So would any fart done at a Disney park be a Magical Fart?

What cracks me up are all the names people have for farts: "Stepped on a duck", "Boomers", "Smashers", etc. My grandmother calls them "Boomses".LOL

 

[DVC Jen]

OK, I am still giggling. Yes, I am the 37 yo who still laughs at "fart" jokes in movies.

This morning, I am out running some errands. I call Dh to see if he wants me to pick up lunch.The cell phone battery dies on me. So I use the phone feature I have with On-Star. I hit the white button, and the female voice says "On-Star ready" JUST as she is saying that, I pass some gas. Since it was only me in the car, I didn't hold back, of you know what I mean. The voice immediately says "good bye" and hangs up!!!!

OMG, I was laughing so hard, I had tears. I am sure if the computer knew how to say "how rude" it would of!

OK.. now ya did it! Next time I feel one comin on.. I am gonna run out to my car and try that.. just to see if I get the same outcome.


That is hysterical!

 

[Amapola]

Since y'all liked my first one, here's another one . Early 90's, fancy hotel in Cancun. DH and I had been married about 4 years. We went on an excursion and I ate beans and who knows what else at a rustic beach restaurant. That evening, I had THE most horrible gas. The funny thing was that these were also the silent type (always more dangerous) and they too could peel paint off the walls. Poor DH kept running to open the balcony door to air out the room, but as soon as the smell from one dissipated, BAM, another one. We laughed hysterically all evening about it. And to this day particularly ripe ones are called "Cancun Style."

Oh, and a local story. About 3 years ago I was with my secretary looking for a document in a file cabinet that was positioned in a hallway. Well, you can guess what happened. It was so tiny and soft that I was sure I'd be safe. But sure enough, the smell started creeping around us. Keeping in mind my 9 year old niece's statement that "the first one who says it stinks was the farter" I pretended not to notice anything. Finally the poor woman couldn't take it any more and said "Oh, it smells like a poopy diaper" I said, very seriously, "Really? Oh, maybe it was that woman who walked by". I think she must have known, but she's a great secretary and won't hold it against me!

 

[luvmy2sams]

This is the best thread! I've laughed until I cried, so I might as well add a story of mine...

I was in the hospital after delivering DS via c-section. Things were very chaotic with the nursing staff, and they didn't get the instructions from my OB to take me off of the liquid diet after the first day. I wasn't very hungry, so I never complained, until the gas started building up inside a day or so later. The morning I was scheduled to be released, dietary finally brought a regular diet tray, and I scarfed down a bowl of Raisin Bran. Not too long afterwards I locked myself in the bathroom to relieve some pressure. There was no way to mask the sounds, so I knew DH would be laughing his head off in my room. Imagine my surprise...and horror...when I opened the bathroom door to find standing room only. DH, DD, Mom, DSis, OB, med student, 2 nurses and a lab tech. OB calmly says "well I can hear that everything's working the way it's supposed to be working." I could have died!

My uncle always says "did you hear that spider bark?" whenever he farts.

 

[hucifer]

DH has the unique talent of farting on command. It's really quite impressive. And if I ever fart, he ALWAYS has to one-up me and do it longer and louder. I always give him a depressed, "you win" as if it was a contest and I am a miserable failure.

So we're vacationing in Arizona. It must have been Southwestern diet. We were in a grocery store and shopping for snacks for our kayaking trip the next morning. My digestive system had been brewing its magic all day and was ready to release a little steam. DH and I were picking out potato chips, I wanted regular and he wanted baked. He says as he pointing at a baked chips nutrition label, "Baked have only 2 grams of fat per serving while these chips..." he grabs regular chips and points at the label. "...have TEN grams of fat."

Right on cue, as if I was so shocked at the difference, I blow out a loud fart right there in the snack aisle.

DH, not to be outdone or outfarted, lets out THE LOUDEST FART in the history of our entire 10-year relationship.

Well, I lost it. My knees buckled and I was on the floor of the grocery store crying with laughter. Eventually, between gulps of breath, I manage to choke out a "you win."

We both agree, it was so loud that we have no doubt someone three aisles over looked up from their cereal box and wondered what the heck that noise was.

God help us all if the Tag Fairy ever finds this thread...

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Amapola!

"first to smell it, dealt it!"

 

[Amapola]

Amapola!

"first to smell it, dealt it!"

A non-fart follow up to the post about my secretary: yesterday I was wearing an old sterling silver brooch that belonged to my grandmother (probably from the 30's according to the jeweler who cleaned it after I found it in her jewelry case, so tarnished that commercial silver polishes couldn't clean it). My secretary told me that she has a pair of earrings that are a match to the brooch, she's had them since she was a child but doesn't know where they came from. Today she brought the earrings in a nice little box, to show them to me, I thought. Well, she actually gave them to me to keep . Isn't that the nicest gesture? Obviously, she has forgiven me for the "poopy diaper" bomb

 

[CindysGusGus]

Last October we were staying at the AKL and my son joyful ran through the halls calling us the "Farter Family" (his twin sister and my DH are the worst). People were staring at all of us. I know I had to be at least 15 shades of red.

 

[Fishbone†]

OMG Hucifer!!!!

I have been enjoying this thread since it's inception, but that one gave me the uncontrollable giggles.

 

[winniedapooh]

I am laughing like a hyeina (SP?) and crying...I can't breathe and I'm giggling uncontrollably...this is the funniest thread I have ever read. All I can say is I hope the tag fairy does find this thread, I can't wait to see the tags. I am 25 shades of red reading it, lol! This from a person whose DH and kids thinks she makes no umm I can't even say the word ...OMG here I go again, the dog thinks I'm having fits or something!