Minor child used my debit card online....

[AC7179]

It makes me so sad that parents can't be supportive of one another. Parenting is the hardest job there is, and we had a parent come out and ask for advice as to how to handle a tough situation. While we don't all have to agree with the mother's response, surely we could offer advice without slamming her.

I do not feel that her parenting choices are leading to the making of a snowflake. If she were making a snowflake, she would not not be dealing with a punishment at all. She would have simply told the child not to take her debit card without asking again and then issued no punishment.

She is punishing him by taking away all electronics for the summer. That is a LONG time for a 9 year old. Without reading too much into it, if he doesn't have many other friends, and spent so much money on online gaming, I would guess that XBOX, Playstation, computer games, etc., are high on his list of entertainment. I think this is a pretty big punishment, along with haivng to pay back the money, and I think that the parent is dealing with the situation apropriately. A month is a very long time for a 9 year old.

I do think that sometimes the theory versus implementation of an idea in a "real world" context varies. I've had brilliant professors that had so much knowledge, but little to no experience actually working in a certain field. That could be why someone working in a field of academia may have different ideas than those out in the real world with our own children or with others, but I do feel strongly that we should be able to offer advice and experiences, even if they are in disagreement with others, without attacking others' opinions.

 

[jmpurdy]

It makes me so sad that parents can't be supportive of one another. Parenting is the hardest job there is, and we had a parent come out and ask for advice as to how to handle a tough situation. While we don't all have to agree with the mother's response, surely we could offer advice without slamming her.

I do not feel that her parenting choices are leading to the making of a snowflake. If she were making a snowflake, she would not not be dealing with a punishment at all. She would have simply told the child not to take her debit card without asking again and then issued no punishment.

She is punishing him by taking away all electronics for the summer. That is a LONG time for a 9 year old. Without reading too much into it, if he doesn't have many other friends, and spent so much money on online gaming, I would guess that XBOX, Playstation, computer games, etc., are high on his list of entertainment. I think this is a pretty big punishment, along with haivng to pay back the money, and I think that the parent is dealing with the situation apropriately. A month is a very log time for a 9 year old.

I do think that sometimes the theory versus implementation of an idea in a "real world" context varies. I've had brilliant professors that had so much knowledge, but little to no experience actually working in a certain field. That could be why someone working in a field of academia may have different ideas than those out in the real world with our own children or with others, but I do feel strongly that we should be able to offer advice and experiences, even if they are in disagreement with others, without attacking others' opinions.

I second that motion!

 

[Liberty Belle]

It makes me so sad that parents can't be supportive of one another. Parenting is the hardest job there is, and we had a parent come out and ask for advice as to how to handle a tough situation. While we don't all have to agree with the mother's response, surely we could offer advice without slamming her.

I do not feel that her parenting choices are leading to the making of a snowflake. If she were making a snowflake, she would not not be dealing with a punishment at all. She would have simply told the child not to take her debit card without asking again and then issued no punishment.

She is punishing him by taking away all electronics for the summer. That is a LONG time for a 9 year old. Without reading too much into it, if he doesn't have many other friends, and spent so much money on online gaming, I would guess that XBOX, Playstation, computer games, etc., are high on his list of entertainment. I think this is a pretty big punishment, along with haivng to pay back the money, and I think that the parent is dealing with the situation apropriately. A month is a very log time for a 9 year old.

I do think that sometimes the theory versus implementation of an idea in a "real world" context varies. I've had brilliant professors that had so much knowledge, but little to no experience actually working in a certain field. That could be why someone working in a field of academia may have different ideas than those out in the real world with our own children or with others, but I do feel strongly that we should be able to offer advice and experiences, even if they are in disagreement with others, without attacking others' opinions.

And bravo, to you, for taking the high road.

 

[tar heel]

I'm afraid my family is already ahead of you on the "top school" thing, and my little one will probably go to one, too. I don't think you'll be teaching him, though.

I've worked at a small private college and two universities, and you wouldn't cut it at any of them.

I know what "SIC" means -- I wanted to know what the mistake you were referring to was. I didn't see anyone using "you" when they should have been using "your."

I'd drop the "Homey" thing as it makes you look really pathetic. If you're trying to be cool, it ain't working. I had a high school algebra teacher who used to say "Do you dig?" after he explained something. I was only 14, and I was embarrassed for him.

 

[LisaR]

It makes me so sad that parents can't be supportive of one another. Parenting is the hardest job there is, and we had a parent come out and ask for advice as to how to handle a tough situation. While we don't all have to agree with the mother's response, surely we could offer advice without slamming her.

Excellent post!


I, for one, am so incredibly sick of the snowflake and helicopter accusation threads. I don't know how one can label someone as a helicopter parent or that their child is a snowflake based on one incident. Do these people exist in this world? Most certainly. However, just because a parent handles one situation different than *you* (general you) might, does not mean their child is in for a life of doom and gloom.

My parents were born in the late 20's. I can assure you there was ZERO helicopter parenting going on back then. However, if the internet existed, my mom may have posted about her obsession to keep all of us kids out of the kitchen. She thought it was way too dangerous for kids. I was never allowed to so much as boil water while I was growing up. My mom made almost every meal I ate until I went off to college. Of course, all of us started cutting the grass, edging and weed whacking at the age of 9 or 10 and she didn't think that was dangerous at all. My friends and I took the bus from my house to Detroit hundreds of times from the time I turned 10 so we could go to Tiger games. No adults supervision whatsoever. By the age of 12, we were allowed to see night games and we would walk from the stadium to the White Castle that was a couple blocks away where we waited for an adult to pick us up. This was in DETROIT! But again, if you only heard about my moms strange kitchen issues, it would sure seem like we were going to grow up as special little snowflakes. Three out of the four of us turned out to be great cooks, if I do say so myself, so it looks like she didn't do any permanent damage.

Sorry to digress but this gets so old.

 

[tar heel]

LisaR -- You are so right. I worked around farm machinery and chemicals from the time I was little. The summer I turned 17 I was finally old enough to get a job for someone else. I worked second shift job 30 miles away, driving on a winding country road in the middle of the night. I got paid 20 cents an hour extra, 10 for second shift and 10 b/c my job was classified as hazardous. I had a car on those country roads from the day I was eligible to drive.

My dad, however, would not let me have a bike b/c they were too dangerous out in the country.

With my own kids, I'm sure there are some things that you might say I'm too lenient on and some that I'm too stict. Just because a parent does something different than you doesn't mean she's hovering in her helicopter.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

OP, you are in a crappy place. I hope that you find a way to deal with this issue that is helpful to your child, and doesn't screw up the family. I would still take him on vacation. And I am usually the 'mean mom."

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

How is that fair to the bank or the vendor? This wasn't some stranger that stole your identity. This was your child that was allowed enough unsupervised time on the internet to create accounts and use your card. If the neighbor child used your card, you would expect the parents to repay you, because they are responsible for their child's actions. So why shouldn't you be responsible for your child's actions?

I agree 100%!

 

[seashoreCM]

The terms of your debit card may mean you are out the money for the various purchases but I doubt that you can be held responsible for fulfilling any membership or contract or subscription with payments that stretched for months after you discoverd the problem and called it to the store's or gym's or phone company's attention.

A contract is a one way street in that in general a minor may renege while the other party if an adult may not.

 

[luvmy3]

Ignoring all of the bickering-I do want to say that I agree with this. It is a shame and I am sure upsetting (and possibly a hardship) for the parents to cover the bill--but I feel they should be responsible for the bills their son racked up. It is possible that the companies will let them off--but it shouldn't happen and if it does the son gets the wrong message about being responsible for one's actions.

ITA.
OP, I don't understand what the point is taking the charges off. He was responisble for them, and you are making him pay you back for them, IMO, you should leave it at that.

 

[EveDallas]

I don't think the family vacation and the debit card incident have a lot to do with each other.

What the heck is "Homy don't play dat" supposed to mean? It makes as much sense as the clause with "(sic)" way back in this thread.

Would a good researcher actually extrapolate that the real number is 80-90% when that wasn't what the "study" showed? I don't believe you're a professor at a reputable college. I think you're just a reincarnated Diser who's a bit bored and decided to spend a few hours being a troll.

ITA. Do a quick search for some of this person's other posts. Troll to the Nth degree.

 

[EveDallas]

(sic) refers to "spelling in context".

It's Latin and I forget the exact translation, but it's supposed to be placed in squared-off brackets [] not parentheses (), and it means that you're quoting a person who's made a spelling or grammar mistake, and although you recognize the mistake, you're still passing on the original author's words exactly as he or she wrote them.

You rock, MrsPete! Both for knowing this and for correcting this poster I can't wait to see Ms. Top-School-University-Professor dispute this.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You rock, MrsPete! Both for knowing this and for correcting this poster I can't wait to see Ms. Top-School-University-Professor dispute this.

I think this thread will help me remember what [sic] means. I hope I typed it correctly.

 

[NotUrsula]

FTR, "sic" is not an abbreviation of any kind, it is a Latin word, and it translates into English as "thus". MrsPete is absolutely correct; it should be placed in square brackets when it is used in English-language writing to indicate a mis-spelled word in a quoted passage.

Under normal circumstances I never use it on the DIS. If I quote something that has a typo in it, I just correct it so as not to perpetuate the error. This whole situation illustrates a DIS truism: that anytime you pull the grammar cop card, it will bite you in the rear.

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

Now I am almost done working on my masters in English and you guys are totally right about the useage of [sic], and the PP I doubt is a professor at a reputable college and is a stinky under the bridge troll, that won't let goats pass on the bridge.

Got to love the high and mighty. Personally I am working on my masters but I really have to work at editting etc. You would never know I have an english degree I talk in slang etc etc. Alot of professors are soo done to Earth and don't feel the need to throw their reputation around, as they know they are awesome at what they do and do not need to tell everyone

OP how's your son doing And are you getting excited about your trip?