OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[cheerful chickadee]

I am rolling reading this thread! It reminds me...

Thanksgiving last year, all the family is gathered around the table, about 12 of us total. My grandma had got up to refill her water while we all began eating, it was dead silent. Grandma stood at the sink running water and started to cough, well that cough obviously forced out some gas Grandma didn't know she posessed because she farted so loud she even startled herself. She straightened up stiffly and pretended nothing happened. We all looked up from our plates in shock, no one even breathed for a moment. We tried with all our might not to laugh, we held it together pretty well if I do say so myself. My grandma then proceeded to sit back down at the table, not a word was said about the emission at the sink...until my 2 year old niece just couldn't take it anymore. She looked at all of us and said "did you hear that!! you hadda hear that! Great Grandma toodled!!! Oh my god, she toodled so loud!" and laughed hysterically for a few minutes. None of us could hold it in but we tried, we turned out heads, choked the food in our mouths down and kept it in so we wouldn't make her uncomfortable. My sister said to her dd (dniece) "honey no, that was just a cough, go on and eat your turkey...NOW!". lol

Also dbil is a gas master, it's gotten ridiculous over the past few years. When he farts he will say things like "did you hear that duck?" or he will say something that probably isn't dis friendly so I will edit it..."I didn't fart, that's just another butthole talking smack behind my back", use your imgination on the real words he uses. He used to say this all the time until my ds caught on to it and attempted to repeat his dear uncle. It came out a little different though, thank goodness! he said "mom, I did not fart, it was just another butt smacking my backhole!". lol

btw...butt was not the real word used

*shakes head*

 

[epcotfan]

Disney1fan that is hilarious. Speaking of farts I got hit with a drive by fart the other day. I was in the grocery store wheeling around my cart and this elderly man was nearby. He comes wheeling around the corner with his cart, lets one rip, and keeps going. I've never experienced a drive by fart before. LOL.

 

[Kristi1357]

I got hit with a drive by fart the other day.

I love that - drive by farts!

I have a good one, and it's WDW related too!

My DH is a twin, so for his and his sister's 30th birthdays her hubby & I suprised them with a 3 day WDW trip. We go swimming one day at WL. We are all wet on the elevator ride back to up to our rooms. SIL lets a huge one rip! We all about died laughing. We STILL die laughing talking about that one! This incident is affectionally known as the world's greatest "cheek-flappa'!"

Thank goodness SIL is a good sport about this!

 

[Shel]

Ok, I have to admit it...another middle-aged lady who thinks farts are hysterical here.

My story is also WDW related. Due to the diversity of the meals we enjoyed at WDW my DH developed a toxic case of bad gas. He achieved his "personal best" after eating some elephant garlic at Rainforest Cafe (I think). After that, all gas experienced at WDW was renamed "Mouse gas" and it became the standard by which all other gas is measured.

Nothing has ever come close to mouse gas.

Heaven help us all if the tag fairy finds this thread.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

We were slow dancing to "our song" later in the evening, by now DH is pretty well tanked, anywho....at the end of the song.. I look up and tell him "I love you"...his response..in all his glassy eyedniss...."I just farted".

This story was great. It is something my SO would do to me being wasted. These stories are so great, I really needed this thread this week. Thanks OP!!!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Just a tip....I used to be a flight attendant....and no....those potties are NOT soundproof!! I cannot tell you how many times people who were waiting (and me) would laugh it up at those who thought no one could here them!! Once we even applauded for a particularly talented man who came out of the lav!!


Also, my own story...my dd is now at the age where what she thinks comes tumbling out of her mouth (she's 3). We were recently at a Marie Calendar's and she had to go potty. When we sat down, she found she was much more interested in talking to me than actually going to the bathroom (there were no kids her age in the dinner group and she had been pretty restless at the table). This lady comes in who was obviously having a problem. She slams the door of the stall next to us and we begin to hear the wettest, nastiest-sounding farts I have heard in a long time. My dd giggles and LOUDLY says, "Mom, that lady farted!!" Then, the lady lets a few more rip, and my dd bursts into a round of giggles..."Mom, she farted again". They played this little game of fart...giggle...exclaim for about 3 minutes. I kept putting my finger over my lips signaling for my dd to be quiet, and she says, "Why should I be quiet, she's the one that's farting....and, boy are they stinky!". I laughed so hard I nearly pee'd my pants (which of course fueled my daughter's hysterics).

We left the bathroom asap (I didn't really want to face that woman), and when we approached our table (there were about 12 of us there for a farewell dinner), my dd said loudly, "Guys, you missed it! There was a lady in the bathroom who was farting and farting, and boy, was she stinky!!" The entire dining room burst into laughter. Man....will I be happy when her "diahrrea of the mouth" stage is over!!!



Beca

Lady's and Gentlemen...we have a NEW winner!

OMG, I did not know that my little story of embarrassment would turn into 2 days of hysterical laughter. This is great. Not even 9AM, and my stomach is cramped from laughing so hard.

One other story I can share now. Why not, right? LOL

About 11 years ago, my sister and a friend of mine went to upstate NY to a dude ranch for the weekend. It was about a 5 hr drive. My poor sister and friend( who was male, btw). Something crawled up inside of me and died that weekend, and whatever it was needed to release itself OFTEN. I became aware of it in the car, when I squeaked a silent one out, but within seconds, eyes were watering. During the weekend in the Adirondaks, I knew to walk far away when I felt one come on, let loose, then shake the air out of my pants before catching up.

On the way home, my friend decided to put his car in a car wash. It was on of those hand held hose car wash. So, he is OUTSIDE the car (A Nissan Maxima, so a small car at that)washing, the windows are up. My sister and I are sitting in the car. I tried to hold it in the best I could, but it got away. There was nothing my sister could do. The windows needed to stay up, or water would get in. She was pounding on the windows, screaming for him to hurry up, all the while gagging. I was laughing so hard. She was a prisoner to my fart.

When he got in the car, he was hit by the WALL. He squealed out of the bay, and pulled over, my sister jumped out, and was GULPING air. He had all 4 doors open, fanning air into the car.

 

[Maleficent13]

My story was of my dear father(God rest his soul) drinking carrot juice one day. Carrot juice gave him the worst gas. He was getting ready for bed and let one rip. The noxious fumes were so bad that our poor cat came racing out of the bedroom as fast as he could, ran straight into the bathroom door and knocked himself out cold. Poor kitty stayed away from my dad after that.

One of my employees just came in here and asked me why I was crying.

 

[luvflorida]

About 11 years ago, my sister and a friend of mine went to upstate NY to a dude ranch for the weekend. It was about a 5 hr drive. My poor sister and friend( who was male, btw). Something crawled up inside of me and died that weekend, and whatever it was needed to release itself OFTEN. I became aware of it in the car, when I squeaked a silent one out, but within seconds, eyes were watering. During the weekend in the Adirondaks, I knew to walk far away when I felt one come on, let loose, then shake the air out of my pants before catching up.

On the way home, my friend decided to put his car in a car wash. It was on of those hand held hose car wash. So, he is OUTSIDE the car (A Nissan Maxima, so a small car at that)washing, the windows are up. My sister and I are sitting in the car. I tried to hold it in the best I could, but it got away. There was nothing my sister could do. The windows needed to stay up, or water would get in. She was pounding on the windows, screaming for him to hurry up, all the while gagging. I was laughing so hard. She was a prisoner to my fart.

When he got in the car, he was hit by the WALL. He squealed out of the bay, and pulled over, my sister jumped out, and was GULPING air. He had all 4 doors open, fanning air into the car.

All I can say is that I'm glad once again I'm home alone, (except for the cat who thinks I've totally gone off the deep end), because I'm in hysterics again. I don't know if I can take another day of this!!!

 

[luvflorida]

She then called over to her friend in the next aisle "Don't come over here Mary!!"

I'm still in hysterics over that one line! I can just picture the whole scene in my mind. I was trying to tell this story to my daughter on the way to dance class yesterday and I almost drove off the road. I was laughing like an idiot, tears streaming down my face, and I couldn't see the road. The worse part was that my daughter just looked at me like I had lost my mind. I couldn't get past that one line and I was laughing so hard, she couldn't understand a word I was saying. There was no way I could go into the dance studio with her so I just dropped her off at the door and picked her up after her class!

 

[Beca]

"I didn't fart, that's just another butthole talking smack behind my back", use your imgination on the real words he uses. He used to say this all the time until my ds caught on to it and attempted to repeat his dear uncle. It came out a little different though, thank goodness! he said "mom, I did not fart, it was just another butt smacking my backhole!". lol

btw...butt was not the real word used

*shakes head*

That is TOO funny!!! I think I'm gonna have to use that!!

I also REALLY like "mouse gas"....dh's farts are the STINKIEST at WDW!! My dh is definitely gonna wonder where I got all this fart lingo!!



Beca

 

[LynnTH]

I am at work laughting so hard. Everytime the phone rings I hope it's not for me cuz I wouldn't be able to answer it without laughing. Keep these coming they are great!!

 

[cra-z-4-dizney]

OK, another WDW story.......

On my first trip to WDW, it was then DBF now DH, and his sister and myself. Well, my dbf had major gas the whole trip. One time me and his sister went down to the gift shop and when we came back to the room all we could smell was...well you know...we said did you fart, and he said no it wasn't me, I said oh I guess it was the stuffed mickey sitting on the bed... ...

The next day we are in AK and we are waiting in line at Camp Mickey & Minnie, and the next thing I know the little boy (poor kid) yells "OH MY GOSH, what is that smell?" Well me and his sis knew exactly and busted out laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Now whenever we get together we always say...Paul remember that time you farted in line at Ak and that poor little kid behind you, and we all start cracking up.

 

[mamaprincess]

VIVA LA FART THREAD!

 

[Jingle]

I'm glad so many other people find these stories as amusing as I do! So, I guess I'll go ahead and add my own.

I was a senior in high school. We were on an overnight band trip and were riding on a Greyhound type bus. I was sitting in the very back seat with someone who was a friend, but not a real close friend. I just had to relieve a "little pressure". It was silent, but unfortunately deadly. The girl looked at me and wrinkled up her nose. Just as I thought I was going to have to confess, someone about 5 seats up yelled, ewwww who died! I was mortified, hoping nobody would find out it was me. Then someone else yelled out, it's the paper mills! I was soooo relieved that we were driving through a city that had paper mills, and was periodically known to have a bad smell!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

VIVA LA FART THREAD!

I just changed the title of my OP. I couldn't resist. I hope this thread lasts as long as Hanname!

 

[mrsheppo]

Did anyone see Boston Legal last night? There was a scene with William Shatner & James Spader sharing a cabin in the Canadian wilderness. They were getting ready to go to sleep and William Shatner says "Don't take this personally" and all you hear is a long fart.

After reading this thread yesterday, all I could do was laugh hysterically.

 

[mamaprincess]

I just changed the title of my OP. I couldn't resist. I hope this thread lasts as long as Hanname!

Yaaay! As long as people pass gas, this thread will surely last!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Did anyone see Boston Legal last night? There was a scene with William Shatner & James Spader sharing a cabin in the Canadian wilderness. They were getting ready to go to sleep and William Shatner says "Don't take this personally" and all you hear is a long fart.

After reading this thread yesterday, all I could do was laugh hysterically.

OMG! That must of been hysterical. Captain Kirk cut the cheese!

 

[chell]

What do you do when you are at work and have those terrible gas pains? I hate that feeling. How is it that someone knows to walk up to you right at the worst moment?

 

[SplashLover93]

What do you do when you are at work and have those terrible gas pains? I hate that feeling. How is it that someone knows to walk up to you right at the worst moment?

At school i had to relieve my self so i asked to go to the bathroom and just as i started farting a girl in my class walked in and it was one of those bad days! But these are hilarious im dying over here