Minor child used my debit card online....

[LSUmom4kids]

WE ARE FURIOUS! My 9 yr. old DEVIOUS son used my debit card to make some online purchases. The purchases are not for tangible products, mostly for "points" and such for this online game he has been playing. The companies that I can see on my last two month's bank statements are: Amazon, Club Penguin, Hatena, Microsoft, Nintendo and Paypal! I am headed to my bank to cancel this debit card!

In addition, he was able to create a paypal account funded by my debit card - about $125 was removed from my checking account by Paypal. How could Paypal open an account for a minor, using my debit card, which ultimately used my checking account? There were no Paypal account verification deposits made to my checking account.

Besides being banned from all computers and video gaming devices until he turns 18, is there any legal recourse to recovering my money? Of course, he will have to pay me back with his savings, birthday money and christmas money and by doing tedious chores around the house for the foreseeable future! I want him to physically count the money as he hands it over! This money was to be used for our WDW vacation in one month!

After confronting him about it, he showed little remorse - which is his main problem! I made him go to these websites, write down user names, passwords and email account information. Either he deliberately entered incorrect passwords or he told me that he closed his yahoo email account and his paypal account. WE TOTALLY CANNOT TRUST HIM ANYMORE! Since the money he stole is more than the price of his WDW ticket, we told him we are considering leaving him at home with his grandmother while we go to Disney! Yes, his little lower lip was quivering.....

In addition, I'm making an appointment to go back to his Play Therapist. He's had some behavior problems in the past in school and we thought he was getting much better, so he stopped going for the summer. He's trying to grow up too fast in this electronic world!

Yes, we know we are guilty parents for not watching his every move on the computer and for giving him some trust, and for leaving my purse in the kitchen. My other children have never done something like this - blatent stealing from his own mother! So please spare me if you will just post a derogatory comment about our parenting skills.

Just looking for support from parents who may have "gone down this road" with their child before .... and what we can do from this point forward so he has a chance at a better life!

Thanks for letting me vent....

 

[sunnyday123]

I don't think you have much recourse in getting the money back. He set up the account by going through all the necessary channels. They cannot verify online if someone is 18 or older. They have to trust the person clicking on "I am 18 or older" is just that.

I would also try a punishment that is more likely to be followed through on. I am sure you're very angry, but will you really not let him on a computer for the next 18 years? On second thought, maybe I would go with that. I would definitely make him reimburse me, and Disney would be up in the air. He definitely woudln't get any souvineir money-at all, would be punished all summer, and I would think about some other stuff.

Good luck.

 

[luvmy3]

WE ARE FURIOUS! My 9 yr. old DEVIOUS son used my debit card to make some online purchases. The purchases are not for tangible products, mostly for "points" and such for this online game he has been playing. The companies that I can see on my last two month's bank statements are: Amazon, Club Penguin, Hatena, Microsoft, Nintendo and Paypal! I am headed to my bank to cancel this debit card!

In addition, he was able to create a paypal account funded by my debit card - about $125 was removed from my checking account by Paypal. How could Paypal open an account for a minor, using my debit card, which ultimately used my checking account? There were no Paypal account verification deposits made to my checking account.

Besides being banned from all computers and video gaming devices until he turns 18, is there any legal recourse to recovering my money? Of course, he will have to pay me back with his savings, birthday money and christmas money and by doing tedious chores around the house for the foreseeable future! I want him to physically count the money as he hands it over! This money was to be used for our WDW vacation in one month!

After confronting him about it, he showed little remorse - which is his main problem! I made him go to these websites, write down user names, passwords and email account information. Either he deliberately entered incorrect passwords or he told me that he closed his yahoo email account and his paypal account. WE TOTALLY CANNOT TRUST HIM ANYMORE! Since the money he stole is more than the price of his WDW ticket, we told him we are considering leaving him at home with his grandmother while we go to Disney! Yes, his little lower lip was quivering.....

In addition, I'm making an appointment to go back to his Play Therapist. He's had some behavior problems in the past in school and we thought he was getting much better, so he stopped going for the summer. He's trying to grow up too fast in this electronic world!

Yes, we know we are guilty parents for not watching his every move on the computer and for giving him some trust, and for leaving my purse in the kitchen. My other children have never done something like this - blatent stealing from his own mother! So please spare me if you will just post a derogatory comment about our parenting skills.

Just looking for support from parents who may have "gone down this road" with their child before .... and what we can do from this point forward so he has a chance at a better life!

Thanks for letting me vent....

I have never been down this road before but I would do the bolded without hesitation. This isn't some minor thing like getting an F on a paper, this is criminal behavior, and there is no way my child would be having any privledges, including WDW for a very long time.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I have never been down this road before but I would do the bolded without hesitation. This isn't some minor thing like getting an F on a paper, this is criminal behavior, and there is no way my child would be having any privledges, including WDW for a very long time.

Wow. First of all,

This IS criminal behavior, and is fraud, theft and possibly identity theft. Could you contact your police dept., explain what he's done, and see if you could bring him there for a scare session?

I'm sure you did already, but I would certainly contact all of the game sites to cancel his subscription immediately. And as much as it hurts you, yes, I would leave him home with Grandma, with the clear understanding that he is to have NO fun (NONE) while he's with her.

There was a thread not too long ago (maybe last summer?) about someone whose son did something similar and she loaned him out to a local farm (another DIS member) where he mucked out stalls for a while. You might want to search for it -- can't remember too much of the details, but it really seemed to work.

Best wishes.

 

[minkydog]

No flames from me. Lots of sympathy, though. You have a very difficult situation on your hands. First thing to do is change the passwords on your computers. And change them every few days. Given that he has deceived you, lied to you, stolen money from your account, and refuses to take responsibility or show remorse, I would strongly suggest that you not reward him with a free trip to WDW. He spent his ticket money. Your son obviously knew what he was doing or he wouldn't be so eager to cover it up. I know he's only 9 but life is tough. If he gets away with this you will not believe what else he has up his sleeve. Just wait until the teen years.

I think going to the therapist is a very good idea. You probably will need some guidance on how to discipline for this. I know you don't want to be too harsh or too lenient and sometimes getting a professional opinion can help you sort things out. In the immediate future I would totally cut him off from computer and other electronics. He commited a serious breach of trust and it should take a very long time to earn it back. So confiscate all his gaming equipment, computer, iPod, cell phone(if he has those things.) He is not mature enough to have any of those things. If he absolutely MUST use the computer for school then you need to boot it up for him AND sit with him while he uses it. I know that's a PITA, but sometimes parenting is a PITA. We have to do whatever we have to do.

You have my sympathy. My DS23 was very much like yours, so I kinda know where you're coming from. Unfortunately, I also think I know where you're going.

 

[Dax]

Wow. First of all,

This IS criminal behavior, and is fraud, theft and possibly identity theft. Could you contact your police dept., explain what he's done, and see if you could bring him there for a scare session?

I'm sure you did already, but I would certainly contact all of the game sites to cancel his subscription immediately. And as much as it hurts you, yes, I would leave him home with Grandma, with the clear understanding that he is to have NO fun (NONE) while he's with her.

There was a thread not too long ago (maybe last summer?) about someone whose son did something similar and she loaned him out to a local farm (another DIS member) where he mucked out stalls for a while. You might want to search for it -- can't remember too much of the details, but it really seemed to work.

Best wishes.

I dont have kids, but when I was growing up, my step brother did something similiar...and his own father is a cop...Imagine his surprise when he understood his dad was not gonna stop the officers from arresting him...

I agree, no WDW. He STOLE from you. He basically spent his portion of the WDW trip on silly little games. So now, he stays home. It will be a VALUABLE lesson I am sure.

Also agree with putting him to work. I remember that thread, wonder what happened to them..He needs to learn the value of $$ and that we work hard to earn it, but that makes spending it more worthwhile.

to you...hope it gets better soon

 

[NotUrsula]

You could press charges, but that's a bit drastic unless you want to let him get a public defender and spend some time in juvie. I would have him work it off by "volunteering" in some very backbreaking and unpleasant capacity. (A poster here had something similar happen a couple of years ago, and another poster gave her the opportunity to have the boy work it off by shoveling horse____ at her barn. If you don't know anyone with a barn, maybe have him pull weeds at a penny a weed?)

What I would also do is to contact the various online services and have them block your IP address. No one from your household will ever be able to play them again.

My DS developed a shoplifting habit when he was 11. We made him make restitution and do a lot of work to get out from under it, but we also made it clear at the time that if he ever stole from US that the police would become involved. He never crossed that line.

PS: I wouldn't leave him behind, if only because it really isn't fair to the grandparents to make time with them be a punishment of this magnitude. However, he would not be getting any extras on the trip. No souvenirs, no arcade time, no extra ice cream treats. And the answer I would give to every single protest is that "being deprived of the things that you want is part of the punishment for stealing."

It *is* stealing, no question. I don't believe for one moment that he didn't understand that it was. The fact that Mom didn't see it for two months tells me that he was paying attention closely enough to know that his parents don't always check what was going on with their bank accounts. He saw an opening and he took it. OP, right now I'm thinking that he thinks that you don't know as much about computers as he does, and he's cocky enough about it to try to con you into thinking that he's made a full confession when he hasn't.
You need to nail his little hide to the wall. Also, I wouldn't give him any advanced computer training until he has shown some sincere remorse, because otherwise you're just sending him to white-collar crime school.

 

[karibritt01]

First thing I would do is put him on some serious lockdown until he coughs up his real accounts, passwords, etc. If you can't get that info from him, then at least for Paypal you can contact them and get that info. He has done this for 2 months and gotten away with it, so I highly doubt that he closed those accounts on his own.

Next I would assign him chores for minimum wage. Pay him at the end of the week in cash, and then make him hand it back to you.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this.

 

[LisaR]

I would seriously consider getting your son involved in a computer programming class once his computer privileges are reinstated. He has amazing talents for a 9 y/o.


I have a 12 y/o son that is a challenge and has done some less than stellar things. My mom claims my oldest brother did a lot of the same things and he turned out alright. There is hope. You have my sympathy.

 

[Gigi22]

Your son stole from you and concealed the theft. When confronted, he was not remorseful. No way should he go to WDW, or anywhere else that could be considered as a treat, for the entire summer. Are there any local volunteer programs in your neighbourhood for which you could sign him up? I like the stables idea too!
As for computer use--can you configure the computer to which he has access so it only had word processing and spreadsheets--no internet?

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I'll be in the minority but I would not keep him home from Disney. I think that might just push him further away from you.

I would definitely make him pay back every penny. I would think of the worse household chores to help him earn it back and definitely no souvenier money at Disney. I think going back to the therapist is a great idea.

I'm sure this is extremely upsetting to you and I would keep the computer away from him for a very long time. I would also talk to the therapist before making any long term punishments - maybe the therapist can help guide you there.

Good luck.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Here's the thread -- Guess time flies!!!!!

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1960771

 

[Carly_Roach]

WE ARE FURIOUS! My 9 yr. old DEVIOUS son used my debit card to make some online purchases. The purchases are not for tangible products, mostly for "points" and such for this online game he has been playing. The companies that I can see on my last two month's bank statements are: Amazon, Club Penguin, Hatena, Microsoft, Nintendo and Paypal! I am headed to my bank to cancel this debit card!

In addition, he was able to create a paypal account funded by my debit card - about $125 was removed from my checking account by Paypal. How could Paypal open an account for a minor, using my debit card, which ultimately used my checking account? There were no Paypal account verification deposits made to my checking account.

Besides being banned from all computers and video gaming devices until he turns 18, is there any legal recourse to recovering my money? Of course, he will have to pay me back with his savings, birthday money and christmas money and by doing tedious chores around the house for the foreseeable future! I want him to physically count the money as he hands it over! This money was to be used for our WDW vacation in one month!

After confronting him about it, he showed little remorse - which is his main problem! I made him go to these websites, write down user names, passwords and email account information. Either he deliberately entered incorrect passwords or he told me that he closed his yahoo email account and his paypal account. WE TOTALLY CANNOT TRUST HIM ANYMORE! Since the money he stole is more than the price of his WDW ticket, we told him we are considering leaving him at home with his grandmother while we go to Disney! Yes, his little lower lip was quivering.....

In addition, I'm making an appointment to go back to his Play Therapist. He's had some behavior problems in the past in school and we thought he was getting much better, so he stopped going for the summer. He's trying to grow up too fast in this electronic world!

Yes, we know we are guilty parents for not watching his every move on the computer and for giving him some trust, and for leaving my purse in the kitchen. My other children have never done something like this - blatent stealing from his own mother! So please spare me if you will just post a derogatory comment about our parenting skills.

Just looking for support from parents who may have "gone down this road" with their child before .... and what we can do from this point forward so he has a chance at a better life!

Thanks for letting me vent....

If I had done this at 9 (stolen money from my parents), not only would I have been punished and made to pay the money back, but the WDW trip would be called off. At least for me. At 9, I should have known better than to steal from my parents.

I'd probably would have had to stay at a grandparent's house, who are more strict than my parents were, while the rest of my family went.

That's what I recommend to you. His behavior MUST have serious consequences if you have any hope of curbing it.

 

[tommya60]

First, ((hugs))
Then stop, deep breath and step back for a day or so. Yes, I know you think I am crazy. Here's the thing, you MUST follow through on any punishments you threaten. So be very SURE you will follow through before you mention any punishments.
In my house, no computers without a "net nanny" and then used ONLY for school. No games, facebook, chat, etc.
I doubt you will get the money back...so he will have to earn it. And I wouldn't pay a nine year old minimum wage.
WDW is up to you, if this is a family vacation, well you are still a family. But I'd sure be clear that the trip is a FAMILY VACATION, not a reprieve for him. He'd be back at work once the vacation is over. If you leave him with grandparents are they prepared to deal with his behavior? I'd be sure and advise them to lock all purses etc in a closet or the trunk of the car or something. And no computer use.
The bigger issues are why he thought this was ok....I'd call the therapist asap.

 

[Disney Doll]

Everything up to the "not remorseful" part had me thinking..."Eh, kids will be kids. Lock him down for a while, take away all computer priveleges, no Disney trip...make his life a miserable hellish existence".

But that "no remorse" thing has me worried...the therapist is a good idea.

 

[JessicaR]

I would seriously consider getting your son involved in a computer programming class once his computer privileges are reinstated. He has amazing talents for a 9 y/o.
.

This is my thought. Over and over thats all I can think of. Where the heck did he learn how to do all that?

Obviously, his consequences need to be as serious as his behavior. Sorry you have to deal with this! I hope you have caught on before anything worse happened.

 

[MarkBarbieri]

Ouch! That's a tough situation. You certainly have my sympathy.

I think you've got to walk a fine line. You need to punish him in a way that makes sense to him and seems fair and appropriate. It also has to be a harsh enough punishment to be a significant deterent to similar behavior in the future. The challenge is not to make the punishment so harsh that he shifts his thinking of you from guardian to opponent.

I would definitely think that full repayment is in order. He definitely needs to learn the lesson that debit card money is real money that must be earned.

I would also think that punishment beyond making you whole is called for. I think leaving him home while the rest of the family goes to Disney, while perhaps just, is a bad idea as it would seem to send a signal that he's an outcast. I would emphasize that you love him and still want him to be a family member in good standing, but that he needs to make restitution. I would lean towards repayment with interest or some form of community service work instead of trip ban.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I'd be curious to see what HIS perception of an appropriate punishment would be.....

 

[Desiree]

No suggestions, just Mom, sounds like you need it.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

He is 9. Kids today have no concept of money. I could understand a severe punishment for a teenager, but not that young. Plus paying real money online doesn't feel the same as handing someone paper money. I would call it stealing if he grabbed a check out of your purse, or money out of a wallet.

I know it is stealing, but buying points and memberships online are not tangible items. That feels different as well. If he was buying clothes or toys I would think that would feel more "real" than what he bought.

I would make him pay back what he spent. I would make a running total on the refrigerator and make him pay back with jobs, errands, etc. I would ban him from computer for the summer.

I think that is an appropriate punishment.