Oh no Nephew changed wedding to our cruise departure date UPDATE OP

[jodifla]

I wouldn't cancel. I do like the suggestion of hosting a shower for the couple, though.

 

[Piecey]

I wouldn't cancel.


...btw, we'll be on that cruise, too!

 

[ccgirl]

Personally, if this was my nephew that moved his wedding date because he was getting deployed to a war zone, I would move the vacation. Have you called DCL to explain and see what they can do for you?

 

[mrsklamc]

The only thing that gives me pause is his military service. If I were in your shoes & (God forbid) something happened to him I would never forgive myself.

But for now....his deployment is likely to get changed. I don't think anyone really knows up from down right now with shutting down operations in Iraq. Officially you've not been told anything so I would just keep my mouth shut and pray it changes again.

 

[marthachick]

I vote to go on the cruise. As far as your sister being mad at you, we have a saying in our family for things like that, "she can get happy in the same pants she got mad in." I agree family first, and that's exactly what you're doing, YOUR family first. Why is your sister's family more important than your own? It's a wedding, you are only going to see the bride and groom for a few minutes at most and the rest of the time will be spent chatting with other family members, wishing you were on your cruise. Why? I wouldn't blame your nephew for changing the date, it sounds like they have it well thought out and planned. Not to mention there's a good chance his deployment date will change again and maybe yet again before he actually deploys. If like any good family eventually and usually sooner rather than later another issue is going to happen and someone else will take your place as the black sheep. It's a cycle and usually all but one at some point gets to be that black sheep, because there's always the one person in any family that can do no wrong.

We have a saying in our family too - "he'll/she'll get over it!" and not to be flip about the situation, but I also agree with the second bolded statement. If he's in the service, there's a huge chance his deployment may change again. So, I'm in the "go on the cruise" boat. (Pun intended.) And have a blast!

 

[bumbershoot]

Personally, if this was my nephew that moved his wedding date because he was getting deployed to a war zone, I would move the vacation. Have you called DCL to explain and see what they can do for you?

But will it even be a war zone at that point? He's being deployed in October 2012.

I don't think anyone really knows up from down right now with shutting down operations in Iraq.

Exactly. That's just what I thought when I read the post. Now maybe he's being sent to Afghanistan, and I don't know what I've heard about troops there.



And the nephew is moving the wedding closer, because his deployment is *delayed. It WAS February 2012, so they were marrying after he got back...now he leaves 8 months later, so they are marrying before he leaves. I'm sure they will have plenty of time to see him and his fiance-then-wife before they get married and before he leaves.

 

[C.Ann]

The only thing that gives me pause is his military service. If I were in your shoes & (God forbid) something happened to him I would never forgive myself.

I don't think OP stated that he lived far away and this would be her only opportunity to see him prior to his being deployed.. That makes a big difference..

If he's in the service, there's a huge chance his deployment may change again. So, I'm in the "go on the cruise" boat. (Pun intended.) And have a blast!

Yup.. It's the military.. What if his deployment changes yet again?

And the nephew is moving the wedding closer, because his deployment is *delayed. It WAS February 2012, so they were marrying after he got back...now he leaves 8 months later, so they are marrying before he leaves. I'm sure they will have plenty of time to see him and his fiance-then-wife before they get married and before he leaves.

That's the way I read it.. I don't think they live on opposite sides of the country, so they'll probably have plenty of time to get together and spend quality time before he finally is deployed..

OP: Nothing said has changed my vote - go on the cruise.. (And stop being "afraid" of your sister.. You're an adult now..)

 

[runwad]

The only thing that gives me pause is his military service. If I were in your shoes & (God forbid) something happened to him I would never forgive myself.

But for now....his deployment is likely to get changed. I don't think anyone really knows up from down right now with shutting down operations in Iraq. Officially you've not been told anything so I would just keep my mouth shut and pray it changes again.

THIS!! He lives a State away. We probably see him two to three times a year. I'm not going to say anything to my sister now. Come March if we can't change the dates for relatively the same money then I'll see how I feel then. I'm not sure where DN is going? First it was to where the soldiers go for R&R and we were happy about that because he's been to Iraq & Afghanistan, but then it got changed from there to I don't know where and now changed again. This is the first time the wedding has been changed. Does this matter at all.... his brother is in the same unit and shipping out too. He lives a state away with said brother. So both of my nephews going. We will see them before deployment most definitely. On the other hand as someone said previously we got the deal of the century and honestly probably wouldn't get this opportunity again with DD getting so close to college. See I go back and forth. I'm just going to wait and see keep my mouth shut.

 

[Kirby]

It's no fun playing the "what if" game.

 

[traviesojmt]

As a military spouse, let me speak with a little experience.......NEVER PLAN YOUR LIFE AROUND THE MILITARY!! Ask yourself this question: How mad are you going to be after you cancel your vacation and you hear that they have to change the date again due to his order being changed? This is a huge possibility.

I agree that family is important, but you are NOT an intregal part of the wedding. I would not change my plans.

Here is a quick (sure, right?) story to show my point: My DH (fiance at the time) was stationed in Germany. I had plans to go over after my college finals to spend Christmas and New Year's with him. In early Dec, he gets word that his unit is going to deploy to Bosnia (long time ago) on Christmas Day. So, in order to see him, I work it out with all of my professors to leave eary. I fly to Germany in mid-Dec. After I am there a few days, they get notice that their deployment has been cancelled. YEAH!!! So, I change my airline tickets ($$) so we can still spend Christmas and New Year's (in Paris) together. 2 days later, Deployment back on. Seriously? I now have to really scramble with the airlines not to get stuck in Germany alone over the holidays. I manage to get a flight back to the states on Dec. 23 ($$$) and he deploys on Christmas Day.

So, while I made a conscious decision to marry into this madhouse, you did not. Don't change your plans unless you don't mind not taking your vacation and not attending a wedding at the same time. I do hope that their plans happen the way they want, but it would still surprise me.

 

[amyr1]

You have plans. You booked a vacation based on the information you were given about the wedding date. Nephew chose to change the date. Nothing you can do.

Call you sister and tell her that you already made plans (and play up that you will lose money) based on what you were told. Tell her you cannot change them.

IF sister gets her panties in a twist suggest that nephew simply change the date to a time when you can attend. Turn it back on her. If she's unwilling to get the date changed then there's not much you can do.

Amy

 

[furb & dez]

Go on the cruise. Stop letting your sister manipulate you.

And for the "give a nice gift" people, that's just as guilt-based as canceling the trip due to sister's manipulation game. The only way to win the Guilt Game is not to play.

 

[jdb in AZ]

When DD was planning her wedding to an army reservist, his unit started hearing noises about an upcoming deployment so DD and DSIL moved their wedding up a month so the groom wouldn't miss his own ceremony.

My mother and her DH had plans to travel cross country with friends in a motorhome caravan. Not my idea of a good time, but apparently it was important enough to them to miss my only DD's wedding so they could travel with friends.

A nephew is one thing; a grand-daughter, my only DD, should have taken priority over some friends, IMHO. Grandma could've flown here for the wedding, then joined up with her travel buddies later. Or sent her DH ahead with the motorhomers, since he does all the driving anyway, and he's not DD's biological grandfather, and has never treated us like his own kids. They didn't even try to change the dates of their trip. Their friends were all retired, it wasn't like they had to reschedule time off work.

In the past we've tried to attend step-nieces and nephews weddings (most are several hundred miles away) but they haven't reciprocated, so now we only go if/when it's convenient.

In PP's case I would explain the situation but go on the cruise. And plan to have your sister angry for years afterward, and probably boycott your kids' weddings.

 

[beansmom]

i haven't read it all but here is my response:

DH's cousin called us at the end of September and told us she is getting married on Dec 24...in Hawaii! It would be a wonderful trip if we could go but we can't for a few reasons. I feel sort of bad as she came from California to our wedding in Texas and Hawaii IS the next big vacation on my list. Still, we can't go.

We will simply send our regrets with no explanation because--well, we just can't go. Simple as that.

Sometimes we have to stand up to our families and be unapologetic. If YOUR son was getting married, would you expect her to change her plans? Honestly?

 

[mrsklamc]

Stop letting your sister manipulate you.

And for the "give a nice gift" people, that's just as guilt-based as canceling the trip due to sister's manipulation game.

To be fair to OP's sister she never said her sister was manipulating her. She said her family is one that is very 'family first.' IMHO, big difference.

 

[tlbwriter]

To be fair to OP's sister she never said her sister was manipulating her. She said her family is one that is very 'family first.' IMHO, big difference.

She said that if they don't go, they will be the "black sheep" of the family. So there is pressure from her extended family.

OP, I know you're playing the "what if" game, but would this truly be your only opportunity to see him before he ships out? How far from you is the wedding location? If they do end up getting married that day, surely he will be home for a few days before the wedding, right? Could you visit him then?

 

[mrsklamc]

She said that if they don't go, they will be the "black sheep" of the family. So there is pressure from her extended family.

Yes, that's exactly what she said. Which is very different from, "her sister is being manipulative."

 

[GinaBean]

I agree with the others that said go on the cruise.

 

[SDSorority]

DH's uncles (BOTH OF THEM) didn't come to our wedding.....

...they didn't even send us a card, give us a call, or acknowledge that it even happened. THAT was weird. And we're still angry about it to this day. So... don't do THAT.

OP, your plans are made. Send them a card, give them a call to let them know you're thinking of them (if you can from the ship? Not sure how that works), and that would be plenty.

The bride and groom will be so caught up in the day that they'll be so busy worrying about everything going well and talking to everyone that you not being there will only be noticed (in their eyes) briefly, and it'll soon pass. (...and I don't want you to take offense to this because it's nothing against you, you ARE very important, it's just the nature of the day! )

 

[ktlm]

Come March if we can't change the dates for relatively the same money then I'll see how I feel then. ...On the other hand as someone said previously we got the deal of the century and honestly probably wouldn't get this opportunity again with DD getting so close to college. See I go back and forth. I'm just going to wait and see keep my mouth shut.

I would not keep my mouth shut. I would bring it up now. Otherwise I think she will be more angry--- She is going to want to know why you didn't tell her the minute you found out she changed the wedding since you knew you had a conflict. I think you are probably going to make matters worse by not bringing it up now.

My thoughts. Family does come first- your family. The times I remember most as a kid are the family vacations with Mom and Dad. Dad's gone now, and I treasure those memories. As you stated, this may be your last chance for a big family trip, and you have been unable to get the dates and get a price where you can still go. If you cancel the cruise, you may not get the opportunity again. I think you should go on the cruise.

I think you should talk to your sister right now. I would tell her that you just found out when your nephew's wedding date got moved to, and that you have had a cruise booked for that date since whenever the date was you booked it (sounds like a long time ago). I would tell her that you scrimped and saved for this cruise and got a 40% (or whatever it was) discount. I would tell her that on finding out the nephew's date change, you immediately called and tried to switch your dates, but they could not do it for the same price or for a price you could afford. Then I would tell her that because of that, you are very sorry, but you can't attend the wedding. Maybe offer to go visit nephew and fiance in the interim and do something special, or do something special for him, the next time he comes to town to visit your sister to make up for the fact that you can not attend the wedding.