Mother of the Year here!

[DisneyDotty]

Haven't there been studies correlating exposure to violence on TV/in movies with violent behavior? Yes? No? Anyone know?
This thread has fascinated and disturbed me--kinda like passing a horrible wreck on the highway...
Wow.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

Thank you for posting something so personal Brier Rose. I understand 100% where you are coming from believe it or not. I have never FORCED my children to watch anything. Thankfully, the oldest two have never had a nightmare or any problems, so far. My youngest has. Therefore, I do not let her or anyone else watch scary movies around her. If I felt that it was having a negative effect on them, I wouldn't let them watch it at all. I have said that I regret taking her to see the movie, but it's over now and I can't take that back. Yes, I should have done things differently, but hind sight is 20/20.

I have a very strong interest in Serial killers, horror movies, forensics, and crime scene investion dramas. I don't feel that I have sick fascination with them though. Something about how their minds work and how you can solve a crime by something so little as fly larvae intrigues me. I am not a violent person or a sexual deviant. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I can't even kill a mouse with a mouse trap. I do understand that things effect people differently though. Again, I thank Brier Rose for posting her story. I know it's not easy to put something so personal out there.

 

[dmslush]

CANNOT believe I'm about to post something this personal, but this just keeps bothering me, so here goes.

While there are A LOT of kids I'm sure that would not be "damaged" due to watching movies like this, I know from personal experience that sometimes that is not always the case.

When I was about 5 years old my Grandmother forced me to watch Salem's Lot. She was the type that loved anything spooky, and we had fun watching the old vampire soap Dark Shadows together, so she thought I would just love this movie.

That started the sleeping problems. Then as I got a little older I would watch other gory horror movies. My parents never cared what we were watching, and for some reason I felt compelled to watch them.The more I watched, the more my mind obsessed on everything morbid. I never would have imagined on my own the horrible things that could be done to another person, and it was all I could think about..torture and murder.

At 11 years old, my sister and I were alone in the bedroom of our house watching a scary movie. We had the door closed. My goofy Grandmother thought it would be funny to sneak over and try to scare us by making noises outside the door. I got my dad's gun that was under the bed, and almost shot her. You would think that would've put an end to the scary movie watching, but it didn't.

I just watched more and more, and I started having more and more problems. Couldn't sleep, always thinking about all of the horrible ways somebody could die, or ways somebody could torture me. I started losing lots of weight, and my mother took me to a doctor. He suggested then that I may need therepy, but she didn't believe it.

I did finally get help on my own once I was grown. I had gotten pretty good at controling it on my own by making sure I don't watch ANY movie that has those kind of things in it. It has caused some problems since my children have been born. Now instead of being fixated on all the horrible things that could happen to me, I obsess on things that could be done to them. I'm working through it.

I would NEVER let my kids watch those kind of movies because of my experience. Was I just an unstable over sensitive child..mabe?? But I do remember that exact night when I was 5 years old watching Salem's Lot, and how it was blazed in my mind forever. It truly changed me.

My kids wouldn't begin to imagine that someone would drill into somebody, or cut someones toes off one by one, or any other sick thing these movies have in them. I intend to keep it that way for as long as I can.

I'm sorry that you have had to deal with all of the anxiety that has occurred because (or added to by) your experiences with horror flicks. Reasons like yours are why I didn't let dd watch anything like that when she was very young. I let her watch the occassional horror flick now (she is 14, and mainly watches hitchcock type movies), but I don't allow anything with sex and nudity.

 

[Free4Life11]

I don't understand. How can sex trouble you but the other does not? When people view these things they are becoming desensitized to them. It DOES matter what people - especially impressionable YOUNG CHILDREN - see! I don't understand why people can't realize this.

I completely agree! No, watching a movie isn't necessarily going to make you go out and kill someone. But I don't understand where this idea, that what you watch, listen to, read, etc. doesn't effect you, came from.

 

[Free4Life11]

From: http://www.screenit.com/movies/2006/hostel.html

WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT?
If they're into or are curious about brutally sadistic horror films they might.

 

[Planogirl]

I don't think that most people thought that Hostel was appropriate for kids. People had different takes though on how harmful it could be to an impressionable child and at what age such things might be appropriate.

I would not take my almost 13 year old to see it and he likes horror films. I just think it's just a bit too much for him (and me!) and he agrees.

I just don't see any sense in flaming the OP. She did what she did, she had the right to and now admits that it was a bad decision. It's done and nothing can change what's happened so why flame?

Of course, she said that she didn't mind the flaming and I admire that. She seems to be the type that allows things to just roll off of her back and I wish that more posters were like that.

 

[Brier Rose]

Thank you everyone.

I wish 1000 times over that my parents had not let me see the things in movies that I did when I was little. For lots of kids no problem, but I will never know if my life would have different you know?

At least with the horror movies of my youth, they were very fantasy like, like Nightmare On Elmstreet. I could try and console myself with the fact that Freddy Kruger was not real.
Some of the horror movies now though! The MOST scary part to me is that something like that could actually happen. Just can't handle it I guess.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

At least with the horror movies of my youth, they were very fantasy like, like Nightmare On Elmstreet. I could try and console myself with the fact that Freddy Kruger was not real

Umm Freddy IS real!

1...2... Freddy is coming for you
3....4... Better lock the door
5....6... Grab your crucifix
7...8.... Stay up late
9...10... Never sleep again...


As a kid I watched the Hellraiser series, Childs Play, Nightmare on Elm St, Halloween, Friday the 13th etc.. Scared me silly but that was it. Will I go see Hostel? Heck NO! Then again I left SAW 2 in tears and didn't sleep for 2 weeks and I'm almost 30.

OP, you made the choices you thought were right. If you learned something from your self-admitted mistake that's great. You have an attitude that I wish more people here had.

 

[poohandwendy]

I guess I only have one question for the OP, why didn't you leave when you knew it was inappropriate? You say that you didn't, but you don't explain why. I mean, you say that the sex parts went on for 30-45 minutes. That is a pretty long time, way beyond 'don't worry, the sex parts will be over soon and the gory parts are coming'. And for all you knew, even when the gore started, the sex parts could have just continued or got worse throughout the entire movie. So what was the reason you stayed?

 

[luvflorida]

... the biggest problem I have with the whole episode, is the fact that the girls were left to watch the entire movie. If I had mistakenly taken my daughter and one of her friends to a movie that turned out to be something I thought to be inappropriate for them, (and this sounds like it was hugely inappropriate for their ages), I would have immediately taken them and left the theatre.

I know we all make mistakes and I believe the OP realizes a mistake was made. However, I think if she had left the theatre at the beginning of the movie, it wouldn't have been as bad an experience as it turned out to be.

Yes, I'm quoting myself here. I brought this point up way back in post #77, and I've noticed several other people have mentioned it since.

Still curious, why didn't you just leave?

 

[Tigger_Magic]

Still curious, why didn't you just leave?

I've wondered that also and also wonder why the OP never answers that question.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

No answer that I give for this is going to satisfy anyone. I'm just going to come off as selfish, but oh well. I honestly don't know how long the nudity went on. It did seem like forever. How long is too long? They had already seen the nudity. Leaving wasn't going to erase that image. Chalk it up to me being an irresponisble parent or just plain selfish, but I wanted to see the movie. There, I said it, now bash away. If either girl had come to me and said that they didn't want to watch it any longer, I would have taken them out. I did keep my eyes on them. (the back of thier heads anyway) I sat there contemplating whether or not to leave. Finally, the sex scenes slowed and the plot kicked in. I have to get to work now, but I will try to eloborate further this evening if this isn't enough for anyone. But honestly, there isn't a good answer. Sorry.

 

[luvflorida]

No answer that I give for this is going to satisfy anyone. I'm just going to come off as selfish, but oh well. I honestly don't know how long the nudity went on. It did seem like forever. How long is too long? They had already seen the nudity. Leaving wasn't going to erase that image. Chalk it up to me being an irresponisble parent or just plain selfish, but I wanted to see the movie. There, I said it, now bash away. If either girl had come to me and said that they didn't want to watch it any longer, I would have taken them out. I did keep my eyes on them. (the back of thier heads anyway) I sat there contemplating whether or not to leave. Finally, the sex scenes slowed and the plot kicked in. I have to get to work now, but I will try to eloborate further this evening if this isn't enough for anyone. But honestly, there isn't a good answer. Sorry.

Thanks, I was just wondering. Also, like many posters have said, I admire how calm and cool you've been concerning the responses to this thread. Many people would have gotten nasty or just left completely.

I don't agree with what you did, but thanks for sticking around and reading all the responses.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

No answer that I give for this is going to satisfy anyone. I'm just going to come off as selfish, but oh well. I honestly don't know how long the nudity went on. It did seem like forever. How long is too long? They had already seen the nudity. Leaving wasn't going to erase that image. Chalk it up to me being an irresponisble parent or just plain selfish, but I wanted to see the movie. There, I said it, now bash away. If either girl had come to me and said that they didn't want to watch it any longer, I would have taken them out. I did keep my eyes on them. (the back of thier heads anyway) I sat there contemplating whether or not to leave. Finally, the sex scenes slowed and the plot kicked in. I have to get to work now, but I will try to eloborate further this evening if this isn't enough for anyone. But honestly, there isn't a good answer. Sorry.

Leaving may not have erased any images, but it certainly would have given the message that lengthy exposure to gratuitous sex and violence is not appropriate for children. Do you honestly expect an 11 y.o. child to have the mature judgment to determine what is appropriate to watch and what isn't? Hello -- that's why you are the parent and they are the child.

As for the plot -- it's 50% sex and 50% violence. So watching the gratuitous sex made you uncomfortable, but the gratuitous violence (graphic torture, mutiliation, murder) was OK?

 

[vivilasvegas]

Leaving may not have erased any images, but it certainly would have given the message that lengthy exposure to gratuitous sex and violence is not appropriate for children. Do you honestly expect an 11 y.o. child to have the mature judgment to determine what is appropriate to watch and what isn't? Hello -- that's why you are the parent and they are the child.

As for the plot -- it's 50% sex and 50% violence. So watching the gratuitous sex made you uncomfortable, but the gratuitous violence (graphic torture, mutiliation, murder) was OK?

Are you up nights thinking about this??

This thread has gone on for 3 days!!! What more do you people want from her??

 

[dis ms.]

Are you up nights thinking about this??

This thread has gone on for 3 days!!! What more do you people want from her??

 

[slo]

Good morning!!

I've been slightly following this thread and I have to say - I can't believe the amount of posts that this thread has received!!

I'm not going to get into my views on this situation because that has been expressed enough here. My only question for GoofieRuthie is, why are you in such a rush for your child to grow up by watching these type of movies and listening to uncensored music??

I have wondered this not only from you, but from other people that I know. I have never asked them because the setting was maybe not appropriate. But since we are on this topic, I felt the timing for this question is good.

Our children are young for such a short amount of time, that I don't understand why they can not see images that are more wholesome and pure instead of scary and horrible. People are adults alot longer than they are children and therefore they have a lot of time to see these movies later in life.

My DD is 7yrs old and she is only allowed to see movies/tv that have positive images. She has seen the commercial for Hostel and it scared her to death Many people would probably say that I shelter my child - but I don't want her to see the evil that's out in the world through movies or tv.

Anyway, I'm not here to flame anyone because how you raise your child is your choice. If you feel she can handle these movies and is not traumatized by them, then you would know better than anyone. I am just curious about the question I asked.

Have a good day!!!

 

[poohandwendy]

This thread has gone on for 3 days!!! What more do you people want from her??

Just speaking for myself, I only came upon this thread this morning, so it
is new to me. I don't want anything from her, she initiated the discussion.

Interesting subject though. I am not a huge fan of overcensoring, but I think when you feel in your gut that the material is over-the-top, that is when you go to bat for your kids and say no. It's about protecting them when you know they are exposed to something beyond their ability to process.

 

[mommy22gurlz]

I haven't had time to read all of the responses but I have to agree with the posters that are saying I would be mad if I were the other parents ( I hope I didn't miss a post stating that she had persmission).

My dd13 was at a friends this past weekend and she called me to tell me that she was heading to the mall to see Hostel, which we told she wasn't allowed to watch so her and her friends had to watch something else. Just that morning my friend called me and told me that her and her husband had saw it the night before and she said the whole thing consisted of sex, torture and mutilation, she said it was horrible.

Now we do let her see rated R movies, it just depends on the reasons that it is rated R, sex and mutilation are definitely not for a child to be seeing in my opinion, but definitely if we went to the movies and she brought along a friend at 11 years old, I always cleared it with the other mom that it was okay for their child to see the movie.

What you choose to do with your child is fine but when another's child is your responsibility you should have handled it differently. JMHO.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

Are you up nights thinking about this??

This thread has gone on for 3 days!!! What more do you people want from her??

Sorry! I didn't realize these threads had a time limit. Maybe they should just self-destruct or automatically lock after X days?