Obituary asking for money....for GRANDKIDS UPDATE POST 148

[kaytieeldr]

But, it is okay to be condescending to those that don't agree with you

You'll have to ask the poster who said things like

Gee thanks for the advice, I'm sure those of us with a different opinion than yours wouldn't have thought of those things ourselves

and

Thanks for that clarification, we totally didn't understand that, must have been all those big words.

 

[nathalee81]

My defense of the family of the deceased is based on my choice not to judge someone whose motivations I don't know.

So, you can defend a family's intention that you don't even know, but attack people who have a differing opinion than you on a message board.

As I said, you have gone after quite a few people on this thread with a differing opinion, you seem to have taken this personally.

 

[kathie859]

In my little corner of the universe, it would be considered unusual to request donations to grandchildren's higher education when the parents were alive and well and seemingly able to care for them. If I saw such an item in an obit, I'd not be inclined to donate.

 

[Robbi]

It could be that neither his wife nor his children are responsible. Maybe he made the request of them before he died.

 

[kaytieeldr]

So, you can defend a family's intention that you don't even know, but attack people who have a differing opinion than you on a message board.

As I said, you have gone after quite a few people on this thread with a differing opinion, you seem to have taken this personally.

I genuinely didn't know what you meant - so I went back through the entire thread, twice. As far as i can tell, I've quoted/responded to six different people in this thread. Disputing sarcasm by a prolific poster isn't equivalent to having 'gone after quite a few people'. Neither is defending myself against apparent misunderstanding.

 

[crashbb]

So, you can defend a family's intention that you don't even know, but attack people who have a differing opinion than you on a message board.

Funny how that works, isn't it?

I would never say anything to a family who choose to make such a request in an obituary, but I would think it tacky and I would likely not donate in the situation described by the OP. On the other hand, I helped organize a fundraiser for an education account for a seven-year-old boy whose single mother died recently (didn't know the family - "met" the mother after she collapsed during a running race ).

 

[luvmy3]

Your interpretation confuses me, although your sarcasm and condescension don't.

It's not, "if you were going to send flowers...instead send money...".
It's, "Please don't send flowers*; instead, please make a donation and if you're looking for somewhere to donate that would have great meaning to the deceased, here's a suggestion".

It's unorthodox, sure - but not worth all the criticism and angst seen here.

*There could easily be a cultural or other reason behind the request for no flowers.

Its not about the request for no flowers

You'll have to ask the poster who said things like and

Just dishing it right back to those who feel they need to use it to prove a point to those who don't share their opinion. You should know all about that.
I noticed you didn't include any of what the pp I quoted I said, but why would you since she seems to share your opinion.

 

[mhsjax]

[/B]


Right back at ya. You might want to take your own advice.

Exactly how was what she posted condescending or insulting? I am SOOOOOO confused.

Was this from earlier?

 

[kaytieeldr]

Its not about the request for no flowers



Just dishing it right back to those who feel they need to use it to prove a point to those who don't share their opinion. You should know all about that.
I noticed you didn't include any of what the pp I quoted I said, but why would you since she seems to share your opinion.

Because part of the request is, "In lieu of flowers, please...", it's about the entire request.

If you're referring to the post where I said something to the effect of "Apparently I wasn't clear...", well, based on the original response I got, apparently I wasn't clear the first time.

eta: I didn't see any condescension in the posts you quoted; doesn't mean it's not there, but having now reread this thread enough times to have it memorized... But the two examples I did include were direct, complete responses to posts.

 

[luvsJack]

[/B]


Right back at ya. You might want to take your own advice.

But, it is okay to be condescending to those that don't agree with you

Oh, please. Because I said "ya know"???

Ok, let's try it a different way: Please, just because something isn't the norm in your circle don't be insulting, sarcastic or condescending to others.


I wasn't "hinting" at the fact that something that is the norm to many people is stupid or rude. Nor was I sarcastic. And I certainly never hinted at the fact that any of you are not as intelligent as the people who agree with me.

You all have a different opinion, so be it. I don't really care, its not going to change my opinion or what I would do if someone I know includes a statement such as this in their obit.

It is the norm here, it is not seen as tacky or in bad taste. It is a way to remember someone by contributing to something that was important to them and in a way that makes them feel as they will continue on in the lives of their loved ones.

 

[TinkTock]

To me, the obit described in the OP is like putting in a wedding invitation: "In lieu of gifts, please donate to our honeymoon fund." It's tacky.