Marble Rye Episode of Seinfeld

[Minnesota!]

If someone brought food to my dinner party I would serve it. I would think it is rude not to do so.

Really? Rude? We had a guest (cousin's wife) bring over a noodle salad to our large family Xmas dinner party after all guests were expressly told on the invites that all food and drink would be provided and to please come an enjoy. I told her thank you for the dish, but we were all set and that we'd put it in the fridge and enjoy it later in the week. Maybe her feeling were hurt a bit, as she ended up sneaking the dish out of our fridge and taking it home with her at the end of the evening, but she put us in a really awkward position of having to kindly say thanks but no thanks. Bottle of wine or booze? Sure, bring it on. Food? Unless it's a potluck, no thank you.

Why wouldn't you just serve it?

That just seems odd - people bring food to share...so share it...

 

[Kellykins1218]

If someone brought food to my dinner party I would serve it. I would think it is rude not to do so.

I agree. Just put it out.

 

[msjprincess]

Why wouldn't you just serve it?

That just seems odd - people bring food to share...so share it...

MTE

I probably would have taken it home too.

 

[DisneyChula]

Really? Rude? We had a guest (cousin's wife) bring over a noodle salad to our large family Xmas dinner party after all guests were expressly told on the invites that all food and drink would be provided and to please come an enjoy. I told her thank you for the dish, but we were all set and that we'd put it in the fridge and enjoy it later in the week. Maybe her feeling were hurt a bit, as she ended up sneaking the dish out of our fridge and taking it home with her at the end of the evening, but she put us in a really awkward position of having to kindly say thanks but no thanks. Bottle of wine or booze? Sure, bring it on. Food? Unless it's a potluck, no thank you.

Yes, rude. If you're willing to accept the wine or booze, even though the invitation said that it would be provided, then you can be equally gracious in accepting a noodle salad. No one was forcing you to eat it.

 

[Jamby001]

Seems hypocritical to say wine or booze is ok to bring, but not food.

Now I'm hungry for a big noodle salad and marble rye.

 

[LBIJim]

Susan's snooty mother likely would have been even more aghast than she already was had she served the marble rye. George's unrefined parents don't strike me as the type who would break off little pieces of the bread and butter them individually.

 

[NewRVLady]

Really? Rude?
We had a guest (cousin's wife) bring over a noodle salad to our large family Xmas dinner party after all guests were expressly told on the invites that all food and drink would be provided and to please come an enjoy.

I told her thank you for the dish, but we were all set and that we'd put it in the fridge and enjoy it later in the week. Maybe her feeling were hurt a bit, as she ended up sneaking the dish out of our fridge and taking it home with her at the end of the evening, but she put us in a really awkward position of having to kindly say thanks but no thanks. Bottle of wine or booze? Sure, bring it on. Food? Unless it's a potluck, no thank you.

good for her
Honestly, maybe its part of her diet, maybe she didn't like the food you served last time, there could have been lots of reasons! maybe her or her DH really think her Pasta Salad is 'da bomb"

I brought a sort of duplicate veggie tray to SIL's...ended up we were glad-all the little kids were double dipping in the OTHER dip-so mine was the more sanitary one

 

[EMom]

If the hostess has made it clear that all food and drinks will be provided, then don't bring food. You run the risk of messing up her menu. Not all dinners are buffet style and an extra dish could mess up a lot of careful planning. It's just inconsiderate. As for a bottle of wine being different, I see that. A bottle of wine is like a gift for the hostess and can be put away for later with ease. A noodle salad has a shelf life.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Susan's snooty mother likely would have been even more aghast than she already was had she served the marble rye. George's unrefined parents don't strike me as the type who would break off little pieces of the bread and butter them individually.

She'd have been too hammered to notice

 

[frndshpcptn]

If the hostess has made it clear that all food and drinks will be provided, then don't bring food. You run the risk of messing up her menu. Not all dinners are buffet style and an extra dish could mess up a lot of careful planning. It's just inconsiderate. As for a bottle of wine being different, I see that. A bottle of wine is like a gift for the hostess and can be put away for later with ease. A noodle salad has a shelf life.

I find this strange. It's not a formal dinner at the White House. If someone brings something, make room - is it that big of a deal?

 

[BenbowInn]

Yes, rude. If your willing to accept the wine or booze, even though the invitation said that it would be provided, then you can be equally gracious in accepting a noodle salad. No one was forcing you to eat it.

Exactly what I was thinking.

It's just flat out rude not to serve food that a guest brought. The only point it proves is that the host is an uptight jerk. I really can't imagine a valid reason for not just sitting it out for everyone to eat. Doesn't fit in with the menu? So what. Be thankful that someone took the time to prepare something for you, which is a nice thing for them to do. I mean really, I don't see what the big deal is. If I took a dish to a gathering and the host was a jerk about it I'd tell them off, grab my food and go home. Life is too short to put up with miserable, uptight people who look for every reason to complain and make it a point of "always being right", even at the expense of others feelings.

Basically anyone who is rude and uptight enough to not put out a dish a guest brought is not the type of person I'm willing to spend my time with anyways.

 

[U2_rocks!]

If the hostess has made it clear that all food and drinks will be provided, then don't bring food. You run the risk of messing up her menu. Not all dinners are buffet style and an extra dish could mess up a lot of careful planning. It's just inconsiderate. As for a bottle of wine being different, I see that. A bottle of wine is like a gift for the hostess and can be put away for later with ease. A noodle salad has a shelf life.

I don't bring a dish unless it's asked for or expected, but I still don't get how an unexpected dish can "mess up a menu". I can only see that if the food is pre-plated, but who does that at a home dinner party? Well, maybe people do - I've never been to such a dinner, and I am not a fan. I like to choose what food goes on my plate.

 

[Jamby001]

If the hostess has made it clear that all food and drinks will be provided, then don't bring food. You run the risk of messing up her menu. Not all dinners are buffet style and an extra dish could mess up a lot of careful planning. It's just inconsiderate. As for a bottle of wine being different, I see that. A bottle of wine is like a gift for the hostess and can be put away for later with ease. A noodle salad has a shelf life.

Really? Putting a noodle salad on the table will mess up an entire menu? She could caveat the dish with a simple " Jane graciously brought this dish" to explain why it didn't fit with the theme if she felt it necessary. Wine is not really different at all. Certain wines go with certain appetizers, entrees etc. If she brought a Reisling when a Merlot would be better, it would mess up a meal more so than a salad.

It's about being a good hostess and not making your guests uncomfortable or upset.

 

[Luvstotravel]

I once took a dish to my MIL's house, years ago and she didn't set it out. I took my untouched food home with us and we never took food with us there again.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

Really? Putting a noodle salad on the table will mess up an entire menu? She could caveat the dish with a simple " Jane graciously brought this dish" to explain why it didn't fit with the theme if she felt it necessary. Wine is not really different at all. Certain wines go with certain appetizers, entrees etc. If she brought a Reisling when a Merlot would be better, it would mess up a meal more so than a salad.

It's about being a good hostess and not making your guests uncomfortable or upset.

This wasn't a casual last minute get-together, it was a Xmas dinner party with 30+ other guests. No one else brought food, and some did bring wine which, as a previous poster made reference to, was brought expressly as a gift and was easily put away without serving it, just like her noodle dish was. No hypocrisy here.

The menu was put together as I wanted, and I expressly said not to bring food or drinks. My party, my rules. You want to make food for a party? Have your own party. Also, what about everyone else at the party who, upon seeing that one guest brought something, now felt guilty that they didn't? Yeah...no thanks.

Heck, even Ms. Manners agrees with me:

http://www.dispatch.com/content/sto...st-offers-dinner-its-rude-to-supply-food.html

Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, I'm completely at peace with mine.

 

[LBIJim]

I find this strange. It's not a formal dinner at the White House. If someone brings something, make room - is it that big of a deal?

It can be, if the food needs reheating, or extra utensils to serve it, or if it clashes severely with the other foods, etc. Bringing a marble rye or wine is fine, but I think it's a little rude to bring an unsolicted dish, expect the host to serve it, and get bent out of shape if they don't.

Good manners goes both ways. Just as the hostess shouldn't make a guest uncomfortable, a guest shouldn't make unnecessary extra work for the hostess.

As for sneakingly taking back the unserved noodle dish or marble rye, that's appalling manners. You brought the hosts a gift. It's their discretion to serve it, save it for later, or heave it out the window after you leave.

 

[LBIJim]

Exactly what I was thinking.

It's just flat out rude not to serve food that a guest brought. The only point it proves is that the host is an uptight jerk. I really can't imagine a valid reason for not just sitting it out for everyone to eat. Doesn't fit in with the menu? So what. Be thankful that someone took the time to prepare something for you, which is a nice thing for them to do. I mean really, I don't see what the big deal is. If I took a dish to a gathering and the host was a jerk about it I'd tell them off, grab my food and go home. Life is too short to put up with miserable, uptight people who look for every reason to complain and make it a point of "always being right", even at the expense of others feelings.

Basically anyone who is rude and uptight enough to not put out a dish a guest brought is not the type of person I'm willing to spend my time with anyways.

Fine...good riddance. Who needs guests like that?

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

It can be, if the food needs reheating, or extra utensils to serve it, or if it clashes severely with the other foods, etc. Bringing a marble rye or wine is fine, but I think it's a little rude to bring an unsolicted dish, expect the host to serve it, and get bent out of shape if they don't.

Good manners goes both ways. Just as the hostess shouldn't make a guest uncomfortable, a guest shouldn't make unnecessary extra work for the hostess.

As for sneakingly taking back the unserved noodle dish or marble rye, that's appalling manners. You brought the hosts a gift. It's their discretion to serve it, save it for later, or heave it out the window after you leave.

I totally agree. Love her lots (and she knows it), but she was tacky both coming and going.

Fine...good riddance. Who needs guests like that?

Didn't want to say anything. There's clearly more pent up aggression in that post than I'm willing to engage.

 

[Jamby001]

Or, she wanted her dish back as she may not see this person again (I know I'd be skeptical about going back). If people had the chance to eat the salad, the dish may have been empty for her to take home.

 

[EMom]

Wine is different. It can easily be put away for later if it does not go well with the planned meal. It is a gift for the hostess.

Let me be clear. I am not talking about pot lucks or when someone honestly doesn't realize bringing a dish is a no no. I am talking about when it's a DINNER PARTY, meaning the hostess has the entire meal under control and needs no assistance.

When a woman plans a dinner party, (not a pot luck) she puts thought into the menu and how each item goes with the others. She is hosting...Meaning, she wants to provide for the needs of her guests in a nurturing way. A great deal of thought, planning and work likely went into her effort.

The someone shows up with their "signature" noodle dish, which has zilch to do with the planned menu. Really, about 50% of the time, the cynic in me says people who must bring a dish to share want to get compliments on that dish and make it about them. (Again, not talking an innocent mistake or a pot luck dinner.) And that is indeed rude to the hostess. It takes away from her efforts. She has made the effort to host a dinner party so clearly, she is capable of providing all the food her guests require. To bring in unwanted, unrequested food is a subtle statement that her dinner is not quite sufficient. And that is why you don't being food.

There really are reasons for these rules. If you bring food and the hostess puts it away, then don't get in a snit. YOU crossed the line and messed up, perhaps accidentally. But you did, in fact, mess up. If you just brought a dish to be nice, why should you care if they serve it now or eat it later? If it has to be served THAT NIGHT, then it is about you and not about being helpful to the hostess.