OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[Stephieann]

. My dd giggles and LOUDLY says, "Mom, that lady farted!!" Then, the lady lets a few more rip, and my dd bursts into a round of giggles..."Mom, she farted again". They played this little game of fart...giggle...exclaim for about 3 minutes. I kept putting my finger over my lips signaling for my dd to be quiet, and she says, "Why should I be quiet, she's the one that's farting....and, boy are they stinky!". I laughed so hard I nearly pee'd my pants (which of course fueled my daughter's hysterics).

OK this has got to be the best thread.

Beca...love the story.... i laughed so hard i had tears in my eyes could not even finish reading.. but i got through it. Keep the stories... i will post mine when i am done reading. LOL

 

[BWVDenise]

DH refers to them as "barking spiders"

 

[Stephieann]

All of a sudden about 5 people brush past us and we here, "You think Disney would do something about the sewerage smell, they have to fix that..it's bad!" Two seconds later more people walk by, "Is that the water or the septic system..that's gross."

OMG that is FUNNY.....

 

[thinkerbell]

I've heard a version of the barking spiders. My brother-in-law calls them barking carpet spiders.

Many years ago when our state had car inspections, our sticker had run out because we forgot to get it inspected. I was stopped and given a ticket but was told by the policeman that if I went that day and got it inspected and showed up in magistrates court on a certain date that the judge would probably let me off. I did and we found ourselves sitting in a crowded court sitting on hard wooden benches. A couple of rows over from us sat some teenage boys. All was quiet as everyone was listening to the other cases. One of the boys let one rip on that hard bench and it resonated through the whole court room. Everyone in there was dying laughing including the policemen who were standing in the back.

This thread is hilarious.

What is so funny about a fart? It is just an automatic response to start laughing when someone does it as long as it doesn't gag you first.

 

[goofygirl]

SO DO I! In fact I have two different editions! LOL
Edited to add: I sold one copy on Ebay. It wasn't you who bought it was it? LOL.

Nope, wasn't me! LOL
I got mine in Spencers- great store for fart/bathroom humor!

 

[Lorix2]

omigod these are hilarious...

I just remembered that on my DD's 3rd christmas video tape, my DH let out a "gagger" as he calls them, really loudly and proud of it. My DD's head turned so fast and wondered what it was and that night we kept playing it and rewinding it over and over while we howled laughing

In fact, I have tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard with these posts, my kids just both came running in and now their out of control.

 

[DVCCarrie]

If you want to have some fun go out and buy the fart machine. My co-worker did and got me good at work. I was sitting in my cubicle and my boss came over to talk to me, little did I know that my coworker hid the fart machine under files, low and behold he set it off and you hear this huge fart. My boss looked at me strangely and kept on talking. Well, my co-worker lite if off again 2 more times. I could do nothing but laugh. My boss then looks at me and says "I cant talk to you anymore, I have to get out of here." He has never looked at me the same way again and I never told him it was the fart machine (he's no longer my boss) My co-worker and I came up "who let the dogs out" as a code word for when someone farts. We had so much fun with the fart machine, using it with new trainees. All the fun is gone now because someone complained and an email went out prohibiting the infamous fart machine!!

 

[LisaNJ25]

My 13yo was feeding my 6 week old the other day. He went to burp him.

Well William let one rip.. this poor baby has so much gas. So Jr. yells over and says, Does a fart count as a burp?

 

[Poohbear123]

My DH says "I stepped on a frog!"

 

[Stephieann]

WARNING: do not eat crackers while reading this board. I was and nearly choked... LOL

OK here is a story. not near a funny as most but cute.

My Dsis was going on a trip with her dh and 3 kids. All of a sudden my Dsis smelled something awful and said "i think ds(6 months) has a dirty diaper." then my Dniece4 said no mama it was me i farted"

 

[luvflorida]

This happened about 20 years ago but still my favorite fart story, here goes:
It was a morning after a beer drinking college party and I had a tanning appointment. The tanning place that I went to was a combination exercise/tanning place for women. So I go in and I have a 20 minute appointment in the stand up tanner. Well, any of you that have had the day after beer farts, knows just how stinky they are. I went into the stand up tanner and realized that there were fans that sucked the hot air out of the tanner. I had gas cramps so bad that I thought, "Hey, who will know, no one can here it over the fans and the bad smell will be sucked out." I proceeded to pass gas for the next 20 minutes while tanning. When I came out of the tanner and walked through the exercise section of the salon, I realized where all of the fan sucked air went, (the smell just about knocked me over). This whole group of exercising women were gagging and complaining about the sewer smell. The manager had called a plumber to see what was wrong with their septic system. Needless to say, I scooted out as quickly as possible and never went back to tan there ever again.
deno

Once again, I have to say that I am sitting here laughing hysterically with tears running down my face!!! Just when I didn't think these stories could get any funnier, I read this one by deno2 and I'm gone again!!!

 

[luvflorida]

I can't believe I am admitting this but....


I have a book that's a Dictionary of Farts from A-Z.

Well, if you're going to admit to that, then I have a confession about a book I bought a few years ago.

There is a book, (I'm assuming it's still in bookstores), called, "The Gas We Pass". It's actually written for younger kids and can be found in the children's section. Anyway, my daughter, who was around 18 or so at the time, and I came across this book and we both ended up practically huddled together on the floor of Border's, laughing so hard we had tears streaming down our faces. Every time we turned to another page, it only got worse. The illustrations were priceless, (a guy letting one rip in the bathtub, a page about not holding your gas back because it could give you a tummyache, and the page came complete with an illustration of a boy looking like he was ready to pass out).

I'm sure the book wasn't meant to be as humorous as we found it to be, but we were totally gone. I can only imagine what we must have looked like to anyone who walked past us! How I ever managed to get the book to the checkout counter and pay for it I'll never know!!!

 

[klmall]

Gotta share some...

First story - My inlaws were the most polite, reserved older couple I ever knew and my father-in-law was a very reserved, genteel man (I never even heard him burp). Everyone had gone to bed and I was staying in my future DH's bedroom while we were dating and the house was quiet. I could hear his parents talking quietly and then the house went silent. Out of nowhere came this rip-roaring "fart" and I heard my future MIL say "Oh, honey, must you!". I knew then where my BF got the genes for all his gas!

2nd story - BF (now DH of 34 years) and I were at a frat party and drinking a bit. BF is introducing me to his new pledges and 'lets one go' while standing next to me. Without even losing his train of thought he turns to me and says "Kathy, you shouldn't do that in front of my friends!". I thought I would die but the guys hardly noticed and I don't know who believed me capable of such a thing considering my 130 pounds vs. his 220 pounds!

3rd story - Don't get me started on gas stories with boys and camping....... I have been camping for 9 years with the Boy Scouts including 7 weeks in the summers. One of the best stories though is from this past summer's 5 days on the Salmon River when the guys realized that passing gas on the raft edge produced a unique sound. Boys will be boys at any age we say!

The other great gas story of the summer trip we blame on high altitude! Some of our Scouts hiked up to the melt of a glacier in Glacier NP and wanted to cool off after hours of hiking in the heat but the water was icy cold so they could only stand to dip either their feet or their heads in briefly. One of the boys would kneel down, dip his head in the water while another boy would hold the feet of the first boy so he wouldn't fall in. Well, of course being 15 -17 year-olds you know what the boy kneeling down did to the boy holding his legs. We even have pictures to prove it...some say the haze of the midday sun in the pictures is more than heat!

A very polite, Southern lady friend of mine who would never admit to passing gas in public refers to passing gas as "the one that got away". And when her BF and I had a discussion about male vs. female attitudes on the subject once we ended up deciding that for some people this is definitely one of those areas that still has a double standard!

As for me, I'm married to a wonderful man for whom the product BEANO is worthless (Remember that ad where the women proclaim its' power and how it even works on husbands!). I know that he is awake in the AM by that sound; not by the absence of snoring. Our son inherited my husband's prodigious gas capabilities and together as my friend, the mother of two boys says "Dinners without guests are natural sound contests." As for me, I try to keep it all to myself and not join in their merriment!

But I do enjoy a good "fart" story!

Remember the scene in "Blazing Saddles"?

 

[Lil_Tink]

Well, if you're going to admit to that, then I have a confession about a book I bought a few years ago.

There is a book, (I'm assuming it's still in bookstores), called, "The Gas We Pass". It's actually written for younger kids and can be found in the children's section. Anyway, my daughter, who was around 18 or so at the time, and I came across this book and we both ended up practically huddled together on the floor of Border's, laughing so hard we had tears streaming down our faces. Every time we turned to another page, it only got worse. The illustrations were priceless, (a guy letting one rip in the bathtub, a page about not holding your gas back because it could give you a tummyache, and the page came complete with an illustration of a boy looking like he was ready to pass out).

I'm sure the book wasn't meant to be as humorous as we found it to be, but we were totally gone. I can only imagine what we must have looked like to anyone who walked past us! How I ever managed to get the book to the checkout counter and pay for it I'll never know!!!

I THINK I READ THAT BOOK.

 

[epcotfan]

Well, if you're going to admit to that, then I have a confession about a book I bought a few years ago.

There is a book, (I'm assuming it's still in bookstores), called, "The Gas We Pass". It's actually written for younger kids and can be found in the children's section. Anyway, my daughter, who was around 18 or so at the time, and I came across this book and we both ended up practically huddled together on the floor of Border's, laughing so hard we had tears streaming down our faces. Every time we turned to another page, it only got worse. The illustrations were priceless, (a guy letting one rip in the bathtub, a page about not holding your gas back because it could give you a tummyache, and the page came complete with an illustration of a boy looking like he was ready to pass out).

I'm sure the book wasn't meant to be as humorous as we found it to be, but we were totally gone. I can only imagine what we must have looked like to anyone who walked past us! How I ever managed to get the book to the checkout counter and pay for it I'll never know!!!

You are not alone. Oh my goodness. I did the same thing the first time I saw that book. The illustrations are the best. I was with friends and we were hysterical reading it. I also couldn't stop laughing when we spotted the book, "Everybody Poops."

 

[Goofy4Eeyore]

This thread is great. I can't stop laughing

Right off hand, the only story I can think of happened while me and my fiance (then boyfriend) were on vacation. We were in the hotel room and sometime during the night I had snuggled up to him. His backside was facing me. Right after I did this he lets go a real long & loud fart. So I smacked him on the arm and I told him "I don't believe you. You just farted on me." I was thinking that he was still awake since we hadn't been in bed for long, but he was asleep. After I said, this he mumbled in his sleep "go back to bed, it was just the air conditioning kicking on" So that's been our joke now. Whenever he farts, he'll make a comment about the ac coming on.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

This thread is great. I can't stop laughing

Right off hand, the only story I can think of happened while me and my fiance (then boyfriend) were on vacation. We were in the hotel room and sometime during the night I had snuggled up to him. His backside was facing me. Right after I did this he lets go a real long & loud fart. So I smacked him on the arm and I told him "I don't believe you. You just farted on me." I was thinking that he was still awake since we hadn't been in bed for long, but he was asleep. After I said, this he mumbled in his sleep "go back to bed, it was just the air conditioning kicking on" So that's been our joke now. Whenever he farts, he'll make a comment about the ac coming on.

OMG! The same thing happened to me! Only, I was young and innocent. I was so grossed out, and he WASN'T asleep.

If you have never been farted on (literally on your skin)by a naked butt, count yourself lucky!

 

[luvflorida]

I also couldn't stop laughing when we spotted the book, "Everybody Poops."

Yes! We have that book, also! When we came across the page about animals "pooping on the go", I thought we would die laughing!!!!

 

[chell]

Why do I feel the need to go to the bookstore today to see if I can find these books?

 

[mssocks]

Years ago I used to use baby powder in my undies for "freshness". Well, while driving to work I let one rip. Because I was sitting on the car seat, and parts of me were "compressed", the air had only one escape route - a puff of powder came floating up from my lap - cracked me up so bad I had to pull over.

Ya know, it's gotta go somewhere !