Not looking forward to Thanksgiving*UPDATE*

[snoopy]

OMG, that is so weird, I was just complaining about my Thanksgiving to some other friends -- I have almost the same problem -- not smokers, but asthmatic children. My friend's son is severely asthmatic, yet my SIL was planning on coming over here with her child who has bronchitis, never even bothering to consider my friend's son - who's immune system is compromised and he can NOT be around sick children. SIL is so selfish she will come anywhere that she doesn't have to cook, and she doesn't watch her kids either, so her daughter is sure to be coughing on everyone. I told her she was to get some antibiotics for the child, and if there is any thought that she might be contagious on Thanksgiving, she was to not come.

I'm a former smoker (yay for me!), but I never smoked in my home. I never wanted guests to be offended, plus it stinks up the house so bad anyway, there is no getting that stale smoke out of the curtains, off the walls, etc. I cannot see why people just can't step outside for a smoke, but then again, I was never severely addicted to smoking like some people seem to be. I don't know what to tell you about going to the IL's - I think if it were me I would just tell them the truth, and then if they still refused to stop smoking around the children, I guess you have no choice but to not go. I cannot believe someone would put the importance of a cigarette over a child's health.

 

[WDWLVR]

Personal opinion - if you want control then have it at your house. Make it clear that there will be no smoking indoors.

Most importantly you need to have a united front with your DH. He should be the one making it clear to HIS family to please keep the smoking away from you and the children.

Good luck!

 

[Poohnatic]

I understand where you're coming from, wanting to keep the family harmony, but...

As a severe asthmatic due to growing up in a house full of smokers, I now cannot tolerate smoke for more than a few minutes without wheezing and coughing the croupy smoker's cough. Your daughter is probably unable to verbalize how she feels when she's in that enviornment.

Your DH definitely understands and I think he'd agree that sitting out the dinner at your inlaws is the best thing for your daughter's health.

Good luck.

Suzanne

 

[bumcat]

Forgive me if I sound harsh but this should not be difficult to figure out what to do. Asthma kills and putting an asthmatic around cigarette smoke is like gambling with their life. Even short exposures can bring on an asthma attack.
All 3 of my kids are asthmatic. My oldest spent many times in the ER. Have you been thru the ER with your daughter? Have you watched her do breathing treatments not knowing if she was going to make it or not? If you haven't I hope you never have to and if you have I cant understand why you would subject her to an invironment that could end her life. Please it's not worth the risk. Maybe your DH can visit for awhile to keep the peace.

 

[wuv tigger]

Have you visited www.breatherville.org? Great website on asthma info.

My asthmas/bronchitis is changing our family plans for Thanksgiving & I am sure it won't go over too well. BUT, I can't put myself in a compromised place & end up in the ER while I am there. Their woodburning fireplace will be used while we are there & that would put me over the top.

I DO remember my last 2 ER visits (one in a ambulance) & it IS NOT being able to breathe. I even cracked a rib from all the coughing!

Please take care of your little one & push fluids. Also might be a good idea to shower & wash your clothes once you arrive home.

 

[pammypooh]

Seems like I am with the crowd on this. It is Thanksgiving - be thankful for your family and celebrate their good health by preserving it. Don't subject your family to something that can trigger a life threating attack. No turkey is good enough to risk your health. Next year volunteer to host everyone - then you set the rules for your own home. I would definately skip the big family thing this year given the situation you described. Get a small turkey, and have a wonderful day. Good luck with your decision.

Pam

 

[Liz]

Based on what you described I would have no problem having Thanksgiving at home or somewhere else except there. I know you don't want to cause hurt feelings, etc. but they don't seem to be concerned at all about your situation.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[believe]

I wouldn't go. When Thanksgiving at my in-laws became unenjoyable I started having it at my home. It has taken some time but now I have both families (mine and DH's) plus friends for Thanksgiving. Those who smoke go outside. My family must be different because even in their homes they will not smoke inside with smokers around...you are right that it doesn't matter the smoke is already in the air, but atleast they do consider others.

 

[Lorix2]

UPDATE under original post if interested

 

[Pooh93]

I'm glad all worked out and you had a nice day.

 

[KarenC]

Originally posted by Lorix2

~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~~~

I just want to tell you all that my DH had a talk with my MIL a few days ago. When we pulled into their driveway today, everybody was outside smoking and enjoying the nice weather.

I could tell tell they didn't mind at all and they all made us feel very welcome. The kids had a blast playing ball outside and my FIL jumped in to play with them...memories in the making, I just love that.

We all had a wonderful dinner, alot of laughs, football on all tv's and genuinely enjoyed each other's company.

Upon leaving and saying our goodbyes to everyone, I thanked my MIL for them all smoking outside and she said she was happy to oblige.

What a great example of the value of calming stating your concerns and point of view. I keep trying to teach my kids that everyone doesn't have the same experiences and see the world the same way you do. Sometimes you just have to tell them what you're thinking or where you're coming from! The vast majority of people want to do the right thing but often they don't know what the right thing is!

Good for your DH...good for your MIL...good for you! I'm glad you had a happy turkey day! You know I'm hoping your DD's asthma stays under control! (We spent several Christmas Eve's in the ER with our son, there's something about the holidays and him!)

 

[vald1977]

So glad it all worked out.