Nanny / Caregiver Issue

[Disneychick75]

Maybe the woman likes the job, maybe she likes the OP, maybe it's a good commuting distance for her, maybe her rent went up and she really needs the extra money. Maybe she is just a nice person who enjoys giving gifts. Who knows, but to suggest that there is some other ulterior motive going on is ridiculous. Casting her as "manipulative" is unfair.

Many people do many things in order to keep jobs, and most people want to keep their job. They need a roof over their head, they have mouths to feed. People stay late when they really don't want to or can't. People pick up extra shifts or cover for coworkers. People are nice to bosses/coworkers they don't like.

The OP said the nanny had another job offer which was involved taking care of multiple children. Perhaps she realized that caring for 1 infant was more appropriate for her, but needed a job, so it was this one or that one and the other one needs an answer.

It is very difficult to find reliable in home, but not live in full time child care. Reliable nannies are not beating down doors looking for jobs.

The whole point is moot, though, the OP had long decided her course of action. For whatever reasons she doesn't want this nanny and that is her prerogative. She should at least treat her as a professional adult and discuss with her the issues that she has and give her appropriate notice, severance, and referrals.

Elderly grandparents care for children every day. Disabled people care for children every day. Being older or less mobile doesn't make a person an bad caregiver.

The difference is the OP is the employer. If she feels that this nanny cannot give her child proper care, then she is w/in her rights as a parent to let the nanny go. Would you keep a nanny for your child if you felt she wasn't able to take good care of your child?

 

[roseaster]

The difference is the OP is the employer. If she feels that this nanny cannot give her child proper care, then she is w/in her rights as a parent to let the nanny go. Would you keep a nanny for your child if you felt she wasn't able to take good care of your child?

I'm in agreement with you. The OP is not obligated to keep her. She doesn't want her, so, like I said, she is perfectly within her rights to fire her.

My point is that she is making up excuses to get rid of her. If, for whatever reason, she wants to fire her, again, that is her prerogative, but piling on excuse after excuse to make a case for it isn't necessary.

Personally, in my opinion, none of the issues the OP listed would be a problem for me. She is able to take the child out, she just needs help getting the stroller out, and help is available. I would ask her not to discuss personal views with my child with which I did not agree, but at 3 months old, that wouldn't be an issue. For me the more important thing would be that she took loving care of my child, and that she was reliable, but that is me.

I was watched by a great aunt growing up. She was mobile, but probably about as much as the OP's nanny. I survived.

My point is that if the OP wants to fire her, again, that is her prerogative, but be fair and professional and discuss the reason she isn't working out and give her appropriate notice, references, and severance. She has done what was asked of her. I am sure when the OP hired her she didn't stipulate that she couldn't have help getting the stroller down the stairs.

 

[roseaster]

I agee. I don't even think the OP needs a reason othe than she wants someone else. I just do not think that hunting for a multitude of reasons to validate her decision helps her cause with her DH> I also think that both parent have a say in childcare, being a mother should not trump a father.

I agree about one parent not trumping the other. My husband has a daughter from his previous marriage. When she was a toddler her mother hired a sitter for her. When my husband would go to pick up his daughter she was always screaming and fussy. He told her mother over and over that he was unhappy with the sitter but she refused to change because the sitter lived in the same building and was convenient.

Turns out that the sitter wasn't feeding her all day and was giving the food supplied by her mother to her own grandchildren whom she also watched.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I'm in agreement with you. The OP is not obligated to keep her. She doesn't want her, so, like I said, she is perfectly within her rights to fire her.

My point is that she is making up excuses to get rid of her. If, for whatever reason, she wants to fire her, again, that is her prerogative, but piling on excuse after excuse to make a case for it isn't necessary.

Personally, in my opinion, none of the issues the OP listed would be a problem for me. She is able to take the child out, she just needs help getting the stroller out, and help is available. I would ask her not to discuss personal views with my child with which I did not agree, but at 3 months old, that wouldn't be an issue. For me the more important thing would be that she took loving care of my child, and that she was reliable, but that is me.

I was watched by a great aunt growing up. She was mobile, but probably about as much as the OP's nanny. I survived.

My point is that if the OP wants to fire her, again, that is her prerogative, but be fair and professional and discuss the reason she isn't working out and give her appropriate notice, references, and severance. She has done what was asked of her. I am sure when the OP hired her she didn't stipulate that she couldn't have help getting the stroller down the stairs.

Right. It started as the nanny had problems getting the stroller (a big storyteller with a car seat attached) down 5 steep steps because she has bad knees, this thread as morphed that into making this woman barely mobile and unable to care for the baby. Also she's homophobic, manipulative, lied to get the job...
The op thinks she has a better choice so is looking for excuses which her husband will accept that don't make it seem like she just wants someone she thinks it's better. Ultimately who they feel comfortable with is their choice. She needs to be honest about it though. Her husband knows the situation so if she just comes up with a bunch of nitpicky excuses, he's not going to see things like she does. She's better off just having an honest conversation with him.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Right. It started as the nanny had problems getting the stroller (a big storyteller with a car seat attached) down 5 steep steps because she has bad knees, this thread as morphed that into making this woman barely mobile and unable to care for the baby. Also she's homophobic, manipulative, lied to get the job...
The op thinks she has a better choice so is looking for excuses which her husband will accept that don't make it seem like she just wants someone she thinks it's better. Ultimately who they feel comfortable with is their choice. She needs to be honest about it though. Her husband knows the situation so if she just comes up with a bunch of nitpicky excuses, he's not going to see things like she does. She's better off just having an honest conversation with him.

Well, she is admittedly homophobic. But you are right, that's a side concern to the mobility issue.

It was clearly stated when discussing the opportunity that she would have to get the baby up and down the stairs. There is no reliable source of constant assistance for that task.

She assured me then, as she did again on Friday that it wouldn't be a problem. After watching her try twice this week my husband agreed that it really is a problem and he knows it's not the right fit - especially once she is mobile - he just now wants to wait til after the winter to deal with it.

 

[TLSnell1981]

.
But do you really think you can control your child's environment to that degree? As she gets older, she'll hear things everywhere she goes. At the playground, out on the street, at friends' houses, at school, etc. Isn't it better to just talk about it with your child? Tell her why you believe what you believe? You and your husband are the people she will lean the most from. She will absolutely love to hear what you have to say and if you make it part of your regular routine to have these types of conversations, she'll hang on your every word - at least until she's a teenager, lol. We can't insulate our children from everything. I mean, certainly go ahead and tell your child care providers you'd prefer they keep their "political views" to themselves. Whatever. It's just that, you are never going to be able to keep everything you don't agree with away from your child. And honestly, I'm not sure why you would want to. Tolerance goes both ways, doesn't it? Live and let live and all that?

Sorry if this is getting away from the gist of the thread, but it just feels like it needs to be said.

Yeah, I've been thinking "the bolded" for a few pages.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Maybe the woman likes the job, maybe she likes the OP, maybe it's a good commuting distance for her, maybe her rent went up and she really needs the extra money. Maybe she is just a nice person who enjoys giving gifts. Who knows, but to suggest that there is some other ulterior motive going on is ridiculous. Casting her as "manipulative" is unfair.

Many people do many things in order to keep jobs, and most people want to keep their job. They need a roof over their head, they have mouths to feed. People stay late when they really don't want to or can't. People pick up extra shifts or cover for coworkers. People are nice to bosses/coworkers they don't like.

The OP said the nanny had another job offer which was involved taking care of multiple children. Perhaps she realized that caring for 1 infant was more appropriate for her, but needed a job, so it was this one or that one and the other one needs an answer.

It is very difficult to find reliable in home, but not live in full time child care. Reliable nannies are not beating down doors looking for jobs.

The whole point is moot, though, the OP had long decided her course of action. For whatever reasons she doesn't want this nanny and that is her prerogative. She should at least treat her as a professional adult and discuss with her the issues that she has and give her appropriate notice, severance, and referrals.

Elderly grandparents care for children every day. Disabled people care for children every day. Being older or less mobile doesn't make a person an bad caregiver.

 

[wishesuponastar]

Well, she is admittedly homophobic. But you are right, that's a side concern to the mobility issue.

It was clearly stated when discussing the opportunity that she would have to get the baby up and down the stairs. There is no reliable source of constant assistance for that task.

She assured me then, as she did again on Friday that it wouldn't be a problem. After watching her try twice this week my husband agreed that it really is a problem and he knows it's not the right fit - especially once she is mobile - he just now wants to wait til after the winter to deal with it.

I'm glad to hear your hubby is on board with getting a new nanny. I forget, do you have someone in my mind right now for the job? Will they wait til Winteris over?

 

[cabanafrau]

I'm in agreement with you. The OP is not obligated to keep her. She doesn't want her, so, like I said, she is perfectly within her rights to fire her.

My point is that she is making up excuses to get rid of her. If, for whatever reason, she wants to fire her, again, that is her prerogative, but piling on excuse after excuse to make a case for it isn't necessary.

Personally, in my opinion, none of the issues the OP listed would be a problem for me. She is able to take the child out, she just needs help getting the stroller out, and help is available. I would ask her not to discuss personal views with my child with which I did not agree, but at 3 months old, that wouldn't be an issue. For me the more important thing would be that she took loving care of my child, and that she was reliable, but that is me.

I was watched by a great aunt growing up. She was mobile, but probably about as much as the OP's nanny. I survived.

My point is that if the OP wants to fire her, again, that is her prerogative, but be fair and professional and discuss the reason she isn't working out and give her appropriate notice, references, and severance. She has done what was asked of her. I am sure when the OP hired her she didn't stipulate that she couldn't have help getting the stroller down the stairs.

If you will look again at what I stated originally I said I wasn't advocating to simply toss the nanny out on her ear. I don't think that would be the appropriate thing to do at all. Given the circumstances OP was under when she hired this woman and the fact she finds herself dissatisfied/uncomfortable now I see no problem with making a change. Happens all the time and can be done professionally.

Because the reasons don't bother you is neither here nor there. The fact you were cared for by an aunt you think fits this description and turned out fine is neither here nor there. I understand some of OP's complaints and would feel the same, but some of them are irrelevant to me -- neither here nor there. Bottom line, I know it would take a lot out of me to want my child to get fresh air daily, as well as getting out of our one-bedroom apartment daily or at least regularly -- while realizing that it's a precarious maneuver for the caregiver. Bottom line, it would also take a lot out of me daily to come home to someone overly gushing at me as subtle? pressure she keeps her job, acknowledging she is aware of the problems with her mobility. So easy when it's simply a screen issue for us to minimize OP's concerns. At the end of the day it's a baby OP has to be concerned about. That speaks volumes to me.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It's definitely not ok to steal. Sorry if it came across that I thought that. But - it's NYC. Leaving anything unattended on the sidewalk is just asking for a problem. I don't condone it - but I need to be realistic about the daily ins and outs of life in Manhattan.

I definitely didn't think that, and nothing to be sorry about, just discussing!

Was thinking about something. My neice is working as a nanny in NYC. She has a master's degree from Columbia and is working on her doctorate. It must pay pretty well, since this is the line of work she's choosing over other opportunities, but seeing as she's one of two nannies this family employs, I imagine they can well afford it. I guess this speaks to the competition that's in the area, on both sides - as employer and employee. Lots of very qualified people and lots of generous employers. Niece definitely isn't shlepping a stroller up a flight of stairs, she's jetting off to Europe!

 

[wilkeliza]

I definitely didn't think that, and nothing to be sorry about, just discussing!

Was thinking about something. My neice is working as a nanny in NYC. She has a master's degree from Columbia and is working on her doctorate. It must pay pretty well, since this is the line of work she's choosing over other opportunities, but seeing as she's one of two nannies this family employs, I imagine they can well afford it. I guess this speaks to the competition that's in the area, on both sides - as employer and employee. Lots of very qualified people and lots of generous employers.

It is currently a buyers market. There are more nannies in NYC then families who need them. Nannies use to charge closer to 20 an hour but I've seen more on the lower end (15 an hour) lately. Still 600 a week for a 9-5 nanny. This isn't live in or opairs either. Even the teens charge 15-20 and hour to watch kids.

 

[littleblackegg]

Mary Poppins is not available. There are no perfect nannies. Maybe make a list of absolutes and a list of wants. This will help guide you in selecting your next nanny. There will be things you have to settle on: too young, too old, too religious, not religious enough, not fast enough, not organized enough, language barriers, tattoos/piercings, schedule conflicts, not available nights, not available weekends, etc.

 

[TLSnell1981]

It is currently a buyers market. There are more nannies in NYC then families who need them. Nannies use to charge closer to 20 an hour but I've seen more on the lower end (15 an hour) lately. Still 600 a week for a 9-5 nanny. This isn't live in or opairs either. Even the teens charge 15-20 and hour to watch kids.

$15 per hour for a nanny? I paid close to that, almost 20 years ago...and I lived in the South. Isn't that what McDonlds pays in NYC? Honestly, I'm very surprised.

 

[wilkeliza]

$15 per hour for a nanny? I paid close to that, almost 20 years ago...and I lived in the South. Isn't that what McDonlds pays in NYC? Honestly, I'm very surprised.

There are a lot that cost more but right now there are too many nannies in NYC. A lot are leaving the city and since there are so many thag's what the lower end of the going rate is right now. Yes, some food workers now make 15 an hour here but we can't talk about politics so I won't go into that. Minimum wage was 9 here so 15 was a good wage for people with no higher education etc. I'm not sure what the market is going to hold going forward since nannies could go somewherr else now to make the same money.

 

[okeydokey]

Well, she is admittedly homophobic. But you are right, that's a side concern to the mobility issue.

It was clearly stated when discussing the opportunity that she would have to get the baby up and down the stairs. There is no reliable source of constant assistance for that task.

She assured me then, as she did again on Friday that it wouldn't be a problem. After watching her try twice this week my husband agreed that it really is a problem and he knows it's not the right fit - especially once she is mobile - he just now wants to wait til after the winter to deal with it.

Since you are both in agreement about letting the sitter go after the winter, maybe you should tell her now so that she can start looking for other employment and you can start looking for new sitters.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I'm glad to hear your hubby is on board with getting a new nanny. I forget, do you have someone in my mind right now for the job? Will they wait til Winteris over?

I have one in mind I really like. DH doesn't like her as much. So, I'm meeting with two other people this week. I want us to both feel comfortable and I'm willing to interview others if he doesn't love the one I like the best at the moment.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I definitely didn't think that, and nothing to be sorry about, just discussing!

Was thinking about something. My neice is working as a nanny in NYC. She has a master's degree from Columbia and is working on her doctorate. It must pay pretty well, since this is the line of work she's choosing over other opportunities, but seeing as she's one of two nannies this family employs, I imagine they can well afford it. I guess this speaks to the competition that's in the area, on both sides - as employer and employee. Lots of very qualified people and lots of generous employers. Niece definitely isn't shlepping a stroller up a flight of stairs, she's jetting off to Europe!

Yeah - we are definitely not jetting off anywhere. But there are for sure a number of families that employ multiple nannies and take them all over the world to care for their children. Many people I know in my neighborhood take their nannies with them on vacations, to help look after the kids.

We don't plan on that - any time I have off from work to spend with the baby, I want to spend with the baby! At least right now while she is still so young.

 

[frndshpcptn]

It is currently a buyers market. There are more nannies in NYC then families who need them. Nannies use to charge closer to 20 an hour but I've seen more on the lower end (15 an hour) lately. Still 600 a week for a 9-5 nanny. This isn't live in or opairs either. Even the teens charge 15-20 and hour to watch kids.

Most people I know pay around $15 an hour. 8:30 - 6 or 7pm. In addition they provide two weeks vacation, national holidays, metrocard and open access to all the food in the home. Bonus at holiday time and cash for birthday gift.

If hours consistently go above the agreed upon timeframe, overtime pay is common.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Mary Poppins is not available. There are no perfect nannies. Maybe make a list of absolutes and a list of wants. This will help guide you in selecting your next nanny. There will be things you have to settle on: too young, too old, too religious, not religious enough, not fast enough, not organized enough, language barriers, tattoos/piercings, schedule conflicts, not available nights, not available weekends, etc.

That's exactly what we plan to do

 

[frndshpcptn]

Since you are both in agreement about letting the sitter go after the winter, maybe you should tell her now so that she can start looking for other employment and you can start looking for new sitters.

I'm not comfortable telling her now and then leaving her alone with the baby. I don't know her well enough or trust her enough to do that.