Must be potty trained for Preschool

[alexis_fate]

My DS will be 3 at the end of July and is not near being potty trained. Right now he goes to mom's day out 2 days a week from 9-1. In the fall they have K-3 Tues-Fri 9-1, we would love for him to go. I read in the forms today that he must be fully potty trained and be able to take care of all hygiene alone.

My DS is a wonderful spirited little guy with speech delays. He is very smart and knows exactly what you are saying and what you want him to do. The problem comes in that he can't communicate back with you that well. Since starting mom's day out in Oct his speech has improved so much and he is very happy there.

The only problem is that he is not interested in going potty at all! When you mention anything about it he simply says NO. We have tried to show him the toilet, his dad using it, and big boy underwear. I know that everyone says they will tell you when they are ready to be trained, but what should I do about school? He loves going and they truly love him there, I don't want to have to find another place to send him. I am not even sure if this is a requirement everywhere for a 3 year old.

Thoughts from anyone who has been through this would be great! Please understand I am not trying to force anything upon him, I just know how happy he is at school.

 

[lumpy08]

The one thing I used to potty train was a Pez Dispenser. At first I would sit them on the potty and explain to them that if they go they will get to use the Pez. For my kids it worked like a charm. Then for #2 I used the bottlecaps candy (Target had them). The best part. The candy doesn't melt. I just bought a bunch of Pez dispensers and put them everywhere. Medicine cabinet, diaper bag, etc.

Also, see if you can talk to other mom's that may have their children at the new school. I know at our school they told us they "have" to be potty trained, but recently I found out from a friend that the school cannot turn you away.

Good luck!

 

[princessmom29]

Just don't let him tell you no. You are the parent and the one in control of the situation. If he is capable of going to the potty, and is refusing just put him in underwear. The vast majority of kids put cold turkey into underwear at an age where they are ready to train will start complying fairly quickly if they are not put back into diapers. Once they wet theselves a few times and see that you are not going to give in they get with the program. 3 is more than ready for almost every non-handicapped child to be potty trained, IMO. I have never seen a "typical" 3 year old that was truly not ready to day train at least. I have had several parents argue that the child wasn't ready, but what I was seeing form the child contradicted that. The vast majority can do it at 3 if everyone involved will put thier foot down and say no more diapers.

 

[princessmom29]

The one thing I used to potty train was a Pez Dispenser. At first I would sit them on the potty and explain to them that if they go they will get to use the Pez. For my kids it worked like a charm. Then for #2 I used the bottlecaps candy (Target had them). The best part. The candy doesn't melt. I just bought a bunch of Pez dispensers and put them everywhere. Medicine cabinet, diaper bag, etc.

Also, see if you can talk to other mom's that may have their children at the new school. I know at our school they told us they "have" to be potty trained, but recently I found out from a friend that the school cannot turn you away.

Good luck!

At leastin my state, by law they CAN turn you away if they are not also an infant/toddler care center as well. If they are regulated as a school not a care center then they CANNOT clean up or change a child that has an accident. They MUST call a parent to do it, every time. They are NOT allowed to change diapers unless there is a registered nuse on staff the aid a child with a disability.

 

[Swimalie]

One thing we did with our son, who didn't like to go either, was to pick a weekend and tell him the diapers were all gone. We showed him how they were all gone in his dresser. That weekend we pulled out my husband's portable dvd player and let him watch movies while he sat on the potty and got the feeling of going. He would sit for hours at times. We would sit with him, too. We did this the whole weekend, every 20 min. So if he sat for an hour and then got off, 20 min later, he was back on. And we kept he 20 min rule up for a week. We set a timer and told him it was going to happen. We let him pick out his own underwear, too. We made a sticker reward chart for him and he loved decorated it with stickers for every time he went. Plus he got something from the treat bag for going (pez, m&m, jelly bean, etc). This worked pretty well for us but be warned, they can regress. He has twice and when he does (he's 5 now) we start going back to the 20 min rule but it's every hour that he has to sit on the potty. He fights us on it but we put our foot down as we are the parents and well, we don't wear diapers - as we tell him.

 

[bellaprincess98]

Try to take it in steps. With my two boys I started out with letting them go without anything on for a while. No pulls-ups or underware. When you put pullups on them they seem secure and will have no problem going in them. So when I left my kids naked they would get a little panicked because they know that the urine would end up on the floor so they run to the bathroom. After a couple of days I'd move up to the underware. By then they have learned to "hold it in" and they'll run to the bathroom by instinct.

I also reward my son with a lolipop when he does #2 in the toilet(the little round ones), and I praise him when he tells me that he has to go to the bathroom while we are out.

Good luck.

 

[Bibbidi]

I teach 3 year old preschool classes and our children have to be full potty-trained in order to attend. Some parents have kids that they know can usually "hold it" for 2.5 hours (that is the length of our sessions) and choose to send them even though technically the kids aren't totally trained. We had one child who the parents later told us never had used the potty at home for #2 - they mentioned it only after the child started having major accidents at school. Then the babysitter told us they'd recommended that the child not start school because they knew the potty-training situation was not complete. It ended up sounding like the parents were desperate to get him to preschool, so they rushed the potty-training and hoped for the best at school. Without going into more yucky details, the child ended up having major issues with withholding and there were all sorts of problems regulating his BMs, etc as a result of rushing him to school. I'm not saying you'd do this to your son, but kids really have to make the decision for themselves that the potty is ok to use.

 

[taximomfor4]

This won't help much, I bet...we didn't bother to potty train any of our 1st 3 kids. We just waited, and one day, they themselves declared that they didn't want to wear a diaper anymore. They didn't, and were immediately fully potty trained. (MUCH less work, and didn't make toileting a control issue).

With our 4th, same thing...except within weeks, she was having frequent accidents. SHe was not allowed in preschool, and we almost had to hold her back from starting Kindergarten because I didn't want her to get humiliated at school. Many tests have been run, to find out what is wrong, but dr feels that there is nothing "wrong", that she'll get better as she gets older. As of right now, she is 7 and still has little accidents.

Oh, and about missing preschool -- even though dd started Kindergarten with less prep than most of the other kids, she caught up almost right away and is an excellent student.

OOOPS, really rambled off topic, huh? Well, I hope there's something in there you can use, lol

 

[floridascgirl]

When my son was almost three, he was so ready to use the potty but he was scared to do so. We explained to him that once he turned three, he wouldn't be allowed to wear them any more. I lied and told him that I wouldn't be able to buy diapers anymore...it was just a rule. He looked perplexed, but sure enough the day he turned 3 he accepted it. He asked if he would be "allowed" to finish up the ones that we already owned and then wear underwear (I said yes ). The next week, he put on underwear and that was that. He never even had 1 accident...not even through the night!!!

I think that if I had not done this, he would have stayed in the diaper much longer. He has always been a very cautious child and the diaper just made him feel safe. He is also a child who doesn't like to make mistakes, and I think that he was worried that he might have a potty accident at school.

 

[imthatgirl]

I took a different approach to potty training then most I guess( except for the pp). I let all my kids self train...and they all did. My boys were about 3 1/2 and m daughter was about 3. No accidents, because they did it when they were ready. It was easy. I see all these friends of mine running to the bathroom to "catch it" or taking 6 or more months to train a child. When really if you ket them...they'll just do it.
but that also meant no 3yo preschool. And to be honest I wouldn't have sent then that young anyway. It's too early and unnecessary. I felt that at that age I was their best teacher.
All 3 of my kids went to preK for one year and have all excelled at school.
There are too few of those precious years where get

 

[RMulieri]

My daughter didn't potty train till almost 3.5 yrs..We begged,pleaded,bribed NOTHING worked..We finally just backed off.When she was ready, she let us know and was going on the potty within the day

 

[mjkacmom]

Try to take it in steps. With my two boys I started out with letting them go without anything on for a while. No pulls-ups or underware. When you put pullups on them they seem secure and will have no problem going in them. So when I left my kids naked they would get a little panicked because they know that the urine would end up on the floor so they run to the bathroom. After a couple of days I'd move up to the underware. By then they have learned to "hold it in" and they'll run to the bathroom by instinct.

I also reward my son with a lolipop when he does #2 in the toilet(the little round ones), and I praise him when he tells me that he has to go to the bathroom while we are out.

Good luck.

My last 3 were nakey-butt trained, and it was SO much easier. They were also between the ages of 2 1/2 and 2 3/4, which was an easier window than after 3. My neighbor's first child decided at 3 that she was done with diapers, so she took a gamble with her second, and when he was over 4, she realized her big mistake, and actively PT'd him. It's always a gamble.

OP, I hope your child is received ST. Ds7 was delayed, started at 20 months, and was fine by 3. My sister's ds has apraxia, is 4, and has been receiving ST since 2, and is getting better (I can actually understand him). He might even be mainstreamed into kindergarten, and with this diagnosis, and ST, he should be almost 100% by first grade.

 

[ireland_nicole]

Yes, preschool would be nice, but certainly isn't required when a child is just turning 3. I wouldn't try to push your child into something he's not developmentally ready for. In the same way you can't "make" him speak at chronological age level you can't "make" him ready to toilet train on a given date. Let his developmental needs set the pace for what y'all decide to do. You could talk to the school and ask them if he could continue in his current class until he's ready to train- or look into other schools with more fluid, dynamic policies. I agree that the time with peers seems to be helping your son; there are a lot of excellent ways to continue that with or without him being toilet trained. Have you talked to your pediatrician to see about whether having a speech eval would be appropriate?

 

[ireland_nicole]

Just don't let him tell you no. You are the parent and the one in control of the situation. If he is capable of going to the potty, and is refusing just put him in underwear. The vast majority of kids put cold turkey into underwear at an age where they are ready to train will start complying fairly quickly if they are not put back into diapers. Once they wet theselves a few times and see that you are not going to give in they get with the program. 3 is more than ready for almost every non-handicapped child to be potty trained, IMO. I have never seen a "typical" 3 year old that was truly not ready to day train at least. I have had several parents argue that the child wasn't ready, but what I was seeing form the child contradicted that. The vast majority can do it at 3 if everyone involved will put thier foot down and say no more diapers.

First of all, this child is still 2. Second of all, at the very least, there are speech delays. Thirdly, while this approach may have worked for you, it is not appropriate for all kids. All kids are different, while there are some vague general developmental milestones, there is no set in stone "cut off date" whereby every even "typical" child performs any activity or meets every milestone. Trying for force a child who isn't developmentally ready to perform a task is not going to be helpful for either the child, the parent, or their relationship.

 

[starsweeper]

I would speak directly with the preschool. When we moved to KY last summer, I looked at many preschools for my DS and DD. Nearly every one of them said 3 and up had to be potty trained online or in their literature. When I spoke with them on the phone, I got a different story from some of them. The economy has hit these centers, and I think some of them are being more flexible to gain business. For example, my DS just got into a very small, exclusive, Catholic pre-K program because they didn't have as many people apply this year (few non-Catholics typically get in and they actually called to see if we were still interested from a visit in Feb). Also, I think these centers would obviously prefer most kids be trained already, so they say they won't accept kids not potty trained to limit how many people actually apply with kids not trained.

My DS and DD did not train until 43 months and 38 months, respectively. They had little interest beyond pottying before showers. We got snowed in over New Years for 4 days. I put them in training underwear with plastic covers (all bought from BRU) and dealt with several messes, but at the end of it DD was trained and DS was trained for peeing. DS finally trained fully in March (boys tend to be slower). Our incentive, a trip to WDW, convinced DD and DS to get serious. Every time they used the potty, they exclaimed, "I'm going to see Mickey!" We had already thought about a trip after last year's went well, so it was a convenient incentive. We leave in 2 weeks for their reward trip.

 

[zoemurr]

No real potty training advice here but..

Please don't send them if they aren't trained.

My first year we tried to be "nice" about it and it was a nightmare. If the kid is wet they pretty much have to change themselves, and that can take 5-20min of one of us being out of the classroom. If they have a BM we have to call the parent (we don't touch it as we have no facilities to do so) and the kid has to sit in the office for 20min (again taking one of us out) to wait for a parent. I think we had 6 kids who weren't fully trained.

It knocks off our whole schedule of who should be where to get things done and punishes us and all the other kids who followed the rules.

Every year after that we have someone sneak their kid in with a pull-up. (Trust me.. we notice pretty fast.) We usually just leave it, but a full pull-up smells terrible and even other little kids will notice. Yuck. and again for a BM we would have to call you and your kid would sit alone and probably embarrassed waiting.

We're not being mean.. but we keep a ratio of 1:7. If someone needs to spend 20min 1:1 a lot of our day is wasted. The rules are there because a facility with no younger kids will not have a table/gloves/proper disposal facility. A day care center might be easier to accommodate.

Thanks!

 

[Familyof4lovesDW]

Does you school system have a preschool? You had metioned the speech delay which may be something to help him qualify to get in. At our public school preschool they do not have to be potty trained if they qualify. Both of my children went to ours and for my son that qualified he would have not had to be potty trained, but he was four when he started so he was. He was almost 4 before he was trained. My daughter was enrolled as a typical child with no delays and had to be potty trained. If the child qualifies you may not have to pay either.

Daycares that say you have to be potty trained are because they are not licensed by the state to change diapers and do not have changing tables avaliable. Most daycares will not move them out of the toddler room with their age group because there are no changing tables in the preschool rooms.

This is the way it is in our area and state. I do not know how it is in other states. Do not worry he will be ready when he is ready.

 

[steph124ny]

I have to respectfully disagree with the poster who essentially wants to force the child into training. If he already shows some speech delays and has no interest, then he isn't ready. You could cause serious delays by doing that. If potty training takes more tan a day or two, then the child isn't ready.

At our preschool, they had the requirement that the children be potty trained, but they allowed Pull Ups. They would not, however, change your child, so if they pooped, they'd call you to come do it.

 

[Jareds_mommy]

My DS will be 3 at the end of July and is not near being potty trained. Right now he goes to mom's day out 2 days a week from 9-1. In the fall they have K-3 Tues-Fri 9-1, we would love for him to go. I read in the forms today that he must be fully potty trained and be able to take care of all hygiene alone.

My DS is a wonderful spirited little guy with speech delays. He is very smart and knows exactly what you are saying and what you want him to do. The problem comes in that he can't communicate back with you that well. Since starting mom's day out in Oct his speech has improved so much and he is very happy there.

The only problem is that he is not interested in going potty at all! When you mention anything about it he simply says NO. We have tried to show him the toilet, his dad using it, and big boy underwear. I know that everyone says they will tell you when they are ready to be trained, but what should I do about school? He loves going and they truly love him there, I don't want to have to find another place to send him. I am not even sure if this is a requirement everywhere for a 3 year old.

Thoughts from anyone who has been through this would be great! Please understand I am not trying to force anything upon him, I just know how happy he is at school.

here ALL pre-schools require fully toilet trained and all hygine on their own, daycares do not

 

[alexis_fate]

Thanks for all the wonderful advice and thoughts. We had a speech eval done in the summer, at that point they told me the best thing I could do is get him around other children. Thats why we started mom's day out. We are going back to another speech eval next month too see where we are at. In the county that I live in they will come to the house to give him speech therapy.

During the week he is at home with my mother and his baby sister, that is why it is important to me that he gets to go to school. Most of the time he is stuck in the house, playing or watching TV. I know he enjoys getting outside and playing with the other kids. My mother keeping them is a whole different topic...lol

I do know we are going to start offering him the bathroom and big boy underwear more. I dont really want to start full force then go on out trip and end up back at sqaure 1.

Thanks for all your thoughts.

Tracy