Must be potty trained for Preschool

[mjkacmom]

Thanks for all the wonderful advice and thoughts. We had a speech eval done in the summer, at that point they told me the best thing I could do is get him around other children. Thats why we started mom's day out. We are going back to another speech eval next month too see where we are at. In the county that I live in they will come to the house to give him speech therapy.

In our county, the birth - 3 program has ST come into the home. Starting at 3, these services are no longer available, but there is a full time special education preschool program that offers services to 3 - 5 year olds. Children who still require ST can attend.

 

[Hannathy]

Just don't let him tell you no. You are the parent and the one in control of the situation. If he is capable of going to the potty, and is refusing just put him in underwear. The vast majority of kids put cold turkey into underwear at an age where they are ready to train will start complying fairly quickly if they are not put back into diapers. Once they wet theselves a few times and see that you are not going to give in they get with the program. 3 is more than ready for almost every non-handicapped child to be potty trained, IMO. I have never seen a "typical" 3 year old that was truly not ready to day train at least. I have had several parents argue that the child wasn't ready, but what I was seeing form the child contradicted that. The vast majority can do it at 3 if everyone involved will put thier foot down and say no more diapers.

I agree with you !!!

Why is the child allowed to decide these things and say no? Does he get to set his own bedtime or how much candy he eats? I don't think so. so why is not using diapers any different? 2 1/2 is more than ready to be trained. Not that long ago it was very rare to see a 3 yr old in diapers, and kids haven't changed.

Don't ask just tell him it is time to be out of diapers, period, end of story.
Speech delays have nothing to do with it, total non speakers can still be trained. You can even teach him the sign language motion for toilet, which what we used for many of our really low functioning or non speakers when I worked with special needs children.

Have you told him he can't go to the school he really likes unless he starts using the potty? I would it may make all the difference in the world.

 

[MomRN]

I don't know how the school would react, but...

When my ds was 3 (at the end of June) we started PT for pre-school in late August. By the time that rolled around he was pretyy good at home, but had several accidents, particularly outside of home. At this time he was in pull-ups.

I took the advice of a friend that said that pull-ups are glorified diapers, and just put him in underwear. We started this a few days before pre-school, and he still had accidents, but they were reduced.

I went ahead and sent him to school and said, "Please let me try this. I think he is ready. I think seeing other kids go to the potty and getting into a routine will be the edge he needs. If he has accidents after 1 week, I will pull him out myself."

Well, he had an accident everyday for the first three days, and then... it just stuck. He has been accident free (with the exception of a few times where he couldn't hold it to get to a bathroom or at night) and fine in pre-school.

It can't hurt to ask if they would be willing to give him a week or so.... but then again I would say my ds was 75% of the way there when we tried it. I don't know if it would work with no interest or training.

 

[esk]

My DS was in daycare, and he had a "potty buddy". This was in the 2-3 year old room. Everytime "Joey", who was almost 3, went potty, my DS went with him, to the 2 potties side by side. He copied "Joey" and was potty trained within a week. My DS was about 2 1/2 or maybe 2 3/4....but daycare was getting ready to move him to the preschool room in 2-3 months.

DD didn't have a "potty buddy" (different daycare) but she also was interested in being a big girl and going potty.

But you can't get there until DS is in a group setting! Maybe at Mommy and Me playgroup, you could get him a potty buddy?

You also have another 4 months or so before school starts, so don't stress about it right now. In 4 months he'll be older and might be interested.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

I agree with you !!!

Why is the child allowed to decide these things and say no? Does he get to set his own bedtime or how much candy he eats? I don't think so. so why is not using diapers any different? 2 1/2 is more than ready to be trained. Not that long ago it was very rare to see a 3 yr old in diapers, and kids haven't changed.

Don't ask just tell him it is time to be out of diapers, period, end of story.
Speech delays have nothing to do with it, total non speakers can still be trained. You can even teach him the sign language motion for toilet, which what we used for many of our really low functioning or non speakers when I worked with special needs children.

Have you told him he can't go to the school he really likes unless he starts using the potty? I would it may make all the difference in the world.

I would wait until he is fully ready. We tried to get DD to go on the potty and we had TONS of problems (holding in poop, extreme constipation, fear of toilet) these are things you WANT to avoid like the plague. We ended up having to take DD to an GI dr b/c of this (we tried training when she was almost 3 thought she was ready b/c she was 3) we had to follow special diets, miralax, etc to get her "regular again. GI Dr. also said lay off the potty training. One day she declared she wanted to do it, she wanted to poop on the potty and she did. (Thank God!)
Of course kids are going to say no to potty, pooping and peeing are the only things that these little ones CAN control right now. So I say wait, maybe give little hints that this is what big boys do, etc. Good Luck with whatever you decide!

 

[LuLuO]

Some kids aren't ready to be potty trained until they are closer to 4. Some kids train early and some late. That doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with your parenting or with your child.

I don't think I would pressure him into using the potty. That may work with some kids but it could also cause him not to want to use the potty at all. My child is also spirited and we are working on potty training right now. The times when we have encouraged her a bit too forcefully, never turned out good.

We are letting DD2.8 go at her own pace. We got a family and toddler potty seat for the big potty from walmart for $30. She loves it and has been using the potty a lot more. We use stickers as a reward and I've also started using coins as a reward. She loves saving them in her piggy bank for Disney World.

A lot more preschools are no longer requiring kids be potty trained. Our preschool which is part of our public school does not require kids be potty trained. We have a parents as teachers program through our public schools in our state and they advocate that not all kids are ready to be trained by 3 or even 3.5. The woman who runs the potty training seminars has 4 boys and all of them trained at different times. One boy not until after he was 4 and his younger brother was training at the same time at 2.

Can you look around your area for a more accepting school that doesn't require 3 year olds be trained? If there isn't one that you like, then I'd just hold off on him going to school and not force the issue. All of my friends with kids assure me that if potty training is difficult then they are not ready. When they are ready it will be easy peasy.

Good luck.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I guess you could say that we did force DS to start PTing, but it wasn't the 48 hrs and done method either...

Here is what we did and I think it worked out great for us... he's only ever had 4 accidents since last year and 3 of those were because he refused to go.

When we started to PT (about 2 months before his 3rd bday) I would have him sit on the pot when he got up in the morning, before each meal (lunch and dinner), and before bath or bed (bed always follows bath and we bathe every other night, so it was all inclusive there...). He slowly started going more in between lunch and dinner and dinner and bed and before we knew it, he was set. PS - no pull-ups were allowed, it was nakey butt, diaper, or undies. If he told us that he didn't want to go when he was supposed to, he ran around nakey until he went, then he got his diaper or undies back.

I took him out on a special shopping trip to pick out some underwear. We kept reinforcing that if he stayed dry he got to wear his special undies all the time.

Once he stayed dry all night, every night for 3 weeks in a row, we started to let him sleep in his undies. He never looked back since. I would say he was 100% trained about 3 weeks after his 3rd bday.

He was also offered rewards for when he did go. #1 = a bit of candy (generally Pez out of a Disney Pez dispenser - the 6 pc. packages were perfect for this) #2 = a temporary tattoo.

Good luck!

 

[LuLuO]

No real potty training advice here but..

Please don't send them if they aren't trained.

My first year we tried to be "nice" about it and it was a nightmare. If the kid is wet they pretty much have to change themselves, and that can take 5-20min of one of us being out of the classroom. If they have a BM we have to call the parent (we don't touch it as we have no facilities to do so) and the kid has to sit in the office for 20min (again taking one of us out) to wait for a parent. I think we had 6 kids who weren't fully trained.

It knocks off our whole schedule of who should be where to get things done and punishes us and all the other kids who followed the rules.

Every year after that we have someone sneak their kid in with a pull-up. (Trust me.. we notice pretty fast.) We usually just leave it, but a full pull-up smells terrible and even other little kids will notice. Yuck. and again for a BM we would have to call you and your kid would sit alone and probably embarrassed waiting.

We're not being mean.. but we keep a ratio of 1:7. If someone needs to spend 20min 1:1 a lot of our day is wasted. The rules are there because a facility with no younger kids will not have a table/gloves/proper disposal facility. A day care center might be easier to accommodate.

Thanks!

I agree that if the facility isn't set up for dealing with kids who aren't potty trained then parents shouldn't try to sneak them in with a pull-up or diaper on. But not all pre-schools are like that. The pre-school my daughter will be attending doesn't accept any kids under 3 and they do not require potty training. It just may take some searching on OP's part to find a school that suits them if her son isn't trained by the time school starts. But yeah, sending them to a school that is not equipped to deal with diapers and such is so not the right thing to do. It is sad to think of little ones sitting in poop all day. No way would I do that to my kid.

 

[bumbershoot]

Just don't let him tell you no. You are the parent and the one in control of the situation.

Yikes!

It's his body, his bladder, his bowels.

This is merely an inconvenience to everyone else, but it is HIS body.

Thanks for all the wonderful advice and thoughts. We had a speech eval done in the summer, at that point they told me the best thing I could do is get him around other children.

During the week he is at home with my mother and his baby sister, that is why it is important to me that he gets to go to school. Most of the time he is stuck in the house, playing or watching TV. I know he enjoys getting outside and playing with the other kids.

This might be overly simplistic, and it's only based on what you wrote right there. But if they think his speech delay could be improved by being around others...why would it be around other children. I mean, if I'm going to teach a child to speak, I'd rather it be from adults, ya know? I wouldn't want someone learning from my son, who has a slight lisp and doesn't say L all the time, because of the way his teeth sit and that he's missing 3 (one accident with a new tooth and two extractions at 2.5 yo). I myself once picked up a stutter after spending the summer with my stepsister (who had a true stutter). It took probably 2 months for me to stop that; it was purely something I picked up from her, as I'd never stuttered before that.

And this is VERY simplistic, but it worked for my son and my cousin's son...Blues Clues. I spoke to and with my son ALL the time while at home, but he just wasn't interested in talking much. Then I came across Blues Clues, started watching it once or twice a day, and all of a sudden it was a language explosion. There was something about that male voice in the house during that day that did it. Every time we watched, he would pick up another word that Steve or Joe said on the show, and that wasn't normally used by me or DH, so he was truly learning from the show.

So if this is a very simple speech thing, I would ramp up on having adults around him speaking to and with and around him... (DS is watching Alvin and the Chipmunks right now, and I have met some kids who talk almost like them...my half sister was one of them until she was about 10, such a high tiny voice who talked fast...so it's kind of a funny thing to have one while talking about this).




And all that said...another cousin of mine did the weekend potty training with her son and I guess it worked. A friend of mine was up against the same daycare thing as you are, and her sister in law couldn't watch her son anymore, so over the summer they took away every last one of his toys until the very last one...and he finally gave in. It was a hard, hard summer for all of them (and it's very possible he would have learned the potty on his own by the end of the summer, without the trauma and yelling and losing toys).


Lastly, consider switching to cloth. We used cloth, and DS started learning about the potty at 18 months. I was the one that slowed him down b/c it made me so nervous! He actually spent nights dry first, but that's b/c we have a family bed and I FINALLY learned that when he got squirmy it was b/c he had to pee, so I would put him on the potty, pull his dipe back up, and he would sleep the rest of the night (mostly). A year after he started, I did the final wash and dry of the dipes and put them away. Cloth can be most helpful for kids to not want to spend years wearing diapers!

 

[MSSANDRA]

Remember there is a lot of time between now and School starting in the fall. He is a young 3. He may be ready, he may not. Is leaving him in the mornings mother's out program another year an option?? He is happy there, and with speach delays and a summer birthday, that might be a better choice for next year anyway.
I agree he needs to be somewhere. Speech dealays OFTEN decrease when a child starts preschool. Interation with othere kids as well as adults is needed.

You can not make a child use the potty. Force will create all sorts of issues. That are lots of differnt ways to train, some work for some kids, some do not. Some kids you simply can not make them till they are ready.

Most preschools do require children in the 3's to be trained but there are some that may work with you. Our school does. If leaving him in the mother's morning program will not work, consider looking for a place that might be willing to work with you. You can enroll in both places and see what happens. Be sure to let the other school know ASAP so that place can go to someone else. I am a director and that is an pet peave of mine.

 

[disfan07]

Have you looked at other school possibilities...one's that don't require him to be potty trained?

At one of the preschools I worked at, potty training was not a requirement but that was because technically we were liscensed as a daycare with children 6 weeks-5 years. We had a learn by play preschool program from 9-1 but we had daycare 7:30-9 and 1-6.

At another preschool I worked at, they were only licensed as a preschool and ALL kids had to be potty trained. There was legally no way around that. We could get cited if it was found out that we were knowingly accepting kids who were not potty trained. There was no way to "work" with the parents on that subject

 

[waltskids]

Some kids aren't ready to be potty trained until they are closer to 4. Some kids train early and some late. That doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with your parenting or with your child.

I don't think I would pressure him into using the potty. That may work with some kids but it could also cause him not to want to use the potty at all. My child is also spirited and we are working on potty training right now. The times when we have encouraged her a bit too forcefully, never turned out good.

We are letting DD2.8 go at her own pace. We got a family and toddler potty seat for the big potty from walmart for $30. She loves it and has been using the potty a lot more. We use stickers as a reward and I've also started using coins as a reward. She loves saving them in her piggy bank for Disney World.

A lot more preschools are no longer requiring kids be potty trained. Our preschool which is part of our public school does not require kids be potty trained. We have a parents as teachers program through our public schools in our state and they advocate that not all kids are ready to be trained by 3 or even 3.5. The woman who runs the potty training seminars has 4 boys and all of them trained at different times. One boy not until after he was 4 and his younger brother was training at the same time at 2.

Can you look around your area for a more accepting school that doesn't require 3 year olds be trained? If there isn't one that you like, then I'd just hold off on him going to school and not force the issue. All of my friends with kids assure me that if potty training is difficult then they are not ready. When they are ready it will be easy peasy.

Good luck.

near 4, really??!!! I have never heard of that unless the child has a disability. I can only speak for my child (and for my friends and relatives who have also trained children) and say the best thing we did was put DS in underwear, spend time at home in the beginning, and use the potty often. We didn't ask him, we just kept using the potty and reinforcing good behavior. He was trained by 2.5 years, even with a newborn baby in the house (and everyone said that he would regress), so it can be done. I can't imagine having to use diapers on my son now, let alone buy diapers for two children.
Our public preschools require potty training, with the exception of a child with a disability. Private preschools around here are the same and daycares usually require the child to be trained before they move to the 'preschool room'.

 

[zoemurr]

"According to Contemporary Pediatrics, over 50 percent of the world's children are toilet trained between six months and one year of age, and 80 percent by one to two years, with 18 months as the average. This trend was also true in the United States prior to the mid 1950s when disposable diapers were introduced. However it is now only in the US and other "disposable diaper" nations that toilet training is delayed to 36 or 48 months. After all, many societies don't even need to use diapers."

I have a friend who married a Russian girl and lives in Russia. He said it is very common to have them trained by 1. They hold them over the toilet many times a day and praise them when they go.

I read that baby kittens figure it out immediately, and our babies are smarter than kittens. If you do it early you take out the "toddler tantrum" aspect of it.

Not judging anyone.. both of mine were around 3.. with DD we kept her home in underwear and basically told her we weren't going anywhere until she started using the toilet. (Took about 3 days.) My son woke up one day and said, "I don't want a diaper." and that was the end of that.

I just thought this was intersting.

 

[LuLuO]

near 4, really??!!! I have never heard of that unless the child has a disability. I can only speak for my child (and for my friends and relatives who have also trained children) and say the best thing we did was put DS in underwear, spend time at home in the beginning, and use the potty often. We didn't ask him, we just kept using the potty and reinforcing good behavior. He was trained by 2.5 years, even with a newborn baby in the house (and everyone said that he would regress), so it can be done. I can't imagine having to use diapers on my son now, let alone buy diapers for two children.
Our public preschools require potty training, with the exception of a child with a disability. Private preschools around here are the same and daycares usually require the child to be trained before they move to the 'preschool room'.

Just because a child isn't fully trained by the typical age for potty training, which I believe is 3 years for most girls and a few months older, maybe 38 or 39 months for most boys, doesn't mean that they have a "disability." Potty training should be started when a child is physically and emotionally ready, not by a date on the calendar. Just as with all childhood milestones, there are many degrees of what is normal or typical. Your son was at the younger end of the age spectrum when it comes to potty training. Someone else's child may be on the older end of the age spectrum. It does not mean that the child is disabled in some way.

My daughter is 32 months old and is not fully trained, nor is she disabled. We've had a few setbacks but we're getting there. I'm positive that she won't go to KG in diapers.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

Just because a child isn't fully trained by the typical age for potty training, which I believe is 3 years for most girls and a few months older, maybe 38 or 39 months for most boys, doesn't mean that they have a "disability." Potty training should be started when a child is physically and emotionally ready, not by a date on the calendar. Just as with all childhood milestones, there are many degrees of what is normal or typical. Your son was at the younger end of the age spectrum when it comes to potty training. Someone else's child may be on the older end of the age spectrum. It does not mean that the child is disabled in some way.

My daughter is 32 months old and is not fully trained, nor is she disabled. We've had a few setbacks but we're getting there. I'm positive that she won't go to KG in diapers.

I agree, DD just turned 5 and was fully potty trained, she was peeing on potty by 3, but the poop thing just wasn't happening. Ped and GI DR. told us to lay off it and she did go eventually, made her mind up by herself, and DD is a "typical" child.

 

[RMulieri]

near 4, really??!!! I have never heard of that unless the child has a disability. I can only speak for my child (and for my friends and relatives who have also trained children) and say the best thing we did was put DS in underwear, spend time at home in the beginning, and use the potty often. We didn't ask him, we just kept using the potty and reinforcing good behavior. He was trained by 2.5 years, even with a newborn baby in the house (and everyone said that he would regress), so it can be done. I can't imagine having to use diapers on my son now, let alone buy diapers for two children.
Our public preschools require potty training, with the exception of a child with a disability. Private preschools around here are the same and daycares usually require the child to be trained before they move to the 'preschool room'.

My child was close to 4 and is no where NEAR developmentally delayed.She is actually near the top of her kindergarten class.Each child learns at their own pace and to push them into something can backfire.I am glad you had an easy go of it, but that is not the case for every child.There is no need to scoff or make someone feel bad about it.There is no award that I know of for potty training early or with ease.In my daughters case, no amount of begging, pleading, wearing panties and getting rid of diapers,or bribing with treats would work.It was a control issue for her.She eventually trained when she was ready.I simply stop pushing it.I also listened to the advice of my pediatrician and my friend who is a child psychologist, who told me to let it go and she will train when ready.No kid goes to kindergarten in diapers.

 

[waltskids]

My child was close to 4 and is no where NEAR developmentally delayed.She is actually near the top of her kindergarten class.Each child learns at their own pace and to push them into something can backfire.I am glad you had an easy go of it, but that is not the case for every child.There is no need to scoff or make someone feel bad about it.There is no award that I know of for potty training early or with ease.In my daughters case, no amount of begging, pleading, wearing panties and getting rid of diapers,or bribing with treats would work.It was a control issue for her.She eventually trained when she was ready.I simply stop pushing it.I also listened to the advice of my pediatrician and my friend who is a child psychologist, who told me to let it go and she will train when ready.No kid goes to kindergarten in diapers.

I wasn't attempting to make anyone feel bad about this issue, it's just that 4 was honestly a big shock to me as everything I have read has stated earlier ages. DS was our first so I only did what my doctor and friends gave as advice. Didn't mean to offend anyone! I would love to know why kids are training later now though. Does anyone know why we (age 30's-40's and even younger) were all trained earlier? Or maybe we weren't and our parents just say we were lol!

 

[waltskids]

"According to Contemporary Pediatrics, over 50 percent of the world's children are toilet trained between six months and one year of age, and 80 percent by one to two years, with 18 months as the average. This trend was also true in the United States prior to the mid 1950s when disposable diapers were introduced. However it is now only in the US and other "disposable diaper" nations that toilet training is delayed to 36 or 48 months. After all, many societies don't even need to use diapers."

I have a friend who married a Russian girl and lives in Russia. He said it is very common to have them trained by 1. They hold them over the toilet many times a day and praise them when they go.

I read that baby kittens figure it out immediately, and our babies are smarter than kittens. If you do it early you take out the "toddler tantrum" aspect of it.

Not judging anyone.. both of mine were around 3.. with DD we kept her home in underwear and basically told her we weren't going anywhere until she started using the toilet. (Took about 3 days.) My son woke up one day and said, "I don't want a diaper." and that was the end of that.

I just thought this was intersting.

This is very interesting as I just posted a question about why our kids are training later now. Thanks for the info!

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree, DD just turned 5 and was fully potty trained, she was peeing on potty by 3, but the poop thing just wasn't happening. Ped and GI DR. told us to lay off it and she did go eventually, made her mind up by herself, and DD is a "typical" child.

I had this issue with 3 of my 5, but the later they were PT'd, the longer they had this issue. I do think we are starting too late, because of the ease with disposable diapers, and missing a window. The children I PT'd at 2 were so much easier than those I PT'd at 3.

My mom says that I was trained a whole year earlier than my younger sister, because they didn't invent disposable diapers until my sister was born.

 

[Bren's Mom]

OP, the amount of time between now and September is ALOT in the life of a child. Go ahead and register him and then just be patient. Give him lots of positive praise, talk about the potty in a positive way. Tell him that 'Wow, when you turn 3 you get to use the potty all the time, no diapers! Yay!!'. And then in July for his birthday buy him the most fun 'big boy' underwear and see what happens. My ds trained almost overnight. Really. It was that easy. We didn't push him, he was just ready.