My Mother-in-Law Horror Stories...Just in time for Halloween, too!

[robinb]

You're reading WAY WAY too much into this. I knew somehow my age would come into play, as it always does.

The reason why I brought up your age is because I thought that your venting comments about your MIL were immature. You may not want to hear Wishing's advise, but it has been right on the money the whole thread. Including her observation that you are stuck in a child/adult relationship with your MIL.

I'm more mature than most people at my age, I've been to hell and back, but that's a completely different story. I've had my 'big girl pants' on for many years now.

Ah! Youth . I would have said the same thing when I was 19 or 20. I was wrong !

In all seriousness, you would do well to follow the advise given here in establishing a more adult relationship with your MIL.

 

[TrueEeyore]

Regardless of what may be thought, I didn't post here for advice, so really, it's not necessary. I didn't know venting was so immature. I see it done on here all day long. Everybody has to let off some steam at some point.
Nothing I have done is immature. It would be immature to tell DH that I refuse to do things with MIL and push her out of our lives just because we got married.

You don't know what I've been through and you don't know how mature or immature I am just from one thread. Don't judge me and push me into a category. That seems 'immature' just as much as venting, don't you think?

 

[disneymom3]

Well, I for one think you have handled your MIL beautifully. The things that were important to you--ie the wedding dress and reception--you stood up and said no that wasn't how it was going to be. For other issues like the nails you let it go.

You have every right to vent. I am 38 years old and those things would bug me too. Does she have a key btw? I would find some reason to get it back. The wedding gift thing was bad enough, but who knows what else she might do. And the baby--make sure your nurses and Dr know that it is to be you and your DH and anyone else YOU might want. Any good hospital worth their salt is not going to let someone unwanted into the delivery room.

 

[robinb]

I didn't say venting was immature. I have no problem with venting. It was your vents themselves that were immature, IMO. "My MIL is copying me!" "My MIL talked about S-E-X in front of my Daddy!" "My MIL stuff tampons up her nose!" (OK, that one was funny )

I had no idea how old you were when I started to read the thread but as I read more I became convinced that you were very young even though you said you dated your DH for 7 years. FWIW, I really don't mean "very young" as an insult, so please don't take it that way.

 

[mickeyboat]

Please don't take the age thing as an insult.

It explains some of your MIL's behaviors because she clearly sees you and your DH as children playing house, instead of an independent, family unit. You do have to put your foot down and set boundaries - but pick your battles!

And those of us who are more "seasoned" in dealing with our in-laws, have the benefit of hindsight and experience. We don't want you to make the same mistakes that we did.

Take our advice for what it is. Think about it, and decide for yourself how you want to proceed.

Best wishes to you.

Denae

 

[Disney Doll]

Please read all of the posts before responding.
I think my MIL will know the name of her grandchild. Do you want me to be a mute around her? I don't know that she will have a dissapproving comment for everything I say. I will continue to speak to her, as I have for the past 7 years.
If you have a problem with how I am being, then stop coming to my thread. Get it?

Oh Hon...now you're hearing some things you don't necessarily want to hear so are you going to have a little hissy fit thing??????

One chooses how one is going to interact with everyone in one's life.

No, I don't think you need to be mute around her. But if you are telling her things, and she's giving you opinions you don't like and don't want to hear, and that aggravate you to hear (ie-baby's name...see, I have read the whole thread ), then don't discuss those types of things with her. There were many things I did not discuss with my own dear MIL because, quite frankly, they were none of her business. I was not mute around her...as a matter-of-fact we had some lovely long conversations, about topics that were of interest to both of us. When all else failed, I asked her about her life when she was younger...what did she like to do, how was it where she grew up, how was it when she was in Nursing school, what was my DH like as a child, did he turn out like she thought he would...things like that.

I have no problem with how you are being...it's your life...make of it what you will. But if you post something on an Internet message board for the whole world to see, asking for advice and so forth, you may need to remember that some people will tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear. You are an intelligent woman, so I know you understand the difference. It is a mark of maturity to be able to listen to other points of view.

I have SILs who are twins. One is a nut. One is a wonderful woman who gets a lot of mileage from being "Poor me, I have a nut for a twin". By choosing to remain a victim of her sister's moods, by choosing to allow her sister to aggravate her, upset her and distress, she is, in effect giving her sister exactly what she wants...power and attention. She, in turn, gets attention from some folks who are willing to say "Oh you poor thing...having to deal with a crazy sister like you do". DH & I set limits on crazy SIL a long time ago. She doesn't faze us, she doesn't bother us, she doesn't aggravate us. We speak to her. We spend time with her when she is in town. But she knows her boundaries with us and she knows the consequences of over-stepping them. We don't have the value of "Oh you poor things...having that crazy sister" (the biggest value of that being attention), but we do have peace of mind and little or no aggravation from her. Neither of us needs attention so badly that we are willing to be aggravated for it, or give up our peace of mind.

You can begin setting limits a little at a time, realizing that there are going to be times when she is going to backslide into her over-bearingness. You can begin thinking of what you are going to say to her before you say it, so you do not share things with her that you do not necessarily want her to privy to. Or you can let it all fester and frustrate you, continue to do the "poor me crazy MIL" thing until you explode and then it's a huge mess.

It truly doesn't make a difference to me...it's not my marriage nor is it my life.

 

[TrueEeyore]

Well, I for one think you have handled your MIL beautifully. The things that were important to you--ie the wedding dress and reception--you stood up and said no that wasn't how it was going to be. For other issues like the nails you let it go.

You have every right to vent. I am 38 years old and those things would bug me too. Does she have a key btw? I would find some reason to get it back. The wedding gift thing was bad enough, but who knows what else she might do. And the baby--make sure your nurses and Dr know that it is to be you and your DH and anyone else YOU might want. Any good hospital worth their salt is not going to let someone unwanted into the delivery room.

Thank you. She definitely does NOT have a key. And she won't be in the delivery room, she has already been told!

I didn't say venting was immature. I have no problem with venting. It was your vents themselves that were immature, IMO. "My MIL is copying me!" "My MIL talked about S-E-X in front of my Daddy!" "My MIL stuff tampons up her nose!" (OK, that one was funny )

I had no idea how old you were when I started to read the thread but as I read more I became convinced that you were very young even though you said you dated your DH for 7 years. FWIW, I really don't mean "very young" as an insult, so please don't take it that way.

I just thought it was really weird that she tries to do things the way I do them. To me, she is the one acting immature. I mean, she watches me in restaurants, when I take a drink, she takes a drink. We were at the beach one time and she wanted flip-flops like I had. Her husband said they'd get them another time. She got mad and said, "I. Want. Them."

And it's just rude the way she came out and said this is the room her grandchildren will be made in...or maybe the sofa in the living room. It was uncomfortable for me, so I know it was for my dad. It wasn't that I think he doesn't know we have sex, she just wasn't tactful AT ALL about it. Thank you for being kind at least.

Please don't take the age thing as an insult.

It explains some of your MIL's behaviors because she clearly sees you and your DH as children playing house, instead of an independent, family unit. You do have to put your foot down and set boundaries - but pick your battles!

And those of us who are more "seasoned" in dealing with our in-laws, have the benefit of hindsight and experience. We don't want you to make the same mistakes that we did.

Take our advice for what it is. Think about it, and decide for yourself how you want to proceed.

Best wishes to you.

Denae

Thanks Denae

Oh Hon...now you're hearing some things you don't necessarily want to hear so are you going to have a little hissy fit thing??????

One chooses how one is going to interact with everyone in one's life.

No, I don't think you need to be mute around her. But if you are telling her things, and she's giving you opinions you don't like and don't want to hear, and that aggravate you to hear (ie-baby's name...see, I have read the whole thread ), then don't discuss those types of things with her. There were many things I did not discuss with my own dear MIL because, quite frankly, they were none of her business. I was not mute around her...as a matter-of-fact we had some lovely long conversations, about topics that were of interest to both of us. When all else failed, I asked her about her life when she was younger...what did she like to do, how was it where she grew up, how was it when she was in Nursing school, what was my DH like as a child, did he turn out like she thought he would...things like that.

I have no problem with how you are being...it's your life...make of it what you will. But if you post something on an Internet message board for the whole world to see, asking for advice and so forth, you may need to remember that some people will tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear. You are an intelligent woman, so I know you understand the difference. It is a mark of maturity to be able to listen to other points of view.

I have SILs who are twins. One is a nut. One is a wonderful woman who gets a lot of mileage from being "Poor me, I have a nut for a twin". By choosing to remain a victim of her sister's moods, by choosing to allow her sister to aggravate her, upset her and distress, she is, in effect giving her sister exactly what she wants...power and attention. She, in turn, gets attention from some folks who are willing to say "Oh you poor thing...having to deal with a crazy sister like you do". DH & I set limits on crazy SIL a long time ago. She doesn't faze us, she doesn't bother us, she doesn't aggravate us. We speak to her. We spend time with her when she is in town. But she knows her boundaries with us and she knows the consequences of over-stepping them. We don't have the value of "Oh you poor things...having that crazy sister" (the biggest value of that being attention), but we do have peace of mind and little or no aggravation from her. Neither of us needs attention so badly that we are willing to be aggravated for it, or give up our peace of mind.

You can begin setting limits a little at a time, realizing that there are going to be times when she is going to backslide into her over-bearingness. You can begin thinking of what you are going to say to her before you say it, so you do not share things with her that you do not necessarily want her to privy to. Or you can let it all fester and frustrate you, continue to do the "poor me crazy MIL" thing until you explode and then it's a huge mess.

It truly doesn't make a difference to me...it's not my marriage nor is it my life.

I will say this once more...I did not start this thread to get advice. I don't need any. She'll continue to be the way she is, because that's how she knows to be. I won't make a big scene, or blow up at her. I will just continue to live my life, and she won't work her way into it the way she wants. She'll be included in things that she should be included in.
I never once came off as 'poor me, crazy MIL.' I was making jokes the whole time.