My Mother-in-Law Horror Stories...Just in time for Halloween, too!

[jemiaule]

Also, DH and I got invited to his cousin's wedding. I told DH that we were not going, because his cousin didn't come to our wedding, didn't even send a card of congratulations. All because the cousin didn't want to be around his own dad (long story)
So, why would we go and celebrate him getting married? I don't want to waste my time for someone who didn't have the time to celebrate with us. Case closed.

Sorry if this comes off poorly - but I think this was not very nice of you.

If you do not want to go to the wedding that is perfectly acceptable; but I don't think it is fair for you to tell him *we* are not going. It is his cousin, he can decide if he wants to go or not.

If my husband pulled something like this on me I would tell him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. He would have every right not to attend himself; but he would have no business telling me I could not go.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Just a quick note to the younger women around Dis who think that:

"It's not fair to have my mother in the delivery room for the baby's birth IF I don't invite his mother too!".

With all due respect, it's totally fair for a woman to request her own mother if that's who she wants, while excluding others. Heck, if Godzilla is what calms you during labor, invite him too.

Labor and delivery is very intimate. It's about YOU, your health, and YOUR well-being. Have your DH if you want. Or not. But understand that you are under no obligation to invite MIL (or anyone else) to view your private body areas.

If your husband hassles you about it, just remind him that it's YOU going through the labor. YOU are entitled to have whoever you want present (within medical reason of course, you can't invite an entire cheerleading team of 25). The hospital WILL back up on this. Most ask you to present a list ahead of time. If your hospital won't, then change your hospital.

ITA!!!! Where is the big 'applause' smiley!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry if this comes off poorly - but I think this was not very nice of you.

If you do not want to go to the wedding that is perfectly acceptable; but I don't think it is fair for you to tell him *we* are not going. It is his cousin, he can decide if he wants to go or not.

If my husband pulled something like this on me I would tell him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. He would have every right not to attend himself; but he would have no business telling me I could not go.

I have to say that I agree with this. But, I guess I was assuming that the OP was just 'venting' here, and these comments didn't quite come out the right way. I have not really pegged the OP as being a control freak.

I do wonder, did the OP's husband want to attend??? Or was this a joint decision.

 

[TrueEeyore]

My DH doesn't want to go either. He was very hurt that his cousin didn't come to our wedding, they used to be very close when he was younger. So he just doesn't feel like he should have to pay his respects if the guy had too much pride to show up at ours. We BOTH do not want to go, MIL seems to think she makes our decisions.

In other news, we did get the ring papers last night. DH asked her for them while she was digging through her purse, so there was no way she could make any excuses.

Also, she told me she almost bought us the Classic Pooh carseat and bedding because it was on sale. We could store it somewhere until we were ready for a baby...I told her I didn't want Classic Pooh, and I would probably pick that sort of thing out when I actually do get pregnant. (Her advice? Y'all need to wait at least a year. Don't be pregnant on your one year anniversary.)

Another thing, I actually won't feel comfortable with anyone BUT DH in the delivery room. He may not even get to look! But seriously, I already talked to my mom about this, and she understands completely.

 

[Kathi OD]

Heather,
I know your MIL has you very upset and frustrated and if my MIL were that bad (she's bad, but not nearly as bad as yours) I'd be more than venting on the DIS boards.

BUT.......your description of your MIL sounds exactly like Marie from "Everybody Loves Raymond." I've been laughing so hard at her antics. You're living Debra Barone's life!

 

[tonilea]

Another thing, I actually won't feel comfortable with anyone BUT DH in the delivery room. He may not even get to look! But seriously, I already talked to my mom about this, and she understands completely.

I very much felt the same way. I made my DH and my Mom PROMISE me that no "extra" people would be in the delivery room. The truth of the matter is once I was in active labor - I wouldn't have cared if they had ran the whole University of Arkansas Razorback Marching Band through the room playing the fight song. At that point... it just doesn't matter any more.

 

[connorlevismom]

My DH doesn't want to go either. He was very hurt that his cousin didn't come to our wedding, they used to be very close when he was younger. So he just doesn't feel like he should have to pay his respects if the guy had too much pride to show up at ours. We BOTH do not want to go, MIL seems to think she makes our decisions.

In other news, we did get the ring papers last night. DH asked her for them while she was digging through her purse, so there was no way she could make any excuses.

Also, she told me she almost bought us the Classic Pooh carseat and bedding because it was on sale. We could store it somewhere until we were ready for a baby...I told her I didn't want Classic Pooh, and I would probably pick that sort of thing out when I actually do get pregnant. (Her advice? Y'all need to wait at least a year. Don't be pregnant on your one year anniversary.)
Another thing, I actually won't feel comfortable with anyone BUT DH in the delivery room. He may not even get to look! But seriously, I already talked to my mom about this, and she understands completely.

Oh that would have made me really mad. Buying someone nursery items is a no-no in my book. That is a very personal decision.

Kristine

 

[cybrkitn]

BUT.......your description of your MIL sounds exactly like Marie from "Everybody Loves Raymond." I've been laughing so hard at her antics. You're living Debra Barone's life!

The character of Marie is my MIL, lol! DH and I have watched "Everybody Loves Raymond" a few times and each time, DH will chuckle, point and say, "That's my mom! That is my mom!" And it's true. His mother is definately Marie

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Just a quick note to the younger women around Dis who think that:

"It's not fair to have my mother in the delivery room for the baby's birth IF I don't invite his mother too!".

With all due respect, it's totally fair for a woman to request her own mother if that's who she wants, while excluding others. Heck, if Godzilla is what calms you during labor, invite him too.

Labor and delivery is very intimate. It's about YOU, your health, and YOUR well-being. Have your DH if you want. Or not. But understand that you are under no obligation to invite MIL (or anyone else) to view your private body areas.

If your husband hassles you about it, just remind him that it's YOU going through the labor. YOU are entitled to have whoever you want present (within medical reason of course, you can't invite an entire cheerleading team of 25). The hospital WILL back up on this. Most ask you to present a list ahead of time. If your hospital won't, then change your hospital.

I competely agree. It's your who ha that's hanging out for the world to view. I would not feel at all bad if you don't want your MIL to see your brazilian or what have you. Chose who you want there. Your dh should understand that. If he doesn't then go buy an oven stuffer and shove it up his who ha and tell him to push that out while your parents watch!

 

[TrueEeyore]

I'm glad I decided to vent here. Y'all really do have me laughing. I don't even watch Everybody Loves Raymond, but people have told her that she looks like MiMi (? I think that was her name) from Drew Carey, and Ursula...So now y'all can have a mental image

I felt the same way about the baby things. I love Disney, but I don't want Classic Pooh, because everyone has that. She mentioned that she didn't like the name for a baby DH and I have been having for years (we like to plan ahead )

And it may seem like DH isn't standing his ground, but he has, on more than one occasion, put her in her place. Most things she does, I'm sure she means well, she just comes off completely wrong.

She was patting on DH's chest today when she came over, and I almost laughed out loud thinking of this thread, and the mom's wanting to marry their sons. Well, I almost laughed or gagged!

We already agreed to go to Disney with them in January, so I will have many tales to tell then. Last time, she thought she forgot her blanket she HAS to have to sleep with. She assured us we definitely would have been turning around to get it!

 

[goofyshell]

OP- to you. Vent anytime you like-I could use the laugh!!

 

[MagicalMom]

Sorry if this comes off poorly - but I think this was not very nice of you.

If you do not want to go to the wedding that is perfectly acceptable; but I don't think it is fair for you to tell him *we* are not going. It is his cousin, he can decide if he wants to go or not.

If my husband pulled something like this on me I would tell him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. He would have every right not to attend himself; but he would have no business telling me I could not go.

I was wondering why I was the only one who seemed to think this way, just afraid to say anything.

I think it isn't fair to tell you DH where he can & cannot go concerning events in his family. It can actually cause you to have problems with his entire family, not just his mother.

DUH! Sorry OP, saw you post after the above quoted. Guess that's why you should read before posting huh?

 

[nut4disney]

I competely agree. It's your who ha that's hanging out for the world to view. I would not feel at all bad if you don't want your MIL to see your brazilian or what have you. Chose who you want there. Your dh should understand that. If he doesn't then go buy an oven stuffer and shove it up his who ha and tell him to push that out while your parents watch!

This.

 

[Disney Doll]

Here is my take...

I also am married to an 'only son' with overly involved inlaws!!! BTDT!!

Also, the above poster is right. There is a psychological thing going on here where your MIL seems to be living vicariously thru her son and DIL (you). This is NOT good or healthy. But, you really can't do anything about it.

1. You must create your own personal boundaries!!! Your husband must be onboard.... If your MIL wants to copy your hair or your home, etc.. Well, nothing you can do. Remember, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery!!!! Just 'LET IT GO'.

2. Make it almost impossible for her to cross any other lines. She is doing what you have enabled her to do... ( invite her wedding dress shopping... she will become overly involved...) (allow her to handle your wedding gifts, and the top of your wedding cake, she will become overly involved...) etc.. etc.. etc.. etc... etc... You must realize that YOU have been enabling these behaviors, and you must now realize that it is up to YOU to stop setting this stuff up.

3. Your HUSBAND is the one who must handle this, or you will find out really quickly that blood is thicker than water. Your MIL is doing these things to say overly involved in her son's life. She is a parent who simply is not letting go. If it ever appears that it is YOUR doing that there is any pulling away by her son, LOOK OUT. I am giving you a serious warning here. Take heed!!!

Your HUSBAND needs to be the one to handle these things. HE needs to stop by his mother's house and walk out with your wedding cake. You should not say one word, You should not be involved. He should not mention YOUR name.

Your HUSBAND needs to step up the plate here and establish some boundary lines with his mom. I am not talking any big 'discussion' here. But, as I have just described, he should be aware of the situation and actively join with you to NOT make it possible for her to intervene. You both have been enabling her. And, now he must take the lead in not letting these situations even happen.

I totally disagree with the poster who said that a wife should not insist that her husband be on her side and be as one with her and protect her feelings and her interests. If there are husbands who have left their wifes to stay united with their mother, then they were not much of a husband, and it was never a 'marriage' to begin with!!!

I pretty much agree with you Wishing, except for your last part. I'm a big girl and can fight my own battles. Yes, it's nice if husband and wife can be united on every single thing, but it's not always realistic.

OP, you have some limit-setting to do. Hopefully your DH will be on board for the most part. But do yourself a favor and don't sweat the smaller stuff...the imitation stuff.
The controlling stuff...the wedding cake, wedding gown and gifts would be more problematic, IMHO. The mail...well, pesty, yes, but your mail isn't going to be going there forever, so I'd probably let that slide. Get moving on getting your and DH's mailing addresses changed. Get the mail forwarding stuff to the post office today so that the mail comes to your home. The ring...well, if it was originally from her family, then she may feel she has the right to keep the paperwork...does it matter that much? Why do you tell her when you are getting the ring cleaned? If she doesn't know, she can't bug you to go, now can she? Don't overshare...she doesn't need to know every move you make.

As far as the inappropriate comments...if they bother you, say something right then. You know "MIL, that's way more information than anyone wants to hear". If she says "Don't be such a goody-goody" or something to that affect, simply respond "In my house, bedroom talk is for the bedroom only". Limit-setting isn't easy....that's why pushy people get away with stuff because those of us who are not pushy have been taught to be "nice". You can be polite and still be assertive and make people aware of what is and is not acceptable in your home.

As far as the delivery room...the answer is no. The answer to "why" is "because I said so"...it'll be good practice for when you have kids. And make sure the delivery room nurses know she is not allowed in no matter how much she carries on.

My late MIL had a very strong personality. She was a dear woman who would give you the shirt off her back, but did tend to try and run the show. I learned to not necessarily tell her everything. I learned to choose my battles and not sweat the small stuff. I also learned to stand my ground when it was important enough. I was almost 30 when DH & I got married, so I think that helped too.

Tough road when you marry an only child who is a son. Good luck. Start setting limits now or you're in for a long haul.

 

[Disney Doll]

You're right, it could always be worse. I have to tell her when I get my ring cleaned, because she has the papers on it. That's the reason she wants to keep the papers. I have to have them to get it checked, to make sure it's not loose or anything.

Any reputable jewlery store will clean and check a ring without any kind of "papers". I have had my engagement ring for 19 years and get it cleaned and checked all the time at a local jeweler with whom I do business. No "papers" are needed.

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't WANT DH to have to choose between us. Good, because eventually that will bite you on the butt. He's going to love his mother, but if it all came down to the wire, he would choose me, and wouldn't speak to his mother anymore. I don't want it to have to be that way. Good, because eventually that will bite you on the butt. He knows I have some issues with the way she does things, but it would take her seriously bashing me for us to cut ties with her, and she knows that. She knows better than to go there. Good, because it would put your DH in a terrible position.
I know she talks about me to DH's family though. If she talks about my SIL to me, she's obviously talking about me to other people. Well, you're tlaking about her to 65 million people on the Internet, so I guess you're even on that one! But oh well, her son chose to love me and I chose to love him, and we're doing a fine job of it regardless of what she says/does.

See my additions above.

Sounds like she needs a little work, but it doesn't sound insurmountable.

Limit-setting, not sharing quite so much really sound like the way to go.

Ultimately, if your DH has to choose between you and his mother, he is the one who loses, which means you lose too. There will be resentment.

 

[Disney Doll]

Just wait until they come over and program your garage door opener into their car so they can walk in at any moment. My MIL will come at any time day or night and just open the garage and walk in. No knock or anything.

I'd be removing the electric opener and opening my garage door the old-fashioned way.

That way it can be locked when you're home or not home. And no one else gets the key.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm a little peeved at my MIL today but it's pretty trivial compared with the other situations on this thread.

About the papers, you need those ASAP to get that ring insured. If it is a diamond, you need an appraisal on file with your homeowners insurance to have coverage "in case it gets switched" . In all seriousness, you really should have it insured anyway, so this just gives DH a real reason to get the papers from Momma.

You can get a ring apparised/insured without any kind of papers. Take the ring to a reputable jeweler/apparaiser, have him/her look at it. They can give you a figure regarding the ring's worth. If it would make you feel better, take it to 2 appraisers, to see if the figures are "close". Usually with a reuptable jeweler/appraiser, they can do it right there, the ring doesn't even leave your sight. Then insure it for the higher figure.

Again, the MIL keeping the papers is a PIA & a power thing. Imagine her surprise when, one day, the subject of the ring comes up and the couple says to her "Well, you wouldn't give us the papers so we took the ring to a jeweler, had it appraised and inusred it for the appraised value". Poof! The control is gone. The fight is over, and who lost???? Not the couple...the ring is all appraised and insured, and they have their own "papers". But the MIL can no longer hold over their head "I have the papers for the ring". When she asks the values, the response is "It is insured for what the appraiser said it was worth". If she pushes after that, the proper response is "None of your business".

 

[connorlevismom]

I'm glad I decided to vent here. Y'all really do have me laughing. I don't even watch Everybody Loves Raymond, but people have told her that she looks like MiMi (? I think that was her name) from Drew Carey, and Ursula...So now y'all can have a mental image

I felt the same way about the baby things. I love Disney, but I don't want Classic Pooh, because everyone has that. She mentioned that she didn't like the name for a baby DH and I have been having for years (we like to plan ahead )

And it may seem like DH isn't standing his ground, but he has, on more than one occasion, put her in her place. Most things she does, I'm sure she means well, she just comes off completely wrong.

She was patting on DH's chest today when she came over, and I almost laughed out loud thinking of this thread, and the mom's wanting to marry their sons. Well, I almost laughed or gagged!
We already agreed to go to Disney with them in January, so I will have many tales to tell then. Last time, she thought she forgot her blanket she HAS to have to sleep with. She assured us we definitely would have been turning around to get it!

Why don't we have a smiley that pukes? That is what is needed in this instance.

Kristine

 

[rie'smom]

Why are you going to WDW with them? If she's so bad,then don't go. You'll have many tales to tell? Sounds to me like she might have tales of her own. I'm praying that never have a DIL that would love to come onto a chat board and discuss all of my foibles. Just remember: Sometimes we end up living the lives of those we criticize.