Not looking forward to Thanksgiving*UPDATE*

[Lorix2]

I know it's a day to be thankful and I do enjoy being with family.

My unhappiness about it has to do with the fact that we are spending it with my in-laws. Fun bunch of people and I love them all. The problem?

Every single family member we will be sitting down with is a smoker. Most of them will not even wait for you to finish your meal without lighting up right there at the table, 3 of them are severe asthmatics.

As some of you know, my DD has been having a hard time with her asthma lately and smoke is definitely a trigger for her. My DH has no problem speaking up for us non-smokers, but we get a "look" or a "well go in the other room" type comment or remark. The house is always overcrowded. My 6 y/o nephew also has it and they all smoke around him, but when his asthma flares up, they get upset and say "stop running around then". Makes my blood boil, as if it's his fault he's wheezing while playing.

The kids and ourselves have a right to breathe clean air and I'm afraid we'll all end up in an argument. Even if they go smoke outside, the house is already cloudy before we get there.

I tried to feel my MIL about it by saying "since my DD's ER visit, I'm not sure we'll be able to stay all that long being her asthma is acting up" and all I got was "ok". My FIL will never oblige unless he's in my house either.

Sorry so long, had to vent, very therapuetic (sp?). Unfortunately it's a war I'll never win.

Been there?

~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~~~

I just want to tell you all that my DH had a talk with my MIL a few days ago. When we pulled into their driveway today, everybody was outside smoking and enjoying the nice weather.

I could tell tell they didn't mind at all and they all made us feel very welcome. The kids had a blast playing ball outside and my FIL jumped in to play with them...memories in the making, I just love that.

We all had a wonderful dinner, alot of laughs, football on all tv's and genuinely enjoyed each other's company.

Upon leaving and saying our goodbyes to everyone, I thanked my MIL for them all smoking outside and she said she was happy to oblige.

I feel a little guilty for my post, but I'm happy to say I have a new respect for all of them.

I hope you all had a wonderful time with your family and friends today....I sure am thankful for today.

 

[DaisyDebbie]

They sound very inconsiderate to others around them. This is a health issue not just a complaint. I understand they are family but I would put my daughters health first .

Good Luck and Happy Thanksgiving

 

[Carl]

I know how you feel. My mother and I sometimes have to ask to be moved at a restaurant because we are seated too close to a smoking section. But just be glad you are living in today's conditions. I can remember when the conditions you describe in your inlaws home were the norm for everywhere. Smokers ruled.

 

[Serena]

I think it would be a very short visit for me. I can't breathe around smoke, it really bothers me. I can't imagine how your dd is expected to breathe there.

I would seriously consider skipping it this year. Good luck

 

[GailT]

vent away. My Ex-inlaws nwvwe smoked but I have an aunt who does adn she knows the rul in MY HOME is no smoking, I don't care who you are. I refuse to keep a clean house and have the smell of smoke in here plus yellow the walls. I think you should just take a stand and say no smoking and if they don't like it you and your family go out to dinner. sounds me but it could be the solution

 

[Grog]

If they are that inconsiderate, even after your DH speaks up, I wouldn't go this year. Stay at home and have a wonderful, smoke free, Thanksgiving.

 

[KathyFP]

Tough situation. Sounds like it will be a short visit.

Pixie dust and prayers!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I wouldn't go.

 

[shamrock bunch]

I wouldn't go there for Thanksgiving or any occasion if it is that bad. My MIL smokes and she knows she has to go outside to smoke even if it is snowing! I understand it is not your house, so you will have to make the decision if it is worth it to go there.

 

[swea_pea1]

Maybe it's not a war you can win, but you can certainly be a conscientious objector!

Don't subject your DD to health risks in the name of harmony. Stay home and enjoy your Thanksgiving. Maybe you can visit later in the evening when less folks are there and the smoke has cleared. If they're still there smoking, you can shorten the visit by saying that you need to get home because DD needs to get to bed.

Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving!

 

[Cruisin]

First, I am not a smoker and I don't like to be in smoke, BUT
you are going to someone else's house, unfortunately you don't have the right to ask them not to smoke in their own home.
All you can really do is not go. Tell them right out that your daughter cannot be in cigarette smoke of any amount and you will be unable to go to dinner. Your daughter's health is the most important thing and if you offend your relatives by not attending dinner then so be it.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I'd make it simple, and not go. No way would I subject myself to that intense of a smoke condition. And many times I will excuse myself from a mildly smoky environment when I have reached my limit, which each year is less and less. I hate smoke. Good luck, hope you have a good, and hopefully smoke-free Thanksgiving.

Dan

 

[Pebblszzz]

I'd call and tell them the honest-to-God truth.

You are going to be cooking at YOUR house, and they are welcome to come (smoking outside).

Period.

(and I'm a smoker)

 

[disykat]

I would also choose not to go for health reasons. I have asthma and allergies too and there are some things I just have to skip due to cigarette smoke and perfumed odors (I can't go to people's homes who use inscense or scented candles etc.). Invite them to YOUR home on another occasion.

 

[2bemarried]

Been there...done that. Both of my parents grew up on tobacco farms...so that's how they were able to have things as kids. My dad smokes and most of his siblings do. I had severe asthma as a kid and still have it to certain extents. Unfortunately I can't go into my parents home and tell him not to smoke. It's his right....so we only visit for short periods of time.

I agree that you should just limit how long you're there or not go at all. Best of Luck!!

 

[Tuffcookie]

If you're an asthmatic, you can't even stay for a little while. Once your lungs start to react you're in for a miserable time. I would start my own Thanksgiving tradition and eat at home!


TC

 

[Lorix2]

Hi everybody - you're so right on every count, but it's hard to tell them that we don't want to see them because of it. It is their home afterall. They all respect our wish not to smoke in our home, but we do not have the room to accommodate everyone here.

I hate to do this, but we'll show up right before she's serving and then gracefully make an exit shortly thereafter. They know how we feel.

Thanks everybody - I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving too.

 

[mtemm]

you don't have to tell them you don't want to see them...you can always just say your child's dr. has said that you need to avoid any second hand smoke and won't be able to join them. I think that is awful that they can't refrain from smoking, especially around asthmatics. Personally I wold start my own tradition at my home, but it sound like you are going and at least limiting the time/exposure.

 

[Lorix2]

mtemm - I guess that's all I can do, limit the exposure for her. The doctor scenario would fall on deaf ears, being that they ignore all health warnings anyway. We visit my MIL & BIL in the hospital at least 3x a year between the both of them from such bad asthma attacks, yet they continue to want to kill themselves slowly

 

[Talking Hands]

Lorix2 it falls on "deaf" ears because you do go and even limiting exposure gives them the perception of aquiesence. The only way they will hear is if you just refuse to expose your child. Sorry if there is smoking I will not be able to bring your grandchild. The doctor has said the any exposure to smoke is not in her best interest. I really would love to be there but I cannot allow your grandchild to be exposed to smoke against her doctor's orders. So sorry it has to be this way.