My soon to be EX read my journal :(

[Cindyluwho]

After a year of counseling, I finally asked my DH for a divorce. He was getting physically abusive and I know I waited too long, and I can't believe I trusted him with a key to the house....

We are trying to do a Collaborative Divorce and during one of our meetings he got angry and told me he'd found and read my journal. There wasn't anything in there except my feelings during our therapy, etc but STILL. I was devastated. During counseling I told both him and the therapist that I wasn't comfortable keeping a journal because he had read my texts and snooped in my emails. So the counselor suggested me keeping it in a safe. Of course, DH immediately let me know how cheap it was and that he could pick it in a second, telling me I'd done a lousy job of picking it out... You get the drift. So I hid it in a shoebox, under one of my nice pairs of shoes. I can't imagine how long it took him to find it! CREEPY!! And this was AFTER he moved out.

My attorney had me change the locks on the house, but he's still harassing me. The stress is killing me. I guess I need some hugs and advice. And I know I need to toughen up, but geez this is HARD!

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

What he did was horrible. I can't offer anything other than a screen name to cry on and a PM box for you to rant in if you need to.


I hope the paperwork goes through quickly and yes, change your locks!

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm so sorry. That must be a horrible feeling.

I hope the counselor takes some responsibility for this, in the form of an apology and he'll learn from it for the future....you flat out said you weren't comfortable b/c of ex's past behavior...

 

[kaytieeldr]

Get an alarm system, too.

 

[NMAmy]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Divorce can really bring out the worst in people.

 

[java]

I'm so very sorry. Sounds like he's a control freak that is fearing losing control. Stay safe.

 

[TLuvsD]

SO sorry to hear this. Change those locks asap. Consider an alarm system....and keep any documents you want to remain private in the trunk of your car. What a creep.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

Get an alarm system, too.

AND a big loud intemidating dog.

 

[hugscot]

What a ******* !!! Looks like time for a restraining order I think. You need an alarm and I would also get a camera so he knows he is being recorded if he shows up.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP,

What is a collaborative divorce?

Have you legally filed for divorce thru the court system? If so, then he has invaded your space. If you do not have a temporary restraining order, you need to get one! After that is in place, change the locks. In addition, contact your local police dept. and make sure they have a copy of the restraining order on file in case he attempts to break in, cause destruction, or harrasses you. Document EVERYTHING!

TC

 

[LuvOrlando]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It's obvious he doesn't respect boundaries so you really need to be careful. did you know the most dangerous time for an abuse victim is when they try to leave, or when papers of some kind are served. Its not that they love you, simply that an abuser simply can't deal with their victim asserting their independence. They think this is love, and victims who want to be loved often fall for it, but its really just about dominance. make sure the lawyer tells you when interactions are going to take place and disappear to a hotel paid with cash a day or two. Don't go to a friend or family unless he doesn't know about them.

To put things in perspective, an abusive personality sees the people they mistreat at things, as possessions. As a result when that possession tries to walk away they treat it like a theft. A car has no free will so if it disappears SOMEONE must have stolen it, no personal responsibility. Everything else that follows comes from that mindset. Try to keep this in mind when you deal with him and keep yourself safe.

You deserve better, no- one deserves this

 

[DisneyScraps]

I am so sorry. I have kept a journal since I was 13 and I know how that felt. It's supposed to be a safe place for you to vent your feelings. What a violation.

i was in an abusive relationship and he was very interested in my journal. I had it on the computer and it was password protected. That didn't stop him from trying multiple times to find it. It's about control.

Good luck with navigating your divorce.

Lisa

 

[shortbun]

Count me in the group concerned for your safety. You need a plan, a roomate, to move and to know where the women's shelter is. Let the cops know what is going on so if they get a call, they come there immediately. Can you get a friend to stay with you?

 

[vettechick99]

You don't need to "toughen up" you just need to get away from him. Hugs!!!!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

 

[Mommy2cody]

I am sorry you are going through this. I don't have any great words of advice, just wanted to tell you to focus on YOUR future and to keep yourself safe. If he is harassing you, let someone know!

 

[We_Love_Disney]

After a year of counseling, I finally asked my DH for a divorce. He was getting physically abusive and I know I waited too long, and I can't believe I trusted him with a key to the house....

We are trying to do a Collaborative Divorce and during one of our meetings he got angry and told me he'd found and read my journal. There wasn't anything in there except my feelings during our therapy, etc but STILL. I was devastated. During counseling I told both him and the therapist that I wasn't comfortable keeping a journal because he had read my texts and snooped in my emails. So the counselor suggested me keeping it in a safe. Of course, DH immediately let me know how cheap it was and that he could pick it in a second, telling me I'd done a lousy job of picking it out... You get the drift. So I hid it in a shoebox, under one of my nice pairs of shoes. I can't imagine how long it took him to find it! CREEPY!! And this was AFTER he moved out.

My attorney had me change the locks on the house, but he's still harassing me. The stress is killing me. I guess I need some hugs and advice. And I know I need to toughen up, but geez this is HARD!

Call the police!! Stalking is against the law. His admitting that he broke into your home and violated your privacy and he did that with the collaborative divorce person present. ( Pretty hard to keep things civil after that.) Restraining order is needed and you need to follow through.

 

[tammymacb]

I don't know if you have kids or not, but if you're going to be stuck dealing with someone for a long time here's my best advice. Don't let them know what hurts...

( though it appears in this case the horse is already out of the barn )

I'm divorced and have a hateful ex though it's gotten a little better through the years. If my ex knew something bothered me, he'd do it as often as possible and share it with everyone we knew...

So, in my case, I'd have said. "Fabulous! You read my journal! Did you get the nuances in it? Could you really feel my hate? I'll send you emails of everything I write about you if you're interested. Or, when it's finished, I'll send you a copy.

That would totally cause my ex to lose interest and move on to another tactic...

Quoting a great line from a great movie.

Gird your loins.

Divorce is hard...you have to be harder.

 

[tammymacb]

adding another example.

I met my current husband while he was in the process of divorce. He came home from work one day, she told him she was out. Jumped in her new ( he just paid cash for- from money left to him from an aunt in her will ) Expedition and drove off. Left the kids ( including hers from a previous marriage ) and her dog with him. Moved in with a boyfriend.

So I meet my ( way too nice ) DH while he's busy taking the high road and she's busy cleaning him out. I honestly think she expected to be able to return any ol' time she wanted and he'd be waiting with open arms. Well, not so much. So, before DH and I lived together ( but after a while of dating- while she lived with her boyfriend and the courts did what they do....prooooolong the agony ) he went on his annual fishing trip with friends from high school. He came hom ( to his house ) and there's his soon to be ex. Sitting on the couch in her jammies. She'd left her boyfriend and came home. He immediately called me and asked if he could stay with me. In SC, if they'd spent the night under the same roof, the divorce case would be dropped. I said sure. She was pissed.

A couple days later, she did the best she could. See my DH loooooooves his job. I mean loves it....which, great for him. He's very lucky to love a full time job. Anyway. In SC, infidelity is against the law. And DH works in law enforcement. So his ex called my DHs boss and told him that if he continued to live with me, she was going to press charges so he'd lose his job. DH freaked out.. ( silly boy )

As soon as he gave me the news and was trying to figure out where to go next I called ex wifey and shared an important piece of info with her. I already owned my home, and had a good paying job. He didn't "need" his job, we'd be fine. However, when she went for child support ( because she stayed in his house and now she had the kids ) she couldn't go after *my* income. And when she went after DH who was unemployed or working in fast food because she'd made him lose his job, she had no one to thank but herself.

That was the last we ever heard of that tactic.

Never let them see you sweat. I swear, this time, the end.

 

[IDoDis]

I don't want to freak you out, but you should know that it is still possible for your ex to gain access to your house because it happened to a friend of mine after a divorce. My friend kept noticing things in the house were off a bit. Like one time she came home and there were small pieces of insulation foam lying on the carpet underneath the attic door that is on the ceiling. My friend knew that the only time insulation ever fell on the floor was when someone was in the attic. She also noticed things missing, like an expensive coin collection.

So she changed the locks on the house because she knew her ex was coming over and taking things when she was at work and the kids were at school. But then later again she had clues that he was still gaining access. She found out through a mutual friend that when he went to the house one day and realized she had the locks changed, he called a locksmith and told him he was locked out of the house. A locksmith showed up at the house and asked for an ID to verify that he lived there. Even though the ex had been moved out for 18 months, he had not changed his driver's license, so his license still had the home address on it. The locksmith made him a new key!

My friend finally had to get some kind of really expensive heavy duty locks put on where a key could not easily be made. A code of some kind was needed in order for key to be made That finally put an end to his intruding.