My Mother-in-Law Horror Stories...Just in time for Halloween, too!

[Disney Doll]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I honestly just need to vent to an outside party. I thought maybe it would be different from another perspective, but alot of you seem to agree that she needs to butt out of most things.

The way she does it, SHE is the victim. Like, she was only trying to help. So, silly me, I should have picked the cake back drop that SHE wanted, so I didn't hurt her feelings. I don't intentionally do things to spite her, I do things the way I want, and if she has a problem with it, too bad. Classic manipulative behavior. The way to handle that is to decide what you want, and calmly keep saying it. Manipulative people try to wear you down. You have to outlast them.
She's just so nit-picky! And lazy...She makes her husband tie her shoes, carry her purse, and wait on her. It's sad, really. Not your issue. Not your problem. Now you just sound whiny.
I forgot to mention earlier, she picked three kids to be in my wedding. Without consulting me or DH. She picked her two nieces and her nephew. And I never wanted that many kids in my wedding. But I was tired of dealing with her, so in the end I just didn't care anymore. I basically just wanted to get the wedding over with (that's sad...it's supposed to be an exciting event...it wasn't) So you enabled her. Allowed her to run your wedding. Who's fault is that?
She loves to rain on my parade. She always has something negative to say. If I mention somewhere I'd like to work. "Oh, that would be too busy of a job. You should work at Kirkland's, so you can get a discout." That's her favorite store, obviously. Don't overshare with her. If she says something negative, say "well thanks for oyur opinion but I disagree".
I'm surprised I have any hair left. I did find a gray one the other day I'm too young for that

Sweetie, you've known this woman for 7 years. Most of this stuff can't be that much of a surprise. Time to put the big girl panties on and deal with her. Set limits. If you choose not to do that, you'll be fighting these battles your whole life.

 

[froglady]

You can get a ring apparised/insured without any kind of papers. Take the ring to a reputable jeweler/apparaiser, have him/her look at it. They can give you a figure regarding the ring's worth. If it would make you feel better, take it to 2 appraisers, to see if the figures are "close". Usually with a reuptable jeweler/appraiser, they can do it right there, the ring doesn't even leave your sight. Then insure it for the higher figure.

Again, the MIL keeping the papers is a PIA & a power thing. Imagine her surprise when, one day, the subject of the ring comes up and the couple says to her "Well, you wouldn't give us the papers so we took the ring to a jeweler, had it appraised and inusred it for the appraised value". Poof! The control is gone. The fight is over, and who lost???? Not the couple...the ring is all appraised and insured, and they have their own "papers". But the MIL can no longer hold over their head "I have the papers for the ring". When she asks the values, the response is "It is insured for what the appraiser said it was worth". If she pushes after that, the proper response is "None of your business".

ITA A chain may not do it, but a quick look in the phone book will find a registered gemologist/appraiser who will give you a writte appraisal, or an independent jeweler who will refer you to someone who is certified to examine it and give an estimate. As I mentioned earlier, you would get a more accurate appraisal if the stone was out of the setting, but you can still get a good estimate with it intact.

 

[connorlevismom]

Why are you going to WDW with them? If she's so bad,then don't go. You'll have many tales to tell? Sounds to me like she might have tales of her own. I'm praying that never have a DIL that would love to come onto a chat board and discuss all of my foibles. Just remember: Sometimes we end up living the lives of those we criticize.

Oh, leave her alone. There is no reason for your comments at all.

Kristine

 

[Disney Doll]

Y'all are cracking me up with the tampon comments! I should have clarified better. She uses the O.B. ones (WITHOUT THE APPLICATOR...does ANYONE still use those?? ) and she'll get in out of her purse and put it in her nose and say something like, "Ok, I'm going to the bathroom."
And if she has to go to the bathroom in a restuarant, she'll say, "It'll be awhile. It's that time." I keep those sort of things to myself, as do many women.

connorlevismom, that is scary!
It's not that far (yet? ), but she did want DH to walk her to her seat at our wedding. She didn't want the usher to do it, she said she wanted my DH to do it...Since when does the groom do that? I said no, he should be waiting in the back and come out with the preacher right before me, like it's SUPPOSED to be.

I know alot of the things I am saying are nit-picky, and I apologize. But having it built up for so long, they just keep on flowing!
I'm telling DH to get the ring papers tonight. I'll let you know how that goes.

BTW, the diamond that was given to DH is very old and a rare cut, supposedly. And I have to get it checked every six months and I guess they need the appraisal papers or whatever. I just know I brought it to Zales before and they wouldn't do it without them.

Don't go to a mall chain store jeweler. Go to a real jeweler.

 

[Disney Doll]

Sorry if this comes off poorly - but I think this was not very nice of you.

If you do not want to go to the wedding that is perfectly acceptable; but I don't think it is fair for you to tell him *we* are not going. It is his cousin, he can decide if he wants to go or not.

If my husband pulled something like this on me I would tell him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. He would have every right not to attend himself; but he would have no business telling me I could not go.

Good point jemiaule.

 

[Disney Doll]

The truth of the matter is once I was in active labor - I wouldn't have cared if they had ran the whole University of Arkansas Razorback Marching Band through the room playing the fight song.

Oh Tag Fairy...yoohooo...Tag Fairy.........

 

[TrueEeyore]

If you would read the whole thread, you can see where I do care for the woman, she just has some weird MIL actions that I don't really care for. I'm aggravated about the wedding gifts and things like that, but the other petty stuff is pretty humorous, and I enjoy sharing it with people who know where I'm coming from.
There's someone in everyone's life, you love them, but they sure know how to press your buttons. I'm mostly good natured about it, but sometimes enough is enough. I've seen ALOT of information shared on this board that probably should have been kept private, but then what would be fun to read?

As I've said before, she is my beloved DH's mother, I will continue to see her, and yes, go on vacations with his family. I can't ask him to never be around his mom, that's really controlling. DH and I stay in our own room, and often go to parks by ourselves. It's just nice to have some company in Disney.

But I still will have things to tell, probably mostly funny things, as I am trying to laugh it off instead of losing my mind and blowing up at her.

So thanks to everyone else, I really enjoy chatting with you.

 

[Disney Doll]

She mentioned that she didn't like the name for a baby DH and I have been having for years (we like to plan ahead ) Why does she even know the baby's name??? Oversharing again dear.
We already agreed to go to Disney with them in January, so I will have many tales to tell then. Last time, she thought she forgot her blanket she HAS to have to sleep with. She assured us we definitely would have been turning around to get it! Why would you do this if she annoys you as much as she does???

You guys are making some bad choices as far as how much time you are spending with her, if she is as annoying as you say she is.

Methinks the "poor me I have an awful mother-in-law" role is working for you a bit, in the attention department.

Putting a tampon up one's nose..."look at me. I need attention".

Poor me I have such a terrible mother-in-law that I keep enabling... "look at me. I need attention".

Get it?

 

[TrueEeyore]

Please read all of the posts before responding.
I think my MIL will know the name of her grandchild. Do you want me to be a mute around her? I don't know that she will have a dissapproving comment for everything I say. I will continue to speak to her, as I have for the past 7 years.
If you have a problem with how I am being, then stop coming to my thread. Get it?

 

[connorlevismom]

Please read all of the posts before responding.
I think my MIL will know the name of her grandchild. Do you want me to be a mute around her? I don't know that she will have a dissapproving comment for everything I say. I will continue to speak to her, as I have for the past 7 years.
If you have a problem with how I am being, then stop coming to my thread. Get it?

Some people do not believe that MIL's can actually be not very nice people.

Kristine

 

[robinb]

You're only 20 years old, right?

 

[TrueEeyore]

You're only 20 years old, right?

Yes. I'll be 21 in November

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, I am sorry you are getting defensive here.

EDITED TO ADD: YES, I see by your post that just came thru, that you are indeed very young, and it think that this is a major contribution to your situation. We all, at some point, have to learn to put on the big girl pants and create reasonable self-respecting boundaries.

I do think that everyone here that you are concerned about HAS read the entire thread!!!!

I think that there a couple of posters here who are posting more strongly, and who may seem to be crossing the line, and seem like they are judging or bashing you because YOU still do not seem to get the point here.

You still think it is normal and mandatory to be like the 'parents child' in the relationship. An adult-child dynamic. You still think it is normal and mandatory to vacation with mommy and daddy every year. To plan to have not only HIS mommy and daddy, but to include yours as well, for a dinner.

I am sorry OP, but until you realize that you are WAY WAY WAY over-including them in your lives, Until you realize that it is YOU who are enabling the situation, then you are not getting the point, and will get defensive.

I am sorry, but you STILL do realize that it is YOU who are the cause of the whole problem!!!! YOU need to grow up, set reasonable boundaries, as a mature self respecting adult, and shrug off the rest of your MIL's behavior. I truly do see some naive and immaturity here. I am supposing that you are still young.

You mentioned here how your MIL and her inappropriate boundary crossing had a very real negative impact on your wedding. As long as you continue to enable her behaviour, the you will find that this having a very similar impact on your LIFE!!! Just wait till it is not just her son, and 'her' wedding, but your children are also 'HERS'. You will find out that if you continue to enable this, the the proverbial you-know-what will hit the fan once her grandchildren arrive!!!!

OP: NOBODY HERE HAS SAID TO CUT OFF TIES OR QUIT SPEAKING TO YOUR MIL!!!! So, quit playing that card here.

I think you are probably a wonderful person!!!! And, I am sorry that some posters words may seem harsh. But, just to state the honest truth. If you enable and invite others to walk all over you, and then whine about it, you will get some responses like the ones you are getting here on this thread. It is not that anyone truly wants to flame you, it is just trying to get you to see the truth from a better perspective.

What we are saying is that is is up to YOU to learn how to maintain appropriate boundaries as a self respecting adult.

You know, we used to travel with my inlaws too. Well, there did come a point where I told my DH that I simply would not travel with them ever again. I am sorry OP, but traveling together on what you are calling 'family vacations' is for immediate families. I would never travel with my inlaws, and I do not know very many people at all who would!!!!! Perhaps we could meet them somewhere.. But, to actually travel with them... No, I would not. If somebody thinks that their blankie is more important than meeting a set travel schedule, then I will NOT travel with them. As an adult, I am not a kid in the back seat of my parents car. I have a personal rule that I will never never never travel anywhere without my own transportation and accomodations. If you are doing anything more than agreeing to meet them there, then IMHO, yes, you are making another VERY BAD DECISION.

You are still skirting the whole issue here, because you do not seem to know how to maintain appropriate boundaries as a mature, self respecting adult, without thinking that you might have to cut all ties.

It is like you see it an an either-or.
I see this as your problem!!!

 

[deekaypee]

Some people do not believe that MIL's can actually be not very nice people.

Kristine

Not me! I'm a believer. I have a MIL who is, in many ways, very much like the OP's. And I'll be the first person to admit I can be the dreaded DIL. Ah, the stories I could share....

TrueEeyore, I totally understand why you would go to Disney with your MIL. First of all, it's Disney. (Okay, so maybe that shouldn't be the first reason, but for me Disney is usually the primary reason to do anything. I need to set a tighter budget--why? For the Disney vacation fund. I'm going to train for a marathon--why? Disney sponsors a race. I've agreed to spend time with my MIL--why? She wants to visit WDW! Now, back to the previously-interrupted post....) Second, your MIL is family now. That's a big shift in perspective to see it that way, but I think you have. So I think the family vacation makes sense.

Now, I agree with others who've said you need to establish boundaries with MIL--but I also think you're working at these boundaries. Plus, I can see you're attempting to establish a working relationship. From where I'm sitting, a Disney vacation makes sense. It's true, going to Disney can be a challenge when you're with folks who have different expectations than you do. And you'll probably have to deal with a lot of future-grandchild talk. Still, a Disney vacation would allow you to both establish some boundaries and to build a relationship based on a shared experience. Especially if you can treat it as a social experiment & laugh about it.

As for the questions about how bad your MIL really is....I don't know, I thought you were primarily venting. Not that you don't have serious concerns, but you seem to be aware that you need to find ways to manage the relationship. Posting to the DIS for a little support, some good-natured advice, and even a little ribbing seems like part of a coping strategy.

FWIW, you're not alone. I sympathizes & empathize. Heck, my DH and I might even be taking our ILs to Disney in January!

Side note: I always tell my DH, "You're family's dysfunctional. Yes, I know mine is, too. But I'm used to my family's behavior--it's normal. Your family's just weird." It's taken me several years to consider my IL's behavior as "normal," a transformation that I hadn't quite understood to have had happened until my BIL got married this summer and I saw my new SIL try to adjust to her new ILs (and is still adjusting). I guess I have a lot of sympathy for the MIL/DIL dynamic. (From both points of view, btw!)

 

[Wishing on a star]

I just added to my post above. But, I wanted to say one more thing here, just in case the OP did not realize that I had edited the above.

I suddenly get a VERY CLEAR PICTURE here!!!!

If the OP is that young, and if she has been with her BF since they were mere children (young teenagers), then she has spent all these years with her inlaws in a child-adult dynamic!!! She is like stuck there!!!! It is clear that the MIL has been overly involved and living vicariously thru this young couple for many years now. And, this is completely clouding any reason in the OP's judgment.

OP: I did not meet my DH (and my inlaws) until I was an adult. And, I can tell you with all certainty, that there is simply no way that I, or many others here, would have the dynamic and the viewpoint that you have regarding our inlaws.

As an only son, my DH was like you... His parents were very overly involved in his life, and he did not ever even see this as an issue.

But, for me, as an independant adult, there was NO way that I could let them become overly involved in my personal life. No matter how they tried. Like you, DH still had some growing up to do, but as an objective adult in the situation, I was there to provide some common sense. Our only saving grace was that when we were married, we moved hours away from my inlaws!!!!! So, for that period of time, the boundaries were automatically there.

But, in your case, both you and your DH are still in the child-adult, maintain the apron strings, mindset.

Until you mature and grow up and see this for what it is, your situation with your inlaws will continue just as it is now. And, nope, whining will get you no respect.

I hope that you can understand what all of us here are trying to say, step back, put on your adult big-girl pants, and move forward!!!

 

[Maleficent13]

Hey, OP --- check out my second tag.

 

[TrueEeyore]

You're reading WAY WAY too much into this. I knew somehow my age would come into play, as it always does. I'm more mature than most people at my age, I've been to hell and back, but that's a completely different story. I've had my 'big girl pants' on for many years now.
I'm just venting about mostly petty little incidents, just to let off some steam. Being around her doesn't physically make me want to scream, she's just childish about alot of things.

My DH is VERY close with all of his family, they do things together often. I think it's nice that everyone in his family always stays in touch and has family gatherings. More people should do this, family (while annoying and sometimes makes you just roll your eyes) is important. And I chose to marry into this family, and I don't regret my decision in the least.

Most everyone complains about their MIL. If I needed real therapy, I would look further than the Disboards. I just wanted to vent, so I did, and alot of people understood that was what I was doing. It isn't a serious issue. You will see throughout the whole thread, I've used laughing smilies and things like that.
So Wishing, I'm sure you mean well, and if I was really in trouble, your advice would work. But honestly, live your in-law-less life and quit preaching to me.

deekaypee - I'll have to use your 'dysfunctional' line! Priceless! And I agree, Disney can bring anyone closer

 

[TrueEeyore]

Hey, OP --- check out my second tag.

OMG!! Too funny!! Congrats

 

[Kimmumum]

My DH is also an only child. I love my MIL but she also lives cross country. My step-monster in law is another story. Keep in mind that your MIL at least has good intentions and is not evil. She may be a control freak but she could be an evil control freak. She is getting used to having a daughter as much as you are getting used to having a MIL. I am in no way excusing her behavior and your DH does need to talk to her but at least she is a nice woman who loves you.

We have been married for 18 years and it hasn't gotten any better. I wish you the best

 

[TrueEeyore]

My DH is also an only child. I love my MIL but she also lives cross country. My step-monster in law is another story. Keep in mind that your MIL at least has good intentions and is not evil. She may be a control freak but she could be an evil control freak. She is getting used to having a daughter as much as you are getting used to having a MIL. I am in no way excusing her behavior and your DH does need to talk to her but at least she is a nice woman who loves you.

We have been married for 18 years and it hasn't gotten any better. I wish you the best

I agree, it could be alot worse! Sorry about your step-monster in law. There's a nut in every family tree.