Moral Dilemma

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by mickeysaver
Wow Lori, that's a bit harsh. Some of us would rather spend every waking moment of the rest of our lives with only the love our live's to talk with. I am one of them. We have been together for over 4 years and I think we have only had 2 major arguments and both of them were about FAMILY. Mickey

Mickey- We're the exact same way. Both of us are the type who prefer to stay home weekends and talk, or watch a movie curled up with the dog or something. We've only had a couple of arguments too. and they lasted about , well , maybe 10 minutes.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

EsmeraldaX I sent you a PM

 

[Sally Bradley]

After reading all the replies, I agree with some...disagree with some...but what I see is a much bigger issue than just "do we or don't we." I have experienced much of the same dilemna you now face and don't think there are any easy answers.

My DH and I both work very hard. Because our work schedules are arranged around making sure my DD has someone to take her to school and be there for her when she gets home, we don't get much time with each other. As a result, we guard our private time jealously. I would much rather spend the weekend sweeping out the garage with DH than going to the neighbors or MIL's for a get-together or party. It's our choice. Visiting friends is lowest on my list. My immediate family ALWAYS comes first.

Having said that, it never ceases to cause problems, even in trips to Disney....i.e. a friend who lives in Orlando who is "dying" to see us. We would rather have been hanging out in the pool. We made the time. It was nice seeing her. But I would RATHER have made the time to see her otherwise than during a FAMILY vacation. My MIL has invited herself along on at least one family vacation. We have politely said "no thanks...but we'd be glad to get together with you some other time. We have taken MIL along for her first trip to Disney and she will be with us for our return trip in Dec,....and WE are picking up the tab.

Like I said...I think the "feeling trapped"...at least in my case...is more about hating that I feel pressured to give in to manipulation than anything else. Am I selfish? Maybe. I always try to find an alternative at a time when I can deal with it...and not at a time when my DH and DD and I are together on "family time."

Something to think about...

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Tigger - I responded to you. Thank you for asking.

Sally - I agree. It's not an easy situation. DBF & I consider ourselves to be a family. This , to us, is family time. We don't have that much of it at home, between work (we both leave the house at 6:30 am and don't get home till 6:30 pm), housework, etc. we rarely get to spend time just relaxing together.

We don't have children so I can not totaly relate, but we do have a puppy which requires us to come straight home after work in the city (an hour and a half commute) which means no more spontaneous after work dinners on the town or other activities such as late nights at museums after work that we used to enjoy. Someone has to be home to take the dog out. Weekends are always booked up with needed home improvements, etc.

I have two friends in Orlando who wanted to see us this trip as well. I told them both we simply would not be able to but maybe I'd make it down there some time just to visit them.

Right now I have a cousin who is planning a Christmas trip to WDW with her husband and two daughters and her brother invited himself along and she's in the same boat I am. She loves him but this was supposed to be her special time with her DH, and DDs.

 

[walt's assistant]

Your decision to spend time with them is the right thing to do.

I can really relate to your situation...very similar to what DW and I have had to work through in the past. In every case we accomodated family who wanted to spend time with us. Heck, we'll be there in less than 30 days from this posting and we'll be spending some time with family ourselves. We don't see them that often and, if they didn't love us, wouldn't care to see us at all. That's what's important.

Hang in there...and be positive!


WA

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by walt's assistant
Your decision to spend time with them is the right thing to do.

I can really relate to your situation...very similar to what DW and I have had to work through in the past. In every case we accomodated family who wanted to spend time with us. Heck, we'll be there in less than 30 days from this posting and we'll be spending some time with family ourselves. We don't see them that often and, if they didn't love us, wouldn't care to see us at all. That's what's important.

Hang in there...and be positive!


WA

Thanks. We have decided to try and invite everyone along to the HDD.

 

[walt's assistant]

Originally posted by EsmeraldaX
Thanks. We have decided to try and invite everyone along to the HDD.

Terrific idea.


WA

 

[jazyjewel]

Why not meet them for dinner on your horseback riding day? That way you don't miss out on park time. I know how selfish I am with my park time, I don't like to give up a second of it either.
Julie

 

[seashoreCM]

(I did not read all the replies)

>>> going to be spending 11 days...

I would say, spend a whole day with your uncle and aunt (if they want to). Give them a chance to suggest some things to do also, otherwise you have plenty of good Disney ideas.

However if they suggest some really upscale places and you are concerned, do say out front something about "looking for something not so upscale" to let them know it will be going dutch, or their treating you.

Disney hints:
http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm

 

[Limmer]

EsmereldaX - I just wanted to say that the way you have responded to all these (sometimes) strong opinions impresses me. I am afraid I would have become defensive once or twice. I think inviting all to one dinner is the best of all possible solutions. It will be the least inconvenience to your plans and fun for all involved.

 

[Doug123]

(I didn't read all the replys either)

Family members are always going to try and pull you one way or another. You have to let them know, in the nicest possible way, that you set up this trip for you and your boyfriend, and skip the meeting with your aunt and uncle.

If you don't draw the line now, they will continue to intrude for the rest of your life.

 

[AZKathy]

You have a lot of reponses to this question and I have not taken the time to read all the responses, so forgive me if I have repeated what has already been expressed.

I grew up "vacationing" by visiting relatives. That is all we did. Most of them I did not know and was quite bored on my childhood trips. I vowed not to do the same to my children. On the other hand, I also know that lives and people are precious.

I have relatives in Florida, so this is what I do. I add a few days to the planned trip to include the visiting with relatives and then I have all the time planned for the parks, too. Then, no feelings are hurt and everyone is happy on both ends.

Do what you feel is better for you, but keep in the back of your mind, that a lot of this trip is thanks to your parents and you should think about honoring their wishes. No matter how much it could drive you nuts (yes, I have been in the same boat many trips!), you may make other people happy in the mean time!!!!

 

[erinz]

What a difficult situation. I understand though. I'm like a crazed mother tiger when it comes to protecting my time with my husband and/or daughter.

We have a similar situation. My husband's cousin just moved to Florida (not sure where, but it's about a 2 hour drive from WDW) from NY and wants us to visit her when we are there. To make a long story short, we're going.... But the only reason I feel OK about it is that we're visiting her on a Saturday (JUST for the day) which was a day I didn't want to do much of anything anyway because of the crowds.

Family stuff is the hardest thing in the world. Speaking from experience (just call me the black sheep of the family, and the Queen of Guilt) I'm wondering if the fall out from your family over this is worth saving every last hour of your trip for the two of you. I'm thinking of just giving up 2 hours, no more, for a dinner. Then you would have the peace you deserve for the rest of your trip (and years after).

Maybe you could think of it this way (and tell me to shut up any time). The two hours with your aunt and uncle could be a way to say "thank you" to your mom for your trip. Ok, enough said.

Your relationship sounds wonderful.



I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

 

[cyndilou01]

i agree with camcolt, I think the hoop de do revue would be a great family gathering place, because it is fun, noisy and
NOT romantic...
enjoy your family, one day they may not be around to enjoy... we are going thru that this Christmas...

 

[Talking Hands]

Coming from probably an older point of view. See the aunt and uncle. The times I have been selfish like that I have ended up regretting it because the person has died and I never did get to see them again. Now I wish I had the opportunity to spend time with relatives as I have very few left and none I am even semi-close to. A few hours spent with the relatives won't either one of you.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Thanks all!