Must be potty trained for Preschool

[dreamer423]

Ds did it in stages. He's a very smart kid and I know for sure for him it was about control and being comfortable. Before he was truly ready-i tried-due to pressure from my parents. Did nothing. he was happy to sit on the potty and "read". In fact potty became his reading time.

Several months later-before he turned 3, but close-he was just ready and that was that. however-he would not poop in the potty. and he was in pull ups @ night. He would go to preschool from 9-12 or 9-1 and hold it or wait until he got home for nap and right before nap he'd go. So he'd nap in pullups. it took him a long time-before 4 but still a long time b4 he'd pop in the potty and not the pullup. And don't get me started on automatic flushers

Right before he turned 4 he said he wanted to sleep in undies b/c 4 yo sleep in big boy undies. He did and that was that.

I think he has had 1 or 2 ever and I know its b/c he went at his pace and was comfortable and not rushed.

My friend tried the method where you put kids in undies cold turkey and let me tell you-she was running after them cleaning the floor forever. They peed like animals on the floor and moved on to the next activity. Some kids don't care if they're wet.

To each his own. Summer is along time and at this age-each month brings huge leaps in development.

 

[LuLuO]

I wasn't attempting to make anyone feel bad about this issue, it's just that 4 was honestly a big shock to me as everything I have read has stated earlier ages. DS was our first so I only did what my doctor and friends gave as advice. Didn't mean to offend anyone! I would love to know why kids are training later now though. Does anyone know why we (age 30's-40's and even younger) were all trained earlier? Or maybe we weren't and our parents just say we were lol!

There is a wide range of typical for potty training, just as with walking or using utensils, or talking or any other milestone. At 2 years 8 months my daughter has vocabulary in the 4-5 year old range. Her friend is two months older but his speech is far behind her. It doesn't mean that my daughter is a genius or that her friend has a delay. The majority of kids will be in the middle and the most of the rest will be on either end.

FYI according to my mom I was day trained at just over 3 years but I wasn't night trained until I was almost in KG which was closer to age five. I turned 5 the day before I started KG. I will be 34 this year. So, was there something wrong with me? ETA: My mom did not use disposable diapers.

Maybe it's not that kids are training later, maybe we have expanded our pool of information from being on forums like this.

Anyway, I don't want to turn this into a debate or anything. I just don't want OP or anyone else feeling like there is something wrong with their child because they aren't fully trained by the time they are 2.5 or 3 or whatever magic number someone wants to put on it. Kids don't come out of a cookie cutter mold, and thank goodness for that.

 

[BlondeAlligator]

My DD has autism, and she had a lot of sensory issues that made potty training a nightmare. We eventually worked with a behavioralist who had us keep her nude from waist down, put the potty in the TV room, and load her up with water and juice while we played or watched TV. Every 15 min. or so I would have her sit on the potty & try to go...we did this for HOURS...she had many accidents the first couple of days. Once I managed to time it perfectly & she had just one success, I praised the heck out of her! She still had more accidents, but the praise she got for doing it right started winning out & she was getting the hang of it in about a week.

This method is very time consuming, but it worked for us. She said not to use candy or treats because then they learn to expect it and some will even withhold if they stop getting those kind of rewards. Celebratory verbal praise, hugs and kisses are just as rewarding to a kid.

Also, I have heard that once a child wakes up from a nap dry, he/she is ready to train.

Night training is a completely seperate issue and can often not come until months after day training.

Every child is different, and you can't rush this process. Some children are ready earlier than others...and don't concern yourself with comparisons to other cultures where kids are "trained" at 1 year...are they really trained if they can't even walk to and sit on the potty by themselves? No. And the comparison to kittens? Are you kidding me? My dog was house broken in a week at 3 months old...that doesn't mean I should expect my child to do the same despite the fact that she is of higher intelligence. Really silly, folks!

Good luck!!!

 

[Disneychix]

To th OP: I am in the same boat with my DS. He had/has a severe speech delay and is also very shy. He's been in a 2yr old pre-school class since September and has only just said his first words to the teacher last month.
He is #1 trained at home and out with us but I've tried to send him to school without a pull-up and he just won't tell the teachers when he has to go. I did tell the teacher and she notifys me that she asks him frequently but he just says "no".
I'm really going to work on this over the summer but I truly think it's more a fault of his lack of communication than the training.

Good luck to you!

 

[Hannathy]

I had this issue with 3 of my 5, but the later they were PT'd, the longer they had this issue. I do think we are starting too late, because of the ease with disposable diapers, and missing a window. The children I PT'd at 2 were so much easier than those I PT'd at 3.

My mom says that I was trained a whole year earlier than my younger sister, because they didn't invent disposable diapers until my sister was born.

I agree I think you should start training BEFORE they get into the control stage. If you start before 2 they aren't developmentally ready to fight you over it, they don't want to say no to everything and be in control. All 3 that I trained were done by 2 and all were started well before 2.

Human bodies haven't changed and 25-50 yrs ago and more kids were almost always trained before or around 2 so why the need for kids to be old now? IMO its the disposable diapers only reason and too much disposable income.

 

[Disneychix]

I agree I think you should start training BEFORE they get into the control stage. If you start before 2 they aren't developmentally ready to fight you over it, they don't want to say no to everything and be in control. All 3 that I trained were done by 2 and all were started well before 2.

Human bodies haven't changed and 25-50 yrs ago and more kids were almost always trained before or around 2 so why the need for kids to be old now? IMO its the disposable diapers only reason and too much disposable income.

25-50 yrs ago most families didn't have 2 parents that worked. There also wasn't so many opportunites for small children such as pre-schools and mommy and me classes. Mothers typically stayed home with their small children. This made it easier/more realistic to potty-train at an earlier age.
I honestly don't believe having disposable income to buy disposable diapers is the reason why my child is not potty-trained.

I don't see how this is helping the OP since clearly she stated her DS was over age 2.

 

[Hannathy]

25-50 yrs ago most families didn't have 2 parents that worked. There also wasn't so many opportunites for small children such as pre-schools and mommy and me classes. Mothers typically stayed home with their small children. This made it easier/more realistic to potty-train at an earlier age.
I honestly don't believe having disposable income to buy disposable diapers is the reason why my child is not potty-trained.

I don't see how this is helping the OP since clearly she stated her DS was over age 2.

I was commenting on the side discussion that has been going on within this thread. And thank you for making my point for me- it isn't that the kids have changed it is the mothers.

 

[princessmom29]

First of all, this child is still 2. Second of all, at the very least, there are speech delays. Thirdly, while this approach may have worked for you, it is not appropriate for all kids. All kids are different, while there are some vague general developmental milestones, there is no set in stone "cut off date" whereby every even "typical" child performs any activity or meets every milestone. Trying for force a child who isn't developmentally ready to perform a task is not going to be helpful for either the child, the parent, or their relationship.

I have to respectfully disagree with the poster who essentially wants to force the child into training. If he already shows some speech delays and has no interest, then he isn't ready. You could cause serious delays by doing that. If potty training takes more tan a day or two, then the child isn't ready.

At our preschool, they had the requirement that the children be potty trained, but they allowed Pull Ups. They would not, however, change your child, so if they pooped, they'd call you to come do it.

I guess we will just have to disagree then. Everything I am saying and said in my previous post applys to "typical" children with no dvelopmental delays that would keep them from training. I don't think a speech nelay necessairly means there are other delys that would keep a child from training. I am speaking not form just my own child but form working in a daycare/preschool. The vast majority of children ARE absolutely ready to train by 3. All of this "he shows not interest so he's not ready" or "he doesn't want to" amounts to one of 2 things. 1) Parent is not interested in putting the time and effort into training the child. or 2) Parent doesn't want to put their foot down and tell the child that they have no choice. To the poster that said it was thier body and thier choice. Yes, it ultimately is, but it is my job as a parent to make going in the potty a more attractive choice. Leaving them in daipers does nothing to motivate them. Putting them in underwear means either they put it in the pot or end up covered in it. You would be suprised how many kids very quickly decide they would rather use the potty. This of couse applys to children who are perfectly capable but choose not to go. We are parent and it is our responsibilty to set limits adn acceptable standard of behavior. I would no more let my child tell me no I am not uisng the potty than I would allow not I am not going to bed.

 

[SnowWhite607]

At leastin my state, by law they CAN turn you away if they are not also an infant/toddler care center as well. If they are regulated as a school not a care center then they CANNOT clean up or change a child that has an accident. They MUST call a parent to do it, every time. They are NOT allowed to change diapers unless there is a registered nuse on staff the aid a child with a disability.

I work at a private preschool and that is our rule as well and we can and do turn kids away or send them home if they have too many accidents.

 

[Hannathy]

I guess we will just have to disagree then. Everything I am saying and said in my previous post applys to "typical" children with no dvelopmental delays that would keep them from training. I don't think a speech nelay necessairly means there are other delys that would keep a child from training. I am speaking not form just my own child but form working in a daycare/preschool. The vast majority of children ARE absolutely ready to train by 3. All of this "he shows not interest so he's not ready" or "he doesn't want to" amounts to one of 2 things. 1) Parent is not interested in putting the time and effort into training the child. or 2) Parent doesn't want to put their foot down and tell the child that they have no choice. To the poster that said it was thier body and thier choice. Yes, it ultimately is, but it is my job as a parent to make going in the potty a more attractive choice. Leaving them in daipers does nothing to motivate them. Putting them in underwear means either they put it in the pot or end up covered in it. You would be suprised how many kids very quickly decide they would rather use the potty. This of couse applys to children who are perfectly capable but choose not to go. We are parent and it is our responsibilty to set limits adn acceptable standard of behavior. I would no more let my child tell me no I am not uisng the potty than I would allow not I am not going to bed.

I agree with you.

What I don't get is why doesn't the same argument then apply for all things? I read on here all the time that parents force their kids to eat what they give them or nothing. Isn't it the same it is their body don't they get to put in it what they want? If I hear the oh they can get constipated and have issues well making food a battle can lead to eating disorders that can last for life, how is that any different?

Kids haven't changed only the parents initiative has changed with disposable diapers and more money.

 

[RMulieri]

I guess I am confused as to why threads like this turn into criticizing parenting skills Can we not agree that our jobs as parents are hard and challenging enough and we meet those demands the best that we can? Like I said before there are no parenting awards given out.If your child manages to grow up an become a productive member of society, is it really going to matter when they potty trained, or whether they ate brussel sprouts growing up?

 

[kpm76]

I guess I am confused as to why threads like this turn into criticizing parenting skills Can we not agree that our jobs as parents are hard and challenging enough and we meet those demands the best that we can? Like I said before there are no parenting awards given out.If your child manages to grow up an become a productive member of society, is it really going to matter when they potty trained, or whether they ate brussel sprouts growing up?

This is the most sensible things written on this thread. Why does it matter to other people that some kids train later than others?? Is it really worth trying to figure out reasons why that may be the case? Who cares. Not your kid, not your problem.

 

[princessmom29]

I guess I am confused as to why threads like this turn into criticizing parenting skills Can we not agree that our jobs as parents are hard and challenging enough and we meet those demands the best that we can? Like I said before there are no parenting awards given out.If your child manages to grow up an become a productive member of society, is it really going to matter when they potty trained, or whether they ate brussel sprouts growing up?

I really am not trying to critize anyone's parenting. It ultimately boils down to your choice your child, and if waiting to train is what is right for your family then by all means do, but understand your reasons for doing so. In most cases it is not because the child isn't ready, but becuase the PARENT is choosing not to train, becuase the child says no or because it is not convinent, or for a myriad of other reasons. Saying that kids aren't develomentally ready just makes us feel better about choosing to wait. Kids are not further behind developmentally that they were 50 years ago, but many, many families have 2 parents at work, and/or much more going on. There is just less time at home. No, it probably isn't going to matter for the majority of kids in 20 years, but for some that missed year of preschool because they weren't trained can make a difference in elementary school.

 

[princessmom29]

This is the most sensible things written on this thread. Why does it matter to other people that some kids train later than others?? Is it really worth trying to figure out reasons why that may be the case? Who cares. Not your kid, not your problem.

Because the OP asked about potty training an almost 3 year old. She wanted advice, and there were differeing opinions.

 

[kpm76]

Because the OP asked about potty training an almost 3 year old. She wanted advice, and there were differeing opinions.

Absolutely, but some posters are criticizing parents who, for whatever reason, have children who are not potty trained. Some have a holier than thou attitude and that does nothing to help the OP or anyone else seeking advice on training.

FWIW, DD will be 3 next month and has been fully (day and night) trained for almost 3 months. We started introducing the potty when she was 18 months but never forced it on her. After Christmas, we put her in underpants exclusively during the day. We had our share of accidents but eventually they got fewer and fewer. I can't really say we "trained" DD; she was just ready to go.

 

[eeyoremum]

Just don't let him tell you no. You are the parent and the one in control of the situation. If he is capable of going to the potty, and is refusing just put him in underwear. The vast majority of kids put cold turkey into underwear at an age where they are ready to train will start complying fairly quickly if they are not put back into diapers. Once they wet theselves a few times and see that you are not going to give in they get with the program. 3 is more than ready for almost every non-handicapped child to be potty trained, IMO. I have never seen a "typical" 3 year old that was truly not ready to day train at least. I have had several parents argue that the child wasn't ready, but what I was seeing form the child contradicted that. The vast majority can do it at 3 if everyone involved will put thier foot down and say no more diapers.

I agree if there is no underlying problems kids can be trained by 3. I had both mine trained at 26 months. One had was speech delayed and was potty trained before he talked. I ran out of diapers one day and told him he would wear big boy pants from then on. He had an accident or two and didn't like the feeling so would then use the toilet. I never used a "training potty" just the normal toilet with a potty seat and cheerios (aiming) to learn to stand like daddy.

My younger son went to school with a child age 5 who still wore diapers in kindergarden Mummy was a little wishy washy and said little junior was just not ready.

 

[littlbugmom]

I think there's a difference between being physically capable of potty training and being "ready" to potty train. A child can be "capable" by 3yrs old meaning, his/her body could do what needs to be done--recognize that they have to go, manage their clothing, hold in their pee and poop..ect.. I don't think that means they are necessarily ready, though. Yes, you could take the standpoint of "I'm the parent so I make the decisions" but with a small child who doesn't want to use the toilet yet, why would you want that kind of negative message being thrown at him about his body? If you have to use that kind of approach for something as basic as using the toilet, then to me...the child isn't "ready".

If the OP wants her child to attend pre-school she'll need to help him feel ready or find a program that will accept him in pullups. She has more than 4 months until the Fall program starts, that's a lot of time to find ways to encourage him. I wish I had some advice for her but both of my kids just started wearing underpants, there really wan't any training to it. DD was 3 and DS was 4.

 

[WantToGoNow]

All 3 of my children were in underwear and nearly accident free (some nighttime problems) by their 2nd birthdays. My advice - don't use pull-ups or any other type of disposible "training pants". These are nothing but expensive diapers. Put him in underwear and go from there - if he has accidents, he has accidents - but stay firm with the underwear. Sounds like you want him to go to this preschool and if they say no diapers then you need to take the responsibility to get him out of them. The majority of preschools are not allowed to change diapers or even help the children in the bathroom. If you don't want to "force" him, then look for a daycare/preschool combination like Kindercare or LaPetite.

 

[princessmom29]

I think there's a difference between being physically capable of potty training and being "ready" to potty train. A child can be "capable" by 3yrs old meaning, his/her body could do what needs to be done--recognize that they have to go, manage their clothing, hold in their pee and poop..ect.. I don't think that means they are necessarily ready, though. Yes, you could take the standpoint of "I'm the parent so I make the decisions" but with a small child who doesn't want to use the toilet yet, why would you want that kind of negative message being thrown at him about his body? If you have to use that kind of approach for something as basic as using the toilet, then to me...the child isn't "ready".

If the OP wants her child to attend pre-school she'll need to help him feel ready or find a program that will accept him in pullups. She has more than 4 months until the Fall program starts, that's a lot of time to find ways to encourage him. I wish I had some advice for her but both of my kids just started wearing underpants, there really wan't any training to it. DD was 3 and DS was 4.

I don't know that tellnig a child that they need to use the toilet is a "negative message" any more that tellling then they have to eat their veggies, or got to bed, or go to school. The fact is that these are all things that everyone has to do, like it or not. I don't know when or why potty training became such a big deal and the source of so much angst. Why is it any different that telling a child what to eat or when to sleep, and why does it have to be such a drama? It wan't in my house. I told DD that she was a big girl and needed to use the potty now. End of drama. I can remember potty training my little sister and it was basicaly the same thang. No drama, no tears, just "you have to use the potty now".

 

[Hannathy]

I don't know that tellnig a child that they need to use the toilet is a "negative message" any more that tellling then they have to eat their veggies, or got to bed, or go to school. The fact is that these are all things that everyone has to do, like it or not. I don't know when or why potty training became such a big deal and the source of so much angst. Why is it any different that telling a child what to eat or when to sleep, and why does it have to be such a drama? It wan't in my house. I told DD that she was a big girl and needed to use the potty now. End of drama. I can remember potty training my little sister and it was basicaly the same thang. No drama, no tears, just "you have to use the potty now".

I so agree with you. Don't understand why telling a child to use the potty now is any more "damaging" than telling them they can't play video games non-stop or they have to go to bed! I also don't get why anyone would WANT to change or pay for diapers any longer than absolutely necessary, not me.