Mother of the Year here!

[dis ms.]

Whether or not I agree with the OP's decisions/actions regarding the movie, I have to applaud the way she has responded to the criticism she's received. She could have come back and whined about being flamed, but she didn't. That's refreshing, if nothing else.

 

[mommaU4]

I am very thick skinned and am not offended by any of the posts. If you don't like me or the way I parent, so be it. I will live. I still love this board and will always love WDW.

Good for you!

 

[N.Bailey]

They sure did, in fact many churches in the area took their youth groups to see it.

I didn't take my kids to the theater to see it. I thought I'd have to explain too much for them to follow it and I didn't think it would be fair to those around us. I did buy it on DVD and my daughter has watched it. Though my son is a year older, I think it would be too troubling for him to see it right now, but I'll put it in for him at some point in the future.

IMO, if you're a Christian, it's one you should see IF you're old enough to understand it and old enough to be able to handle it. It's one thing to read it, but it's entirely different to watch it. To date, I've only been able to watch it one time.

My mother in law; who teaches at her church, saw it at the theater and decided once was enough too! She never mentioned that to anyone else though and ended up with about 7 copies of it on DVD the Christmas it was 1st released,

 

[L107ANGEL]

Uhm this thread has turned from parenting skills to religion. Lets let her off on a tech. Nope, not my venue of choice!

 

[Dan Murphy]

.........As for the friend, she said that she would go to the movies with DD11 if I didn't care. She really wanted to see Hostel. I asked her if her mom would care and she said no. So, she called her mom and asked if she could see HOSTEL, and she said yes........

The friend wanted to see the movie, she said her mom did not care, she called her mom, and she said her mom said yes? Under similar circumstances, I know when the kids were that age, and into their teens, we took it upon ourselves to do the calling of others parents, not that we did not trust a kid.

 

[Chuck S]

Uhm this thread has turned from parenting skills to religion. Lets let her off on a tech. Nope, not my venue of choice!

Agreed, but the point is, an R rated movie is an R rated movie, no such thing as "almost NC-17". So don't blast the OP for taking her child to a movie that is R rated. Hostel may not be your cup of tea, it certainly isn't my kind of movie, either, but that doesn't mean the OP was/is a bad mom. Folks ignore R rating standards all the time. Theaters are under no legal requirement (unless it is a local law) to enforce the R rating, it is not a federal law, it is voluntary...like the game ratings and stores that sell M rated movies to youngsters.

While we may not agree with this Mom's choice of movie for her daughter, it was certainly her right to take her. If she felt it was inappropriate, she can deal with it any way she sees fit, or NOT deal with it...the choice is hers.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

The friend wanted to see the movie, she said her mom did not care, she called her mom, and she said her mom said yes? Under similar circumstances, I know when the kids were that age, and into their teens, we took it upon ourselves to do the calling of others parents, not that we did not trust a kid.

I guess that's another strike against my parenting. I have never called a parent for any reason. My mom never called any of my friends parents either. It has never crossed my mind. I know everyone thinks I'm a horrible parent and that my children must be horrible and so are their friends, but it's quite the contrary. I was right beside her when she called and I have no reason not to believe her. I even told her to tell her what time I would have her home. On the same note, another strike coming...If DD13 is going to be babysitting and asks if a friend can come over, I tell her to make it perfectly clear to their parents that my husband and I won't be home. Again, I don't call them myself. I leave it to trust and I always will until I have a reason not to. I do know this friends mother and have no doubt that she said she could go.

 

[dis ms.]

The friend wanted to see the movie, she said her mom did not care, she called her mom, and she said her mom said yes? Under similar circumstances, I know when the kids were that age, and into their teens, we took it upon ourselves to do the calling of others parents, not that we did not trust a kid.

I was thinking this, too. I would have spoken to the friend's mom so that I could make sure the mom knew what kind of movie Hostel is.

That said, I also think it was the friend's mom's responsibility to make sure she knew what she was saying yes to.

 

[Feralpeg]

Not just because of this thread, as I've read many posts of yours over the years, but I do want to say that I think your daughter is a very lucky girl to have a mom like you. Somehow I think your daughter knows that too!

Thank you! Very sweet of you to say.

 

[vettechick99]

Whether or not I agree with the OP's decisions/actions regarding the movie, I have to applaud the way she has responded to the criticism she's received. She could have come back and whined about being flamed, but she didn't. That's refreshing, if nothing else.

ditto, dis ms.!

 

[Yzma and Kronk]

The first 30-45 minutes was all sex and ****s. I told my friend that I was glad DD wasn't sitting next to me because I'd be so embarassed and would be covering her eyes. I keep thinking it's going to get to the point....I then announce that I'm the worst mother in the world. Still waiting for the point of the movie......"I might as well let her go watch a porn!", I exclaim. OK, now, I know what you all are thinking.....I should have got up and left with her. Well, I didn't. I don't usually censor what my kids watch or listen to. They are decent kids and actually censor themselves. The movie did finally get to the point and had lots of blood and gore as promised. After it was over I asked her what she did during the "dirty" parts. As I expected, she covered her eyes.

Let me start by saying ITA with dis ms as well regarding the OP.

However, I have a problem with the above. My initial reaction to this was that the OP feels the graphic violence and gore is OK for DD11, but the "dirty" parts weren't. She seemed glad DD11 covered her eyes for those parts. I was glad to read that her DD covered her eyes for most of the movie.

She states that she would be embarassed sitting beside her DD11 during the "dirty" parts but not the gore I would be for both, and I would have walked - and if I still wanted to see the movie - go at a more appropriate time.

Even if I liked these type of movies, I don't think it is appropriate to bring a underaged child to either violence or other.

I'm not telling the OP how to parent - just hope some of these comments give her another perspective on this situation.

I think kids look up to their parents. If Mom and Dad think graphic violence is OK to watch (and sometimes graphic sex) and parents promote it by taking their very young children to these type of movies, then the kids will on some sort of level think it is OK too. This is where I have the problem.

I would assume that most kids don't enjoy these movies but wear them as some sort of badge of honor that they were able/did see/sneak into at a young age. Alot of posters have said this. "I saw these type of movies and I'm OK for it" Of course. BUT I think as some also posted why do we think it OK to take away the innocence. Let kids be kids. I don't care how mature your child is - they still don't have the capacity at a young age to fully understand. They will get subjected to this stuff soon enough, and at that time hopefully they are informed enough to make those choices themselves.

They have these ratings for a reason. Not just to see how we can disregard them and take our child anyway. I hear so many times, "it was rated R, but we took Junior anyway....." Like that is OK

The OP says she loves "these type" of movies. Great. I don't and I don't watch them. But that is her choice and mine. We are both adults.

"Mother of the Year" - sorry I don't think you'll win this year. But I'd love to hear the comments from your DD to her friends after you took her to this movie........the ones she wouldn't dare say to you.

 

[Feralpeg]

Let me start by saying ITA with dis ms as well regarding the OP.

However, I have a problem with the above. My initial reaction to this was that the OP feels the graphic violence and gore is OK for DD11, but the "dirty" parts weren't. She seemed glad DD11 covered her eyes for those parts. I was glad to read that her DD covered her eyes for most of the movie.

She states that she would be embarassed sitting beside her DD11 during the "dirty" parts but not the gore I would be for both, and I would have walked - and if I still wanted to see the movie - go at a more appropriate time.

Even if I liked these type of movies, I don't think it is appropriate to bring a underaged child to either violence or other.

I'm not telling the OP how to parent - just hope some of these comments give her another perspective on this situation.

I think kids look up to their parents. If Mom and Dad think graphic violence is OK to watch (and sometimes graphic sex) and parents promote it by taking their very young children to these type of movies, then the kids will on some sort of level think it is OK too. This is where I have the problem.

I would assume that most kids don't enjoy these movies but wear them as some sort of badge of honor that they were able/did see/sneak into at a young age. Alot of posters have said this. "I saw these type of movies and I'm OK for it" Of course. BUT I think as some also posted why do we think it OK to take away the innocence. Let kids be kids. I don't care how mature your child is - they still don't have the capacity at a young age to fully understand. They will get subjected to this stuff soon enough, and at that time hopefully they are informed enough to make those choices themselves.

They have these ratings for a reason. Not just to see how we can disregard them and take our child anyway. I hear so many times, "it was rated R, but we took Junior anyway....." Like that is OK

The OP says she loves "these type" of movies. Great. I don't and I don't watch them. But that is her choice and mine. We are both adults.

"Mother of the Year" - sorry I don't think you'll win this year. But I'd love to hear the comments from your DD to her friends after you took her to this movie........the ones she wouldn't dare say to you.

While I wouldn't go to this type of movie myself or let DD go because it is over the top, I also worry that many parents over protect their children now days. I am not saying that a parent shouldn't be aware of what their children are watching and listening to. They should. I am always aware of what my DD is watching. I am concerned about this trend to protect them from everything that is the least bit suggestive or violent. Sure, those types of things might cause some anxiety in a young child and questions might come up. IMHO, that is an opportunity to discuss these things with a child in a controlled environment. Instead, I see many people (DD's friends as an example) who didn't let their children watch any type of program that had any sexual content or violence when they were young. Then, the turn 17 or 18 years old and the world hits them upside the head. They haven't eased into things with a parent discussing situations with them. They are suddenly exposed to everything and are at an age where they are no longer comfortable with discussing the subject with their parents. That concerns me a great deal.

 

[Skywalker]

I find it kind of sad that the 11-year-old loves these types of movies. I mean, how would she even know if she "loves" these movies if she'd not been exposed to them in the first place? When was the first time you decided to sit your child down and show her horrific movies? When she was 10? 9? 5? 2? Obviously, she will think she likes these since they are so normal for her, but I guess I am one for kids holding on to their innocence a bit more.

For the record, I don't think you're an awful parent and I don't think your child is screwed up because of "movies" or anything. But I must admit it ticks me off when kids like yours come to school (as another poster already mentioned) and starts telling my kids about this crap. You always wonder who are these parents that are screwing it up for the rest of us. Well, bingo.

Not trying to bash, you seem like you can handle dissenting opinions and this is what your post makes me think of.

 

[NMAmy]

They have these ratings for a reason. Not just to see how we can disregard them and take our child anyway. I hear so many times, "it was rated R, but we took Junior anyway....." Like that is OK

I did a really quick search of movies that have been rated R. There are many just on this short list that I would not have had a problem with dd seeing even at a young age--Beverly Hills Cop, Pretty Woman, Rain Man, the Firm were just a few in the top 20 grossing movies that were rated R. I imagine the list of movies I would feel would be ok was even greater if I had searched more extensively. The Passion of the Christ was rated R and I saw news shows that showed tons of people taking their kids.

So, yeah, I've taken dd to movies that were rated R when she was younger or let her watch them at home. Her stepmother refuses to let her watch any movie that shows even a hint of sex but has no problem with her watching violence--I'm just the opposite.

Taking your kid to see an R rated movie doesn't automatically make someone an awful parent. What you consider okeydokey might be way out of line in my book and vice versa. While I wouldn't go to see Hostel myself, my dd and I have for many years had Horror Nights at our house where we rent a bunch of horror movies and have a movie marathon.

 

[Christine]

While I wouldn't go to this type of movie myself or let DD go because it is over the top, I also worry that many parents over protect their children now days. I am not saying that a parent shouldn't be aware of what their children are watching and listening to. They should. I am always aware of what my DD is watching. I am concerned about this trend to protect them from everything that is the least bit suggestive or violent. Sure, those types of things might cause some anxiety in a young child and questions might come up. IMHO, that is an opportunity to discuss these things with a child in a controlled environment. Instead, I see many people (DD's friends as an example) who didn't let their children watch any type of program that had any sexual content or violence when they were young. Then, the turn 17 or 18 years old and the world hits them upside the head. They haven't eased into things with a parent discussing situations with them. They are suddenly exposed to everything and are at an age where they are no longer comfortable with discussing the subject with their parents. That concerns me a great deal.

Feralpeg,
For the most part, I agree with you. I've never really understood what the hangup is about seeing a little bit of suggestive stuff in a movie. In fact, recently I "pre-screen" Wedding Crashers (rater R) and allowed my 14 1/2 year old daughter to view it. I felt she was mature enough to handle some of the "humorous" sexuality that was in that particular movie. Where *I* draw the line is on graphic, down-and-dirty sex that is nothing more than cleaned up porn. Now, I have not seen Hostel, but the impression that I'm getting is that this is the type of sex that is portrayed in this moving--not funny "sex play" nor is it portraying sex in the context of a healthy relationship. At this point, this is the only kind of suggestive material I want my young teen to see. Is this about where you are with your DD?

 

[Yzma and Kronk]

I also agree with your post Feralpeg.

I hope I didn't convey in my post that I think kids should be sheltered from these type of things. I agree they need to know "about" them, but maybe not have to "see" them to know what they are.

The words, "sorry, it's not appropriate right now" should be words used frequently in society but aren't.

There is a fine line isn't there??

I just wanted to add that if you want to take your child and aren't sure about reviews - go and see it first - then take you child if you think appropriate for your kids. The OP did review, but I suppose she wasn't sure if it was OK, but took DD and friend anyway.

I may have come across a little strong with ratings thing, but I guess what I mean't was ratings are there to send up a little red flag!

Skywalker - ITA with your point about other kids telling my kids about this crap. We are facing this currently with DS7 and language. I'm proud to say my DD made it through 10 years of life without even having a clue what the "F" word was! But not now! She learned it from her brother who brought it home from school. That's life!!!

 

[CathrynRose]

Don't let people make you feel bad GoofieRuthie. My parents didn't censor what I watched or listened to and I turned out ok. I have no predeliction for porn, I've never smoked, drank alcohal or tried drugs and the raunchiest thing in my Ipod is Prince. Seeing Basic Instinct at 12 didn't scar me for life.
.

2nd this - we all mistakes, and arent always "Mom of the Year"

I cant even imagine how you felt!

LOLOLOL!

I havent read through this whole thread yet - but I can imagine it's gotten ugleeeeee! Did the other mom say anything to you?

 

[Feralpeg]

Feralpeg,
For the most part, I agree with you. I've never really understood what the hangup is about seeing a little bit of suggestive stuff in a movie. In fact, recently I "pre-screen" Wedding Crashers (rater R) and allowed my 14 1/2 year old daughter to view it. I felt she was mature enough to handle some of the "humorous" sexuality that was in that particular movie. Where *I* draw the line is on graphic, down-and-dirty sex that is nothing more than cleaned up porn. Now, I have not seen Hostel, but the impression that I'm getting is that this is the type of sex that is portrayed in this moving--not funny "sex play" nor is it portraying sex in the context of a healthy relationship. At this point, this is the only kind of suggestive material I want my young teen to see. Is this about where you are with your DD?

Yes, that is in line with my belief. I don't enjoy or want to watch graphic sex or violence. I am not going to let my DD be exposed to that. A little at a time at an appropriate age so that a parent can have worthwhile discussions about life is my style.

 

[CathrynRose]

: I love these boards, but I hate the mob mentality with the holier than thou attitudes.

2nd this, as well.

Ive also never met a larger group of perfect people. Pod-People, I guess..

People make mistakes. It's what life is all about.

Now if next week we find out she is flying to Vegas for their Annual Porn-Awards - then we can worry.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

2nd this - we all mistakes, and arent always "Mom of the Year"

I cant even imagine how you felt!

LOLOLOL!

I havent read through this whole thread yet - but I can imagine it's gotten ugleeeeee! Did the other mom say anything to you?

No, I haven't talked to the other mother. She is actually a little more lenient than I am. I had no doubt that she would mind, but had her daughter ask, just in case. As for my own daughter, I have asked her how she felt watching the movie. She told me that she probably would have rather seen something else, but doesn't feel scarred or that I'm a bad mom for taking her. One thing that I did take from this discussion is about her talking to other kids about it. I told her not to go to school bragging about what she saw. She told me not to worry she had no plans to. Now whether she does or not is another thing. I remember watching Student Bodies with my mom when I was about 9 and there was a scene where "stuff" comes out of the phone. I asked my mom what it was and she said I didn't need to know. The next day on the bus a boy was laughing and talking about that very part. So...I learned right then what it was. So, I know where you all are coming from.

Someone asked at what age she learned to love these movies. I honestly don't know with her. I do remember my oldest DD watching Child's Play when she was about 4. I kept telling her to go back into the other room. She didn't want to and actually laughed at the movie. She has loved scary movies since then. This is the same child that is very into her church youth group too. If it makes anyone feel better, she also said that she doesn't want to see Hostel now that she knows how much nudity and sex is in it. After she got mad at me for taking her sister and not waiting to take her too. Now, DD5, she won't even go into Blockbuster anymore because they had a poster of Chucky. DD13 loves that movie and was watching it once when DD5 walked in. She is litterally terrified of his image. I respect that, and I do not watch anything that I think will scare her if she is in the room. She always asks if I'm watching something funny or scary and I tell her. She will either ask me to stop watching it or go back to play in her room.

I appreciate everyone's views so far. I'm glad that we've made it this far and not gotten locked. I know sometimes people like to call names and get a little snotty and thankfully everyone has been pretty respectful so far. I know many of you disagree with what I did and I understand that. I did make this post in jest at something foolish that I did. Not to brag. I will definately read more reviews next time. And for the record, I do not feel I am Mother of the Year. That was definately sarcasm.