OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[MsLeFever]

Couple of minutes later, my DS was asking me through the bathroom door why the poor cat was hiding in the basement, and gagging...

Ok - you got me - too funny!

 

[chell]

Oh my gosh. This is so funny! I'm about to wet my pants from laughing so hard.

My ex had some terrible ones too. One day while in the Target in Lynchburg, VA he thought he would be funny and sneak around to the end of the isle and let one rip to make it look like I did it. Well he didn't pay too much attention the the family that was walking up. What he did was pass it almost as they were walking by. They all gave him the look then went on. We were in the store for a while after that and kept running into that family. It was all they could do to keep from laughing.

Another one of his has to do with the elevator at Downtown Disney. We were with another DIS couple and the guys were having too much fun with their gas in the elevator.

 

[Rowena]

mrsheppo
......



I thought making a cat gag was bad....but your story had me laughing so hard I wet myself! (Ayup, I'll admit it, I was crying!!)

Oh thank you for sharing that....poor kitty who knocked himself out.....

 

[Mary Anne]

First off, I am so glad I didn't open this thread at work, I think I would have been showed the door I'm laughing so much.

These are all priceless.

 

[sweet angel]

I confess, farts crack me up. It's a family thing, I guess, because my 63 year old mom cracks up too.

Check this out:
fart soundboard

 

[McKelly]

Ok, I have got one. I worked in a small legal office where there was just a tiny bathroom off the main corridor through the offices. Well, one day I felt like I really had to pass some gas, I mean it was really building up causing me some pain, so I thought I will just go into the bathroom, do it in there and then return to my desk. Well, I did that and a short time later another secretary walked through and stopped at my desk and said, "Geez, I think the toilet is backing up!" OMG, I was so embarressed!! I managed to keep it together until she left, but I could not talk, I only could nod! When she left, I laughed hysterically. Good thing everybody else in my department was at lunch!

 

[luvflorida]

We do a similar thing to "Don't come over here, Mary". Our code phrase is "We need to leave the area NOW". No one questions, we all run!

If I'm ever out shopping and I hear either of these two phrases, I know I'm going to start laughing hysterically!!

Okay, we have a "fart" rule in our house. I don't even remember how it started, but whenever a family member feels one coming on, they must loudly announce, "CODE RED!", then quickly run out of the room, preferably all the way outside, THEN let it go.
Well, it took me awhile to understand this rule. I had it backwards. I would let one rip THEN yell, "CODE RED!", figuring it was a warning for all to evacuate the area. My kids are always tellling me, "Geez, Mom you NEVER get it right!" because I still do it that way just to irritate them!

 

[luvflorida]

One time my mother and 3 of her sisters were visiting in Blanchard Springs, some beautiful caverns in Northern Arkansas. The guide giving the tour was discusssing the bat guano, and how the bat guano was hundreds of years old.

My deadly gasiferous aunt proceeds to do what she does best (totally oblivious - maybe her sense of smell is as bad as her hearing). Anyway - one of the other tourist tells the tour director "I think I can smell that bat guano."

My mother and the other two sisters just totally lost it. The guilty one is a little out of it and has no idea what she did nor why her sisters are rolling on the floor laughing.

A few years later my father and I are taking the same tour. When they came to the bat guano part of the tour - I proceed to tell my dad the story of Aunt X. He starts laughing so hard that I thought we were going to have to leave the tour.

OMG! I'm glad I wasn't on that tour! I would have been rolling on the floor along with them!

 

[Breezy_Carol]

This thread still has me

 

[Iluvmickeymouse!]

okay... I am dyin here....these are hilarious!!! My Dh is infamous for letting really stinky ones go. One I remember quite well is when my DBIL got married. Both my DH and myself were in the wedding party. We were slow dancing to "our song" later in the evening, by now DH is pretty well tanked, anywho....at the end of the song.. I look up and tell him "I love you"...his response..in all his glassy eyedniss...."I just farted". Yup, sure did had to leave that area in a hurry. Didn't I marry the romantic!

 

[2BigKIdz]

Several years ago while on vacation at the Outer Banks of NC we were in the Sunglass Hut at the outlet malls (anyone that has been there will know how small that store is). The line is quite long and moving slowly. We had been eating out most of the week and had eaten out for breakfast and lunch this day. My husband had the WORST gas, it was gross and non-stop all day. Of course while I am waiting in line, he walks up with the pretense of telling me something, drops a bomb and walks out of the store, leaving me to take the blame. I look out the window, he's pointing at me and my family and friends are

 

[cra-z-4-dizney]

... It's pretty bad when the deaf girl hears them.

OMG I can't breath can I get a paramedic here......

 

[monsterkitty]

If we could bottle my husband's gas, this country would not be in an energy crisis.

 

[elliemae1192]

OMG you guys are killing me!

Every time my hubby lets a particularly loud one rip, he'll say in a really innocent voice, "did you hear that frog?". Now, every time my three year old passes gas he'll YELL that. It seems like it's always someplace like church or a restaurant too. He also thinks that pulling someone's finger will actually cause them to fart. He runs around yanking fingers all the time. Wonderful life lessons dad is teaching him, huh.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

OMG you guys are killing me!

Every time my hubby lets a particularly loud one rip, he'll say in a really innocent voice, "did you hear that frog?". Now, every time my three year old passes gas he'll YELL that. It seems like it's always someplace like church or a restaurant too. He also thinks that pulling someone's finger will actually cause them to fart. He runs around yanking fingers all the time. Wonderful life lessons dad is teaching him, huh.

Whenever someone in my family farts, they'll point to the sky and say, "Look! Big Bird!"

I really needed this thread today.

 

[Beca]

Just a tip....I used to be a flight attendant....and no....those potties are NOT soundproof!! I cannot tell you how many times people who were waiting (and me) would laugh it up at those who thought no one could here them!! Once we even applauded for a particularly talented man who came out of the lav!!


Also, my own story...my dd is now at the age where what she thinks comes tumbling out of her mouth (she's 3). We were recently at a Marie Calendar's and she had to go potty. When we sat down, she found she was much more interested in talking to me than actually going to the bathroom (there were no kids her age in the dinner group and she had been pretty restless at the table). This lady comes in who was obviously having a problem. She slams the door of the stall next to us and we begin to hear the wettest, nastiest-sounding farts I have heard in a long time. My dd giggles and LOUDLY says, "Mom, that lady farted!!" Then, the lady lets a few more rip, and my dd bursts into a round of giggles..."Mom, she farted again". They played this little game of fart...giggle...exclaim for about 3 minutes. I kept putting my finger over my lips signaling for my dd to be quiet, and she says, "Why should I be quiet, she's the one that's farting....and, boy are they stinky!". I laughed so hard I nearly pee'd my pants (which of course fueled my daughter's hysterics).

We left the bathroom asap (I didn't really want to face that woman), and when we approached our table (there were about 12 of us there for a farewell dinner), my dd said loudly, "Guys, you missed it! There was a lady in the bathroom who was farting and farting, and boy, was she stinky!!" The entire dining room burst into laughter. Man....will I be happy when her "diahrrea of the mouth" stage is over!!!



Beca

 

[Nancy]

No stories involving me...but in the store once I overheard a Mom and little girl each blaming the other for the fart. Mom said to little girl. "Honey what do you say?" Little girl, "Mommy, that was you that farted" Mommy must have did it but put the blame on the little girl.

A cute story. My dad was very proper: you had to say "passing gas" not the word fart. My nephew (not sure how old he was) farted and said "oops I farted" Grandpa proceeded to tell him not to say that word but to say passing gas. Next time he farted he said "oops I was piecing grass!" For the longest time afterwords I referred to it as "piecing grass".

 

[MinnieM21]

OMG!!!

 

[Lil_Tink]

Me and my friends were in a deparment store when some lady walked by my friend and started 'letting them out' and my freind was trying so hard not to laugh. It was pretty funny.

 

[Lil_Tink]

Once our condo's hottub was very crouded, and I was taking the kid I babysit down there. So I had him sit in there and say "BOY THAT FELT GOOD, ahhh...." then everyone seemed to clear out....