need help w/ a teenage problem

[JessetheCowgirl]

Oh, my. I have no advice---but hugs and prayers to you and your daughter.

 

[Maleficent13]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
For goodness sakes, why are we discussing reporting this boy for statuatory rape charges? This was a mutual act and it does not sound like she was coerced into anything. I cannot imagine making him a criminal in this...they BOTH decided to do this and their age difference is not that extreme.

I could see if he wouldn't leave her alone after the parents ask him to stay away or something, but sheesh...it's not like he is a freaking predator, just a normal teenage boy and girl who went too far, way too soon....

ITA. Plus, even talking about prosecuting him sets her up for the victim mentality at a very young age. She is just as responsible as he is, if the story is accurate.

 

[poohandwendy]

ITA. Plus, even talking about prosecuting him sets her up for the victim mentality at a very young age. She is just as responsible as he is, if the story is accurate.

Good point...also, why isn't anyone suggesting that SHE be charged with stat rape? (just as ridiculous, imho)

 

[dennis99ss]

She is 13, he is 15. She is under the age of consent. There is no defense to sexual contact with a person under the age of 14, in Texas, unless the girl is married. The only way a 13 yr old can get married in tx is by judicial decree. That is not the case here. When the child is under 14, there is no age restriction, nor any age difference allowed. In Tx, between 14 and 17, there is a defense to the charge (i.e. the charge remains) to sexual assault, if the ages are within 3 years, and, no force, etc. was used.

She won't be charged because he is 15, she 13.

She cannot be just as responsible, as she is not old enough to be as responsible, and further, does not profess the maturity to be as responsible.

In Tx, the boy committed sexual assault. A felony. At 15, he could be tried as an adult, but could also be tried as a juvenile. While it may not be looked into, op could look into it if she wants to. If I read between the lines, given the accident with the teens, OP lives in a conservative area of Tx. I doubt there would be a problem in using law enforcement to keep the boy away from this girl.

 

[cruisnfamily]

OK, I don't think prosecution is what the OP has in mind. Besides, this happened in Florida. Let's drop the rape thing unless the OP has an interest in this topic.


OP....how's it going? How about an update?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I wish the OP would have said that he was 15 at the start. My "take" on her situation would have been different.

This is a mess. I think I would consider talking with the dd and ask her if he "raped" her. Maybe he did? As a mother you ALL have to agree she MUST ASK her dd.

Or maybe it wasn't the first time. Perhaps she "confessed" because of some "other" reason????HMMMM......Maybe one of the siblings saw something???? EWWW gross but something isn't right about this story. Esp. the fact that the boy wants to talk with the DH. hmmmm.....
I hate to say it but it could be possible that she is pregnant?

There is just something more to this story.

 

[poohandwendy]

Originally posted by dennis99ss
She is 13, he is 15. She is under the age of consent. There is no defense to sexual contact with a person under the age of 14, in Texas, unless the girl is married. The only way a 13 yr old can get married in tx is by judicial decree. That is not the case here. When the child is under 14, there is no age restriction, nor any age difference allowed. In Tx, between 14 and 17, there is a defense to the charge (i.e. the charge remains) to sexual assault, if the ages are within 3 years, and, no force, etc. was used.

She won't be charged because he is 15, she 13.

She cannot be just as responsible, as she is not old enough to be as responsible, and further, does not profess the maturity to be as responsible.

In Tx, the boy committed sexual assault. A felony. At 15, he could be tried as an adult, but could also be tried as a juvenile. While it may not be looked into, op could look into it if she wants to. If I read between the lines, given the accident with the teens, OP lives in a conservative area of Tx. I doubt there would be a problem in using law enforcement to keep the boy away from this girl.

Oh come on, you assumed the two were both 13 when you brought up stat rape charges. You were totally fine with hanging all of the responsiblility (and even criminal charges) on the boy even if they were both 13.

I am just curious as to why you keep persuing this angle when the OP never expressed interest in prosecuting him, this was a mutual act, it appears there was no coercion involved and there hasn't been a suggestion that the boy will not stay away?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know on the surface that she said that is was mutual and I wouldn't prosecute if it was P&W...but don't you agree that she should ask the dd if in fact he did have sex with her against her will????

 

[ZachnElli]

I agree with those whose say you need to cut all ties to this boy (unless she is pg or has an std, then he'll need to be held responsible). But I don't think you can tell a 13 year old girl she can't see her "boyfriend" anymore. You should tell her she needs to take a break from him for awhile. Just take some time to think things over and hopefully she'll won't miss him. She may rebel if you forbid it, I remember my friends doing that.

 

[poohandwendy]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
I wish the OP would have said that he was 15 at the start. My "take" on her situation would have been different.

This is a mess. I think I would consider talking with the dd and ask her if he "raped" her. Maybe he did? As a mother you ALL have to agree she MUST ASK her dd.

Or maybe it wasn't the first time. Perhaps she "confessed" because of some "other" reason????HMMMM......Maybe one of the siblings saw something???? EWWW gross but something isn't right about this story. Esp. the fact that the boy wants to talk with the DH. hmmmm.....
I hate to say it but it could be possible that she is pregnant?

There is just something more to this story.

I would assume that would be the very first question she asked (was this consentual?). I know I would have all sorts of questions, it sounds like the OP talk extensively with her about it.

I agree it is a mess and the same thought crossed my mind, that they have been having sex for a while, that she is suddenly worried about pregnancy and that is why she is fessing now. But, it still could be that she is telling the truth and doing 'it' scared her enough to reach out to her mother. I have no idea, I am only going by what the OP has stated. I do wish them all well and hope this is only exactly as has been represented, by the DD.

I would be having her take an immediate pregnancy test, just to be sure and if negative, another one in a few weeks.

 

[poohandwendy]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
I know on the surface that she said that is was mutual and I wouldn't prosecute if it was P&W...but don't you agree that she should ask the dd if in fact he did have sex with her against her will????

Absolutely, it would be my very first question...I am hoping it was the OP's as well...but, you never know...

 

[danacara]

Question for you all: do you think we'd feel different if the OP was the mother of the boy? Would we regard him as less of a victim, would we express more anger? Would we have different advice?

 

[Tiggeroo]

I feel badly for you. You need to have two goals now, I think. To keep her safe from pregnancy and to figure out what's going on that led to this so young. I know other 13yo girls have sex. But I still think there is frequently an underlying problem. The problem could be something serious or it could be something as simple as alot of peer pressure. With teens who feel they are in love you walk a very shaky ground. If you do something that sets them off they will go in the opposite direction then you want. If you forbid her from seeing him that is what might happen.
Your dh needs to be told. Unless he has a violent temper or might react very badly toward your daughter he has a right to know and be included in the solution. I would take her for an obgyn visit immed. Then I would ask her dr. for a referral to a good counselor, preferably one who really understands teenage girls. I would probably want to meet with them first alone to make sure you are on the same page about very young teens and sex. I would have a talk with the boy. Not mean but firm and loving. After this time he probably sees himself as one of your family. But he's not and your dd needs to come first. I would then talk to them together laying out firm dating guide rules. Hopefully they will honor them, but the obgyn will probably offer bc incase not. Take a good look around at her friends and other things in her life. Is there a void? Is she under alot of pressure? I don't know? Hopefully, with some time the counselor will get to the bottom of things.
To me it's not about the sex. I feel that when girls this young get so focused on relationships (and sex makes that worst) they stop focusing on themselves, their school, their lives and futures. In highschool there can be so much drama. And it's easy to get sucked into this instead of thinking about what it takes to be a scientist or a sport journalist, etc.

 

[luvdzny]

I just sent you a PM.

 

[hmwnick]

I am almost afraid to post again, but...
1st of all, Of course I asked, dd has said it was mutual .
If not I would have reported it immediately.
2nd, the thought of prosecution did not enter my mind. That
would make an already bad situation worse.
3rd, my dd & I have talked over everything including what led to
this & what the future holds Also, there is not more to the
story as one poster suggested.
4th, as far as telling DH, I don't feel this is something I should
tell him over the phone. I'm afraid he'd get in the car, & drive
the 24hours it would take & risk having an accident.

Lastly, I applaud all of you perfect parents who obvisously would NEVER find yourself in my place. To those of you who have offered your support & suggestions, thank you!

 

[cruisnfamily]

Originally posted by hmwnick
I am almost afraid to post again, but...

Lastly, I applaud all of you perfect parents who obvisously would NEVER find yourself in my place. To those of you who have offered your support & suggestions, thank you!

PLease don't be afraid to post again! This is a great topic and especially for those of us with preteens it's great to get insight and info about what's going on out there. Look how long this thread is....over 7 pages I believe...we're all interested and I'm glad you posted!

As far as all the perfect parents....it's really easy to say what you do/would do/wouldn't do. It's another thing to live it. I can honestly say I hope I am not in this position in the next year(DD is 12) and will do all I can to prevent it but that doesn't make me perfect!

I hope you'll keep us all posted as to the outcome here and how it all goes. We're interested, and we do care.

Best of Luck!

 

[Robmom]

This can happen to anyone. Please don't think that you are a bad mother because this happened. You can raise your children with the highest morals, but bad things can happen. Our children have their own minds and a lot of times they and we have to pay for their mistakes. You can't change the past, so don't beat yourself up over it. Just keep being a good mother and be there for your DD.

 

[Tiggeroo]

i'm so sorry if this board upset you more then you alread were. I didn't realize dh was away. No way I would give this over a phone. If I gave the appearance of being perfect, no way. I have 3 teens. Every one of them has done dumb things. And at that age all mistakes are sort of equal. You can just as easily slip up with drugs as alcohol as sex as cutting school, etc. And unfortunately they all can have similar consequences which is why we parents get so upset about them. You sound like a great parent who is handling something tough in a loving way. Good luck. I'm cheering for you and dd.

 

[dg39]

We all have kids and we don't know what tomorrow will bring to each one of us. We all (as parents) do the best we can with our children. They didn't come with a book of do's and don'ts. It's sad to say that the times are changing and this is one topic that does need to be discussed with our children at an early age. This sometimes is hard to do. Its a terrible situation to be in, but, can happen to every one of us. I always say, "today you, tomorrow me". Just think how many kids wouldn't tell there parents what they did or want to do. You have to give this girl credit for being able to talk to her mom. If she did in deed "do it", then its already done and to dwell on it would be a waste of time. Now is the time that she needs to know that she is way to young to be in a sexual relationship with a boy and I'm sure the mom will be thinking of a positive way to instill this into her dd. Just remember, we can tell our children what we know is right til we're blue in the face, that doesn't mean there going to listen to our advise.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Danacara,

quote:
_________________________________________________
Question for you all: do you think we'd feel different if the OP was the mother of the boy? Would we regard him as less of a victim, would we express more anger? Would we have different advice?
_________________________________________________

Danacara, my simple answer is NO... I would NOT feel differently. If I were the parent of a young 13 year old boy, and a troubled 15 year old girl 'seduced' him. I would be very upset! (and, note: I would not invite her into my family) My advice would be the same. Just why in the heck would this relationship be allowed/encouraged. This clearly goes beyond the realm of the 13 year old 'crush' on the guy who sits two rows over in class.... These kids are two years apart, and the only way their relationship could be the way it has been described is if both sets of parents allowed and condoned it.


I offer HUGE hugs to the OP!!!! We all know that MANY MANY parents have found themselves in similar situations. I think everyone here feels that you have had the best of intentions. But, perhaps the situation and your judgement have been a bit clouded???? You have been seeing this situation and this 'relationship' as if your DD was young adult.... You have emotionally vested yourself in this guy. It is what you do NOW that matters! Protect your daughter! I have not been hearing that she has been throwing a hissy fit and yelling that she will continue to be this guys girlfriend no matter what.... She has come to you with this, because she is your child, yes 'child', and she needs you to step up and do the right thing and look out for her! She would not have come to you as she did if this is not what she was seeking. Otherwise, it is very obvious what the outcome will probably be.

I dare say that NO MATTER what these two kids say, They've been the sack before, and unless you put an end to this now, it will be NO TIME before they are again. I feel sorry for this young girl being burdened with all of these 'adult' issues!