No candles for teachers? Why? And does this count

[Marshay]

Well, the OP wanted to hear opinions on what teachers can get the most use out of, so I gave them. For those who continue to call me and others who have given similar opinions greedy, ungrateful, or rude: I am simply trying to be honest.

SCRA, you are doing nothing wrong.

And I thank you for your honest answers.

Yes, it's hard to hear that the handmade trinket someone spent lots of time on gets thrown out in the trash. Or the inexpensive trinkets get thrown out too.

But at our school, that is a reality.

I'm on the PTA and at this time each year, we hear from the teachers what they want. And I've yet to hear -- "I want another trinket". It's ALWAYS gift cards, faculty luncheons or breakfasts and even raffle for own parking space.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, here's my opinion: I don't think giving cash gifts (which is what gift cards really are) to a teacher in the middle of the school year is really appropriate at all. Last year some parents I know gave $100+ restaurant or spa gift cards to their kids' teachers. Surely no teacher would ever be bribed by expensive gifts, or swayed by comparing one child's $100 GC to another's $5 GC, but the appearance of bribery is certainly there and I don't want to be part of it anymore. It's just gotten silly. I'll just have the kids write a thank you note and enclose a small gift card on the last day of school, AFTER grades and behavior marks are finalized.

I think this is why small, personal gifts were once the norm. With homemade cookies or a handmade craft or a bottle of lotion, there's no real "value." It truly just a nice gesture. When I was going to be traveling in another country for business, I was advised to take small gifts for officials I would be meeting. But I was told these were strictly to be things like candles, candy, postcard books. Nice little "thank you" gifts, but pretty worthless so that there would be no possible appearance of bribery.
I'm sure these people would have MUCH preferred cash/GCs but that wouldn't have been appropriate. Why is this any different for teachers mid-school year?

Pathetic. Do you really think elementary school teachers are upping kids grades based on Christmas gifts?! If you can't afford a gc, and you are too lazy to write a note, fine. However, to even hint that parents are bribing teachers for grades? Nuts. I've been fortunate enough to only see a few B's on report cards throughout the years, but I don't think my $20 Barnes and Noble gc had much to do with that.

 

[Marshay]

Pathetic. Do you really think elementary school teachers are upping kids grades based on Christmas gifts?! If you can't afford a gc, and you are too lazy to write a note, fine. However, to even hint that parents are bribing teachers for grades? Nuts. I've been fortunate enough to only see a few B's on report cards throughout the years, but I don't think my $20 Barnes and Noble gc had much to do with that.

I probably wouldn't have worded so strongly but I do agree with the sentiment.

Teachers are not looking to see what gifts they got, if any, and determining grades. They are so busy trying to apply the actual "rules" to grading b/c they know any parent can call them up and demand an explanation at any time and/or escalate to principal, school board, etc.

 

[momminnie]

I have given teacher gifts for the past 20 years.I will continue to do so as long as I have children in school. If the teacher doesn't like the gifts she is more than welcome to donate it to goodwill or what ever she chooses. I have always thought, that it was the thought that counted. I have been a nursery worker and Sunday school teacher for many years. I would never complain about a gift that I received. I am to the conclusion that these people who complain about what they give or get as teachers should not give or get anything. Put you money to good use on your child's education and don't bother with getting any gifts for teachers. To most it sounds like a waste of money and time. Just don't make a big deal of it. Those of you who are like many and enjoy the act of giving gifts continue as you have been doing and Have a Blessed Christmas.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

Pathetic. Do you really think elementary school teachers are upping kids grades based on Christmas gifts?! If you can't afford a gc, and you are too lazy to write a note, fine. However, to even hint that parents are bribing teachers for grades? Nuts. I've been fortunate enough to only see a few B's on report cards throughout the years, but I don't think my $20 Barnes and Noble gc had much to do with that.

In my post, I specifically said that I don't believe teachers would *actually* be bribed. But it's the APPEARANCE that seems wrong to me, and the fact that this practice makes parents feel the need to compete by giving bigger and bigger gift cards. I've seen this happening in person.

If it's really a non-issue, why do so many schools ban gifts of any monetary value?

One of my kids' classes is doing a group gift this Christmas. Whoever wants to contribute contributes, and Room Dad will put all the money together and buy a GC to Target. All the kids will sign the card and the teacher will never know who gave, or how much. I think that's a good ethical solution if people feel they MUST give a monetary gift at Christmas.

 

[mjkacmom]

In my post, I specifically said that I don't believe teachers would *actually* be bribed. But it's the APPEARANCE that seems wrong to me, and the fact that this practice makes parents feel the need to compete by giving bigger and bigger gift cards. I've seen this happening in person.

If it's really a non-issue, why do so many schools ban gifts of any monetary value?

One of my kids' classes is doing a group gift this Christmas. Whoever wants to contribute contributes, and Room Dad will put all the money together and buy a GC to Target. All the kids will sign the card and the teacher will never know who gave, or how much. I think that's a good ethical solution if people feel they MUST give a monetary gift at Christmas.

Well, there is no ban here, and although every classroom takes up a collection for the teachers (the class mom coordinator sends out an email instructing class moms to send out the letter), many give individual gifts as well. I do know people who give very generous gifts. Personally, I'm NOT giving a $100 gc, but have no issue with those that do. And those I know who give very generous gifts do it because they can afford it. More power to them, even though my budget doesn't allow it.

 

[Marshay]

One of my kids' classes is doing a group gift this Christmas. Whoever wants to contribute contributes, and Room Dad will put all the money together and buy a GC to Target. All the kids will sign the card and the teacher will never know who gave, or how much. I think that's a good ethical solution if people feel they MUST give a monetary gift at Christmas.

Yes, we did the same thing last year. Another great idea!!

 

[auralia]

I know the teacher sells scentsy so I do know she doesn't hate smells. But I think I will just do both. Give them each one flower (I can make them in any color of the rainbow) that they Can then regift if they like, no skin off my teeth (because I think they are pretty and even a touch education since they are made using chain maile weaving techniques and scales (the leaves) that are oh other wise used to make armor (we do renaissance reenactment) and a gift card, though probably to Walmart or target now instead of star bucks. I keep them premade on my mantel so I don't have to rush to make them. If they do regift them it has saved them the expense of buying a gift for that person.

Oh, and I don't make these out of things sitting around the house lol. The supplies are ordered from the same place I get jewelry and armor supplies. (theringlord if anyone's interested). Too funny!

In addition to this I have for every child in the class room a book tied up with a bow (various titles) and candy cane for the teacher to give them. Who she says they are from is totally up to her especially since my dd won't be there for that because we are leaving for my parents a couple of days early due to flight prices.

 

[Marymom]

When I have given gifts to teachers, I always give them a goody bag of office supplies. Things that they need for their classroom but usually have to buy for themselves. Post-it notes, binder clips, sharpie pens... The gifts are usually a big hit and my kids witness some of the items being used right away.
My children are in middle school and high school now, but my girls still want to give teacher gifts. My 8th grader has bought bags and dry erase markers for her teachers as she has seen her teachers frustrated that their markers are dried up! The bags were .25 and the markers were 3.48 x 6 teachers. A small amount, but the real treasure is watching my daughter's joy in giving a selfless gift!

Mary

 

[discnewbie]

I'm on a budget this year.

I usually like to do $10 gift cards but can't really afford it. So I was thinking about making those cookie mix in a jar things, kind of like this: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/cookie-mix-in-a-jar-iii/detail.aspx

I would attach a silicone spatula and/or oven mitt to it (each of those things I've already bought and stored... got on sale very cheaply at the end of the summer).

The kids also like to make their own Christmas ornaments for the teachers. I understand that these could get tossed but it shows they are thinking of their teachers.

Do you think this is ok? I could maybe add a gift card for a coffee for $5 as well, but that could be stretching it.

Honesty, please. I don't want to give something that no one will like.

Thanks!

 

[Deb & Bill]

I'm on a budget this year.

I usually like to do $10 gift cards but can't really afford it. So I was thinking about making those cookie mix in a jar things, kind of like this: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/cookie-mix-in-a-jar-iii/detail.aspx

I would attach a silicone spatula and/or oven mitt to it (each of those things I've already bought and stored... got on sale very cheaply at the end of the summer).

The kids also like to make their own Christmas ornaments for the teachers. I understand that these could get tossed but it shows they are thinking of their teachers.

Do you think this is ok? I could maybe add a gift card for a coffee for $5 as well, but that could be stretching it.

Honesty, please. I don't want to give something that no one will like.

Thanks!

By the time you put all the ingredients together, put it in a jar and add the spatula or oven mitt, I'll bet you spent more than $10 and spent a lot of time doing it.

Just my opinion.

 

[jcemom]

But couldn't the same be said for just about anything?

Going by that rule I guess everybody should just default to gift cards as the only acceptable gift... except you might choose the wrong GC, as in the Starbucks example above, not to mention that some people just aren't fans of GC's in general.

So I guess plan C is to just hand out cash, except then you get called out for not being thoughtful because you didn't take the time to choose a personal gift.

So sad when trying to give a gift becomes a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

DD is homeschooled, but she does dance. She likes to choose gifts for her dance teachers. This year she chose Bath & Body Works, and picked a different scent for each teacher, according to what she thought each one would like. (I know B&BW is exchangeable, so if they don't like the scent she chose they can return it for something else.) Do they get too much of that kind of thing? Probably. If they want to give it away, that's fine. I feel it's just a token gift anyway, to show DD's appreciation.

If I'm going to buy gift cards, I might as well give them cash.

To the OP, *I* think that candle is beautiful, and *I* would love to receive it as a gift. If the teacher has an allergy or it doesn't suit her style for whatever reason, I think she should appreciate the thought behind the gift anyway.

As a child, I was taught to appreciate any gift that was given to me, and to understand that nobody HAD to give me a gift. Even if it was something I didn't like, that didn't fit, or that I couldn't use for whatever reason, I still appreciated that someone chose to give it to me. (Ok, as a kid I DIDN'T always appreciate those things, but I had to at least PRETEND I did, LOL.)

 

[Pea-n-Me]

These threads come up every year and I have yet to see anyone list a "perfect" gift for a teacher. I don't believe one exists!

Therefore, give what you want along with a nice note or card thanking them for their time and efforts with your child.

Personally, I would love the candelholder listed in the OP. It''s beautiful.

 

[AZMermaid]

I don't think a single teacher on here said they did not appreciate a gift. The OP asked for opinions and they were given. It is a lot easier to be honest on an annoymous website than in person. I am sure every person on this thread has gotten gifts in their lives that were not something they neccesarily wanted. As long as the family is thanked and treated with respect, it is fine IMO.

I don't care at all about the monetary value of the gift. I have gotten gifts ranging from a broken ornament off the family tree to $100 cash. Now, the ornament got donated or thrown away, but I have never forgotten the child or how happy she was to give it to me.

This year, I had a parent send in some lotion/ incense/candles for our class basket (PTA fundrasier) with the note to the collecting mom that she pulled some "junk out of her teacher present pile" meaning stuff she buys for cheap to give to teachers. Now, the theme of our basket was "Boredom Buster" so the mom sent it back to her. I did tell a coworker that I know what I will get for Christmas, but that is honestly the only time I have been snarky about a gift. And the child will be thanked and given a thank you note all the same!

 

[discnewbie]

By the time you put all the ingredients together, put it in a jar and add the spatula or oven mitt, I'll bet you spent more than $10 and spent a lot of time doing it.

Just my opinion.

Thanks Deb & Bill. I do quite a bit of baking so I buy these things in bulk, on sale, so I have tons of baking supplies. I'd be doing brownies in a jar so it's basically cocoa, flour, sugar and baking soda/salt. Plus I won't be using the really large jars, just the smaller 1 quart ones. The spatula I got for $1 but the oven mitt was .25 (they were really clearing them out, and they're actually good... I have one myself). It may add up to that amount, I guess. I just thought since I already have all of these items, it would end up to be cheaper. Maybe not though.

 

[Marshay]

I'm on a budget this year.

I usually like to do $10 gift cards but can't really afford it. So I was thinking about making those cookie mix in a jar things, kind of like this:

Do you think this is ok? I could maybe add a gift card for a coffee for $5 as well, but that could be stretching it.

Honesty, please. I don't want to give something that no one will like.

Thanks!

Since you asked for opinions, here's mine

If I'm in the mood to bake cookies and that is a good recipe, then this is a neat little gift and can actually be a time-saver. Also, if I've given the teacher/school these exact cookies at a PTA fundraiser or for a school party and you know the teacher(s) has commented, 'hey, these are great! I wish I had the recipe!" -- then this is a TERRIFIC gift in my opinion. Meets the requirements of thoughtful and will be used.

But if I already made my cookies or don't like to bake or have concerns about the cleanliness of the ingredients, or am allergic or simply don't like one of the ingredients, then this will just be re-gifted or freecycled or thrown away.

I think gift cards are better options since the teacher can choose to buy for themself, get something for the classroom or buy for others ... but if you don't like to do gc, then your gift is at least better than the discounted trinkets or dust collecters.

 

[minnieluvzmickey]

Because of a new ethics law in Alabama we are no longer allowed to give gifts to teachers. I am a teacher and we can lose our teaching certificate for accepting a Christmas gift from a child. What are we coming to? Craziness!

 

[Marshay]

Because of a new ethics law in Alabama we are no longer allowed to give gifts to teachers. I am a teacher and we can lose our teaching certificate for accepting a Christmas gift from a child. What are we coming to? Craziness!

Someone else posted that too. I was really surprised to hear that. Guess it makes it easier on people in Alabama...

 

[pixiewings71]

Thanks Deb & Bill. I do quite a bit of baking so I buy these things in bulk, on sale, so I have tons of baking supplies. I'd be doing brownies in a jar so it's basically cocoa, flour, sugar and baking soda/salt. Plus I won't be using the really large jars, just the smaller 1 quart ones. The spatula I got for $1 but the oven mitt was .25 (they were really clearing them out, and they're actually good... I have one myself). It may add up to that amount, I guess. I just thought since I already have all of these items, it would end up to be cheaper. Maybe not though.

Personally I love gifts like this, I'm not a teacher but these are thoughtful and personal. My DD23 gives things like this every year and my family loves them, they always have fun making the goodies that they got from her. This year I'm thinking of making something like this for my DD11, she loves to cook/bake and DD23 has an amazing recipe for homemade buttermilk pancakes, I may give DD11 the ingredients in a jar because it would be fun.

OP I also make jewelry (and other small trinkets ie cell phone charms etc) and I love what you posted in the OP.....in fact I would love to know how to make them myself, I think they are beautiful!

 

[3prettyprincesses]

I'm a former teacher and I still have the handmade gifts my little students gave me. Most of them are ornaments and even though it's been 14 years since I taught (unless you count homeschooling of course ), I still smile when I hang them on my tree every year. Honestly, any gift was greatly appreciated, even a thoughtful card. Sure Starbucks cards are always great but those aren't the ones I remember over the years. My class size was small (private kindergarten) so I made it a point to open the gifts in front the parent and child so they could see just how grateful I was. I know that would be hard to do in a large classroom but it was nice to see how pleased the parents were that I was happy with their gifts.

OP, I think your candle holder is lovely, very creative and personal. I'd have loved receiving something so unique as a gift from a parent. You should give what you want to give.