Moral Dilemma

[EsmeraldaX]

THANKS

 

[Madi100]

I understand what you are saying, and I really don't think it has anything to do with morals. I am quite selfish with my time too. We have family that lives in Florida, and I don't get to see them very much. However, I don't get to Florida very often either, and I am spending a lot of money for this vacation. I don't have a lot of time, but have a lot of things I want to do. But, I've decided that I really need to spend some time with them. We are doing the Illuminations Cruise, and we invited them to join us. We are also going to have supper together beforehand. I have to eat anyway, so to invite them to join us, is not a big deal. I get to see them, but I am not giving up a lot of my Disney time.

Now, we have an aunt and uncle that live about three hours away from us. If it was just my husband and I going, I don't think I'd want to walk around the parks with them if it was my first trip. However, I still think I would try to fit in a supper with them. Maybe if you are going for the more romantic trip, and want nice, romantic meals, then maybe meet them for lunch. Maybe you could invite them to see the dinner show with you.

Maybe your BF would be willing to see your family and not his. What are his feelings?

 

[TreeOfLife]

I don't think you're being selfish.

Well, can you bite the bullet and gulp the visit down for a little while? Then I would roll up my eyes and deal with it. If not, I'd simply be honest and say that the trip had another purpose and you'll do your best in the future to meet with them in person.

I've been through similar situations with relatives. They want to "jump into" our vacations. But I learned not to be threatened by them getting angry at me or feeling guilty because I planned soemthing else and did not go along with their expectations. It is all about us growing up and them letting go

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by Madi100


Maybe your BF would be willing to see your family and not his. What are his feelings?

Thank you for the responses. It made me feel a lot better.

DBF's feeling is that this is really our trip and he wouldn't mind a lunch with people, but I know them, and I know "just a lunch" is not the way they are.

 

[andrabell]

Tough one...
My advice it to try and keep all parties involved happy.
Get together with your Aunt and Uncle AND your BF sister and kids at the same time!
Choose ONE day as a big splash out family day.
I think it would be a really good time with the whole group.
Share a little of your Disney Magic with them and go on your way.
That way your not giving up your plans, your not hurting anyone's feelings
and you get to have 90% of your holiday for romance and alone time.

I understand your feelings, but family is family...
always there when you need them, and sometimes when you don't.
Don't look at what your missing, just enjoy your time with them!

---Andra
"Nothing can replace the family, Loretta!"

 

[CamColt]

Could you give them a copy of your itinerary, restaurants and all and ask them if they wanted to join you for something specific? This way if you can get away with them just coming for a meal and maybe an hour or 2 of touring, they wont mess up your plans too much, just your alone time.

Also, you mentioned the Hoop De Doo. That is such a great show & meal, but not very romantic. In fact we enjoy having a large group for that experience. Maybe you could have them join you for that.

Good luck. I dont blame you for feeling the way you do.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

You are going to be spending 11 days with DBF on your first romantic trip. At some point you are going to want to talk to someone else. You may be getting on each other nerves by then.

Your DBF is an uncle and a brother. I'm sure he would enjoy spending time with his family. His family may be your family someday.

I would hate for your uncle to die and you have regrets. Life is short.

Lori

 

[Madi100]

DBF's feeling is that this is really our trip and he wouldn't mind a lunch with people, but I know them, and I know "just a lunch" is not the way they are.

Well, that is what I would suggest; a meal. You are paying for this vacation. Even if someone is helping, you are still taking vacation time to do this. That is quite precious. We are going in January, and my sister decided to invite herself along. I told her that if she went, that we were still going to do our thing, and if they happened to be with us, great. If not, they could do their thing. It's great to be able to spend time with family. However, I make plans to do things, and although I'm not real strict on things, I don't like to wait around for a bunch of people.

You've got to decide what you'd be comfortable with. It might be a little hard to talk to them, but maybe "make something up" without telling them you don't want to spend time with them. Maybe tell them that you have things planned on certain days and it won't work.

 

[KSgirl]

Perhaps you could spend an evening, including dinner with them. You could spend time at Downtown Disney, after the parks have closed.

Hope you can work it all out

 

[Sue & Co.]

Hi, whilst I understand what you are saying I think maybe you are wrong (please don't shoot me down in flames for having this opinion).

You say he is your only living uncle and give as one justification for not seeing him that he only lives three hours away by car but you admit that you haven't seen him in two years. So you obviously don't make that car journey very often. Secondly you say that your parents are contributing heavily to the costs of this holiday and that this is something they would like you to do. If it is the case that without their contribution yuo wouldn't be having the holiday at all surely you owe it to them to meet your DA & DU. Whilst I appreciate that your BF may then wish you to meet with his DS that is very different. His family aren't contributing to the holiday (you mention that you are paying his mother for use of the condo), they only live 10 minutes away and I get the impression that you have seen them a lot more recently than two years ago!

At the end of the day if you don't meet them and then something happened to one of them before you did next do so would you always regret it? Only you can make the final decision.

Sue

 

[Tigger's Mom]

I love family. They're my No. 1 priority, but sometimes you just need time away.

Can you maybe share a meal with both sets of relatives at their places? That way you and DBF can sort of control how long you visit. It is a lot easier to leave after a visit than to get someone else to leave.

Or maybe if sister and kids are so close, you can do something special with them before you leave for your trip.

 

[Judgekw]

I am sorry to say this but I think you are being incredibly selfish. If you were only going for a few days it would be one thing, but you are going for 11 whole days!!! Obviously you can fit in some time for family. Make evening plans with them as suggested above or invite them to one of the parks for a day. Your boyfriend may come and go but you will always have your family and it sounds like you will really dissapoint your own parents as well as your uncle if you do not find some time for a visit. You don't have to make this into a big deal. One afternoon or evening with them is not going to ruin your trip. I think you already know that you need to do this because you would not be posting this question if you felt good about blowing your family off.

 

[MinnieGi]

11 days is a wonderful amount of time to be together and in 11 days I think you could make a little room for some other people. In fact after all the time together you might even crave some other company for a few hours!!!!

I think its fun to meet up with other people down at WDW!! You really do not need to plan a day together. Plan a meal and an attraction or two and say your good-byes! If you have it planned out in advance your Aunt and Uncle will be more than happy to have spent some time with you and your DBF on vacation and you know what I bet you will be too!

Someone else mentioned earlier HDDR as a great one to meet up for and I second this big time! In fact I think HDDR is more fun with more people. We just came back and hooked up with both sets of grandparents at HDDR and had a blast together.

So plan a meal and an attraction together and I bet you'll feel relieved of your dilemma and you'll still have loads of time for yourselves!!

 

[loriandmatt]

getting up on my soap box.....

yes, alone time with one's partner is very important, but so is family. One day or even just a few hours out of one for compromise and family is not that much to ask. relationships (be they between nices and uncles or boyfriends and girlfriends) require compromise to work and be healthy. I am not a martar and by no means perfect, but i would take one for the team (as we all occasionally have to do) and spend some time with the folks you know you should. Who knows, if you let go of the "i could be doing this right now" additude you may even enjoy your visit.

getting down off my soap box...

If you are anything like the rest of us WDW junkies, you will be back (perhaps soon) and have plenty of time to be alone.

sorry if i offended, but you asked for opinions and i gave one in the nicest, most direct way possible.

- lori

 

[Planogirl]

Set up a dinner somewhere. You might even find out that they're more fun while at WDW than you expect.

 

[7thdwarf/dopey]

WOW.......this is dejavu. The exact same thing happened to us in june of 2001. We saved for 22 years to go to WDW with our kids (1st time). My DW mentioned it to her mother and dad(we love them dearly also) who live in FLA., and the next thing we know they were gonna book a room in the same resort with us (WL).
To make a long story short .the two of us said "NO", to this day, they dont speak to us!

As they say"hind sight is 20-20" ! If we could go back and do it all over again , we would have worked something out.

 

[kylara]

Would it be possible to have all the family meet at one time? Maybe meet up for a dinner and hanging out at DTD as someone suggested. Or if they have park passes, dinner in Epcot and then watch illuminations together. That way you both can see your family but also not take too much time out of your vacation.

Or maybe on one of your slower days, a nice brunch at one of the resorts.

Otherwise, the only solution I see if saying no and coming up with the funding your parents are putting in some other way.

 

[skfulkers]

This is exactly what happened to my DW and I during our 2001 trip. My DM called my grandparents and happened to mention to them that we would be at WDW (they spend the winters at their condo along 192, so they're only 4-5 miles away). Well, naturally they wanted to see us while we were there. We had the same dilemna. We knew they didn't understand vacationing at Disney--to them, it seemed that we were just taking a vacation to Florida and they were excited to get together.
Believe me, we tossed and turned over this one for a long time.
We ended up meeting them for dinner at their place one evening and it worked out just fine, but what I wanted to mention was this: make sure that you have a definite "ending time" to the lunch/dinner/etc so that you have a way out if you need it. This can be as simple as booking an extra PS or scheduling an activity for a designated time when you feel your time with them should be over. As you mentioned (and as is the case with my family, too), many times lunch turns into something much longer. If you tell them you need to leave by _____ am/pm, then you can all enjoy the time together without fear of being "stuck" with them for a whole day of your vacation.

Just my opinion, but like I said, it worked out great for us.

 

[DisneyKidds]

I understand your desires to have alone time, but family is important and for the sake of a few hours it might be better not to offend. The fact that your families are helping to make it possible for you to take the trip only highlights how important family can be. 11 days is a long time and eeking out an evening shouldn't be too much of an inconvenience............especially if you plan something fun that doesn't intrude on your whole day.

As suggested, maybe you could meet with both DA/DU and DS and family at the same time. Meet for dinner at the Polynesian......maybe the Luau. Time it so that you can see the MK fireworks from the beach and catch the Electrical Water Pageant. Most of this would be near or after park closing so you wouldn't miss much. If everyone has Disney admission maybe you could meet for a nice dinner in an Epcot World Showcase restaurant and catch Illuminations.......possibly even take a walk around the Boardwalk afterwards. You could have dinner and walk around over at DTD. There are lots of things you could do that would not take away from your day and could make for a fun family gathering. Yeah, you might have to adjust some of the plans you already made, or maybe you could just fit them into the plans you already have for an evening. You can get together with them and not have it slow down your entire day..............just give them carefully selected options that would allow them to meet you without taking up a whole day. Hey, if they can't make any of the plans you offer up you could say it was their fault you didn't get together.

Bottom line is I'd try and make some time, and do it when it is least inconvenient for you.

 

[SnoWhiteRabbit]

I haven't read all the other replies, just skimmed a few, so forgive me if I repeat...

I totally undestand your feelings -- I am very protective of vacation time, alone/couple time, and now family of 5 time...I also feel very sensitively about trying to please others and trying not to hurt others - especially those you love....

That said, can you add a day onto your vacation? See your DA & DU for one day and still have x number of days exactly as you planned. That's what I would try to do.

Hope that helps. Good luck!