Mom present in the room during teen's physical

[SydSim]

DD-13 had a physical for school. The school district offered it to all students, and hundreds took advantage of it (so it was sort of a cattle call). They were all lined up at the high school and led into a small room (almost like a storage closet) in the school's office. While we were in line, I saw the male doctor leading each child into the room and closing the door for the exam. When it was DD's turn, I walked in with her. The doctor said "Wow, this is a first. I've been doing these exams for over 20 years and this is a first". He eventually checked her heart, breath sounds, had her bend over to check her spine (which because it was such a small room, the two of them ended up in a not-so-flattering position, if you know what I mean).

Ok, yes, I prefer to have female practitioners (Dd and I have women dentists, and primaries), but I do understand that to others, it doesn't matter. I wasn't comfortable with sending DD into this room, all alone, with this man that neither of us have ever seen before (even though it apparently is the protocol). Next time, we will just go through her regular MD.

What would some other parents have done in this situation?

ETA: These physicals were done before school started for the year, so no classes were in session).

 

[Hannathy]

I haven't gone in with my children for the physical part of the exam since they were about 11, My son was actually 10 and I didn't go in.

I wouldn't have went in.

I''m actually surprised you were even there if they were giving them in school was it during school hours?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Given that there were loads of people lined up in the hall to react if your DD shouted and expecting the exam to last only a few minutes I am not sure what you think might have happened.
Personally I would not have thought anything of it. DD13 would tell me (or scream, or who knows what) IF someone tried anything inappropriate and not MUCH could happen in 3-4 minutes with plenty of people in ear shot. I suppose a bad ans stupid doctor (given how easy it would be to report and catch him in the situation) might try to touch her or something but even on the off chance that that did happen I doubt it would truly scar her.

 

[mommasita]

Personally, I never would have had it done. Even if I thought about it, I would have quickly changed my mind once I saw how it was being done. I much prefer a proper office setting, and the pediatrician we regularly see.

I prefer male doctors. I find them more compassionate, especially with some issues That is my experience at least. Actually in thinking about it, I prefer the most qualified doctor, regardless of sex.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If it wasn't a 'first', then I don't see how there could not have been a 'first' lawsuit.....

Why was there not a female nurse/asst.?????

I am in no way assuming anything....
But, why was this set up this way?????

Why was this man there, behind closed doors, completely alone, with children??? (especially teenaged girls)
One would think that any so-called professional would see a potential issue with this.

Why didn't the school insist that a school nurse or teacher/asst. or somebody be involved. Why did the school not take that step?

While I am making no accusations or assumptions...
I am like...

PS: Around here, parents are NOT welcomed in the schools... Doesn't surprise me that he thinks you are some kind of 'first'.

Yep, it is really SAD that the assumption is that NO parent might be present, because it is 'school'.
And even sadder that one would have that assumption about a visit to the Dr.

PS: This process doesn't even sound like a valid physical exam.... Just a less than basic 'screening'.
Schools can screen for curvature of the spine, vision, hearing, etc.... without this type of scenario.
My child would not have participated.

 

[MushyMushy]

I don't know, the attitude of the doctor seems a little odd to me. BUT, I go to a true family doctor who sees entire families in his office. Teens & parents, couples, elderly parents & kids -- he calls them back together. Obviously people can and do go in alone, but nobody is considered odd for going together.

 

[LuvLDM]

i haven't gone in with my children for the physical part of the exam since they were about 11, my son was actually 10 and i didn't go in.

I wouldn't have went in.

I''m actually surprised you were even there if they were giving them in school was it during school hours?

mte

 

[mommasita]

DD-13 had a physical for school. The school district offered it to all students, and hundreds took advantage of it (so it was sort of a cattle call). They were all lined up at the high school and led into a small room (almost like a storage closet) in the school's office. While we were in line, I saw the male doctor leading each child into the room and closing the door for the exam. When it was DD's turn, I walked in with her. The doctor said "Wow, this is a first. I've been doing these exams for over 20 years and this is a first". He eventually checked her heart, breath sounds, had her bend over to check her spine (which because it was such a small room, the two of them ended up in a not-so-flattering position, if you know what I mean).

Ok, yes, I prefer to have female practitioners (Dd and I have women dentists, and primaries), but I do understand that to others, it doesn't matter. I wasn't comfortable with sending DD into this room, all alone, with this man that neither of us have ever seen before (even though it apparently is the protocol). Next time, we will just go through her regular MD.

What would some other parents have done in this situation?

ETA: These physicals were done before school started for the year, so no classes were in session).

I see your ETA, but that would not have changed my reply.

When I see our ped for my DS14 and DD11, I wait outside, and then he calls Me in. I used to be inside the entire time, but for a few years now, I asked THEM what they prefer. Having said that, he has seen them since they are 2 weeks old, and I have total confidence in him. That is why I stated I would not have done the school thing.

 

[luvmy3]

My dd had a sports physical at school the end of last year, it was conducted the same way. I remember having school physicals the same when I was a kid but I would think that today there would be a female asst. present to protect the doctor as well as the child. I was not happy about how it was for my dd but we had no choice, normally she would be seen by our own doctor, who just happens to be female. If I was at the school that day, I probably would have at least been in the nurses office.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Having said that, he has seen them since they are 2 weeks old, and I have total confidence in him. That is why I stated I would not have done the school thing.

So, you would have that same amount of trust and confidence in a stranger...

WOW

 

[dodukes]

The whole scenario is odd. Even when I go to my ob/gyn (who is male) before he does "his thing" he calls in a female nurse to observe (*which i totally hate..hahaha, well actually i just feel uncomfortable for them because they don't know what to do..haha) anyway so I find it extremely weird that they would lock up any minor in a room with a doctor (of any sex) all alone with no witnesses. Just as a liability viewpoint.

 

[mommasita]

So, you would have that same amount of trust and confidence in a stranger...

WOW

NO, that was my point. I would NEVER have it with a stranger. Perhaps my wording is off?

 

[Magpie]

FWIW, it's not usually "strangers" who molest children. It's guys who are in a position of trust, who have spent time "grooming" the children and who are good friends with the parents. You know, it's the guys you trust completely - like your friendly coach, awesome teacher or that beloved family physician who's been seeing them since they were babies.

This doctor has been cycling dozens of kids through his cubicle. I seriously doubt he was seeing them as anything other than walking checklists.

 

[Pigeon]

I'm very big on having an established relationship with medical providers, especially for kids. I don't want my kid to feel like she has to get naked and get poked about by anybody in a white coat.

So I opt out any physicals or screening from the schools.

I have a 13 year old. I took her for a physical to her pediatrician this summer. I asked her ahead of time if she wanted to go alone or have me come with her. She said she wanted me. When her doctor came in, I offered to leave if she wanted to talk to the doc alone. She wanted me to stay. The doc didn't seem at all surprised by me being there, so I'm sure it happens with some frequency.

The idea of having a strange male doc alone with all these kids quite frankly would freak me out. There should be a nurse in the room at least.

 

[luvmy3]

FWIW, it's not usually "strangers" who molest children. It's guys who are in a position of trust, who have spent time "grooming" the children and who are good friends with the parents. You know, it's the guys you trust completely - like your friendly coach, awesome teacher or that beloved family physician who's been seeing them since they were babies.

This doctor has been cycling dozens of kids through his cubicle. I seriously doubt he was seeing them as anything other than walking checklists.

That is true but it also happens when children are placed in situations that make them vulnerable, by someone of authority, and/or someone you (think) you can trust like a doctor or a teacher.

 

[Green Tea]

It would never have occurred to me to go to school sports physical night with my kid. Were you the only parent there at all? Maybe if it is offered to all kids it is different from the high school sports open physical nights we have here.

Local doctors volunteer their time and see a LOT of kids so everyone has an opportunity to be on a team. The idea of it being inappropriate actually wouldn't have crossed my mind. If it had crossed my mind, I would just send them to the family doctor and pay for the physical.

 

[Momvic5]

My DS14 had to have a physical this past summer for sports. Our school set up a date for the freshman boys at a local clinic...you could use the clinic or go to your regular doctor. We went to the clinic. Our Dr was a female. I went into the room with my son; however, I had full intentions of stepping out when they did the hernia/cough test. When it came time for me to step out, the Dr asked me to stay. She said that she was required to have another person present in the room. If my son wasn't comfortable with me or I preferred to step out, she would have had to get the nurse. The Dr. had me turn and face the wall while she performed the test. Many moms and dads went into the examining room....the boys were told ahead of time about the procedure, and many of them chose mom or dad over the nurse.

 

[NotUrsula]

Once they pass twelve, I think it's up to them to decide whether or not they want a parent in the room during the actual exam.

I still go in with DD3, but not DS13. I do, however, insist on speaking to the doc about any instructions for Rx things, because DS tends not to do so well at remembering instructions. (I did go with him to an initial exam at the dermatologist because I knew she would ask history questions he would be unlikely to answer, and I was right. Next visit I'll wait outside, though.)

 

[bumbershoot]

Why was this man there, behind closed doors, completely alone, with children??? (especially teenaged girls)
One would think that any so-called professional would see a potential issue with this.[/B]

I absolutely positively 100% agree. A professional healthcare person like this should have seen big huge warning flags with a process that puts a child alone with him.

I won't even take DS to a dentist that forbids parents from coming back. I do NOT come back with him anymore, unless he wants me there, but if a dentist forbids it, I won't go to them.

 

[Magpie]

That is true but it also happens when children are placed in situations that make them vulnerable, by someone of authority, and/or someone you (think) you can trust like a doctor or a teacher.

Except I don't see this as such a situation. For one thing, it's very quick - in and out, no personal discussion about oneself. There was no disrobing involved. Everyone's clothes stayed on, and - more importantly - my daughter would have known that her clothes were supposed to stay on because I would have told her before hand what to expect. I totally trust my daughter to speak up if she feels that she's being handled in the wrong way. Also, there were many other adults and children around, just outside the door.

The room sounds very cramped - if mom hadn't been in there taking up space, would the doctor have been able to maneuver into a better position to feel the child's spine?

Me, I would have asked my kid if she wanted me in there with her. And then I would have gone with whatever she says.